Dave woke early, he had a dentist appointment at 10:15am. He had not been to this dentist before. He left with plenty of time to get there and, despite getting lost for a while, still arrived with almost 30 min to spare.
He sat down in the waiting area and banged his head on an awkwardly positioned cabinet.
After almost an hour wait, he went in to see the dentist.
"I've been told I need root canal work done."
"Oh..." said the dentist, and then she explained that due to the cost of root canal work, she was unable to offer it. Dave would need to go elsewhere.
Having wasted his morning, Dave swung back to Uni where he would meet his supervisor. There he spent the majority of his afternoon learning how inadequate his PhD work currently was.
"I remember my other student, Alex, he let me down enormously," his supervisor told him, "You remind me alot of him."
Onwards, Dave jumped on a bus to work. Here, dispite most of the bus being empty, a lady of aproximately 55 years of age, very drunk and ugly, decided to sit next to Dave.
"I want you up inside me," she informed Dave
"Go away," said Dave.
The conversation continued like this for the majority of the journey, a journey which usually takes 10 - 20 min, but for some reason today took half an hour.
"Why don't you wanna sh'.. me?" she asked
"There are too many reasons to list, go away, there are plenty of empty seats, pick one."
She swayed back and forth, half way between failing to look sexy and almost falling over, the result was almost comical. Most of her words were too badly slurred to be understood, but the occasional sentence came out.
"I wanna f**k you."
"That will NEVER happen, you're replusive, go away."
Eventually, a kind gentleman getting off the bus stole her glasses as he walked past and informed her if she wanted them back she would have to come and get them. She finally left. Dave thanked the man from the bottom of his heart.
Next up, as he went door to door, it started to piss down.
And the perfect end to the perfect day, he got a paper cut.
Thursday, June 28, 2007
Tuesday, June 26, 2007
Dream On
Last night Dave had a dream.
He dreamt that he was back at his old junior school, a school which in real life has now been demolished. It was just as he had remembered it. A school kid came up to him and asked him why he was still here and Dave suddenly realised it was all a dream, but he didn't want to wake up, he wanted to look around while he still could. It was a pleasant trip down memory lane.
He went over to a small cabinet and started looking at the things there. He picked something up, he later couldn't remember what it was, but he looked at the bottom. There was a serial number. 112116. He repeated it to himself several times. He wanted to remember it. See if it was a real serial number in real life. 112116.
Suddenly the 2 moved, dreams were like that, so Dave wasn't too concerned. It was now 121116. The 2 moved back and forth a few more times, but no other change occured. 112116, 121116, 112116, 121116....
Dave, finally sure he would remember the numbers on waking, continued his look around his childhood memories.
Eventually, he woke up.
He did indeed remember the numbers on waking, and, although in the real world he thought it alot sillier than his dream self, he decided to do a quick google search.
112116
The first page that jumped up was "Prime Curios!", a site which had unusual facts about Prime numbers. It said:
"One of only two six digit integers, abcdef, that has the property that both (abcdef)/(a+b+c+d+e+f) and (abcdef)/(a*b*c*d*e*f) are both prime. Coincidentally, they are the same prime. "
Interesting, if you like that kind of thing, but it was about to get a whole lot stranger...
121116
The second page that jumped up was, again, "Prime Curios!". Dave simply could not believe his eyes....
"The larger, of only two six-digit integers, abcdef, that has the property that both (abcdef)/(a+b+c+d+e+f) and (abcdef)/(a*b*c*d*e*f) are both prime. Coincidentally, they are the same prime. "
The words "only two" hit him like a ton of bricks. There were 900,000 possible 6 digit numbers. Only two of them had this property. To get 1 of them was fairly meaningless, since most numbers have some kind of property, but to get both? And "only" both?
Dave was certain he had never heard of either of these numbers before.
That was spooky.
He dreamt that he was back at his old junior school, a school which in real life has now been demolished. It was just as he had remembered it. A school kid came up to him and asked him why he was still here and Dave suddenly realised it was all a dream, but he didn't want to wake up, he wanted to look around while he still could. It was a pleasant trip down memory lane.
He went over to a small cabinet and started looking at the things there. He picked something up, he later couldn't remember what it was, but he looked at the bottom. There was a serial number. 112116. He repeated it to himself several times. He wanted to remember it. See if it was a real serial number in real life. 112116.
Suddenly the 2 moved, dreams were like that, so Dave wasn't too concerned. It was now 121116. The 2 moved back and forth a few more times, but no other change occured. 112116, 121116, 112116, 121116....
Dave, finally sure he would remember the numbers on waking, continued his look around his childhood memories.
Eventually, he woke up.
He did indeed remember the numbers on waking, and, although in the real world he thought it alot sillier than his dream self, he decided to do a quick google search.
112116
The first page that jumped up was "Prime Curios!", a site which had unusual facts about Prime numbers. It said:
"One of only two six digit integers, abcdef, that has the property that both (abcdef)/(a+b+c+d+e+f) and (abcdef)/(a*b*c*d*e*f) are both prime. Coincidentally, they are the same prime. "
Interesting, if you like that kind of thing, but it was about to get a whole lot stranger...
121116
The second page that jumped up was, again, "Prime Curios!". Dave simply could not believe his eyes....
"The larger, of only two six-digit integers, abcdef, that has the property that both (abcdef)/(a+b+c+d+e+f) and (abcdef)/(a*b*c*d*e*f) are both prime. Coincidentally, they are the same prime. "
The words "only two" hit him like a ton of bricks. There were 900,000 possible 6 digit numbers. Only two of them had this property. To get 1 of them was fairly meaningless, since most numbers have some kind of property, but to get both? And "only" both?
Dave was certain he had never heard of either of these numbers before.
That was spooky.
Sunday, June 24, 2007
Gifts
Giving up gifts was not easy for Dave. Not easy at all. In fact, it was surprisingly difficult.
It had all looked so simply on paper. All he had to do was tell everyone they didn't need to get him anything any more, though they could donate to charity if they wished and that would be that. He had no real desire to recieve presents and it would be nice to make his little stand against the tide. Simple.
In practice it didn't work that way. People wanted to give him gifts. Giving gifts at birthdays and Christmas seems deeply, deeply associated with showing you care. People wanted to show they cared. Further, refusing gifts or asking not to recieve any seemed to insult people.
"My gifts aren't good enough?"
This was not the intention and completely not true. The gifts he had recieved were all top quality stuff which he was very thankful for. Why then did Dave not want any more?
Dave had two main problems with gifts.
Firstly, the fact that more money is spent on just the wrapping paper, never mind the gifts, every year than on charities is quite horrific. Add to this the amount of waste created by said wrapping paper, along with packaging etc. It just doesn't seem right.
Secondly, gifts do not equal love. Love equals love. Gifts can be a sign of love, but it's not always the case and it's certainly not the only way to show it. Dave wished he could live in a world where people could feel the love without the gifts.
Alas, this was not the case. People wanted to give and recieve and were hurt if this was taken away. Dave did not want to hurt anyone.
Perhaps some battles just weren't worth fighting.
It had all looked so simply on paper. All he had to do was tell everyone they didn't need to get him anything any more, though they could donate to charity if they wished and that would be that. He had no real desire to recieve presents and it would be nice to make his little stand against the tide. Simple.
In practice it didn't work that way. People wanted to give him gifts. Giving gifts at birthdays and Christmas seems deeply, deeply associated with showing you care. People wanted to show they cared. Further, refusing gifts or asking not to recieve any seemed to insult people.
"My gifts aren't good enough?"
This was not the intention and completely not true. The gifts he had recieved were all top quality stuff which he was very thankful for. Why then did Dave not want any more?
Dave had two main problems with gifts.
Firstly, the fact that more money is spent on just the wrapping paper, never mind the gifts, every year than on charities is quite horrific. Add to this the amount of waste created by said wrapping paper, along with packaging etc. It just doesn't seem right.
Secondly, gifts do not equal love. Love equals love. Gifts can be a sign of love, but it's not always the case and it's certainly not the only way to show it. Dave wished he could live in a world where people could feel the love without the gifts.
Alas, this was not the case. People wanted to give and recieve and were hurt if this was taken away. Dave did not want to hurt anyone.
Perhaps some battles just weren't worth fighting.
Saturday, June 16, 2007
Happy Birthday Dave
Dave woke up feeling like s**t. His nose was blocked, his head was banging and his throat felt pretty rough. In a few hours he would need to give his annual speech in Uni, defending his PhD to the entire department, or face failing the course.
It was, of cause, Dave's 23rd birthday.
In addition to giving the speech, Dave had also been left in charge of setting the speech up. Of cause, the key required to get to the laptop went awol. Luckily he had started searching for it almost an hour early, because it wasn't found until 5 minutes late.
Finally ready, his flashkey decided that even though it had worked fine a few hours earlier, it wouldn't bother to work now. Thankfully, Dave had thought of this and had also emailed himself another copy of the file.
Show time.
30 -50 min the speech should last. Over an hour of constant questions later, Dave finally got a chance to sit down. His wife decided to take him out for a romantic meal for two.
During the meal, he recieved a phone call from his supervisor. He would be going on holiday for over a week and wanted to talk to Dave about how his speech went. Of cause, he wanted Dave to call him back, because it was costing him too much to talk on his mobile. Dave did so, and was told all the wonderful shortcomings of his speech and his work in general and how it all needed alot more added to it. A very long phone call, but Dave paid for it, so that was fine.
When the phone call had started the meal had not yet arrived. When the phone call had ended, Jean had already finished her meal (and half of his) and his food had gone cold.
"Happy Birthday Dave!"
Despite all this, Dave did manage to have a decent day. He recieved message after message from family and friends filled with hugs, snogs, congrats, best wishes and a million happy birthdays.
In all honesty, what more could anyone ask for?
It was, of cause, Dave's 23rd birthday.
In addition to giving the speech, Dave had also been left in charge of setting the speech up. Of cause, the key required to get to the laptop went awol. Luckily he had started searching for it almost an hour early, because it wasn't found until 5 minutes late.
Finally ready, his flashkey decided that even though it had worked fine a few hours earlier, it wouldn't bother to work now. Thankfully, Dave had thought of this and had also emailed himself another copy of the file.
Show time.
30 -50 min the speech should last. Over an hour of constant questions later, Dave finally got a chance to sit down. His wife decided to take him out for a romantic meal for two.
During the meal, he recieved a phone call from his supervisor. He would be going on holiday for over a week and wanted to talk to Dave about how his speech went. Of cause, he wanted Dave to call him back, because it was costing him too much to talk on his mobile. Dave did so, and was told all the wonderful shortcomings of his speech and his work in general and how it all needed alot more added to it. A very long phone call, but Dave paid for it, so that was fine.
When the phone call had started the meal had not yet arrived. When the phone call had ended, Jean had already finished her meal (and half of his) and his food had gone cold.
"Happy Birthday Dave!"
Despite all this, Dave did manage to have a decent day. He recieved message after message from family and friends filled with hugs, snogs, congrats, best wishes and a million happy birthdays.
In all honesty, what more could anyone ask for?
Monday, June 11, 2007
The Law of the Sod
With his wife away, Dave hadn't slept well at all. Try as he might he could just not get used to her absense. Still, she would only be gone for a week and he would sleep plenty on her return.
Now, with his wife finally back at his side, Dave once again could not sleep.
He had toothache.
"Bloody Sod and his stupid laws!"
Now, with his wife finally back at his side, Dave once again could not sleep.
He had toothache.
"Bloody Sod and his stupid laws!"
Friday, June 08, 2007
Third time lucky.
"Hey mum, what's up?"
"Nothing, just wanted to check how you were since Jean is away."
"I'm fine..."
"Are you sleeping OK?"
Jean was away in Birmingham for a work related training course. She'd been gone almost a week, in which time Dave had been lucky to get 6 hours sleep in a night. That his mum had guessed this straight off led him to believe he probably took after his mum, and that she herself had had a few sleepless nights whenever his dad had been away. Either that or he'd went on about it too much the last time he'd been away from Jean. Whichever.
Dave's sister was spring cleaning, better late than never, Dave's sister in law was almost a teacher and Dave's brother in law had quit smoking. Things were looking good. Dave's dad would be going into hospital for an operation, again, sometime early July. Hopefully, it'd be third time lucky.
"Jean's birthday is around then right?"
"Yup," said Dave
"She's going to be 25?"
"Yup."
"When I first met her she said she would have babies when she was 25."
"..."
"Dave?"
"Nothing, just wanted to check how you were since Jean is away."
"I'm fine..."
"Are you sleeping OK?"
Jean was away in Birmingham for a work related training course. She'd been gone almost a week, in which time Dave had been lucky to get 6 hours sleep in a night. That his mum had guessed this straight off led him to believe he probably took after his mum, and that she herself had had a few sleepless nights whenever his dad had been away. Either that or he'd went on about it too much the last time he'd been away from Jean. Whichever.
Dave's sister was spring cleaning, better late than never, Dave's sister in law was almost a teacher and Dave's brother in law had quit smoking. Things were looking good. Dave's dad would be going into hospital for an operation, again, sometime early July. Hopefully, it'd be third time lucky.
"Jean's birthday is around then right?"
"Yup," said Dave
"She's going to be 25?"
"Yup."
"When I first met her she said she would have babies when she was 25."
"..."
"Dave?"
Thursday, June 07, 2007
Jean... this says June...
Jean had passed her test, all the documents were ready, everything was all set to send away for her new unlimited Visa. The website mentioned a warning to say do not apply more than 28 days before your current visa runs out. The visa was suppose to be expiring near the begining of July, it was now June 3rd, everything was going according to plan.
Dave decided to check the date on the visa to see if they could send away now or if they had to wait another week.
"... hmmm... Jean... this says June not July... your visa expired two days ago..."
"Oh well, guess we'll just send it away now," said Jean (Note, these were not her exact words, but children could be reading this.)
So they calmly got all the finishing touches done and dusted and it was sent of the very next morning.
And they all lived happily ever after.
...hopefully.
Dave decided to check the date on the visa to see if they could send away now or if they had to wait another week.
"... hmmm... Jean... this says June not July... your visa expired two days ago..."
"Oh well, guess we'll just send it away now," said Jean (Note, these were not her exact words, but children could be reading this.)
So they calmly got all the finishing touches done and dusted and it was sent of the very next morning.
And they all lived happily ever after.
...hopefully.
Saturday, June 02, 2007
Exam Stress
Dave had never worried about exams. He had never found any reason to worry. An exam was simply sitting down and answering questions. There were no "hard" questions, you either knew the answer or you didn't, and, lucky for Dave, he usually knew more than he didn't.
In fact, doing a PhD, Dave kind of missed the simple life of exams. And yet, during the past few weeks, one exam had given him more stress than every other examination he had ever taken all rolled into one. The really hard part was it wasn't his exam to take.
The result of his wife's Life in The UK test may very well determine his entire life and all he could do was sit outside the exam room and wait. And wait...
Liverpool central Library proved to be very poorly managed. The test is made up of 24 pointless questions answered on a computer with imediate results available and each person has a maximum of 45 min in which to complete it. The majority of people, pass or fail, finish it with at least 15 min to spare. So how did the Library manage to make the whole procedure last for over 2 hrs?
Dave waited...
Weeks and weeks of endless study for this examination, some of which involved Jean, and now it was just a very long 2 hours away from being over.
Finally the results were in, although in true Library style they were handed out one by one as slowly as possible. Finally the time came...
"Jing Luo?"
Jean rushed into the little room, was handed a piece of paper and came out with a smile.
It was a pass.
It was also the fakest looking certificate in the history of certificates. It was a normal paper A4 print off of Jean's details with the word "Pass" stamped on it.
"Keep this safe, we will not provide another copy," Jean was told as she left. 'I don't think I'll need one,' thought Jean, 'I could print off a dozen more myself.'
Still, a pass was a pass, and with the madness finally over, Dave and Jean met up with Macca for a Chinese and a Pint.
All in all 100% successful trip.
In fact, doing a PhD, Dave kind of missed the simple life of exams. And yet, during the past few weeks, one exam had given him more stress than every other examination he had ever taken all rolled into one. The really hard part was it wasn't his exam to take.
The result of his wife's Life in The UK test may very well determine his entire life and all he could do was sit outside the exam room and wait. And wait...
Liverpool central Library proved to be very poorly managed. The test is made up of 24 pointless questions answered on a computer with imediate results available and each person has a maximum of 45 min in which to complete it. The majority of people, pass or fail, finish it with at least 15 min to spare. So how did the Library manage to make the whole procedure last for over 2 hrs?
Dave waited...
Weeks and weeks of endless study for this examination, some of which involved Jean, and now it was just a very long 2 hours away from being over.
Finally the results were in, although in true Library style they were handed out one by one as slowly as possible. Finally the time came...
"Jing Luo?"
Jean rushed into the little room, was handed a piece of paper and came out with a smile.
It was a pass.
It was also the fakest looking certificate in the history of certificates. It was a normal paper A4 print off of Jean's details with the word "Pass" stamped on it.
"Keep this safe, we will not provide another copy," Jean was told as she left. 'I don't think I'll need one,' thought Jean, 'I could print off a dozen more myself.'
Still, a pass was a pass, and with the madness finally over, Dave and Jean met up with Macca for a Chinese and a Pint.
All in all 100% successful trip.
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