Snowflake was my cat, so called because when we first got her, nearly 20 years ago, she was white and weighed about the same as her namesake. As a kitten she was ill treated and left for dead and it left her with a lifetime of mistrust for humans. She wasn’t fond of cats or most dogs either. The number of people she ever got close to was very limited and I was privileged to be counted amongst that number.
She recently passed away. It was to be expected. She had been ill for some time and she was getting old.
That said, I haven’t cried so much since I watched Up.
She liked boxes. Any small places really. Any place she could hide away. She liked to climb inside, or if she didn’t fit, sometimes she would just stick her head in.
She loved computers. She loved sitting on games consoles as they kept her nice and warm. She particularly loved hitting the reset button right after one of us had done a particularly difficult part of a game, but right before we had saved.
She liked books. If she ever saw me lying around reading, then clearly the spot I was staring at so intently had to be the best spot around and it was the only spot for her. Time after time she would come and park herself on whatever I was reading.
She liked playing. She liked to sit on a fabric chair while we played with it so she could chase our hand around.
She hated baths. She had very few, but she was adorably cute when she did. She shrunk down to less than a quarter of her normally fluffy self.
She hated haircuts. She was noticeably embarrassed whenever she had one. She liked to look her best.
She liked warm places. She liked sitting in the sun. She liked to purr.
Farewell little one.
Rest Peacefully.
Friday, November 20, 2009
Saturday, October 31, 2009
Viva La Viva!
Four years of work. 400 pages of writting... which later became 330 pages due to word count limits... It all boiled down to this. The final step in the PhD rollercoaster ride.
The Viva.
(aka, the interview for being accepted into the "Doctor" gentleman's club)
It started at 2pm. Dave arrived cool and collected in his office at around 1:30pm. He was imediately snatched up by his secondary supervisor Dr Cox (not the Scrubs one), to give him some last minute advise.
The conversation did not last long, as he was quickly snatched up again by Damian to start the viva. Kamila briefly said hi and good luck, but was too late for a chat. Tony and Damian were ready, the process had started.
Game on.
It began with Dave giving a brief overview of everything he had done. After which it was down to Tony and Damian to go through chapter by chapter asking all of the questions they had come up with.
"Have you considered...?"
"No."
"Why is this...?"
"No idea"
"What did you mean by...?"
"Your guess is as good as mine."
It went on like this for just over two hours, with a brief stop for water mid way.
"OK, we need to discuss things, can you go somewhere and wait."
"Sure," said Dave, "I'll be in my office."
Didn't quite work out that way, he was imediately snatched up by Trevor and Kamila.
"How did it go?"
No time to reply, Damian had come looking for him straight away. Back to the viva. Results time.
"We believe you have done more than enough for a PhD. Congradulations. You gave a very good defense. Calm, but sensible."
And with a hand shake it was confirmed.
Trevor and Kamila came in to join the merriment. Congradulations all round.
Doctor David John Natsios.
Or just "Doc DJ" for short.
The Viva.
(aka, the interview for being accepted into the "Doctor" gentleman's club)
It started at 2pm. Dave arrived cool and collected in his office at around 1:30pm. He was imediately snatched up by his secondary supervisor Dr Cox (not the Scrubs one), to give him some last minute advise.
The conversation did not last long, as he was quickly snatched up again by Damian to start the viva. Kamila briefly said hi and good luck, but was too late for a chat. Tony and Damian were ready, the process had started.
Game on.
It began with Dave giving a brief overview of everything he had done. After which it was down to Tony and Damian to go through chapter by chapter asking all of the questions they had come up with.
"Have you considered...?"
"No."
"Why is this...?"
"No idea"
"What did you mean by...?"
"Your guess is as good as mine."
It went on like this for just over two hours, with a brief stop for water mid way.
"OK, we need to discuss things, can you go somewhere and wait."
"Sure," said Dave, "I'll be in my office."
Didn't quite work out that way, he was imediately snatched up by Trevor and Kamila.
"How did it go?"
No time to reply, Damian had come looking for him straight away. Back to the viva. Results time.
"We believe you have done more than enough for a PhD. Congradulations. You gave a very good defense. Calm, but sensible."
And with a hand shake it was confirmed.
Trevor and Kamila came in to join the merriment. Congradulations all round.
Doctor David John Natsios.
Or just "Doc DJ" for short.
Saturday, October 17, 2009
CT3
Actuarial exams were designed to be tough. Only the best were expected to apply, yet out of these applicants the fail rate was still expected to be high.
CT3 - Statistics and Probability, however, had proven to be the easiest exam Dave had ever gone after. In contrast to the 3 months of work for CT1, Dave had spent no time at all on CT3. Heck, he hadn't even bothered to show up to the exam.
All he had done was send in his previous results in Stats and Probability related exams and had been granted an exemption without any fuss. The formality of sitting the exam was deemed too much of a time waste on this occasion.
1 down, 14 to go.
CT3 - Statistics and Probability, however, had proven to be the easiest exam Dave had ever gone after. In contrast to the 3 months of work for CT1, Dave had spent no time at all on CT3. Heck, he hadn't even bothered to show up to the exam.
All he had done was send in his previous results in Stats and Probability related exams and had been granted an exemption without any fuss. The formality of sitting the exam was deemed too much of a time waste on this occasion.
1 down, 14 to go.
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
CT1
For the past 3 months Dave had been studying. Studying harder than he had ever studied before. This was true for several reasons:
1. He had never really studied hard before.
2. He had nothing else to do during the week after work. No TV, no Wii, no friends and for a while not even any internet, shock horror.
3. Unlike other exams which helped towards some vague goal somewhere down the line, passing this exam would actually earn him money now. A pass would see his wage increase by 750 per year.
Yup, actuarial exams were sweet. It remindered Dave of the "Level Up" of so many of his childhood/teenagehood/adulthood/old-age-hood video games. Studying was like gaining experience points, passing was a level up and brought with salary increase and a larger life meter.
And so, as the exam approached, Dave was on form and this being a maths related test that meant he had already passed, sitting it would be just a formality.
Speaking of formalities, Dave decided to read up on exactly where and what would happen. Students go to the centre, bring your own pens and calculator and everything else is provided. All good. True, he had forgotten his calculator in Liverpool over the weekend, but had since borrowed another so no worries.
He kept reading... if you are unable to attend... blah blah blah... ill... blah blah blah... Your money will not be returned if you do not have your entry permit... blah blah blah...
... entry permit...?
... hmmm.... he decided that was interesting enough to read more about.
Turns out an entry permit will be sent out 2 weeks before the exam. If you have not received your entry permit 10 days before the exam please contact us. Please allow two working days for delivery.
It was 10pm the day before the day before the exam. Two working days may be an issue.
"Oh fudge."
Very little else was said about the entry permit. It was hardly mentioned anywhere. No where did it actually say what happens if you dont have one, other than the previously mentioned warning which did not sound too promising. This was not good.
With only two nights before the exam, Dave was destined to not sleep at all during the first.
9am the day before the exam, Dave was on the phone getting info.
"Thats fine, we'll email you it and you can print it off."
On the one hand, "YAY!", but on the other hand, "Why the F*&K don't you write that on your website!!!"
25hrs later he was sitting his first actuarial exam, CT1, financial mathematics. 28hrs later he left the hall with everyone else.
He would have to wait now till December to found out how he did. It was possible he could fail and it would all have been for nought, but in all honesty that thought never crossed his mind.
He was more concerned with whether or not he would get the number 1 spot for the year...
1. He had never really studied hard before.
2. He had nothing else to do during the week after work. No TV, no Wii, no friends and for a while not even any internet, shock horror.
3. Unlike other exams which helped towards some vague goal somewhere down the line, passing this exam would actually earn him money now. A pass would see his wage increase by 750 per year.
Yup, actuarial exams were sweet. It remindered Dave of the "Level Up" of so many of his childhood/teenagehood/adulthood/old-age-hood video games. Studying was like gaining experience points, passing was a level up and brought with salary increase and a larger life meter.
And so, as the exam approached, Dave was on form and this being a maths related test that meant he had already passed, sitting it would be just a formality.
Speaking of formalities, Dave decided to read up on exactly where and what would happen. Students go to the centre, bring your own pens and calculator and everything else is provided. All good. True, he had forgotten his calculator in Liverpool over the weekend, but had since borrowed another so no worries.
He kept reading... if you are unable to attend... blah blah blah... ill... blah blah blah... Your money will not be returned if you do not have your entry permit... blah blah blah...
... entry permit...?
... hmmm.... he decided that was interesting enough to read more about.
Turns out an entry permit will be sent out 2 weeks before the exam. If you have not received your entry permit 10 days before the exam please contact us. Please allow two working days for delivery.
It was 10pm the day before the day before the exam. Two working days may be an issue.
"Oh fudge."
Very little else was said about the entry permit. It was hardly mentioned anywhere. No where did it actually say what happens if you dont have one, other than the previously mentioned warning which did not sound too promising. This was not good.
With only two nights before the exam, Dave was destined to not sleep at all during the first.
9am the day before the exam, Dave was on the phone getting info.
"Thats fine, we'll email you it and you can print it off."
On the one hand, "YAY!", but on the other hand, "Why the F*&K don't you write that on your website!!!"
25hrs later he was sitting his first actuarial exam, CT1, financial mathematics. 28hrs later he left the hall with everyone else.
He would have to wait now till December to found out how he did. It was possible he could fail and it would all have been for nought, but in all honesty that thought never crossed his mind.
He was more concerned with whether or not he would get the number 1 spot for the year...
Wednesday, September 02, 2009
Three Little Words
“I love London.”
Three simple little words, together with a smile and a hop and just like that the city that had been nothing but an empty place for Dave to work in was suddenly transformed into home.
Magic.
Jean was down for the weekend and they were hitting the sights. British Museum, Pizza Hut, Shops, Donor Kebab, Shops, China Town, Crab, London Eye, Thames, Big Ben, Houses of Parliament, Westminster Abbey, Burger King, Cartoon Museum, Little Bear in the Zoo, Sheep, National Portrait Gallery, Muji, St Paul’s church, Charles, lost, China Town, Crab, cake, King’s Cross, China Town.
Euston.
Every moment was golden. Every moment was far too fast. The days flew by and within the blink of an eye Jean was back on the train to Liverpool.
Dave was left in the empty place he had started in.
Three simple little words, together with a smile and a hop and just like that the city that had been nothing but an empty place for Dave to work in was suddenly transformed into home.
Magic.
Jean was down for the weekend and they were hitting the sights. British Museum, Pizza Hut, Shops, Donor Kebab, Shops, China Town, Crab, London Eye, Thames, Big Ben, Houses of Parliament, Westminster Abbey, Burger King, Cartoon Museum, Little Bear in the Zoo, Sheep, National Portrait Gallery, Muji, St Paul’s church, Charles, lost, China Town, Crab, cake, King’s Cross, China Town.
Euston.
Every moment was golden. Every moment was far too fast. The days flew by and within the blink of an eye Jean was back on the train to Liverpool.
Dave was left in the empty place he had started in.
Monday, August 03, 2009
2010...
Despite Jean still being in China, Dave had spent another pre-booked Saturday back in Liverpool. Although not geographically true, Dave felt closer to Jean up north and boy did he miss her. As an added bonus he could also steal a free McDonald's from Alan and destroy Xiong's phone by spilling a cup of tea.
Yup, he missed Liverpool... though he could understand if Liverpool didn't miss him...
Sunday came and he headed south. The 1648 from Lime St, arriving Euston 1903, he'd be home before 2010.
... or not...
At around 1730 the train stopped suddenly near Tamworth.
"There is an obstacle on the track. Expect major delays or even the cancelation of this service. We will let you know when we have more details."
The speaker's voice sounded a little shaky. Half an hour later it became apparent why, as the "obstacle" was confirmed to be a man that the train had hit.
"Again we apologise for the delay, we thank you for your understanding. We will let you know as soon as we have more information. There are complimentary snacks available at the shop."
Considering a man was dead, Dave decided not to claim the free pack of crisps, it somehow didn't seem quite right. He just sat quietly and read his book. The Sheep Man told him he had to dance to the Muzak...
At around 1930 more news came.
"Coaches will arrive at around 2030 and go directly to Euston. It will take approximately 2 hours, depending on traffic. The coaches will arrive around 2030 and the best guess is that it will take a couple of hours to get to Euston."
'... a couple of hours...'
At 2030 there was no sign of any coaches. But everyone was offered a complimentary tea or coffee. Having been waiting now for 3 hours, Dave decided to accept, but he drank it black.
2100... no coaches...
2130... no coaches...
A man came round offering out chocolate bars. Dave gobbled it up greedily, enjoying every bite.
At around 2140 the coaches finally arrived and people started moving towards the front of the train. At 2145 people stopped moving, as it was getting dark outside, so they needed more light and had to wait for a fire truck.
2200, the evacuation continued.
2205 Dave, being at the far end of the train, finally got outside. They were in the middle of nowhere, and had to be led across piles of stones, through big fences which had presumably previously been locked. With a walk bridge over the track not far away, Dave could think of no real reason for a man to have been on the track, bar one.
Suicide.
He had no way of proving this, but he kind of hoped it to be true. The man was dead regardless, surely it was better that he chose to be?
2210, Dave was standing outside the last coach... it looked remarkably full... its door closed... it drove slowly away...
'..hmmm...'
They hadn't sent enough coaches.
"Minibuses and Taxis will arrive in 20 min to take the rest of you to Rugby," a police officer announced.
"And then?" someone asked the obvious.
"I don't know, thats all I've been told."
A single taxi pulled up. It was quickly filled... with the train crew...
'... seriously...?'
2230 a lady came around with snacks. Dave had a double chocolate muffin.
'...mmmm.... muffin....'
2240 another update. "Minibuses and Taxis will be taking everyone directly to Euston. They will arrive in 20 min."
That time estimate sounded remarkably similar to the one given half an hour ago.
The muffin lady came round asking everyone where they needed to go from Euston, as further taxis would be provided, ready and waiting.
2300. Finally signs of movement.... from the train... which pulled away, empty, on its way to Euston, while its passengers waited outside for taxis.
All Dave could do was laugh.
It was 2335 when the taxis finally showed up and Dave finally left Tamworth. Around two hours later he arrived in Euston. No taxis were waiting, the guy in charge of the taxis seemed surprised, having already got 3 coach loads of people home and didn't seem to have been told any more were coming.
He also didn't seem all that sympathetic to the people who were now 7.5 hours behind schedule on a 2.5 hour journey. A woman asked to use the toilet, he pointed her in the direction of the standard pay-as-you-go ones.
"Will I have to pay?!?"
"Yes."
"Can you give me change?"
"No."
"I don't have any."
"Well you'll have to find some..."
"I've needed the toilet for 3 hours, I'm not paying!"
"Well what do you want me to do? I'm not a magician."
She was not best pleased. Nor were most of the other travelers when he annouced the taxis would arrive in 20 min. Alot of people had enough at this point and walked away to find their own way home.
... which proved to be a mistake because taxis started arriving almost immediately.
Although sharing a taxi with a couple who presumably lived not too far from him, Dave was far too tired to make small talk and the couple seemed happy enough to mostly ignore him. Instead, Dave watched the meter. It went up 20p roughly every 10 seconds. Dave arrived home at £23.40. The bill, of cause, would not be paid by him, but he felt sorry for those who hadn't waited.
Dave fell asleep a little before 3am after setting his alarm for 7.30 for work. He had not quite made his 8:10pm target. Heck, he had been lucky to get back before the year 2010.
Still, it could be worse.
Could have been hit by a train.
Yup, he missed Liverpool... though he could understand if Liverpool didn't miss him...
Sunday came and he headed south. The 1648 from Lime St, arriving Euston 1903, he'd be home before 2010.
... or not...
At around 1730 the train stopped suddenly near Tamworth.
"There is an obstacle on the track. Expect major delays or even the cancelation of this service. We will let you know when we have more details."
The speaker's voice sounded a little shaky. Half an hour later it became apparent why, as the "obstacle" was confirmed to be a man that the train had hit.
"Again we apologise for the delay, we thank you for your understanding. We will let you know as soon as we have more information. There are complimentary snacks available at the shop."
Considering a man was dead, Dave decided not to claim the free pack of crisps, it somehow didn't seem quite right. He just sat quietly and read his book. The Sheep Man told him he had to dance to the Muzak...
At around 1930 more news came.
"Coaches will arrive at around 2030 and go directly to Euston. It will take approximately 2 hours, depending on traffic. The coaches will arrive around 2030 and the best guess is that it will take a couple of hours to get to Euston."
'... a couple of hours...'
At 2030 there was no sign of any coaches. But everyone was offered a complimentary tea or coffee. Having been waiting now for 3 hours, Dave decided to accept, but he drank it black.
2100... no coaches...
2130... no coaches...
A man came round offering out chocolate bars. Dave gobbled it up greedily, enjoying every bite.
At around 2140 the coaches finally arrived and people started moving towards the front of the train. At 2145 people stopped moving, as it was getting dark outside, so they needed more light and had to wait for a fire truck.
2200, the evacuation continued.
2205 Dave, being at the far end of the train, finally got outside. They were in the middle of nowhere, and had to be led across piles of stones, through big fences which had presumably previously been locked. With a walk bridge over the track not far away, Dave could think of no real reason for a man to have been on the track, bar one.
Suicide.
He had no way of proving this, but he kind of hoped it to be true. The man was dead regardless, surely it was better that he chose to be?
2210, Dave was standing outside the last coach... it looked remarkably full... its door closed... it drove slowly away...
'..hmmm...'
They hadn't sent enough coaches.
"Minibuses and Taxis will arrive in 20 min to take the rest of you to Rugby," a police officer announced.
"And then?" someone asked the obvious.
"I don't know, thats all I've been told."
A single taxi pulled up. It was quickly filled... with the train crew...
'... seriously...?'
2230 a lady came around with snacks. Dave had a double chocolate muffin.
'...mmmm.... muffin....'
2240 another update. "Minibuses and Taxis will be taking everyone directly to Euston. They will arrive in 20 min."
That time estimate sounded remarkably similar to the one given half an hour ago.
The muffin lady came round asking everyone where they needed to go from Euston, as further taxis would be provided, ready and waiting.
2300. Finally signs of movement.... from the train... which pulled away, empty, on its way to Euston, while its passengers waited outside for taxis.
All Dave could do was laugh.
It was 2335 when the taxis finally showed up and Dave finally left Tamworth. Around two hours later he arrived in Euston. No taxis were waiting, the guy in charge of the taxis seemed surprised, having already got 3 coach loads of people home and didn't seem to have been told any more were coming.
He also didn't seem all that sympathetic to the people who were now 7.5 hours behind schedule on a 2.5 hour journey. A woman asked to use the toilet, he pointed her in the direction of the standard pay-as-you-go ones.
"Will I have to pay?!?"
"Yes."
"Can you give me change?"
"No."
"I don't have any."
"Well you'll have to find some..."
"I've needed the toilet for 3 hours, I'm not paying!"
"Well what do you want me to do? I'm not a magician."
She was not best pleased. Nor were most of the other travelers when he annouced the taxis would arrive in 20 min. Alot of people had enough at this point and walked away to find their own way home.
... which proved to be a mistake because taxis started arriving almost immediately.
Although sharing a taxi with a couple who presumably lived not too far from him, Dave was far too tired to make small talk and the couple seemed happy enough to mostly ignore him. Instead, Dave watched the meter. It went up 20p roughly every 10 seconds. Dave arrived home at £23.40. The bill, of cause, would not be paid by him, but he felt sorry for those who hadn't waited.
Dave fell asleep a little before 3am after setting his alarm for 7.30 for work. He had not quite made his 8:10pm target. Heck, he had been lucky to get back before the year 2010.
Still, it could be worse.
Could have been hit by a train.
Friday, July 24, 2009
Dave vs Swine Flu
Round 1
Waking up Monday morning Dave didn't feel too good, but then he hadn't expected to. His pre-booked weekend back to Liverpool had not been anywhere near as relaxing when he was just going to visit an empty house. Jean being in China due to concerns over her mother's health, Dave had not got the recharge he needed.
In addition, last night his landlady had told him after one month of staying in his new place that she was putting up the rent. He thus informed her he would be looking for a newer new place. A very brief exchange, but still not one that aided his sleep.
On top of that, he had a bit of a cough.
Still, he dragged himself out of bed, got himself to work and played round with excel for a few hours. By home time the weariness was clearly starting to show.
"Are you alright, Dave?" asked John
"I think I might be getting a cold. Just hope its not swine flu."
"Let's hope. Go on, go home, get some rest, hope you feel better tomorrow."
On arriving back home, Dave collapsed into bed immediately.
Round 2.
'No,' thought Dave, 'stop it.'
Every time he was ill, the same old thing, his mind would hook onto one obscure thing and just loop it around in his head until he went insane. Today it was an excel sheet to fill out. In his dreamy state it would seem really important, but for some not quite known reason. The more he concentrated on it, the more his head would hurt, and it really messed up his sleep.
The worst part of this insanity was that he was always sane enough to know he was going insane.
'Argh, there is no excel sheet, just please let me sleep!!!'
When his morning alarm went off he called John to let him know he wouldn't be coming in. His cold had gotten worse.
"Do you think it might be swine flu?" asked John.
"I'm still hoping its not."
Dave drifted in and out of sleep for the next few hours. When awake, he found it difficult to move. Even switching his laptop on seemed like a massive chore. Surfing the net was hard work.
He was boiling up, but shivering. His head ached, as did everywhere else, his nose was blocked, his throat was sore. It wasn't until early afternoon that he finally found the strength to check his symptoms on the NHS symptom checker.
Swine flu.
'Cool.'
So he called NHS direct, who told him to call his GP, who told him to call a local pharmacy, who told him to call a local hospital. Boy was all that exhausting, with conflicting advise, some telling him just have paracetamol, but the result was that a pack of Tamiflu was now waiting for him just a 20 min walk away. He just needed to get someone to go pick them up for him.
Being in London, he'd hit a bit of a snag.
"Do you do a delivery service?" he had asked.
"No, sorry," replied the bubbly receptionist, "I guess if you really can't get anyone you can come pick them up yourself."
"..erm... isn't that completely against the guidlines...?"
"It should be OK, we have people pick up there own, they'll give you a mask to wear and everything. We're open till 9."
Dave went back to sleep. He drifted in and out once more, debating the two equally important matters of whether or not to attempt the journey to pick up his medicine and how best to fill in a nonexistant excel sheet. By around 6:30pm he finally dragged himself out of bed, the deciding factor being that he was running out of food and drink, so he would have to leave the house regardless.
The 20min walk took over an hour and it was excruitiatingly painful. It was not helped by the fact that although Dave looked like something straight out of Night of the Living Dead, people in London still wanted to walk into him, and he desperately did not want to pass it on to anyone else. If zombies ever do hit London, it's going to take alot less than 28days to wipe everyone out.
When Dave made it to the hospital, having successfully avoided touching anyone or anything and keeping his breathing and his coughing down to an absolute minimum, the reception was clearly not the one he had spoken to.
"Is the prescription for you?!?" she was far from pleased.
"Yes... sorry..." Dave whispered.
She quickly put on a mask and thrust one at Dave. Seriously, given the postion, do you really only put a mask on when the sickees come in? EVERYONE who picks up a prescription for someone has come into contact with the disease. Chances are, a few of the healthy ones are still carrying some germs.
Anywho, Dave was shown through to a Doctor who explained the drugs he had just killed himself to collect. She gave him a rather large list of common side effects, including most of the stuff he already had a few he didn't, such as vomiting. She told him all these things are normal, even if you get them continue with the treatment, two a day for five days.
'Hmmm...'
The walk home was worse that the walk there and he still had to buy supplies. He avoided Tesco due to its popularity and went instead for a quiet garage. He stocked up on juice, apples, tomotoes and paracetamol.
He would save the Tamiflu for next time.
Round 3
When his alarm went off he called John again and told him the good news. Now he had nothing to do until Monday and thats exactly what he did.
Nothing.
His symptoms were already starting to improve, which was good, but he was still very tired. He slept alot easier without the worry of restocking supplies however and he was happy knowing that at this rate tomorrow he would have only minor symptoms, Friday he would be better and Saturday he would be playing the Wii back in Liverpool.
He had this swine flu on the ropes.
Round 4.
'WTF?' he still felt as weary as he had yesterday.
'Argh.'
He slept another day away.
Round 5.
Dave was awake. He felt alot better, and after shaving and showering away a week of sleep he looked alot better too. He still had a cough, and that horrible "ill" taste in his mouth that just wouldn't go away, but the worse was clearly over. He had regained his strength with several hours to spare before his trip back to Liverpool for a fun packed relaxing weekend.
Dave's train left Euston station at approximately 9:07pm. Dave sat back and relaxed.
He was, of cause, not on it.
Although better, he was still contagious and although swine flu was not the big bad some stories made out, it had claimed 29 lives in the UK and Dave would not risk bumping into number 30 on his way back.
The germs in him would find him their final resting place.
KO
Dave 1 - 0 Swine Flu
Waking up Monday morning Dave didn't feel too good, but then he hadn't expected to. His pre-booked weekend back to Liverpool had not been anywhere near as relaxing when he was just going to visit an empty house. Jean being in China due to concerns over her mother's health, Dave had not got the recharge he needed.
In addition, last night his landlady had told him after one month of staying in his new place that she was putting up the rent. He thus informed her he would be looking for a newer new place. A very brief exchange, but still not one that aided his sleep.
On top of that, he had a bit of a cough.
Still, he dragged himself out of bed, got himself to work and played round with excel for a few hours. By home time the weariness was clearly starting to show.
"Are you alright, Dave?" asked John
"I think I might be getting a cold. Just hope its not swine flu."
"Let's hope. Go on, go home, get some rest, hope you feel better tomorrow."
On arriving back home, Dave collapsed into bed immediately.
Round 2.
'No,' thought Dave, 'stop it.'
Every time he was ill, the same old thing, his mind would hook onto one obscure thing and just loop it around in his head until he went insane. Today it was an excel sheet to fill out. In his dreamy state it would seem really important, but for some not quite known reason. The more he concentrated on it, the more his head would hurt, and it really messed up his sleep.
The worst part of this insanity was that he was always sane enough to know he was going insane.
'Argh, there is no excel sheet, just please let me sleep!!!'
When his morning alarm went off he called John to let him know he wouldn't be coming in. His cold had gotten worse.
"Do you think it might be swine flu?" asked John.
"I'm still hoping its not."
Dave drifted in and out of sleep for the next few hours. When awake, he found it difficult to move. Even switching his laptop on seemed like a massive chore. Surfing the net was hard work.
He was boiling up, but shivering. His head ached, as did everywhere else, his nose was blocked, his throat was sore. It wasn't until early afternoon that he finally found the strength to check his symptoms on the NHS symptom checker.
Swine flu.
'Cool.'
So he called NHS direct, who told him to call his GP, who told him to call a local pharmacy, who told him to call a local hospital. Boy was all that exhausting, with conflicting advise, some telling him just have paracetamol, but the result was that a pack of Tamiflu was now waiting for him just a 20 min walk away. He just needed to get someone to go pick them up for him.
Being in London, he'd hit a bit of a snag.
"Do you do a delivery service?" he had asked.
"No, sorry," replied the bubbly receptionist, "I guess if you really can't get anyone you can come pick them up yourself."
"..erm... isn't that completely against the guidlines...?"
"It should be OK, we have people pick up there own, they'll give you a mask to wear and everything. We're open till 9."
Dave went back to sleep. He drifted in and out once more, debating the two equally important matters of whether or not to attempt the journey to pick up his medicine and how best to fill in a nonexistant excel sheet. By around 6:30pm he finally dragged himself out of bed, the deciding factor being that he was running out of food and drink, so he would have to leave the house regardless.
The 20min walk took over an hour and it was excruitiatingly painful. It was not helped by the fact that although Dave looked like something straight out of Night of the Living Dead, people in London still wanted to walk into him, and he desperately did not want to pass it on to anyone else. If zombies ever do hit London, it's going to take alot less than 28days to wipe everyone out.
When Dave made it to the hospital, having successfully avoided touching anyone or anything and keeping his breathing and his coughing down to an absolute minimum, the reception was clearly not the one he had spoken to.
"Is the prescription for you?!?" she was far from pleased.
"Yes... sorry..." Dave whispered.
She quickly put on a mask and thrust one at Dave. Seriously, given the postion, do you really only put a mask on when the sickees come in? EVERYONE who picks up a prescription for someone has come into contact with the disease. Chances are, a few of the healthy ones are still carrying some germs.
Anywho, Dave was shown through to a Doctor who explained the drugs he had just killed himself to collect. She gave him a rather large list of common side effects, including most of the stuff he already had a few he didn't, such as vomiting. She told him all these things are normal, even if you get them continue with the treatment, two a day for five days.
'Hmmm...'
The walk home was worse that the walk there and he still had to buy supplies. He avoided Tesco due to its popularity and went instead for a quiet garage. He stocked up on juice, apples, tomotoes and paracetamol.
He would save the Tamiflu for next time.
Round 3
When his alarm went off he called John again and told him the good news. Now he had nothing to do until Monday and thats exactly what he did.
Nothing.
His symptoms were already starting to improve, which was good, but he was still very tired. He slept alot easier without the worry of restocking supplies however and he was happy knowing that at this rate tomorrow he would have only minor symptoms, Friday he would be better and Saturday he would be playing the Wii back in Liverpool.
He had this swine flu on the ropes.
Round 4.
'WTF?' he still felt as weary as he had yesterday.
'Argh.'
He slept another day away.
Round 5.
Dave was awake. He felt alot better, and after shaving and showering away a week of sleep he looked alot better too. He still had a cough, and that horrible "ill" taste in his mouth that just wouldn't go away, but the worse was clearly over. He had regained his strength with several hours to spare before his trip back to Liverpool for a fun packed relaxing weekend.
Dave's train left Euston station at approximately 9:07pm. Dave sat back and relaxed.
He was, of cause, not on it.
Although better, he was still contagious and although swine flu was not the big bad some stories made out, it had claimed 29 lives in the UK and Dave would not risk bumping into number 30 on his way back.
The germs in him would find him their final resting place.
KO
Dave 1 - 0 Swine Flu
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
London
For those who were wondering, Living in London has it's pros and cons for Dave:
Pro: The underground is very very handy during weekdays. If your waiting more than 5 min your pretty unlucky.
Con: Despite this, it's consistantly packed to bursting point during regular going to and from work times.
Pro: A packed tube allows you to rub against pretty girls completely guilt free and without getting slapped!
Con: 90% of tube users seem to be male. The other 10% generally aren't pretty.
Pro: The room Dave was renting was clean, tidy and less than 30min away from his job.
Con: The 2 housemates were less than friendly. The girl said little more than hello, and sometimes not even that. The guy... well, having lived there for over a week, Dave still hadn't even seen him.
Pro: The near non-exsitance of his housemates made the shower rush far easier.
Con: The temperature on the shower tended to jump from one extreme to the other without warning.
Pro: Dave's new job was paying him to play around with numbers making pretty graphs.
Con: ... erm....
Pro: The people at Dave's job were friendly, fun and smart. The guy who was his direct line manager was full of life and pretty damn sexy. The work he did actually mattered, unlike a Thesis.
Con: ... OK, I got nothing, I like my new job.
Pro: Dave's new job gave him £27K per year.
Con: Tax, NI, student loan repayments, a room in London, travel expenses, food and a Jean in Liverpool meant he had approximately £0 per year spare from that.
Pro: In addition to 25 days holiday they also gave him 40 study days every year.
Con: They actually expected him to study on those days.
Con: The general public in London are generally souless. They will not step aside if they see someone wants to get past. They will not apologise if they barge into you. Smiles are rare.
Pro: You can sing really loud and no one will even look at you. Looking at fellow humans is forbidden.
Con: Jean and everyone Dave knew and cared about were all up North, sitting around the pool eating liver.
Pro: Jean would be heading south in a few months.
How's u?
Pro: The underground is very very handy during weekdays. If your waiting more than 5 min your pretty unlucky.
Con: Despite this, it's consistantly packed to bursting point during regular going to and from work times.
Pro: A packed tube allows you to rub against pretty girls completely guilt free and without getting slapped!
Con: 90% of tube users seem to be male. The other 10% generally aren't pretty.
Pro: The room Dave was renting was clean, tidy and less than 30min away from his job.
Con: The 2 housemates were less than friendly. The girl said little more than hello, and sometimes not even that. The guy... well, having lived there for over a week, Dave still hadn't even seen him.
Pro: The near non-exsitance of his housemates made the shower rush far easier.
Con: The temperature on the shower tended to jump from one extreme to the other without warning.
Pro: Dave's new job was paying him to play around with numbers making pretty graphs.
Con: ... erm....
Pro: The people at Dave's job were friendly, fun and smart. The guy who was his direct line manager was full of life and pretty damn sexy. The work he did actually mattered, unlike a Thesis.
Con: ... OK, I got nothing, I like my new job.
Pro: Dave's new job gave him £27K per year.
Con: Tax, NI, student loan repayments, a room in London, travel expenses, food and a Jean in Liverpool meant he had approximately £0 per year spare from that.
Pro: In addition to 25 days holiday they also gave him 40 study days every year.
Con: They actually expected him to study on those days.
Con: The general public in London are generally souless. They will not step aside if they see someone wants to get past. They will not apologise if they barge into you. Smiles are rare.
Pro: You can sing really loud and no one will even look at you. Looking at fellow humans is forbidden.
Con: Jean and everyone Dave knew and cared about were all up North, sitting around the pool eating liver.
Pro: Jean would be heading south in a few months.
How's u?
Friday, June 12, 2009
Fairwell Echo
After 5 years of going door to door, it was finally time for Dave's last knock. Like the majority of previous knocks, it was a crazy old lady who didn't read the paper.
And so, with a card and a gift, a few hand shakes and hugs and a drink or two, Dave said his final goodbyes and set off for pastures green.
A few days later, the following letter arrived at the Echo:
"Dear Echoers and Jayne.
Just wanted to say a huge "Thank You!!" for the gift and the card. Speaking of the card, Ann the feeling is mutual, if only I weren't married, Brian, me too, Lisa any day now I swear and thanks and best wishes to you all.
Looking back I've seen so much working here, alcoholism, violence, verbal abuse, nudity... but enough about Brian... I've knocked on thousands of doors, spoken to thousands of people and got around 10 of them to sign up to the Echo. It's been good... mostly...
Jayne, should you ever try to replace me, the new kid's going to have some pretty big shoes to fill. I've been consistently the cheapest employee of the Echo, bar none. In addition, I can read maps, find the car and ALWAYS remind people when its time to go home... usually at around 6:30pm... I used to be responsible for switching on the light in the car too, but that proved too much to handle.
Kate, I know how much you like that Internet thing, so I've put my email and my Blog at the top of the page. No excuses.
I'll miss you all, but I'll be in touch.
Now hopefully this letter will reach you before the redundancies start...
Dave."
And so, with a card and a gift, a few hand shakes and hugs and a drink or two, Dave said his final goodbyes and set off for pastures green.
A few days later, the following letter arrived at the Echo:
"Dear Echoers and Jayne.
Just wanted to say a huge "Thank You!!" for the gift and the card. Speaking of the card, Ann the feeling is mutual, if only I weren't married, Brian, me too, Lisa any day now I swear and thanks and best wishes to you all.
Looking back I've seen so much working here, alcoholism, violence, verbal abuse, nudity... but enough about Brian... I've knocked on thousands of doors, spoken to thousands of people and got around 10 of them to sign up to the Echo. It's been good... mostly...
Jayne, should you ever try to replace me, the new kid's going to have some pretty big shoes to fill. I've been consistently the cheapest employee of the Echo, bar none. In addition, I can read maps, find the car and ALWAYS remind people when its time to go home... usually at around 6:30pm... I used to be responsible for switching on the light in the car too, but that proved too much to handle.
Kate, I know how much you like that Internet thing, so I've put my email and my Blog at the top of the page. No excuses.
I'll miss you all, but I'll be in touch.
Now hopefully this letter will reach you before the redundancies start...
Dave."
Monday, June 08, 2009
2005+
In 2005, Dave and Jean got married and Dave could not have been happier.
He also started his PhD and visited China. And, of cause, he started writing a blog, so perhaps it would be best to simply read on from there now.
For Dave, just a week before his 25th birthday and a fortnight before his new job started, it was time to look forward now, not back.
The new era was coming. He would face it head on.
He also started his PhD and visited China. And, of cause, he started writing a blog, so perhaps it would be best to simply read on from there now.
For Dave, just a week before his 25th birthday and a fortnight before his new job started, it was time to look forward now, not back.
The new era was coming. He would face it head on.
2004
19 years, 7 months, 5 days and Dave's wait was finally over. He officially had a girlfriend and she was everything he could hope for and more. She was fantastic. She was, of cause, Jean.
Everything changed. Dave's life had purpose. It was like someone had hit a big on switch, or replaced a flat battery.
It was wonderful.
Jean had tuition fees to pay, and no gal of Dave's would need to struggle by herself or rely on her parents. Having quit his job some months previously, he had to find a new one. An early morning Daily Post sales person.... and a teaching assistant... and a student mentor... and Santa's little helper at a local grotto. Dave was working 7 days a week, while getting his Uni work back up to acceptable levels of above 80%.
The world was his Oyster, and for the first time in his life Dave found he could eat sea food.
Everything changed. Dave's life had purpose. It was like someone had hit a big on switch, or replaced a flat battery.
It was wonderful.
Jean had tuition fees to pay, and no gal of Dave's would need to struggle by herself or rely on her parents. Having quit his job some months previously, he had to find a new one. An early morning Daily Post sales person.... and a teaching assistant... and a student mentor... and Santa's little helper at a local grotto. Dave was working 7 days a week, while getting his Uni work back up to acceptable levels of above 80%.
The world was his Oyster, and for the first time in his life Dave found he could eat sea food.
2003
2003 was year crammed full of ups and downs.
It started with a fairly major up, moving to Kili, one of Dave's all time favorite places. Within a day or two of moving in, however, came the first down.
Major toothache, which eventually led to the removal of Dave's two back teeth.
The ups were rather general, the downs more specific and as such seemed to weigh on him more in his quiet times. He enjoyed his nights out, seeing friends, hanging around Uni without actually doing any work.
He hated his job, data entry. He worried about his brother, who had got into some bother. He was hurt by revelations. He was ashamed of himself for getting far too close to a girl he knew nothing about. He was starting to majorly suffer from lonliness.
Although he often tried his best to hide it, and indeed sometimes succesfully forgot about it, there was a cloud growing on his shoulder.
Until one day a ray of light broke through.
"Hello, can I sit here?"
Dave had been sitting outside Uni, waiting for Aline (as usual), when a cute little Chinese girl had approached him. Wait, that can't be right. A girl? Had approached him? That had never happened before. 'Aaahhhh! How to respond?!?!?!'
"I've seen you in class, I just wanted to know your name."
"Dave"
True to her word, that was ALL she wanted, her friend showed up at exactly that moment and she left, without even repaying the favour.
A few days later a class had changed without Dave's knowledge, probably due to a lack of attendence of a previous class. Only one other person showed up. The same cute little Chinese girl. Her name was Jean.
Since they both clearly had an hour free, Dave suggested a quick drink. She accepted, and there began a beautiful friendship.
It started with a fairly major up, moving to Kili, one of Dave's all time favorite places. Within a day or two of moving in, however, came the first down.
Major toothache, which eventually led to the removal of Dave's two back teeth.
The ups were rather general, the downs more specific and as such seemed to weigh on him more in his quiet times. He enjoyed his nights out, seeing friends, hanging around Uni without actually doing any work.
He hated his job, data entry. He worried about his brother, who had got into some bother. He was hurt by revelations. He was ashamed of himself for getting far too close to a girl he knew nothing about. He was starting to majorly suffer from lonliness.
Although he often tried his best to hide it, and indeed sometimes succesfully forgot about it, there was a cloud growing on his shoulder.
Until one day a ray of light broke through.
"Hello, can I sit here?"
Dave had been sitting outside Uni, waiting for Aline (as usual), when a cute little Chinese girl had approached him. Wait, that can't be right. A girl? Had approached him? That had never happened before. 'Aaahhhh! How to respond?!?!?!'
"I've seen you in class, I just wanted to know your name."
"Dave"
True to her word, that was ALL she wanted, her friend showed up at exactly that moment and she left, without even repaying the favour.
A few days later a class had changed without Dave's knowledge, probably due to a lack of attendence of a previous class. Only one other person showed up. The same cute little Chinese girl. Her name was Jean.
Since they both clearly had an hour free, Dave suggested a quick drink. She accepted, and there began a beautiful friendship.
2002
Aline had moved into the beautiful Kili House, built on church grounds in Mossley Hill, surounded by fields. It was fantastic, and Dave quickly became a regular visitor while he had the chance. They would all be going to Uni soon.
Having considered several options and going through a rollercoaster of decisions, Dave finally settled on the boring stay in Liverpool option, Macca would be same town different Uni and Aline would be moving to London.
Dave had decided, however, that to get the full Uni experience you need to leave home, and had thus applied for a place in the halls of residence.
With just weeks to go, things rather suddenly changed. The halls were full, Aline didn't make it into London and would be staying in Liverpool and a spare room was available at Kili from Jan 03.
Funny how things work out.
Having considered several options and going through a rollercoaster of decisions, Dave finally settled on the boring stay in Liverpool option, Macca would be same town different Uni and Aline would be moving to London.
Dave had decided, however, that to get the full Uni experience you need to leave home, and had thus applied for a place in the halls of residence.
With just weeks to go, things rather suddenly changed. The halls were full, Aline didn't make it into London and would be staying in Liverpool and a spare room was available at Kili from Jan 03.
Funny how things work out.
Sunday, June 07, 2009
2001
Having aced the AS-levels, school became one long sit off for Dave. He could average around 50% in the second year and still get straight A's, and since his subjects were Maths, Further Maths and Physics, there was little fear of him dropping below those levels. The teachers didn't even pretend to try to make him work harder and he became almost untouchable.
Almost.
He did at on point get threatened with expulsion for wearing a Disney tie, though that was from a member of staff who didn't know him and who got annoyed when Dave point blank refused to take it off without being told why it was necessary to do so. But otherwise.
The Eastern European duet became a solo act mid-year when Maris returned to Estonia. Dave had never really got to know her all that much, she didn't do his subjects and hung with the more "cool" crowd.
Alina, on the otherhand, was a Maths girl and, due mostly to Macca at first, Dave started to get to know her a fair bit. And then a bit more, and a bit more and he soon found he really liked her...
...bits...
Almost.
He did at on point get threatened with expulsion for wearing a Disney tie, though that was from a member of staff who didn't know him and who got annoyed when Dave point blank refused to take it off without being told why it was necessary to do so. But otherwise.
The Eastern European duet became a solo act mid-year when Maris returned to Estonia. Dave had never really got to know her all that much, she didn't do his subjects and hung with the more "cool" crowd.
Alina, on the otherhand, was a Maths girl and, due mostly to Macca at first, Dave started to get to know her a fair bit. And then a bit more, and a bit more and he soon found he really liked her...
...bits...
2000
3...2...1....
...
... oh well, no end of the world... maybe in 3000...
Since the world wasn't ending, Dave had some time spare and decided to pass all his GCSE's and master the Rubik's cube. Then he needed to find something to do with the other 360 days of the year.
Like every other underage teenager, he partied. Unlike the others, however, despite popular belief to the contary, he generally didn't drink much and the dancing had got his weight down to a less life threatening level of between 12 -13 stone.
Having never been drunk, however, Dave felt he might be missing something. And so, once apon a time in the Flute and Firkin, he decided to find out with Macca's help.
Drink, drink, drink. Not much effect. Drink, drink, drink some more. Still naught. He decided to more or less forget it and go dance.
And then it hit him like a ton of bricks.
The rest of the night is hazy, though it involved staggering around, being sick and asking Macca to call his mum while he went to sleep on some steps. Thankfully Macca decided not to leave Dave for dead and instead helped him home.
Dave never really found the appeal in being drunk, nor the later hangover. His returns to that state were few and far between from then on, an average of less than once a year, and brought on only by a genuine miscalculation in amounts of alcohol or temporary depression.
He stuck to dancing.
Towards the end of the year, the start of AS-levels brought with them some new faces to LC, including two pretty girls from Eastern Europe who were an instant attraction in the largely male student population. An Estonian and a Moldovan named Maris and Alina.
Although undoubtably a pretty pair, Dave did not see the appeal of that either. He was put off by the flocks around them, and in particular found it annoying that they distracted Macca.
Still, first impressions don't always hold...
...
... oh well, no end of the world... maybe in 3000...
Since the world wasn't ending, Dave had some time spare and decided to pass all his GCSE's and master the Rubik's cube. Then he needed to find something to do with the other 360 days of the year.
Like every other underage teenager, he partied. Unlike the others, however, despite popular belief to the contary, he generally didn't drink much and the dancing had got his weight down to a less life threatening level of between 12 -13 stone.
Having never been drunk, however, Dave felt he might be missing something. And so, once apon a time in the Flute and Firkin, he decided to find out with Macca's help.
Drink, drink, drink. Not much effect. Drink, drink, drink some more. Still naught. He decided to more or less forget it and go dance.
And then it hit him like a ton of bricks.
The rest of the night is hazy, though it involved staggering around, being sick and asking Macca to call his mum while he went to sleep on some steps. Thankfully Macca decided not to leave Dave for dead and instead helped him home.
Dave never really found the appeal in being drunk, nor the later hangover. His returns to that state were few and far between from then on, an average of less than once a year, and brought on only by a genuine miscalculation in amounts of alcohol or temporary depression.
He stuck to dancing.
Towards the end of the year, the start of AS-levels brought with them some new faces to LC, including two pretty girls from Eastern Europe who were an instant attraction in the largely male student population. An Estonian and a Moldovan named Maris and Alina.
Although undoubtably a pretty pair, Dave did not see the appeal of that either. He was put off by the flocks around them, and in particular found it annoying that they distracted Macca.
Still, first impressions don't always hold...
1999
A life time of doing nothing had started to take it's hold on Dave, and this year, at 15, probably saw his weight peak. He didn't check the scale, but certainly over 13 stone. He spent as little time in front of a mirror as possible, but looking back at the pictures of him around that time is freightful.
It was not the best time to start noticing girls and left his confidence shot.
He was awful at all things sports, always had been. "Fun" activities were often far less fun for the guy certain to be picked last and laughed at throughout. Doing them less, of cause, made things worse.
Towards the end of the year, however, he finally found his excerise.
Dance.
Dave originally started dancing because he just couldn't stand drinking, at all. Hated the stuff. But with everyone else getting drunk, he wanted to fit in. How better to seem drunk than dance around like you don't give a damn?
Funny thing was, he soon discovered he didn't give a damn. Dancing around like a madman was fun. It very quickly became his only real reason for going out. While everyone else was sitting around like a bunch of bores, downing glass after glass of foul tasting awfulness, Dave generally had a whole danceful to himself.
Happy days.
It was not the best time to start noticing girls and left his confidence shot.
He was awful at all things sports, always had been. "Fun" activities were often far less fun for the guy certain to be picked last and laughed at throughout. Doing them less, of cause, made things worse.
Towards the end of the year, however, he finally found his excerise.
Dance.
Dave originally started dancing because he just couldn't stand drinking, at all. Hated the stuff. But with everyone else getting drunk, he wanted to fit in. How better to seem drunk than dance around like you don't give a damn?
Funny thing was, he soon discovered he didn't give a damn. Dancing around like a madman was fun. It very quickly became his only real reason for going out. While everyone else was sitting around like a bunch of bores, downing glass after glass of foul tasting awfulness, Dave generally had a whole danceful to himself.
Happy days.
Thursday, June 04, 2009
1998
More SATS? How often did they do these things?
This time around Dave was clued in, he knew the score. The maximum result on the standard tests would be a 7. Additional tests would then be provided to try to achieve an 8. You needed to get a 7 on the normal tests then pass the extra to get the 8. Sorted.
Maths... do u really need to ask? It was a shame it only went up to 8.
Science... 7 ... ish... probably... maybe 8
English.
English. The English SATS results began Dave's life long hatred of Shakesphere. Dave passed the additional test, he answered well enough to get an 8. And on the standard tests he achieved the 7... except for the Shakespeare part.
It isn't even English!!!! Grrr!!!!
Due to the poor results in Shakespeare, Dave failed to achieve the 7 required to get his 8, and thus ended up with a lowly 6. Two grades lost because Shakespeare can't write properly. Darn.
And, since the SATS mattered to LC, the results saw Dave banished from the top set for English. He was dropped down to set 2, where he would live out the remaining College years.
In terms of computer games, Dave was getting too old to spend all day playing games. He was 14 now, it just didn't thrill him like it used to. It was time to grow up, study harder, experiment with alchohol, meet girls and...
... hold on... OH MY GOD!!!!
ZELDA IN 3D?!?!?!?!
HOLY SH*T!!! Ocarina of Time was FANTASTIC!!
Fudge it, plenty of time to get alcohol poisoning later. Bring on Zelda.
This time around Dave was clued in, he knew the score. The maximum result on the standard tests would be a 7. Additional tests would then be provided to try to achieve an 8. You needed to get a 7 on the normal tests then pass the extra to get the 8. Sorted.
Maths... do u really need to ask? It was a shame it only went up to 8.
Science... 7 ... ish... probably... maybe 8
English.
English. The English SATS results began Dave's life long hatred of Shakesphere. Dave passed the additional test, he answered well enough to get an 8. And on the standard tests he achieved the 7... except for the Shakespeare part.
It isn't even English!!!! Grrr!!!!
Due to the poor results in Shakespeare, Dave failed to achieve the 7 required to get his 8, and thus ended up with a lowly 6. Two grades lost because Shakespeare can't write properly. Darn.
And, since the SATS mattered to LC, the results saw Dave banished from the top set for English. He was dropped down to set 2, where he would live out the remaining College years.
In terms of computer games, Dave was getting too old to spend all day playing games. He was 14 now, it just didn't thrill him like it used to. It was time to grow up, study harder, experiment with alchohol, meet girls and...
... hold on... OH MY GOD!!!!
ZELDA IN 3D?!?!?!?!
HOLY SH*T!!! Ocarina of Time was FANTASTIC!!
Fudge it, plenty of time to get alcohol poisoning later. Bring on Zelda.
1997
Out of all the many, many certificates Dave achieved over his life to date, this year gave him his all time favorite.
Dave, along with the rest of the top Maths set for his year and the year below, had been entered into the Mathematical Junior Olympiad, a national maths contest for kicks and giggles. Not surprisingly, he did well, recieved a Gold Certificate, got entered into the next round and obtained a bronze medal.
But that was of little importance.
The special certificate was one that simply stated Dave was "Best in School 1997." It didn't say at what. Just Best. In general. Nice.
97 also saw Dave turn to the terrible 13. He had offically been declared a "teenager" and everyone knew teenagers were no good low-life to be feared and avoided.
It was a sad time.
Though on the plus side, Nintendo brought out a new console, the glorious N64.
Mario in 3D!!
Dave, along with the rest of the top Maths set for his year and the year below, had been entered into the Mathematical Junior Olympiad, a national maths contest for kicks and giggles. Not surprisingly, he did well, recieved a Gold Certificate, got entered into the next round and obtained a bronze medal.
But that was of little importance.
The special certificate was one that simply stated Dave was "Best in School 1997." It didn't say at what. Just Best. In general. Nice.
97 also saw Dave turn to the terrible 13. He had offically been declared a "teenager" and everyone knew teenagers were no good low-life to be feared and avoided.
It was a sad time.
Though on the plus side, Nintendo brought out a new console, the glorious N64.
Mario in 3D!!
1996
For a computer game geek there was noticably one thing missing for Dave.
A computer.
Being in Liverpool College made this fact painfully obvious. Not having a computer was simply not done. It was unacceptable behaviour.
And so after several weeks/months of nagging, Dave finally became a PC. Afterall, it would help him with his school work... right...?
Eskimo Bob, University College, downloadable music, TV and films, newgrounds, Ultima Online....
The internet is a lovely place to live.
"... school... work...? ... what's that... ?"
A computer.
Being in Liverpool College made this fact painfully obvious. Not having a computer was simply not done. It was unacceptable behaviour.
And so after several weeks/months of nagging, Dave finally became a PC. Afterall, it would help him with his school work... right...?
Eskimo Bob, University College, downloadable music, TV and films, newgrounds, Ultima Online....
The internet is a lovely place to live.
"... school... work...? ... what's that... ?"
Wednesday, June 03, 2009
1995
The start of a new era.
Under the advice of Mrs Taylor, Dave had applied for a scholarship at the prestigious Liverpool College, had passed the test and been accepted.
Dave had been fearful of actually accepting the offer, however. He would know no one and be generally surrounded by people with a very different up bringing and far more money. Although the kids arround him thus far had not been great, it was a case of "better the devil you know." Dave's parents were proud of him just passing and more or less left the final decision up to him.
Then Alan stepped in.
He took Dave to one side, and said, without a trace of humour, "Don't be stupid. Don't waste this chance. Don't end up like me."
And so Dave's life at LC began. He knew no one and had zero social skills at making friends. For the first few weeks/months he just sat quietly in a corner by himself.
The first thing he learnt at LC was the importance of his SAT results. The school used them as the sole decider as to which "set" a child was placed into, and generally only those in the top sets would recieve a decent education. Having 5's gave Dave a ticket to the top set in all subjects.
Having a 6 was apparently unheard of. The teachers were impressed. Several of the kids seemed jealous, almost to the point of anger in one or two cases.
"You must have sat an extra test! You can't get a 6 on the normal test," he was informed in an accusing tone. In all honesty, Dave had no idea if that was true or not, and really hadn't cared. This seemed to be a rather annoying response though.
Eventually, Dave did start making friends. The main one being a little boy named Macca and his sidekick Skish. The trio spent most of their school time together, communicating mostly in an endless stream of popular quotes flawlessly joined together to discuss comics, games, TV and films almost exclusively.
"I miss you so much it hurts sometimes."
Under the advice of Mrs Taylor, Dave had applied for a scholarship at the prestigious Liverpool College, had passed the test and been accepted.
Dave had been fearful of actually accepting the offer, however. He would know no one and be generally surrounded by people with a very different up bringing and far more money. Although the kids arround him thus far had not been great, it was a case of "better the devil you know." Dave's parents were proud of him just passing and more or less left the final decision up to him.
Then Alan stepped in.
He took Dave to one side, and said, without a trace of humour, "Don't be stupid. Don't waste this chance. Don't end up like me."
And so Dave's life at LC began. He knew no one and had zero social skills at making friends. For the first few weeks/months he just sat quietly in a corner by himself.
The first thing he learnt at LC was the importance of his SAT results. The school used them as the sole decider as to which "set" a child was placed into, and generally only those in the top sets would recieve a decent education. Having 5's gave Dave a ticket to the top set in all subjects.
Having a 6 was apparently unheard of. The teachers were impressed. Several of the kids seemed jealous, almost to the point of anger in one or two cases.
"You must have sat an extra test! You can't get a 6 on the normal test," he was informed in an accusing tone. In all honesty, Dave had no idea if that was true or not, and really hadn't cared. This seemed to be a rather annoying response though.
Eventually, Dave did start making friends. The main one being a little boy named Macca and his sidekick Skish. The trio spent most of their school time together, communicating mostly in an endless stream of popular quotes flawlessly joined together to discuss comics, games, TV and films almost exclusively.
"I miss you so much it hurts sometimes."
1994
Earle JMI didn't make a big deal out of SATS. In fact, they made so small a deal, that Dave was actually off with a cold that day and had not realised he'd missed anything. When he got back, he was sent to a small room by himself to do the little test he missed.
His results meant absolutely nothing to him. 5 for English, 5 for Science, 6 for Maths. Seriously, whats that out of? Is that good? Awful? He drew a blank, but then if the teachers didn't care it was nothing to worry about.
More importantly, the Super Gameboy had arrived. Having never had a Gameboy, mainly due to the fact that he was always at home playing on the TV, the Super Gameboy gave the best of both worlds, the Gameboy on the TV! And so Dave was opened up to a whole world of new games.
More Zelda. Whoo!
His results meant absolutely nothing to him. 5 for English, 5 for Science, 6 for Maths. Seriously, whats that out of? Is that good? Awful? He drew a blank, but then if the teachers didn't care it was nothing to worry about.
More importantly, the Super Gameboy had arrived. Having never had a Gameboy, mainly due to the fact that he was always at home playing on the TV, the Super Gameboy gave the best of both worlds, the Gameboy on the TV! And so Dave was opened up to a whole world of new games.
More Zelda. Whoo!
1993
This year was somewhat of a blank to Dave.
Perhaps it was of little real importance or interest... or perhaps it was to do with the scar he still carried on his forehead... hard to say...
The family home was being fixed up so the crew had moved into a new place for a little while. A flithly little place, until Dave's mum got there, after which you could eat off the floor and Alan often did.
Anywho, one day, while lying in bed, Pea decided it would be fun to hit Dave over the head with a plate. The details are somewhat sketchy, but Dave succesfully dodged the attack 2 or 3 times and then was not so lucky.
Ouch.
Perhaps it was of little real importance or interest... or perhaps it was to do with the scar he still carried on his forehead... hard to say...
The family home was being fixed up so the crew had moved into a new place for a little while. A flithly little place, until Dave's mum got there, after which you could eat off the floor and Alan often did.
Anywho, one day, while lying in bed, Pea decided it would be fun to hit Dave over the head with a plate. The details are somewhat sketchy, but Dave succesfully dodged the attack 2 or 3 times and then was not so lucky.
Ouch.
1992
The N.E.S, poor little thing, had held it's own against a computer twice its size, sexier and more reliable for 2 years now and was still going strong, a sign of the genius that is Nintendo. However, all good geniuses know when it's time to move on and hence a child was born.
The Super N.E.S. (S.N.E.S.)
All the big boys were back and badder than ever, Mario with his new friend Yoshi, Mega Man all X'ed up with ultra cool Zero and Zelda with the ultimate RPG to date, A Link to the Past. And lets not forget the birth of the finest racing car series of all time, Mario Kart.
In his school life things had also changed for Dave. He had finally made a friend who was nicer than the staff. In truth, Dave's friends had often been few and far between. His family not included, his friends to date could be counted on one hand. Kids were often not fond of the overweight computer game geek, and his newly found need for glasses probably didn't add to his "cool factor." That said, an overweight computer game geek with a pretty darn high IQ was often not fond of a bunch of street kids growing up in the heart of Toxteth, so the feeling was often mutual.
And then Ahmad arrived. A friendship that would last for many years to come.
The Super N.E.S. (S.N.E.S.)
All the big boys were back and badder than ever, Mario with his new friend Yoshi, Mega Man all X'ed up with ultra cool Zero and Zelda with the ultimate RPG to date, A Link to the Past. And lets not forget the birth of the finest racing car series of all time, Mario Kart.
In his school life things had also changed for Dave. He had finally made a friend who was nicer than the staff. In truth, Dave's friends had often been few and far between. His family not included, his friends to date could be counted on one hand. Kids were often not fond of the overweight computer game geek, and his newly found need for glasses probably didn't add to his "cool factor." That said, an overweight computer game geek with a pretty darn high IQ was often not fond of a bunch of street kids growing up in the heart of Toxteth, so the feeling was often mutual.
And then Ahmad arrived. A friendship that would last for many years to come.
Tuesday, June 02, 2009
1991
Big changes were happening in Dave's little world. It was time to move away from the school he had spent his early years in to a place far far away. Nearly a whole two streets away in fact! Yup, it was time to move to Earle Road Juniors, later known as Earle JMI after it merged with his old infants, possibly making the move rather less significant.
Earle JMI had some of the best teachers ever, and Dave generally felt closer to them than most of the students. Mr Franklin and his fantastic story telling, Mrs Taylor and her entusiasm, Miss Evans, Mr Rolf, Miss Dale... the list goes on.
At home things were changing rather drastically too. Dave's clan purchased a Mega Drive and were introduced to the world of 16-bit and a blue hedgehog in red snickers that runs faster than the speed of sound. Whatever they were smoking when they came up with that idea, it proves drugs might not always be that bad.
Earle JMI had some of the best teachers ever, and Dave generally felt closer to them than most of the students. Mr Franklin and his fantastic story telling, Mrs Taylor and her entusiasm, Miss Evans, Mr Rolf, Miss Dale... the list goes on.
At home things were changing rather drastically too. Dave's clan purchased a Mega Drive and were introduced to the world of 16-bit and a blue hedgehog in red snickers that runs faster than the speed of sound. Whatever they were smoking when they came up with that idea, it proves drugs might not always be that bad.
Saturday, May 30, 2009
1990
With just 10 years to go before the world would end, it was time to stop worrying and start living, which could only mean one thing.
It was time to buy the Wii's Great Great Grandfather, the only console named after a prehistoric monster, the one and only
N.E.S.
The N.E.S was the ultimate in gaming, and kept children busy like no other machine before or since. This was largely due to the design which made it hit or miss as to whether or not a game would load, and therefore often took over an hour just to switch it on.
The N.E.S had everything. Storylines, levels, action, puzzles, passwords, cheats and, of cause,
Mario, Mega Man and Zelda.
Three of the all time greatest series in gaming history, and which owe all their success to the N.E.S.
Dave was hooked.
It was time to buy the Wii's Great Great Grandfather, the only console named after a prehistoric monster, the one and only
N.E.S.
The N.E.S was the ultimate in gaming, and kept children busy like no other machine before or since. This was largely due to the design which made it hit or miss as to whether or not a game would load, and therefore often took over an hour just to switch it on.
The N.E.S had everything. Storylines, levels, action, puzzles, passwords, cheats and, of cause,
Mario, Mega Man and Zelda.
Three of the all time greatest series in gaming history, and which owe all their success to the N.E.S.
Dave was hooked.
1989
Game consoles had been around for a few years now, but the idea was still relatively new. In Dave's dad's opinion, they were a rather useless waste of money that children had done perfectly fine without for several million years. This was, of cause, back in the days before his addiction to technology, gadgits and giant TVs.
Dave's mum, however, saw items that could make her beloved children happy, and possibly busy, and therefore a bargain. And so it was, that Dave and family entered the new age with the state of the art...
Atari 2600.
Or at least, it was state of the art when originally released in 1977.
Sure, the graphics weren't great (or good(or OK)) and the levels were rather limited (usually one single scene), but by George it had some great games. Like a guy riding a chicken battling an army of buzzards.
Fantastic.
Dave's mum, however, saw items that could make her beloved children happy, and possibly busy, and therefore a bargain. And so it was, that Dave and family entered the new age with the state of the art...
Atari 2600.
Or at least, it was state of the art when originally released in 1977.
Sure, the graphics weren't great (or good(or OK)) and the levels were rather limited (usually one single scene), but by George it had some great games. Like a guy riding a chicken battling an army of buzzards.
Fantastic.
Sunday, May 24, 2009
1988
It was time for Dave to spread his wings. See the world. Learn about new cultures and traditions.
Yup, it was time to go to nursery.
After spending the day expanding his horrizons and colouring in, he would go home to share his knowledge of the world with his lil bro.
"No, no, no, its wight weg, weft weg, wight, weft, wight, weft, then WIGHT."
Yup, it was time to go to nursery.
After spending the day expanding his horrizons and colouring in, he would go home to share his knowledge of the world with his lil bro.
"No, no, no, its wight weg, weft weg, wight, weft, wight, weft, then WIGHT."
1987
This year was somewhat of a blank to Dave.
Perhaps it was of little real importance or interest... or perhaps it was to do with the scar he still carried on the side of his head... hard to say...
Apparently, so the story goes, he had been standing on an upturned bucket pretending to be Mumra when he got a little too carried away, fell off and required fairly immediate medical care.
But then, only Alan really saw it happen...
Perhaps it was of little real importance or interest... or perhaps it was to do with the scar he still carried on the side of his head... hard to say...
Apparently, so the story goes, he had been standing on an upturned bucket pretending to be Mumra when he got a little too carried away, fell off and required fairly immediate medical care.
But then, only Alan really saw it happen...
Friday, May 22, 2009
1986
Things were pretty sweet for Dave. He was finally getting the hang of walking and being the youngest child he was generally spoilt rotten. Unfortunately, his mum started getting fatter and hence less respondent to his requirements.
Thankfully, at the start of April, this problem corrected itself quite suddenly and his mum returned to normal overnight. Coincedently, however, another difficulty arose at exactly the same time. Dave was apparently no longer the youngest, as he now mysteriously had a younger brother, Pea.
Oh well, such trivial matters did not hold Dave's attention long, as the film he had waited for all his life was finally released. Transformers The Movie.
Dave cried like a baby when Optimus died. Pea did the same.
Perhaps they could get along after all.
Thankfully, at the start of April, this problem corrected itself quite suddenly and his mum returned to normal overnight. Coincedently, however, another difficulty arose at exactly the same time. Dave was apparently no longer the youngest, as he now mysteriously had a younger brother, Pea.
Oh well, such trivial matters did not hold Dave's attention long, as the film he had waited for all his life was finally released. Transformers The Movie.
Dave cried like a baby when Optimus died. Pea did the same.
Perhaps they could get along after all.
Thursday, May 21, 2009
1985
Rocky was beatin on russians, Marty was heading back to the future, Chunk was doing the "Truffle Shuffle", Rambo was going on about first blood again and Dave was figuring out what this walking business was all about.
Boy its harder than it looks. Left leg, right leg, left, right, left, left.. thud. Luckily Dave was alot lighter and closer to the floor back then..
Boy its harder than it looks. Left leg, right leg, left, right, left, left.. thud. Luckily Dave was alot lighter and closer to the floor back then..
25 to 25.
In 25 days the one and only David J Natsios would turn 25. The big quarter of a centuary landmark. In addition, it would likely be around that time in which Dave would finally move away from his home town of Liverpool. The end of an era, the start of a new chapter.
And so, in typical sitcom style, it was time for a recap episode. Here's how Dave got from A to B:
1984
June 15th, the child was born to a family of 2 bros (Alan, 7 and Ste, 1) and a sis (Andrea, 4), living snug in a 2-bed terrace. A firm believer of "start as you mean to go on," Dave's first year was spent mostly in bed.
Although 1984 was popular for many reasons, and even has books and films named after it, its most noticable achievement was the creation of the hit TV series "Transformers." Dave quickly became a fan.
And so, in typical sitcom style, it was time for a recap episode. Here's how Dave got from A to B:
1984
June 15th, the child was born to a family of 2 bros (Alan, 7 and Ste, 1) and a sis (Andrea, 4), living snug in a 2-bed terrace. A firm believer of "start as you mean to go on," Dave's first year was spent mostly in bed.
Although 1984 was popular for many reasons, and even has books and films named after it, its most noticable achievement was the creation of the hit TV series "Transformers." Dave quickly became a fan.
Monday, May 18, 2009
The Wolfy Ram
A new toy has hit the internet. It's called Wolfram.
It looks like a search engine, though not a very sexy one. More like one that isn't quite finished yet. But then, in fairness, thats probably because it isn't.
But then looks can be decieving, as this Ram in Wolf's clothing reveals, because it's actually not your typical search engine at all. Instead of spitting out a few million websites, it just tries to answer your question itself.
For example, search for a word like "love" and it will give u the various meanings and synonyms sych as "eff".
Search for a name like "David"and it will let you know that around 3.1 million people called David are alive today, the 5th most common name, and most of them are around 50 years old (10 years younger than the average "Jean").
Search for a date such as a birthday, "15 June 1984", and you'll be told it was a Friday, 9103 days ago, with 17 hours of daylight in Liverpool.
It's feature which will no doubt see it used most often though is it's ability to do kids maths homework. For example, type in "7x+3x^2+sin(x)cos(x)=1" and it will let you know that x = -2.4 or 0.12.
Neat.
It looks like a search engine, though not a very sexy one. More like one that isn't quite finished yet. But then, in fairness, thats probably because it isn't.
But then looks can be decieving, as this Ram in Wolf's clothing reveals, because it's actually not your typical search engine at all. Instead of spitting out a few million websites, it just tries to answer your question itself.
For example, search for a word like "love" and it will give u the various meanings and synonyms sych as "eff".
Search for a name like "David"and it will let you know that around 3.1 million people called David are alive today, the 5th most common name, and most of them are around 50 years old (10 years younger than the average "Jean").
Search for a date such as a birthday, "15 June 1984", and you'll be told it was a Friday, 9103 days ago, with 17 hours of daylight in Liverpool.
It's feature which will no doubt see it used most often though is it's ability to do kids maths homework. For example, type in "7x+3x^2+sin(x)cos(x)=1" and it will let you know that x = -2.4 or 0.12.
Neat.
Saturday, May 16, 2009
Alarming
As a general rule, a global recesion is not the best time to look for employment. Worst still, a job in a finance related area is not the best idea when its all the finance sectors fault, redudancies occur daily and "banker" has become another word for "anti-christ". But then, Dave had always liked to live dangerously... this one time he even got away with claiming 79p for a pack of Hobnobs on a University expenses form... shh... keep it quiet...
Having set his heart on an Actuarial position, the endless stream of applications began. Unfortunately, the replies were few and far between. He had thus far secured an interview with a total of 1 company down in London and that was over a month ago with no word from them since.
All Dave could do was wait... watch TV... eat ice cream... play games... and wait...
Finally the phone call came. "I have good news..." 2nd interview. Result.
And so he set off to London for round two.
The interview started off ok, they briefed him on the company layout asked him standard questions and recieved standard replies. In fact, Dave had pre-recorded all of these answers and just pressed play on his tape recorder.
Then things went a little off the norm. The fire alarm started.
"... erm... do we have to leave..?"
"...yes..."
The building was evacuated. The conversation became a little less formal...
"So, your from Liverpool, which side of the football do you support?"
"I don't really watch it much to be honest."
"Oh. You just failed the interview."
20 min later they returned to the interview room and the formalities reappeared as if by magic.
"Tell me how you would price an insurance policy against a Terrorist attack?"
'I have no idea,' thought Dave.
"...."
"...."
".... I have no idea..." said Dave.
The interview finished shortly afterwards. The guy, clearly feeling sorry for Dave having wasted his time and money getting down to London just to crash and burn offered to try and see if the company would repay the expenses. They didn't.
Still it wasn't all bad, on the train ride back to Liverpool, Dave found the following in the Virgin trains magazine:
"FREE PUZZLE. Cut out'n'keep! Month by month collect all 5,000 pieces!"
'Cool,' thought Dave, 'In 416 years I'll have the whole jigsaw puzzle!'
A week later Dave recieved another phone call:
"Good news! The next part of the jigsaw puzzle is available! Also, the company said they're going to offer you the job, they're just working out the details."
Nice.
So for anyone still trying to find a job in these troubled times, there is hope. Just remember, its not important how you answer the questions, you just need to make yourself memorable...
... by setting fire to the building.
Having set his heart on an Actuarial position, the endless stream of applications began. Unfortunately, the replies were few and far between. He had thus far secured an interview with a total of 1 company down in London and that was over a month ago with no word from them since.
All Dave could do was wait... watch TV... eat ice cream... play games... and wait...
Finally the phone call came. "I have good news..." 2nd interview. Result.
And so he set off to London for round two.
The interview started off ok, they briefed him on the company layout asked him standard questions and recieved standard replies. In fact, Dave had pre-recorded all of these answers and just pressed play on his tape recorder.
Then things went a little off the norm. The fire alarm started.
"... erm... do we have to leave..?"
"...yes..."
The building was evacuated. The conversation became a little less formal...
"So, your from Liverpool, which side of the football do you support?"
"I don't really watch it much to be honest."
"Oh. You just failed the interview."
20 min later they returned to the interview room and the formalities reappeared as if by magic.
"Tell me how you would price an insurance policy against a Terrorist attack?"
'I have no idea,' thought Dave.
"...."
"...."
".... I have no idea..." said Dave.
The interview finished shortly afterwards. The guy, clearly feeling sorry for Dave having wasted his time and money getting down to London just to crash and burn offered to try and see if the company would repay the expenses. They didn't.
Still it wasn't all bad, on the train ride back to Liverpool, Dave found the following in the Virgin trains magazine:
"FREE PUZZLE. Cut out'n'keep! Month by month collect all 5,000 pieces!"
'Cool,' thought Dave, 'In 416 years I'll have the whole jigsaw puzzle!'
A week later Dave recieved another phone call:
"Good news! The next part of the jigsaw puzzle is available! Also, the company said they're going to offer you the job, they're just working out the details."
Nice.
So for anyone still trying to find a job in these troubled times, there is hope. Just remember, its not important how you answer the questions, you just need to make yourself memorable...
... by setting fire to the building.
Thursday, April 09, 2009
The Coffin.
Recently Dave heard of a tale involving several people vaguely connected to himself. The exact connection is hazy, friends of friends of friends perhaps. It is a tale of love, family, friendship and crime. It is recorded here since its high levels of excitement and danger may actually get someone to read it.
The true identities of those involved are unknown...
The man stumbled out of bed, awoken by a phone call. Only 2pm, who would call him at such an unsocial hour?
"Hello?" he grumbled.
"WAAAAAAAZZZZZUUUUUUUPPPP!!!!!!!!" came the secret codeword.
"WAAAAAAAAAAZZZZZZZZZZUUUUUUUUUPPPPPPPP!!!!!!!!!" responded the man. It was his brother. The items would be delivered in 15-20 min. The man threw on his clothes and rushed around to prepare for the arrival.
For ease of story telling, we shall refer to the man as Mr Desperate, or simply "D" fo short.
D rushed around his house, moving clothes, bags, bins, food and eventually furniture. A one man whirlwind. 25 min later he was ready and still waiting...
35min.... 45min....
Eventually the car pulled up outside the house and two men got out, his brother, who was Astonishingly Large and shall thus be refered to as "A.L." and a builder friend who will be refered to as Bob (the builder).
From the back of the car the two men removed the first item. A massive TV. It had been handed down from D's parents to A.L. and now from A.L. to D. It would replace the ancient little box that had haunted D's home for the past millennia (ish).
Having dumped the "new" TV, the new duo disappeared, only to return once more with the second hand-me-down. A beautiful Chinese style cabinet. It too had originally belonged to D's parents and had been in the family for nearly 15(!) years. It had finally come to D.
The Chinese cabinet would replace a hiddeous old wardrobe that had recently been described by guests as "The Coffin".
Before the duo made their final departure, D asked if either of them would like to take the ancient TV or the Coffin with them. After some pushing by D, Bob finally accepted the old TV, but no one would go near the Coffin.
Alone once more, D quickly got to arranging his new room. His wife, Mrs ... erm... Jewel?, "J", was out and had no idea the new furniture had arrived. The last J had heard was vague talk months ago. J would come home, see the new look and aw in its glory. J had been a bit down of late and needed something to pick her up. If, however, she came home to find the house in its current mess, that would not go down so well, with or without the new additions. D had just a few hours to make it happen.
2 hours later the room was a thing of beauty. Everything was in place, tidy, neat, shining and ready for J's return.
... well... almost everything...
The Coffin no longer had any place to go. It stood more grotesque than ever smack bang in the middle of the floor.
'Hmm...' thought D, 'what to do...?'
He had two options:
1. Find someone crazy enough to want the thing, who would have to live fairly close as D had no way of transporting the thing other than by hand.
2. Dump it in a local skip. The area was always full of skips, shouldn't be a problem. He would, however, need someone crazy to help him get it there, the Coffin was far too large for D to move it alone.
And so he called up Mr Krazy, "K".
K came round at the drop of a hat, took one look at the Coffin and said, "Hell no." Krazy with a capital K and still no interest.
"OK then," said D, "Help me take it to the skip."
And so the DK crew carried the Coffin to the nearest skip... several streets away... with K complaining every step of the way and looking like he might snap in half at any moment.
"What's up Krazy?" asked D, "I thought you did weights all the time."
"...argh.."
(Translation: It's true I used to do weights, and I was very strong, paricularly for my small size. However, I since decided that the Emo ish look is cool, and to achieve this near dead look I regularly starve myself.)
Finally the DK crew arrived with the Coffin at the skip... which was full... they decided that leaving it next to the skip would have to suffice. At which point an offical looking gentleman appeared and told them otherwise. "You can't leave that there."
"Do you know any other skips nearby?" Asked D.
"Used to be one around the corner, you might want to check first."
So D and K, without Coffin, went in search of the other skip. It too was full. And K had decided beyond all doubt he had had enough. He went home, leaving D with the moral dilema of what to do about the Coffin.
D thought about his new wonderful layout. He thought about J's face on seeing it. He thought about how horrible the Coffin was, and how much effort would now be required to move it again.
And he just walked away.
D would never know what happened to the Coffin. But he would not need to wait long to see J's reaction.
"Oh.. they came... that nice..."
The true identities of those involved are unknown...
The man stumbled out of bed, awoken by a phone call. Only 2pm, who would call him at such an unsocial hour?
"Hello?" he grumbled.
"WAAAAAAAZZZZZUUUUUUUPPPP!!!!!!!!" came the secret codeword.
"WAAAAAAAAAAZZZZZZZZZZUUUUUUUUUPPPPPPPP!!!!!!!!!" responded the man. It was his brother. The items would be delivered in 15-20 min. The man threw on his clothes and rushed around to prepare for the arrival.
For ease of story telling, we shall refer to the man as Mr Desperate, or simply "D" fo short.
D rushed around his house, moving clothes, bags, bins, food and eventually furniture. A one man whirlwind. 25 min later he was ready and still waiting...
35min.... 45min....
Eventually the car pulled up outside the house and two men got out, his brother, who was Astonishingly Large and shall thus be refered to as "A.L." and a builder friend who will be refered to as Bob (the builder).
From the back of the car the two men removed the first item. A massive TV. It had been handed down from D's parents to A.L. and now from A.L. to D. It would replace the ancient little box that had haunted D's home for the past millennia (ish).
Having dumped the "new" TV, the new duo disappeared, only to return once more with the second hand-me-down. A beautiful Chinese style cabinet. It too had originally belonged to D's parents and had been in the family for nearly 15(!) years. It had finally come to D.
The Chinese cabinet would replace a hiddeous old wardrobe that had recently been described by guests as "The Coffin".
Before the duo made their final departure, D asked if either of them would like to take the ancient TV or the Coffin with them. After some pushing by D, Bob finally accepted the old TV, but no one would go near the Coffin.
Alone once more, D quickly got to arranging his new room. His wife, Mrs ... erm... Jewel?, "J", was out and had no idea the new furniture had arrived. The last J had heard was vague talk months ago. J would come home, see the new look and aw in its glory. J had been a bit down of late and needed something to pick her up. If, however, she came home to find the house in its current mess, that would not go down so well, with or without the new additions. D had just a few hours to make it happen.
2 hours later the room was a thing of beauty. Everything was in place, tidy, neat, shining and ready for J's return.
... well... almost everything...
The Coffin no longer had any place to go. It stood more grotesque than ever smack bang in the middle of the floor.
'Hmm...' thought D, 'what to do...?'
He had two options:
1. Find someone crazy enough to want the thing, who would have to live fairly close as D had no way of transporting the thing other than by hand.
2. Dump it in a local skip. The area was always full of skips, shouldn't be a problem. He would, however, need someone crazy to help him get it there, the Coffin was far too large for D to move it alone.
And so he called up Mr Krazy, "K".
K came round at the drop of a hat, took one look at the Coffin and said, "Hell no." Krazy with a capital K and still no interest.
"OK then," said D, "Help me take it to the skip."
And so the DK crew carried the Coffin to the nearest skip... several streets away... with K complaining every step of the way and looking like he might snap in half at any moment.
"What's up Krazy?" asked D, "I thought you did weights all the time."
"...argh.."
(Translation: It's true I used to do weights, and I was very strong, paricularly for my small size. However, I since decided that the Emo ish look is cool, and to achieve this near dead look I regularly starve myself.)
Finally the DK crew arrived with the Coffin at the skip... which was full... they decided that leaving it next to the skip would have to suffice. At which point an offical looking gentleman appeared and told them otherwise. "You can't leave that there."
"Do you know any other skips nearby?" Asked D.
"Used to be one around the corner, you might want to check first."
So D and K, without Coffin, went in search of the other skip. It too was full. And K had decided beyond all doubt he had had enough. He went home, leaving D with the moral dilema of what to do about the Coffin.
D thought about his new wonderful layout. He thought about J's face on seeing it. He thought about how horrible the Coffin was, and how much effort would now be required to move it again.
And he just walked away.
D would never know what happened to the Coffin. But he would not need to wait long to see J's reaction.
"Oh.. they came... that nice..."
Thursday, March 12, 2009
Little Ms Driving Test. Practical.
Tuesday, 10th of March. Jean staggered out of bed at the ridiculously early time of 9am. Or at least it seemed ridiculously early to the semi-conscious Dave watching her.
Today she would take her practical driving test. She was a little nervous, but nothing major. Afterall, Dave couldn't laugh at her regardless of the outcome. How many times had Dave failed it? 4?!? Silly, silly boy.
Anywho, 9.30am and off she went. The hour before the test went well.
10.25am. She arrived at Norris Green test centre and sat down in a small little room with chairs lining both sides. The type of horrible little waiting room specially designed to make you fall apart with nerves. Jean kept her cool.
10.33am. Her examiner arrived, nice enough bloke. After checking the documents and passing the customary checks without issue it was time to start driving.
Driving. Check.
Reverse bay park. Check.
Turn in the road. Check.
Jean was nailing with perfection.
... and then it happened...
'My husband is sooo handsome.... I can just picture him... lying in bed at home... playing with his really big... teddy bear....'
While Jean's mind began to wander she almost drove onto the wrong direction of a dual carriage way.
'OH S*%T!!!! WE'RE GOING TO DIE!!!!' thought the examiner calmly as he pointed Jean in the right direction. Examiner took action. Automatic fail. Something Dave knew all too well.
'Damn it!' thought Jean, 'Why does Dave have to be soo damn sexy!?'
'Damn.'
Today she would take her practical driving test. She was a little nervous, but nothing major. Afterall, Dave couldn't laugh at her regardless of the outcome. How many times had Dave failed it? 4?!? Silly, silly boy.
Anywho, 9.30am and off she went. The hour before the test went well.
10.25am. She arrived at Norris Green test centre and sat down in a small little room with chairs lining both sides. The type of horrible little waiting room specially designed to make you fall apart with nerves. Jean kept her cool.
10.33am. Her examiner arrived, nice enough bloke. After checking the documents and passing the customary checks without issue it was time to start driving.
Driving. Check.
Reverse bay park. Check.
Turn in the road. Check.
Jean was nailing with perfection.
... and then it happened...
'My husband is sooo handsome.... I can just picture him... lying in bed at home... playing with his really big... teddy bear....'
While Jean's mind began to wander she almost drove onto the wrong direction of a dual carriage way.
'OH S*%T!!!! WE'RE GOING TO DIE!!!!' thought the examiner calmly as he pointed Jean in the right direction. Examiner took action. Automatic fail. Something Dave knew all too well.
'Damn it!' thought Jean, 'Why does Dave have to be soo damn sexy!?'
'Damn.'
Wednesday, March 04, 2009
Lent '09.
As far as Dave was aware, Lent began the day after Pancake Tuesday. This was of great concern to Dave, as he had only now, over a week later, decided what he would go without. Had he failed his pledge before it had even begun?
He searched for answers, and came acroos the following in the book of Freddie:
"And said the lord: tuesday surely is the day of pancakes but if thou hasth scheduling problems let there be pancake thursday. And it was good."
'Phew,' thought Dave. He'd have some pancakes tomorrow and start Lent on Friday. The book of Freddie was such a good book. Not quite the book of Dave, but still a pretty decent read.
So, what had Dave decided to give up this time? Chocolates? Sweets? Ney. This year he would try something new.
This year Dave would give up ... drum role... pause for effect.... his beard!
... wait for applause... waiting... acknowledge the tumbleweed... move on...
Yes, this year Dave would shave everyday of Lent. This may seem somewhat common to most folk, but several important reasons had stopped Dave in the past:
1. He was lazy.
2. Really lazy.
3. Standing in front of a miror, cutting his face open with a razor to "look good", just didn't appeal to him.
4. Shaving daily usually gave him a rather nasty rash.
So what had he done to help him overcome these vast obstacles? He had bought himself a new electric razor!!!
This helped in the following ways:
1. It was shiny.
2. It was a gadget.
3. It was quick.
4. It would hopefully not leave him looking like an extra on a zombie movie. Fingers crossed.
5. He had spent money on it. The novelty should at least last a few weeks.
Since 5 was bigger than 4, he was bound to succeed.
Maths is cool.
He searched for answers, and came acroos the following in the book of Freddie:
"And said the lord: tuesday surely is the day of pancakes but if thou hasth scheduling problems let there be pancake thursday. And it was good."
'Phew,' thought Dave. He'd have some pancakes tomorrow and start Lent on Friday. The book of Freddie was such a good book. Not quite the book of Dave, but still a pretty decent read.
So, what had Dave decided to give up this time? Chocolates? Sweets? Ney. This year he would try something new.
This year Dave would give up ... drum role... pause for effect.... his beard!
... wait for applause... waiting... acknowledge the tumbleweed... move on...
Yes, this year Dave would shave everyday of Lent. This may seem somewhat common to most folk, but several important reasons had stopped Dave in the past:
1. He was lazy.
2. Really lazy.
3. Standing in front of a miror, cutting his face open with a razor to "look good", just didn't appeal to him.
4. Shaving daily usually gave him a rather nasty rash.
So what had he done to help him overcome these vast obstacles? He had bought himself a new electric razor!!!
This helped in the following ways:
1. It was shiny.
2. It was a gadget.
3. It was quick.
4. It would hopefully not leave him looking like an extra on a zombie movie. Fingers crossed.
5. He had spent money on it. The novelty should at least last a few weeks.
Since 5 was bigger than 4, he was bound to succeed.
Maths is cool.
Sunday, January 25, 2009
HAPPY 4706!!!!!
In less than an hour the Chinese new year will start. The year of the Ox.
wo zhu ni men xin nian kuai le!!!
(I wish you all a happy new year!!!)
Although an official start date for the Chinese calender is not given, which probably has a lot to do with the ancient dynasties basically trying to start from year one every time a new one took over and destoying previous rulers' work, experts suggest this new year will be the year 4706.
'Interesting...' thought Dave, '... next year is 4706... I was born in 1984... that will make me 2722 on my next birthday! Cool.'
Happy 4706!
Have a great one!!
*HUGZ*
wo zhu ni men xin nian kuai le!!!
(I wish you all a happy new year!!!)
Although an official start date for the Chinese calender is not given, which probably has a lot to do with the ancient dynasties basically trying to start from year one every time a new one took over and destoying previous rulers' work, experts suggest this new year will be the year 4706.
'Interesting...' thought Dave, '... next year is 4706... I was born in 1984... that will make me 2722 on my next birthday! Cool.'
Happy 4706!
Have a great one!!
*HUGZ*
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
Talk the talk.
According to Wikipedia "Liverpool has a population of 435,500, and lies at the centre of the wider Liverpool Urban Area, which has a population of 816,216."
The population of the whole of Northern Ireland is estimated around 1,759,000.
In comparison, Obama's Inauguration was apparently attended by approximately 1,800,000.
Take a moment to let those numbers sink in.
Say "Wow."
The majority of people seem to think the speech went rather well for Obama, although a few grumbles in the media could be seen from the lack of a specific sound bite they could cling to and milk for all its worth. But no big surprises there, Obama showed long ago he could talk the talk.
He sounded honest and sincere, he admitted to difficulties and hard times but was hopefull he could pull us out of Bush's era. He has offered the hand of peace to all nations, races and religions, including the non-believers. Heck, he has even offered to bring scientists in out of the cold.
And yet, within this hope inspiring message of world wide peace, Obama has already started to possibly alienate one of the world's strongest players. The Dragon, China.
China, like the majority of the world, was broadcasting the speech live and translating it as they went, when Obama said, "Recall that earlier generations faced down fascism and communism not just with missiles and tanks, but with sturdy alliances and enduring convictions."
The translator stopped talking when the word "communism" came up as a negative term and apparently the live broadcast was interputed by suddenly jumping back to the studio. Funnily enough, Obama then went on to say it was wrong to "cling to power through ... the silencing of dissent." This was also silenced.
China has done some fairly silly things in the past, but surely they could recognise that censoring of one of the world's most powerful and popular people is going to do their rep far more damage than leaving it in ever would.
That said, communism really does get a bad press. Wiki:
"Communism is a socioeconomic structure and political ideology that promotes the establishment of an egalitarian, classless, stateless society based on common ownership and control of the means of production and property in general. Karl Marx posited that communism would be the final stage in human society, following a socialist stage, which would be achieved through a proletarian revolution. "Pure communism" in the Marxian sense refers to a classless, stateless and oppression-free society where decisions on what to produce and what policies to pursue are made democratically, allowing every member of society to participate in the decision-making process in both the political and economic spheres of life."
"Capitalism is a very economic system in which wealth, and the means of producing wealth, are privately owned and controlled rather than publicly or state-owned and controlled. In capitalism, the land, labor, and where investments, distribution, income, production, pricing and supply of goods, commodities and services are primarily determined by private decision in a market economy largely free of government intervention. "
When Obama said "Our economy is badly weakened, a consequence of greed and irresponsibility on the part of some" and "It has not been the path for the faint-hearted - for those who prefer leisure over work, or seek only the pleasures of riches and fame. Rather, it has been the risk-takers, the doers, the makers of things - some celebrated but more often men and women obscure in their labour, who have carried us up the long, rugged path towards prosperity and freedom."
Which of these ideas are actually closer to what he said?
The population of the whole of Northern Ireland is estimated around 1,759,000.
In comparison, Obama's Inauguration was apparently attended by approximately 1,800,000.
Take a moment to let those numbers sink in.
Say "Wow."
The majority of people seem to think the speech went rather well for Obama, although a few grumbles in the media could be seen from the lack of a specific sound bite they could cling to and milk for all its worth. But no big surprises there, Obama showed long ago he could talk the talk.
He sounded honest and sincere, he admitted to difficulties and hard times but was hopefull he could pull us out of Bush's era. He has offered the hand of peace to all nations, races and religions, including the non-believers. Heck, he has even offered to bring scientists in out of the cold.
And yet, within this hope inspiring message of world wide peace, Obama has already started to possibly alienate one of the world's strongest players. The Dragon, China.
China, like the majority of the world, was broadcasting the speech live and translating it as they went, when Obama said, "Recall that earlier generations faced down fascism and communism not just with missiles and tanks, but with sturdy alliances and enduring convictions."
The translator stopped talking when the word "communism" came up as a negative term and apparently the live broadcast was interputed by suddenly jumping back to the studio. Funnily enough, Obama then went on to say it was wrong to "cling to power through ... the silencing of dissent." This was also silenced.
China has done some fairly silly things in the past, but surely they could recognise that censoring of one of the world's most powerful and popular people is going to do their rep far more damage than leaving it in ever would.
That said, communism really does get a bad press. Wiki:
"Communism is a socioeconomic structure and political ideology that promotes the establishment of an egalitarian, classless, stateless society based on common ownership and control of the means of production and property in general. Karl Marx posited that communism would be the final stage in human society, following a socialist stage, which would be achieved through a proletarian revolution. "Pure communism" in the Marxian sense refers to a classless, stateless and oppression-free society where decisions on what to produce and what policies to pursue are made democratically, allowing every member of society to participate in the decision-making process in both the political and economic spheres of life."
"Capitalism is a very economic system in which wealth, and the means of producing wealth, are privately owned and controlled rather than publicly or state-owned and controlled. In capitalism, the land, labor, and where investments, distribution, income, production, pricing and supply of goods, commodities and services are primarily determined by private decision in a market economy largely free of government intervention. "
When Obama said "Our economy is badly weakened, a consequence of greed and irresponsibility on the part of some" and "It has not been the path for the faint-hearted - for those who prefer leisure over work, or seek only the pleasures of riches and fame. Rather, it has been the risk-takers, the doers, the makers of things - some celebrated but more often men and women obscure in their labour, who have carried us up the long, rugged path towards prosperity and freedom."
Which of these ideas are actually closer to what he said?
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