This was it. The big day. Well... not really THE big day... more of the 1st course before the main meal...
Anywho, 30th Dec 2008, Jean was getting ready to take her driving theory test, the test she had spent liturally HOURS preparing for. Tense. Dave had tagged along for moral support, but it would all come down to her.
She approached the reception.
"Driving license please," said the lady. She then turned to Dave, "Can you have your's ready?"
"Oh no," said Dave, "I'm with her, I'll leave in a sec."
From this point on both of the receptionists seemed to assume Dave was some kind of translator and EVERY word they spoke was directed at him... Jean's flawless use of English throughout strangely did not alter this initial mistaken assumption.
"We can have the test spoken in Cantonese if she would like?"
"No," said Jean, "I don't speak Cantonese, do you have Manderin?"
"No, sorry, we have Cantonese...?"
"No, it's fine, English is fine."
"Here's a list of the languages available. Cantonese?"
Jean looked briefly at the list, "no Manderin."
"No. But we have Cantonese."
"She doesn't speak Cantonese," Dave tried to explain, "China has two languages..."
"English is fine," said Jean happily.
"Sure? We have Cantonese?"
On hindsight, someone really should have asked this guy if HE spoke English...
Crunch time. Dave left, Jean entered.
She was shown to a little table, simple layout, computer screen, mouse, headphones and small walls to seperate her from the others on computers either side. The test began.
"What should you do..."
etc etc
"A, B, A, D, C, not sure... C?..." 50 multiple choice questions, 43 correct answers needed for the pass.
Jean's mind began to wander..., 'Dave is so great.... I love Dave... so handsome...such big... eyes....'
(Note: May not have happened, but a guy can dream...)
'Stay focused Jean, B, C, not sure... A?,...'
Questions over, on to the Hazard Preception. 14 little video clips. Click when you see a danger. 44 out of 75 needed for the pass.
'AH!! CAR!!' *Click*
'AH!!!!!!! MAN!!!!!' *Click*
'AAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! DOG!!!!!' *Click*
Test finished. Results Time.
Theory Part: 44 out of 50. Pass! Phew.
Hazard Part: 58!
She nailed it! Hole in One.
Next stop, license.
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
Shoes
Shoes are a funny old thing. Simple design, simple function, not changed much in a fairly long time and not likely to any time soon. Sure you can add sparkly bits and dangly things and whatever else it is women spend hours upon hours looking at, but basically you put your feet in and walk, safe from little sharp and/or dirty objects you may later step on.
A sensible guy can get a decent pair of shoes somewhere in the range of £20-£50 and be set for years to come. But some people lack this common sense approach and thus the shoe industry has taken the humble shoe and turned it into a multi billion pound industry.
The Clarks website has shoes ranging from less than £10 all the way up to £120. LV shoes on the other hand start at around £300 and head up to around £4,000. In one episode of Sex and the City apparently more than £20,000 is spent on a pair.
So what is it that makes a pair of shoes "worth" so much? Again, the common sense approach would say comfort, no contest, but actually the more expensive articles are often the bigest death traps for feet. Value is generally rated by material costs, appearance, brand names, the fact that a celeb wore something similar or just because some people have too much money.
But how do you make a pair of shoes REALLY valuable, without ANY previous shoe making experience, no brand name, no shiny bits or dangly things?
Simple.
Throw them at Bush.
For anyone who didn't hear about it (seriously, how could you miss this?), during Bush's most recent and last visit to Iraq (as president at least, but will he really visit for holidays later?), journalist Muntadar al-Zaidi stood up, shouted "This is a goodbye kiss from the Iraqi people, dog." (Why he doesn't like dogs I have no idea), and threw his Iraqi made shoes at the out-going president.
Bids are now coming from all over the world to buy the shoes. A former Iraqi football coach, Adnan Hamad, has offered £65,000 for the pair, but that's apparently small fry as a Saudi citizen has rumouredly offered £6,500,000. It's not entirely clear as to who actually has the shoes right now and where the money would go though, and there is a slight health warning, as the Iraqi officials has apparently beat the cr*p out of Muntadar and he may face up to 2 years in jail.
Still, this is a very new market for the shoe industry and clearly has a huge amount of potential. £6.5 mil and the shoes didn't even really hit Bush. Imagine what you would get for a bulls eye?
Dave finally had an idea for a business...
A sensible guy can get a decent pair of shoes somewhere in the range of £20-£50 and be set for years to come. But some people lack this common sense approach and thus the shoe industry has taken the humble shoe and turned it into a multi billion pound industry.
The Clarks website has shoes ranging from less than £10 all the way up to £120. LV shoes on the other hand start at around £300 and head up to around £4,000. In one episode of Sex and the City apparently more than £20,000 is spent on a pair.
So what is it that makes a pair of shoes "worth" so much? Again, the common sense approach would say comfort, no contest, but actually the more expensive articles are often the bigest death traps for feet. Value is generally rated by material costs, appearance, brand names, the fact that a celeb wore something similar or just because some people have too much money.
But how do you make a pair of shoes REALLY valuable, without ANY previous shoe making experience, no brand name, no shiny bits or dangly things?
Simple.
Throw them at Bush.
For anyone who didn't hear about it (seriously, how could you miss this?), during Bush's most recent and last visit to Iraq (as president at least, but will he really visit for holidays later?), journalist Muntadar al-Zaidi stood up, shouted "This is a goodbye kiss from the Iraqi people, dog." (Why he doesn't like dogs I have no idea), and threw his Iraqi made shoes at the out-going president.
Bids are now coming from all over the world to buy the shoes. A former Iraqi football coach, Adnan Hamad, has offered £65,000 for the pair, but that's apparently small fry as a Saudi citizen has rumouredly offered £6,500,000. It's not entirely clear as to who actually has the shoes right now and where the money would go though, and there is a slight health warning, as the Iraqi officials has apparently beat the cr*p out of Muntadar and he may face up to 2 years in jail.
Still, this is a very new market for the shoe industry and clearly has a huge amount of potential. £6.5 mil and the shoes didn't even really hit Bush. Imagine what you would get for a bulls eye?
Dave finally had an idea for a business...
Thursday, December 11, 2008
Credit Suisse. Part 2.
Monday was a great day.
Not only was Dave confident he would be recieving good news from Credit Suisse any day now, he had also just recieved his quarterly grant payment from Uni and much to his surprise they had paid him £750 more than he was expecting. 'Wow.'
Unfortunately the error was quickly picked up, ah well. Even more unfortunately, a previous error which Dave had not even realised was an error was picked up at the same time. Instead of £750 more than he expected, Dave would now have £750 less. 'Darn'
Enter Thursday.
On the way to hand in a cheque for £1500, Dave popped briefly into his office at Uni. After a bit of map searching and head scratching he eventually found the right department and handed it over. "Handed it over" here meaning had it pryed from his steal vice grip.
Easy come, Easy go. Dave headed for the comfort of home.
On reaching home he discovered he had left his keys in his office. 'Damn.'
He quickly yo-yoed back and forth once more and collapsed in front of his computer to check his emails.
Credit Suisse.
This was it. This day would finally be turning around...
"... Unfortunately, having reviewed the performance of all of our candidates being interviewed, we will not be progressing your application further at this time..."
...
'*%£*"$*"!!!!!!!!!'
But on the bright side it would be Monday again soon.
Not only was Dave confident he would be recieving good news from Credit Suisse any day now, he had also just recieved his quarterly grant payment from Uni and much to his surprise they had paid him £750 more than he was expecting. 'Wow.'
Unfortunately the error was quickly picked up, ah well. Even more unfortunately, a previous error which Dave had not even realised was an error was picked up at the same time. Instead of £750 more than he expected, Dave would now have £750 less. 'Darn'
Enter Thursday.
On the way to hand in a cheque for £1500, Dave popped briefly into his office at Uni. After a bit of map searching and head scratching he eventually found the right department and handed it over. "Handed it over" here meaning had it pryed from his steal vice grip.
Easy come, Easy go. Dave headed for the comfort of home.
On reaching home he discovered he had left his keys in his office. 'Damn.'
He quickly yo-yoed back and forth once more and collapsed in front of his computer to check his emails.
Credit Suisse.
This was it. This day would finally be turning around...
"... Unfortunately, having reviewed the performance of all of our candidates being interviewed, we will not be progressing your application further at this time..."
...
'*%£*"$*"!!!!!!!!!'
But on the bright side it would be Monday again soon.
Thursday, December 04, 2008
Credit Suisse. Part 1.
After several weeks of waiting, with each day reporting ever increasing numbers of redundencies, Dave had all but given up on his applications to various investment banks. It was clearly just not the right time to try.
One by one the replies came in. "We're sorry, but due to the high number of...", "No." "Nah dah." "Good Luck." Unfortunately, no surprises.
Until, on Thursday 27th Nov 2008, a ray of hope! Credit Suisse had offered him an interview for an internship starting June '09. "Would you be interested?" Dave almost snapped their hand off.
Tuesday 2nd Dec 2008, Dave headed down to London on the 8:15am train from Liverpool. He had hardly slept at all and the butterflies in his stomach refused to let him eat. He just about managed an apple and a few biscuits on the journey down south.
The interview process would start at 1pm. Dave arrived around 20 min early and was shown to a small room to axiously wait.
It was a nice enough room. Mostly green. Just big enough to fit the round table in it's center surrounded by 5 chairs and a small desk top in the corner on which rested tea and coffee facilities. One wall was taken up almost entirely by windows and Dave stared down from the 16th floor room on the city that may soon be his home.
Dave was not good at interviews. He had not eaten. He had not slept. He was a bag of nerves. The wait was killing him.
Finally, a little after 1pm, a man entered the room. Dave stood, shook his hand and the two knights of the round table sat down together to decide the fate of Camelot. The man started by introducing himself and his work, Dave asked some small questions but basically sat there like a nodding dog. Dave was then asked to briefly describe his PhD topic, which he did.
And then the fun started.
"Why do you want to work for Credit Suisse?"
"Give me an example you have worked well in a team?"
"What is your biggest weakness?"
etc, etc, etc, were all questions that Dave was NOT asked. In fact, other than the initial introduction, the entire interview was just a bunch of fun little mathematical puzzles.
"Simplify i^i"
"If I have two children and one of them is a girl, whats the probability the other one is a girl?"
etc etc etc
'Cool,' thought Dave. (For those that didn't know, people who do PhD's in mathematical topics tend to have a different view on the meaning of "cool".)
At two 2pm the first guy left. Dave poured himself a glass of water and waited for the second. Nerves? What nerves? He owned this room. At 3pm, he poured himself another glass and waited for the 3rd.
At 6pm he finally left the room with his 5th and final interviewer. All five interviews had been almost identical to the first. They had nearly all started with a brief introduction and the requirement of Dave to explain his PhD and then poured straight into mathematical games. Some had even asked him the same maths questions, though Dave had been honest/foolish enough to admit when this had happened instead of using it to obvious advantage.
He left Credit Suisse a little after 6pm. He caught two tubes back to Eusten with severe delays, arriving there around 7:30pm. With 45 minutes to wait for his train back home and his butterflies well and truely dead, it finally occured to Dave that breakfast might be a good idea.
When you haven't really eaten for nearly 24 hours, breakfast is glourious. The finest chicken salad subway known to man. Yummy.
With 30 minutes until his train back to Liverpool, Dave then went looking for dinner.
He arrived home a little after 11pm. Now all he could do was wait. If successful, he would soon be invited to another 5 hours of interviews down in London. Successful completion of that would get him an offer for a 10 week internship come June. Successful completion of that would get him a job offer starting in January 2010, just in time for the start of the next big financial bubble.
Fingers crossed.
One by one the replies came in. "We're sorry, but due to the high number of...", "No." "Nah dah." "Good Luck." Unfortunately, no surprises.
Until, on Thursday 27th Nov 2008, a ray of hope! Credit Suisse had offered him an interview for an internship starting June '09. "Would you be interested?" Dave almost snapped their hand off.
Tuesday 2nd Dec 2008, Dave headed down to London on the 8:15am train from Liverpool. He had hardly slept at all and the butterflies in his stomach refused to let him eat. He just about managed an apple and a few biscuits on the journey down south.
The interview process would start at 1pm. Dave arrived around 20 min early and was shown to a small room to axiously wait.
It was a nice enough room. Mostly green. Just big enough to fit the round table in it's center surrounded by 5 chairs and a small desk top in the corner on which rested tea and coffee facilities. One wall was taken up almost entirely by windows and Dave stared down from the 16th floor room on the city that may soon be his home.
Dave was not good at interviews. He had not eaten. He had not slept. He was a bag of nerves. The wait was killing him.
Finally, a little after 1pm, a man entered the room. Dave stood, shook his hand and the two knights of the round table sat down together to decide the fate of Camelot. The man started by introducing himself and his work, Dave asked some small questions but basically sat there like a nodding dog. Dave was then asked to briefly describe his PhD topic, which he did.
And then the fun started.
"Why do you want to work for Credit Suisse?"
"Give me an example you have worked well in a team?"
"What is your biggest weakness?"
etc, etc, etc, were all questions that Dave was NOT asked. In fact, other than the initial introduction, the entire interview was just a bunch of fun little mathematical puzzles.
"Simplify i^i"
"If I have two children and one of them is a girl, whats the probability the other one is a girl?"
etc etc etc
'Cool,' thought Dave. (For those that didn't know, people who do PhD's in mathematical topics tend to have a different view on the meaning of "cool".)
At two 2pm the first guy left. Dave poured himself a glass of water and waited for the second. Nerves? What nerves? He owned this room. At 3pm, he poured himself another glass and waited for the 3rd.
At 6pm he finally left the room with his 5th and final interviewer. All five interviews had been almost identical to the first. They had nearly all started with a brief introduction and the requirement of Dave to explain his PhD and then poured straight into mathematical games. Some had even asked him the same maths questions, though Dave had been honest/foolish enough to admit when this had happened instead of using it to obvious advantage.
He left Credit Suisse a little after 6pm. He caught two tubes back to Eusten with severe delays, arriving there around 7:30pm. With 45 minutes to wait for his train back home and his butterflies well and truely dead, it finally occured to Dave that breakfast might be a good idea.
When you haven't really eaten for nearly 24 hours, breakfast is glourious. The finest chicken salad subway known to man. Yummy.
With 30 minutes until his train back to Liverpool, Dave then went looking for dinner.
He arrived home a little after 11pm. Now all he could do was wait. If successful, he would soon be invited to another 5 hours of interviews down in London. Successful completion of that would get him an offer for a 10 week internship come June. Successful completion of that would get him a job offer starting in January 2010, just in time for the start of the next big financial bubble.
Fingers crossed.
Saturday, November 22, 2008
Credit Crunch
Credit Cruch. Tumbling house prices. Downturn. Recession. A global finiancial turmoil the likes of which the world has never seen.
Like the majority of people, Dave's initial thought was
"Whoohoo!! I'll finally be able to aford a house!!!"
Unfortunately, much to Dave's and many others like him great astonishment, there is a dark side to the Credit Crunch.
It all started with subprime loans and mortgages in America. A "subprime" loan basically translates as a loan from a person you doubt will ever really pay you back. A high risk individual. So why oh why would a bank ever want to agree to give such a loan?
Simple. You sell the loan on to someone else. They take the risk, you keep a small profit. Repeat that enough and you a whopping big profit. No real risk. But why would someone want to buy it off you?
Simple. They sell the loan on to someone else. They pass on the risk, they keep a small profit. Repeat that enough and they get a whopping big profit. No real risk. But why would someone want to buy it off them?...
Pyramid scheme anyone?
Of cause, the banks are not, despite popular opinion and all the evidence, stupid. They realise someone has to be holding the loan if/when it finally fails. But they have safety nets in place. The loans are usually secured on a house. Loan fails, bank gets the house, sells it and makes the money back. But what happens when house prices drop and are no longer worth enough to cover the loan? Big risk and a loss. Repeat THAT enough times and it's a whopping big loss.
Unfortunately, it gets worse. See things like money and shares are funny old things. They're the fundamental building blocks of the world as we know it, and yet they rely purely on Faith. Money doesn't actually exist. It's a figment of our collective imagination. Shares are worth only what people want to pay for them. So when a bank makes a big loss, it can't just shrug it off, put it down to experience and move on, because it hasn't just lost money, it's lost the Faith of it's followers. That makes the bank worth less, lossing them more money, and in turn more Faith. If they can't perform a miracle, they may face a slippery slop.
Unfortunately, it gets even worse. You can make money from money you don't have. For example, if you get a 0% creddit card and buy everything using the card, then before you pay it back, the money you have technically already spent is sitting in the bank earning you money. Banks like these kind of games, so they borrow lots of money from other banks to try to make profit with it. They also lend out lots of their own money to earn interest on that. Whatever kind of opertunity comes along they call on their fellow rivals to help them out. Try not to think about where this money actually comes from, it'll make your head hurt. Just remember it's all not real anyway. But what happens when because you've lost the Faith of your followers, you also lose the Faith of your rivals?
Your source of cash gets cut off, your miracle becomes that much harder, your followers become less Faithful and the slippery slop looks that much slippier. And when THAT anoucement reaches the media, those Faithful that still had some hope or just hadn't yet noticed pull out while they still can. Game over.
But still not the end of the story. Because the Bank that just died did so in a classic "If I go down I'm taking you with me" manner. Chances are he still owed alot of his rivals ALOT of money, and they're never going to see that again. Which means whopping big losses for all of them. Which means loss of Faith from all their followers and from each other. And hey presto, Credit Crunch.
The only way the banks can get some money back is to increase interest on borrowing and sack all unnecessary staff. This steals money from the non-financial world, and the job loses spread.
So despite finally having the arrival of the glorious house price drop, harder mortgages and a lack of employment mean Dave and the others still don't have a house.
Damn.
Like the majority of people, Dave's initial thought was
"Whoohoo!! I'll finally be able to aford a house!!!"
Unfortunately, much to Dave's and many others like him great astonishment, there is a dark side to the Credit Crunch.
It all started with subprime loans and mortgages in America. A "subprime" loan basically translates as a loan from a person you doubt will ever really pay you back. A high risk individual. So why oh why would a bank ever want to agree to give such a loan?
Simple. You sell the loan on to someone else. They take the risk, you keep a small profit. Repeat that enough and you a whopping big profit. No real risk. But why would someone want to buy it off you?
Simple. They sell the loan on to someone else. They pass on the risk, they keep a small profit. Repeat that enough and they get a whopping big profit. No real risk. But why would someone want to buy it off them?...
Pyramid scheme anyone?
Of cause, the banks are not, despite popular opinion and all the evidence, stupid. They realise someone has to be holding the loan if/when it finally fails. But they have safety nets in place. The loans are usually secured on a house. Loan fails, bank gets the house, sells it and makes the money back. But what happens when house prices drop and are no longer worth enough to cover the loan? Big risk and a loss. Repeat THAT enough times and it's a whopping big loss.
Unfortunately, it gets worse. See things like money and shares are funny old things. They're the fundamental building blocks of the world as we know it, and yet they rely purely on Faith. Money doesn't actually exist. It's a figment of our collective imagination. Shares are worth only what people want to pay for them. So when a bank makes a big loss, it can't just shrug it off, put it down to experience and move on, because it hasn't just lost money, it's lost the Faith of it's followers. That makes the bank worth less, lossing them more money, and in turn more Faith. If they can't perform a miracle, they may face a slippery slop.
Unfortunately, it gets even worse. You can make money from money you don't have. For example, if you get a 0% creddit card and buy everything using the card, then before you pay it back, the money you have technically already spent is sitting in the bank earning you money. Banks like these kind of games, so they borrow lots of money from other banks to try to make profit with it. They also lend out lots of their own money to earn interest on that. Whatever kind of opertunity comes along they call on their fellow rivals to help them out. Try not to think about where this money actually comes from, it'll make your head hurt. Just remember it's all not real anyway. But what happens when because you've lost the Faith of your followers, you also lose the Faith of your rivals?
Your source of cash gets cut off, your miracle becomes that much harder, your followers become less Faithful and the slippery slop looks that much slippier. And when THAT anoucement reaches the media, those Faithful that still had some hope or just hadn't yet noticed pull out while they still can. Game over.
But still not the end of the story. Because the Bank that just died did so in a classic "If I go down I'm taking you with me" manner. Chances are he still owed alot of his rivals ALOT of money, and they're never going to see that again. Which means whopping big losses for all of them. Which means loss of Faith from all their followers and from each other. And hey presto, Credit Crunch.
The only way the banks can get some money back is to increase interest on borrowing and sack all unnecessary staff. This steals money from the non-financial world, and the job loses spread.
So despite finally having the arrival of the glorious house price drop, harder mortgages and a lack of employment mean Dave and the others still don't have a house.
Damn.
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
Good Old Bush
One of the world's least popular people, up there with terrorists, murderers and Brittney Spears, it's good Old Texas boy W. Bush.
Now, after the pounding McCain took just for kinda reminding people a little of Bush, one may imagine Bush would just sit quietly in a corner and wait to be taken out with the rest of the trash. But not good old Bush, nah, he's going down swinging.
His latest trick? "Bush 'seeks to ease wildlife law'"
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/americas/7738933.stm
Apparently Bush has realised that digging for oil would be a lot more efficient if people didn't worry so much about petty little things like "a full scientific assessment as to the likely impact on the environment." Nope, if we worried a little less about that kind of thing we could dig in all kinds of new places and our energy problems would be over. So good old Bush is hoping to make that dream come true. Hurray for Bush!
Unfortunately, if he doesn't finish the paperwork by Friday, he won't have time to get it done before Obama kicks him out and we'll be stuck with this pesky "environment" of ours a little longer.
Darn.
Now, after the pounding McCain took just for kinda reminding people a little of Bush, one may imagine Bush would just sit quietly in a corner and wait to be taken out with the rest of the trash. But not good old Bush, nah, he's going down swinging.
His latest trick? "Bush 'seeks to ease wildlife law'"
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/americas/7738933.stm
Apparently Bush has realised that digging for oil would be a lot more efficient if people didn't worry so much about petty little things like "a full scientific assessment as to the likely impact on the environment." Nope, if we worried a little less about that kind of thing we could dig in all kinds of new places and our energy problems would be over. So good old Bush is hoping to make that dream come true. Hurray for Bush!
Unfortunately, if he doesn't finish the paperwork by Friday, he won't have time to get it done before Obama kicks him out and we'll be stuck with this pesky "environment" of ours a little longer.
Darn.
Friday, November 07, 2008
Obama
November 4th 2008. A day to remember.
The US election was in full swing, the result of over 600 days and billions of dollars of campaigning boiled down to the last few hours. According to all the polls it was an open and shut case, Obama had it in the bag, and yet the world watched with bated breath.
Around 4 am in England, the result the world had waited for was finally announced. Obama would become the 44th president of America. Dave and the rest of the world gave a collective huge sigh of relief and an overwhelming jump for joy.
Obama seems to be the guy the world has waited for. An intelligent, logical guy who appears to focus on bringing peace and hope and has plans to comunicate with the rest of the world and work together for the greater global good. After 8 years of terror from Bush, it comes as welcomed news. How much of a change Obama can bring only time will tell.
"The road ahead will be long. Our climb will be steep. We may not get there in one year or even in one term, but America - I have never been more hopeful than I am tonight that we will get there. I promise you - we as a people will get there.
There will be setbacks and false starts. There are many who won't agree with every decision or policy I make as president, and we know that government can't solve every problem. But I will always be honest with you about the challenges we face. I will listen to you, especially when we disagree."
The election of Obama was a turning point in history not only because it marked the toppling of the statue of Bush. For those who haven't heard, Obama is the first black president of the USA.
"Rosa sat so Martin could walk, Martin walked so Obama could run, Obama ran so our children could fly."
Rosa Parks was a black lady who refused to stand for a white passenger on a bus in Alabama. At the time that was a big deal. A very big deal.
What's difficult for a kid born in the 80's with Greek father, English Mother, Chinese wife and friends of all races and sexualities to fully comprehend is that that time was as recent as 1955. Just 53 years ago.
From subhuman to worlds most powerful postion within living memory, Obama really has changed the world. Martin dreamed of a world where man would be judged on character alone and not the colour of his skin. The election of Obama has seen a huge step in the right direction and renewed faith in America and the world that Martin's dream will become a reality.
Only two things dampen the spirit of Obama's election. The two sheets of bullet proof glass present at Obama's acceptance speech. A painful reminder that although we can now see the promised land, perhaps we're not quite there. Obama will still be judged by the colour of his skin. Whatever he does, good or bad, he does as a black president.
But "If there is anyone out there who still doubts that America is a place where all things are possible; who still wonders if the dream of our founders is alive in our time; who still questions the power of our democracy, tonight is your answer. "
The dream is alive and kicking.
The US election was in full swing, the result of over 600 days and billions of dollars of campaigning boiled down to the last few hours. According to all the polls it was an open and shut case, Obama had it in the bag, and yet the world watched with bated breath.
Around 4 am in England, the result the world had waited for was finally announced. Obama would become the 44th president of America. Dave and the rest of the world gave a collective huge sigh of relief and an overwhelming jump for joy.
Obama seems to be the guy the world has waited for. An intelligent, logical guy who appears to focus on bringing peace and hope and has plans to comunicate with the rest of the world and work together for the greater global good. After 8 years of terror from Bush, it comes as welcomed news. How much of a change Obama can bring only time will tell.
"The road ahead will be long. Our climb will be steep. We may not get there in one year or even in one term, but America - I have never been more hopeful than I am tonight that we will get there. I promise you - we as a people will get there.
There will be setbacks and false starts. There are many who won't agree with every decision or policy I make as president, and we know that government can't solve every problem. But I will always be honest with you about the challenges we face. I will listen to you, especially when we disagree."
The election of Obama was a turning point in history not only because it marked the toppling of the statue of Bush. For those who haven't heard, Obama is the first black president of the USA.
"Rosa sat so Martin could walk, Martin walked so Obama could run, Obama ran so our children could fly."
Rosa Parks was a black lady who refused to stand for a white passenger on a bus in Alabama. At the time that was a big deal. A very big deal.
What's difficult for a kid born in the 80's with Greek father, English Mother, Chinese wife and friends of all races and sexualities to fully comprehend is that that time was as recent as 1955. Just 53 years ago.
From subhuman to worlds most powerful postion within living memory, Obama really has changed the world. Martin dreamed of a world where man would be judged on character alone and not the colour of his skin. The election of Obama has seen a huge step in the right direction and renewed faith in America and the world that Martin's dream will become a reality.
Only two things dampen the spirit of Obama's election. The two sheets of bullet proof glass present at Obama's acceptance speech. A painful reminder that although we can now see the promised land, perhaps we're not quite there. Obama will still be judged by the colour of his skin. Whatever he does, good or bad, he does as a black president.
But "If there is anyone out there who still doubts that America is a place where all things are possible; who still wonders if the dream of our founders is alive in our time; who still questions the power of our democracy, tonight is your answer. "
The dream is alive and kicking.
Thursday, November 06, 2008
MTV Awards
Dave had been offered the chance of a life time. The MTV awards were coming to his home town of Liverpool and Helen and Andy had 3 extra tickets. Would he like to go? He quickly weighed up the pros and cons.
Pros:
-Live performances of a few good songs.
Cons:
-The tickets cost £65 each.
-Award ceremonies are generally very boring.
-Britney Spears would be there.
-Amy Winehouse would be there.
It really was a no-brainer, Dave respectfully declined. Jean however had clearly miscounted the number of pros and cons and decided to snap up the offer.
Andy and Helen placed the remaining two tickets on ebay. They sold for around £600 each.
".. £600..?!?!..."
Jean suddenly felt more than a little guilty for taking the ticket. She tried to convince Andy and Helen to sell her one as well, but they had agreed to take her and were true to their word, even knowing they would be £535 better off if they left her behind. A greatly respectable couple. All Jean could do now was go and enjoy herself.
None of it made much sense to Dave.
"Seriously? £600? They know Britney Spears will be there right?"
Pros:
-Live performances of a few good songs.
Cons:
-The tickets cost £65 each.
-Award ceremonies are generally very boring.
-Britney Spears would be there.
-Amy Winehouse would be there.
It really was a no-brainer, Dave respectfully declined. Jean however had clearly miscounted the number of pros and cons and decided to snap up the offer.
Andy and Helen placed the remaining two tickets on ebay. They sold for around £600 each.
".. £600..?!?!..."
Jean suddenly felt more than a little guilty for taking the ticket. She tried to convince Andy and Helen to sell her one as well, but they had agreed to take her and were true to their word, even knowing they would be £535 better off if they left her behind. A greatly respectable couple. All Jean could do now was go and enjoy herself.
None of it made much sense to Dave.
"Seriously? £600? They know Britney Spears will be there right?"
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
Penguins
Dave and Jean sat and watched a documentry about the birthing process of various animals, namely Shark, Kangaroo, a type of Wasp and the Emperor Penguin.
The female Shark is brutally gang raped by a bunch of males, several of which can all result in pregnancy. In some types of Shark, survival of the fittest begins before birth. The strongest baby will kill and eat the other babies inside the womb. Seriously.
The Kangaroo is an odd little animal. Long before the baby is ready to be born, when it is still just a red little thing with two tiny arms and no legs, it crawls out of one of it's mum's holes, across the fur and into another, where it stays nice and safe in the pouch. When it's finally developed better, it will start it's life by popping in and out of it's mum for a few weeks.
The Wasp is incredibly evil. It injects it's kids into a catipillar, along with it's own unique virus, which basically takes over the catipillar's mind and body. The catipillar can no longer reproduce and lives only to serve it's new hosts. It's eats and eats and eats to provide the needed nutrients. When the kids are ready, they eat they're way out of the catipillar, but he doesn't die straight away. The final insult to him is that the virus effects it's brain so that it protects these things that have just ripped him apart as if they were his own kids, until he dies and they are big enough to fend for themselves.
The Penguin is simply incredible. They are the ultimate in selflessness. After the egg is produced, the male looks after it while the female goes to hunt. The males are willing to go without food for months with the egg balanced on their feet to keep it warm. As a group, the penguins huddle together and take turns as to who should be on the cold outside of the group. They all work perfectly and peacefully together for the greater good.
Dave couldn't help but wonder what the world would be like if humanity had evolved from Penguin instead of Monkey. If our vast knowledge and abilities were all combined freely for the benefit of all, rather than the personal satisfaction of the few.
Maybe after we've destroyed ourselves, the Penguin Empire, led peacefully by the Emperor Penguin, will put right what once went wrong.
(Hi Penguins. By the time u read this I will be gone. Assuming ur advanced enough to bring people back, I voted for u guys first. I'll be a good Monkey, I promise.)
The female Shark is brutally gang raped by a bunch of males, several of which can all result in pregnancy. In some types of Shark, survival of the fittest begins before birth. The strongest baby will kill and eat the other babies inside the womb. Seriously.
The Kangaroo is an odd little animal. Long before the baby is ready to be born, when it is still just a red little thing with two tiny arms and no legs, it crawls out of one of it's mum's holes, across the fur and into another, where it stays nice and safe in the pouch. When it's finally developed better, it will start it's life by popping in and out of it's mum for a few weeks.
The Wasp is incredibly evil. It injects it's kids into a catipillar, along with it's own unique virus, which basically takes over the catipillar's mind and body. The catipillar can no longer reproduce and lives only to serve it's new hosts. It's eats and eats and eats to provide the needed nutrients. When the kids are ready, they eat they're way out of the catipillar, but he doesn't die straight away. The final insult to him is that the virus effects it's brain so that it protects these things that have just ripped him apart as if they were his own kids, until he dies and they are big enough to fend for themselves.
The Penguin is simply incredible. They are the ultimate in selflessness. After the egg is produced, the male looks after it while the female goes to hunt. The males are willing to go without food for months with the egg balanced on their feet to keep it warm. As a group, the penguins huddle together and take turns as to who should be on the cold outside of the group. They all work perfectly and peacefully together for the greater good.
Dave couldn't help but wonder what the world would be like if humanity had evolved from Penguin instead of Monkey. If our vast knowledge and abilities were all combined freely for the benefit of all, rather than the personal satisfaction of the few.
Maybe after we've destroyed ourselves, the Penguin Empire, led peacefully by the Emperor Penguin, will put right what once went wrong.
(Hi Penguins. By the time u read this I will be gone. Assuming ur advanced enough to bring people back, I voted for u guys first. I'll be a good Monkey, I promise.)
Sunday, September 21, 2008
Snippets.
Two months, 1 week down, 2 day to go. Dave had done it. He had survived. Anyone who had betted against him had lost out, against all the odds.
Jean would be home Tuesday.
The weeks and months that had felt like years and decades faded away into a foggy Thesis filled dream, with the occasional sprinkling of chocolate drops. Dave liked chocolate drops.
…
Ruth was getting excited. She would give birth any day now! Whoohoo!
…
“Hi Samuel,”
“Hey Monkey! How are you? Are you eating OK…?”
…
“Hi Bian,”
“Hey Monkey! How are you? Are you eating OK…?”
…
“Hi Xiong,”
“Hey Monkey! How are you? Are you eating OK…?”
…
Good old Jumbo Chinese restaurant. Great food with even better company, what more could Dave ask for? He stuffed his face in a somewhat hamster type manner to keep him going for the coming weeks. Huge thanks to Xiong and Re.
…
“Hey Monkey! Yao bu yao chi fan le?”
“Yao! Xie xie, Re!”
…
Tai Pan Chinese restaurant. Great food with even better company, AGAIN! Dave must have done something right in a past life. He refilled his face back to bursting point to keep him going for the coming weeks. Another huge thanks to Xiong and Re.
…
“Hi Xiong,”
“Hey Monkey! How are you? Are you eating OK…?”
…
Xiong is a great cook. Thanks again.
…
…“Scrubs without JD?” asked Mac, “That’s going to suck…”
…
…Dave lay there with his blood slowly trickling away. Boy he hated needles, but to save a life it was a small price to pay.
The nurse started fidgeting with it.
`Ow,’ thought Dave.
The needle had dislodged slightly and the nurse had apparently decided to just nudge it back in. Eventually she gave up and settled for a half pint.
…
… “Do you still give blood?” asked Mac.
“Yup, gave blood just last week.”
“The next time your there, do me a favour, sign up to give bone marrow.”
“Doesn’t that hurt?”
“It’s pretty much the same as giving blood, it just takes longer”
`Hmm…,’ thought Dave, `.. is that true or is Mac just finally trying to get me back for all those times I almost killed him during chemistry experiments…’
…
… Baldy’s Blog : http://baldyblog.freshblogs.co.uk
Turns out Mac had been 100% right. Not often that happened.
Not only was bone marrow donation free of pain, it saved lives and could get you a day off work. He was also right about Adrian being a fantastic guy.
…
Late for work, Dave hurriedly completed the bone marrow list registration form.
`Wow that’s a lot of ways to ask me if I’m healthy…’
Now all they required was a small blood sample and Dave wouldn’t hear from them again unless required to save a life.
`Come on, just stick it in me, be quick, get it over with’
Dave suddenly had an insight into how Jean felt…
…
…“Smallville without Lex?” asked Mac, “That’s going to suck…”
…
Ste was nervous. Really nervous.
The next few moments could completely change his entire future. If everything didn’t go absolutely perfect he would regret it for many, many years to come.
Thankfully it all worked out perfectly. Exactly as he had planned it!
Liverpool scored and won the match!!!
“Oh, by the way, Cheryl, wanna get married?”
“Yeah OK,”
“Cool.”
Congratulations to the happy couple.
…
Hadleigh was sweating. This was it. The big day.
`Gosh darn it,’ he thought to himself, `Dave was right, I should have put some Weird Al songs on the music CD.’
Luckily the event still went perfectly and Hadleigh Wilks became one half of Mr and Mrs Drake.
Congratulations to the happy couple.
…
Thousands upon thousands of people walking up and down on a field in the rain. The V-festival rather quickly became a vast field of mud.
Thousands upon thousands of people walked around carefully, seeing slimy dirt and an accident waiting to happen.
Alan was different. Alan was special.
Alan, and about 10 of the other people there, saw a giant mosh pit, filled with all the joys a mud wrestle can bring.
You can take the man out of the Krazy House, but you can’t take the Krazy House out of the man.
Thousands upon thousands of people just stood there and stared.
…
Home made pizza, delights from Turkey (not to be confused with Turkish delights), Japanese film about ping pong (called `Ping Pong’) and a south Korean film about a monster squid/fish/thing (`The Host’). What more could anyone ask for?
Ping Pong was a quality film. About two kids called `Peco’ and `Smile’ (because he never does). Peco, best little ping pong star around, looks out for Smile when other kids try to pick on him, and Smile comes to idolise him.
Growing up, Peco’s gift at ping pong makes him cocky and lazy, whilst Smile’s kind nature and semi-worship of Peco holds him back from playing at his true potential for fear of outshining Peco. Funny and thought provoking, a quality film.
“I don’t want to play him!!! I don’t stand a chance! He’s Chinese!!!”
“Not ALL Chinese are good at Ping Pong!”
“Really?”
“Yes, just like some black people can’t dance. And some Germans don’t like beer.”
“Yeah. OK! I can do this!!”
21-0 to China.
The Host had everything you could ask for from a monster flick. Funny family, heart filled moments, evil Americans and a monster that you actually get to see from start to finish created by said evil Americans pouring toxic chemicals down the drain, just for kicks and giggles.
The film centres around a somewhat crazy family. Granddad runs a small food stand with `help’ from lazy son and cute little granddaughter. Not surprisingly the son is a terrible father, giving his girl a beer and sending her drunken uncle to parents nights. But his heart is generally in the right place. They sit off and watch her Aunt in an archery contest on TV.
Enter Squiddy. In broad day light. In clear view. Finally a film that u actually get to see the monster.
Squiddy goes berserk, smashes things up, eats some people, the usual. It catches the little girl and flees. Granddad, Lazy Dad, Drunken Uncle and Archer Aunt are heartbroken. Their tears are paused only to hurl abuse at each other. To add salt to their wounds, evil Americans have decided they must all be quarantined and tested on.
And then, in the dead of night, a ray of hope. A phone call from the little girl. She’s still alive! Well come on, they wouldn’t really kill off a cute innocent little girl… would they? Only problem is, no one will believe the phone call happened. They think Lazy Dad has just gone crazy. And so the family must put aside their differences, break out of quarantine (much easier than u may think) and find the girl themselves.
…
“I like that,” said Oyku. It was a 3 dimensional `picture’ of a jacket on Freddie’s wall.
“Yeah,” said Nathan, “I’m wondering if it was suppose to be art, or Freddie just didn’t clean his clothes for a very long time… I think Freddie’s mum is an artist, maybe she made it.”
“I think both Freddie’s parents are arty,” said Dave, “Freddie turned to Mathematics to rebel.”
…
`Any day now,’ thought Ruth, `..any day now…’
…
A big thank you to everyone who took part in the “Keep Dave Sane” project while Jean was away. Although the overall result was a failure and Dave has officially been declared nuttier than a bag of peanuts, it still turned out a lot better than any of us could have hoped.
Now go see Baldy’s blog and stick your name on that bone marrow list. http://baldyblog.freshblogs.co.uk .
Thanks guys.
Jean would be home Tuesday.
The weeks and months that had felt like years and decades faded away into a foggy Thesis filled dream, with the occasional sprinkling of chocolate drops. Dave liked chocolate drops.
…
Ruth was getting excited. She would give birth any day now! Whoohoo!
…
“Hi Samuel,”
“Hey Monkey! How are you? Are you eating OK…?”
…
“Hi Bian,”
“Hey Monkey! How are you? Are you eating OK…?”
…
“Hi Xiong,”
“Hey Monkey! How are you? Are you eating OK…?”
…
Good old Jumbo Chinese restaurant. Great food with even better company, what more could Dave ask for? He stuffed his face in a somewhat hamster type manner to keep him going for the coming weeks. Huge thanks to Xiong and Re.
…
“Hey Monkey! Yao bu yao chi fan le?”
“Yao! Xie xie, Re!”
…
Tai Pan Chinese restaurant. Great food with even better company, AGAIN! Dave must have done something right in a past life. He refilled his face back to bursting point to keep him going for the coming weeks. Another huge thanks to Xiong and Re.
…
“Hi Xiong,”
“Hey Monkey! How are you? Are you eating OK…?”
…
Xiong is a great cook. Thanks again.
…
…“Scrubs without JD?” asked Mac, “That’s going to suck…”
…
…Dave lay there with his blood slowly trickling away. Boy he hated needles, but to save a life it was a small price to pay.
The nurse started fidgeting with it.
`Ow,’ thought Dave.
The needle had dislodged slightly and the nurse had apparently decided to just nudge it back in. Eventually she gave up and settled for a half pint.
…
… “Do you still give blood?” asked Mac.
“Yup, gave blood just last week.”
“The next time your there, do me a favour, sign up to give bone marrow.”
“Doesn’t that hurt?”
“It’s pretty much the same as giving blood, it just takes longer”
`Hmm…,’ thought Dave, `.. is that true or is Mac just finally trying to get me back for all those times I almost killed him during chemistry experiments…’
…
… Baldy’s Blog : http://baldyblog.freshblogs.co.uk
Turns out Mac had been 100% right. Not often that happened.
Not only was bone marrow donation free of pain, it saved lives and could get you a day off work. He was also right about Adrian being a fantastic guy.
…
Late for work, Dave hurriedly completed the bone marrow list registration form.
`Wow that’s a lot of ways to ask me if I’m healthy…’
Now all they required was a small blood sample and Dave wouldn’t hear from them again unless required to save a life.
`Come on, just stick it in me, be quick, get it over with’
Dave suddenly had an insight into how Jean felt…
…
…“Smallville without Lex?” asked Mac, “That’s going to suck…”
…
Ste was nervous. Really nervous.
The next few moments could completely change his entire future. If everything didn’t go absolutely perfect he would regret it for many, many years to come.
Thankfully it all worked out perfectly. Exactly as he had planned it!
Liverpool scored and won the match!!!
“Oh, by the way, Cheryl, wanna get married?”
“Yeah OK,”
“Cool.”
Congratulations to the happy couple.
…
Hadleigh was sweating. This was it. The big day.
`Gosh darn it,’ he thought to himself, `Dave was right, I should have put some Weird Al songs on the music CD.’
Luckily the event still went perfectly and Hadleigh Wilks became one half of Mr and Mrs Drake.
Congratulations to the happy couple.
…
Thousands upon thousands of people walking up and down on a field in the rain. The V-festival rather quickly became a vast field of mud.
Thousands upon thousands of people walked around carefully, seeing slimy dirt and an accident waiting to happen.
Alan was different. Alan was special.
Alan, and about 10 of the other people there, saw a giant mosh pit, filled with all the joys a mud wrestle can bring.
You can take the man out of the Krazy House, but you can’t take the Krazy House out of the man.
Thousands upon thousands of people just stood there and stared.
…
Home made pizza, delights from Turkey (not to be confused with Turkish delights), Japanese film about ping pong (called `Ping Pong’) and a south Korean film about a monster squid/fish/thing (`The Host’). What more could anyone ask for?
Ping Pong was a quality film. About two kids called `Peco’ and `Smile’ (because he never does). Peco, best little ping pong star around, looks out for Smile when other kids try to pick on him, and Smile comes to idolise him.
Growing up, Peco’s gift at ping pong makes him cocky and lazy, whilst Smile’s kind nature and semi-worship of Peco holds him back from playing at his true potential for fear of outshining Peco. Funny and thought provoking, a quality film.
“I don’t want to play him!!! I don’t stand a chance! He’s Chinese!!!”
“Not ALL Chinese are good at Ping Pong!”
“Really?”
“Yes, just like some black people can’t dance. And some Germans don’t like beer.”
“Yeah. OK! I can do this!!”
21-0 to China.
The Host had everything you could ask for from a monster flick. Funny family, heart filled moments, evil Americans and a monster that you actually get to see from start to finish created by said evil Americans pouring toxic chemicals down the drain, just for kicks and giggles.
The film centres around a somewhat crazy family. Granddad runs a small food stand with `help’ from lazy son and cute little granddaughter. Not surprisingly the son is a terrible father, giving his girl a beer and sending her drunken uncle to parents nights. But his heart is generally in the right place. They sit off and watch her Aunt in an archery contest on TV.
Enter Squiddy. In broad day light. In clear view. Finally a film that u actually get to see the monster.
Squiddy goes berserk, smashes things up, eats some people, the usual. It catches the little girl and flees. Granddad, Lazy Dad, Drunken Uncle and Archer Aunt are heartbroken. Their tears are paused only to hurl abuse at each other. To add salt to their wounds, evil Americans have decided they must all be quarantined and tested on.
And then, in the dead of night, a ray of hope. A phone call from the little girl. She’s still alive! Well come on, they wouldn’t really kill off a cute innocent little girl… would they? Only problem is, no one will believe the phone call happened. They think Lazy Dad has just gone crazy. And so the family must put aside their differences, break out of quarantine (much easier than u may think) and find the girl themselves.
…
“I like that,” said Oyku. It was a 3 dimensional `picture’ of a jacket on Freddie’s wall.
“Yeah,” said Nathan, “I’m wondering if it was suppose to be art, or Freddie just didn’t clean his clothes for a very long time… I think Freddie’s mum is an artist, maybe she made it.”
“I think both Freddie’s parents are arty,” said Dave, “Freddie turned to Mathematics to rebel.”
…
`Any day now,’ thought Ruth, `..any day now…’
…
A big thank you to everyone who took part in the “Keep Dave Sane” project while Jean was away. Although the overall result was a failure and Dave has officially been declared nuttier than a bag of peanuts, it still turned out a lot better than any of us could have hoped.
Now go see Baldy’s blog and stick your name on that bone marrow list. http://baldyblog.freshblogs.co.uk .
Thanks guys.
Friday, August 29, 2008
Baldy's Blog
Adrian Sudbury was an amazing young man. In the words of his blog: He "had been a reporter for both the Huddersfield Express and Chronicle Series and the Huddersfield Examiner. In November 2006 the 25-year-old was promoted to digital journalist, effectively editing the new-look Examiner website. Just two days into his new role he became seriously ill and called in sick. A week later he drove himself to A&E and was eventually diagnosed with leukaemia. It was then identified that he actually has two distinct types of the disease running at the same time. According to the medical literature he is the only person in the world to have this condition."
Despite the unenviable situation he found himself in, he kept himself and those around him positive.
-"Needless to say being diagnosed with two types of leukaemia was a bit of a blow yet bizarrely my ego was purring at potentially being a sort of 'world first'. If only it had been in something slightly less life threatening."
Unfortunately, his condition went from bad to worst. A bone marrow transplant failed to rid him of the disease and began giving him additional complications when the donors cells started attacking his own. He was told in May 2008 he had weeks/months to live.
-"For new readers to this blog I sometimes wonder if you think I am making this shite up. My life has gone crazy and seems to derail spectacularly every seven to 12 days.
I wish I was making all this up. I promise you, up until l was 25 I had a fairly steady existence which included a girlfriend, going to work, going out and playing football once a week with colleagues.
Now I'm like a character in Hollyoaks, just slightly less attractive."
Despite this, he wanted it noted that without any treatment, without blood and bone marrow transfusions, he would have died back in late 06/early 07. He never stopped thanking his annomous bone marrow donor from Germany and the countless blood donors he required during treatment. He was appalled to discover 16,000 patients requiring bone marrow are currently dying without being given that chance because a matching donor hasn't been found. He was shocked to learn the process of donating bone marrow is far easier than most people realise, himself included, and disgusted by the thought that if only more people knew that, maybe those 16,000 people would have a fighting chance.
"What would you say if I said stem cell donation differed little from giving blood?
You'd probably say something like, "Shut up Sudders, I'm tired of your online cancer whinging, and if I was a bone marrow donor someone would need to smash my spine."
I have a degree in Physiology, have spent five months in and out of a haematology ward, and I'm still staggered that I have only learnt what stem cell donation is really like.
There is a huge amount of confusion on the issue. I used to give blood but never thought about donating stem cells because I thought there was a slight risk of paralysis.
The reality is very different."
In his last months he devoted himself to helping others. He began a campaign which successfully got the government in the UK to agree to educate all 14/15 year olds and the majority of 17/18 year olds into what donation actually involves, how simple the process is and how it can and does save lives. He had interviews with Gordon Brown, spoke on international TV with audiences of over 170 million, was regularly on Radio and his blog won several awards for being simply outstanding. His blog is now also being turned into a book.
Please check out his blog: http://baldyblog.freshblogs.co.uk
Adrian passed away August 20th 2008. Even towards the end he remained filled with overwhelming positive energy. An inspiration to us all.
"As I keep saying - don't feel sorry for me. I'm having a blast."
Despite the unenviable situation he found himself in, he kept himself and those around him positive.
-"Needless to say being diagnosed with two types of leukaemia was a bit of a blow yet bizarrely my ego was purring at potentially being a sort of 'world first'. If only it had been in something slightly less life threatening."
Unfortunately, his condition went from bad to worst. A bone marrow transplant failed to rid him of the disease and began giving him additional complications when the donors cells started attacking his own. He was told in May 2008 he had weeks/months to live.
-"For new readers to this blog I sometimes wonder if you think I am making this shite up. My life has gone crazy and seems to derail spectacularly every seven to 12 days.
I wish I was making all this up. I promise you, up until l was 25 I had a fairly steady existence which included a girlfriend, going to work, going out and playing football once a week with colleagues.
Now I'm like a character in Hollyoaks, just slightly less attractive."
Despite this, he wanted it noted that without any treatment, without blood and bone marrow transfusions, he would have died back in late 06/early 07. He never stopped thanking his annomous bone marrow donor from Germany and the countless blood donors he required during treatment. He was appalled to discover 16,000 patients requiring bone marrow are currently dying without being given that chance because a matching donor hasn't been found. He was shocked to learn the process of donating bone marrow is far easier than most people realise, himself included, and disgusted by the thought that if only more people knew that, maybe those 16,000 people would have a fighting chance.
"What would you say if I said stem cell donation differed little from giving blood?
You'd probably say something like, "Shut up Sudders, I'm tired of your online cancer whinging, and if I was a bone marrow donor someone would need to smash my spine."
I have a degree in Physiology, have spent five months in and out of a haematology ward, and I'm still staggered that I have only learnt what stem cell donation is really like.
There is a huge amount of confusion on the issue. I used to give blood but never thought about donating stem cells because I thought there was a slight risk of paralysis.
The reality is very different."
In his last months he devoted himself to helping others. He began a campaign which successfully got the government in the UK to agree to educate all 14/15 year olds and the majority of 17/18 year olds into what donation actually involves, how simple the process is and how it can and does save lives. He had interviews with Gordon Brown, spoke on international TV with audiences of over 170 million, was regularly on Radio and his blog won several awards for being simply outstanding. His blog is now also being turned into a book.
Please check out his blog: http://baldyblog.freshblogs.co.uk
Adrian passed away August 20th 2008. Even towards the end he remained filled with overwhelming positive energy. An inspiration to us all.
"As I keep saying - don't feel sorry for me. I'm having a blast."
Sunday, August 24, 2008
Olympics Final Score
Well the Olympics is over for another 4 years and everyone wants to know the final score. Who won? How did there country do?
Well it's not always a straight forward answer.
In terms of gold medals, the ranking is:
1. China - 51
2. USA - 36
3. Russia - 23
4. UK - 19
Well done China. However, in terms of total medals, the ranking changes:
1.USA - 110
2.China - 100
3. Russia - 72
4. UK - 47
Unsurprisingly, our good old cousins from across the pond prefer this method of scoring. But everyone knows not all medals are equal and it's crazy to score them as if they were. The simple example of gold = 3 points, silver =2 and bronze = 1 gives:
1. China - 246
2. USA - 220
3. Russia - 134
4. UK - 102
Slightly fairer, but it still doesn't take into account the real attitudes towards medals.
Here, for the first time in Olympic history, the new undisputedly perfectly fair method of medal scoring is unveiled.
Golds:
The first 10 gold medals are fantastic and thus worth 6 points each
The next 10 gold medals are great but nothing new and thus worth 2 points each.
Anything after 20 is unnessary and thus not scored.
Silvers:
The first 10 are OK and worth 1 point each.
The next 5 become painful, "so close to gold" and thus result in the lose of a point for each
Anything after 15 is really painful and thus loses 2 points each.
Bronze:
The first 10 aren't noticed.
The second 10 are OK, "at least we got a medal", 1 point each.
Anything after 20 aren't noticed.
Much research into the attitudes of both spectators and atheletes shows this scoring is 100% accurate and has, at time of writing, never been argued with by anyone ever. In addition this system has the added benefit of having a maximum score of 100.
Taking this to be the unquestionable true scoring system then, the final ranking for the 2008 Beijing Olympics is:
1. UK - 88
2. China - 83
2. Russia - 83
...
10. USA - 49
Congradulations to the UK, worlds greatest. Well done to China and Russia, good efforts, very close. USA? 10th? Poor performance, better luck in London.
Well it's not always a straight forward answer.
In terms of gold medals, the ranking is:
1. China - 51
2. USA - 36
3. Russia - 23
4. UK - 19
Well done China. However, in terms of total medals, the ranking changes:
1.USA - 110
2.China - 100
3. Russia - 72
4. UK - 47
Unsurprisingly, our good old cousins from across the pond prefer this method of scoring. But everyone knows not all medals are equal and it's crazy to score them as if they were. The simple example of gold = 3 points, silver =2 and bronze = 1 gives:
1. China - 246
2. USA - 220
3. Russia - 134
4. UK - 102
Slightly fairer, but it still doesn't take into account the real attitudes towards medals.
Here, for the first time in Olympic history, the new undisputedly perfectly fair method of medal scoring is unveiled.
Golds:
The first 10 gold medals are fantastic and thus worth 6 points each
The next 10 gold medals are great but nothing new and thus worth 2 points each.
Anything after 20 is unnessary and thus not scored.
Silvers:
The first 10 are OK and worth 1 point each.
The next 5 become painful, "so close to gold" and thus result in the lose of a point for each
Anything after 15 is really painful and thus loses 2 points each.
Bronze:
The first 10 aren't noticed.
The second 10 are OK, "at least we got a medal", 1 point each.
Anything after 20 aren't noticed.
Much research into the attitudes of both spectators and atheletes shows this scoring is 100% accurate and has, at time of writing, never been argued with by anyone ever. In addition this system has the added benefit of having a maximum score of 100.
Taking this to be the unquestionable true scoring system then, the final ranking for the 2008 Beijing Olympics is:
1. UK - 88
2. China - 83
2. Russia - 83
...
10. USA - 49
Congradulations to the UK, worlds greatest. Well done to China and Russia, good efforts, very close. USA? 10th? Poor performance, better luck in London.
Friday, August 01, 2008
Another Day
*Brrriiinggg* *Brriiiinnng*
"..urgh..."
*Brrriiinggg* *Brriiiinnng*
Jean fumbled her arm out of bed and across the desk to grab her phone. Asking Dave to wake her up early had seemed like such a good idea last night. Would allow her to get the hotel breakfast. Well it had worked, but she hadn't slept enough to compensate for a day that had been exhaustingly great. A day simply wasn't designed long enough for so much stuff.
Jean staggered off for complementary hotel food. Breakfast consisted of a wide variety of things, none of which was cereal, which she consumed in the front of her lovely hotel restaurant.
After breakfast she went to play. Her and her friend went to tour the beautiful Sanya. An hour in she visited a very relaxing spar. One of the treatments on offer involved sitting in a pool full of little fish and letting them nibble at her dead skin. She found it oddly enjoyable.
Returning to the streets, they checked out the local beaches and decided to go diving. Then she went down into water, playing around with all the little amazingly coloured fish.
They went off to buy some more food. Limitless veg, meat, fish and oysters fresh from the source. Yum. They ate at a restaurant in front of the sea, watching the waves.
Eventually returning to the hotel, they switched on the TV and got down to some great programmes. A little later her Dave called, they chatted together while she carried on watching the TV, although at a much reduced concentration.
Finally exhausted, she set Dave the task of being her alarm. Despite being placed as far away from her bed as he could be, he still had his uses. In fact, if he were with her, she would probably just wack him and go back to sleep. Then she finally went to bed.
*Snorr*
Note, for other days, activities varied greatly, including jetskiing, shoe shopping, visting aquariums and pleanty more great food.
Two weeks down, two months to go.
Back to the beach.
"..urgh..."
*Brrriiinggg* *Brriiiinnng*
Jean fumbled her arm out of bed and across the desk to grab her phone. Asking Dave to wake her up early had seemed like such a good idea last night. Would allow her to get the hotel breakfast. Well it had worked, but she hadn't slept enough to compensate for a day that had been exhaustingly great. A day simply wasn't designed long enough for so much stuff.
Jean staggered off for complementary hotel food. Breakfast consisted of a wide variety of things, none of which was cereal, which she consumed in the front of her lovely hotel restaurant.
After breakfast she went to play. Her and her friend went to tour the beautiful Sanya. An hour in she visited a very relaxing spar. One of the treatments on offer involved sitting in a pool full of little fish and letting them nibble at her dead skin. She found it oddly enjoyable.
Returning to the streets, they checked out the local beaches and decided to go diving. Then she went down into water, playing around with all the little amazingly coloured fish.
They went off to buy some more food. Limitless veg, meat, fish and oysters fresh from the source. Yum. They ate at a restaurant in front of the sea, watching the waves.
Eventually returning to the hotel, they switched on the TV and got down to some great programmes. A little later her Dave called, they chatted together while she carried on watching the TV, although at a much reduced concentration.
Finally exhausted, she set Dave the task of being her alarm. Despite being placed as far away from her bed as he could be, he still had his uses. In fact, if he were with her, she would probably just wack him and go back to sleep. Then she finally went to bed.
*Snorr*
Note, for other days, activities varied greatly, including jetskiing, shoe shopping, visting aquariums and pleanty more great food.
Two weeks down, two months to go.
Back to the beach.
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
Day 1.
*Brrriiinggg* *Brriiiinnng*
"..urgh..."
*Brrriiinggg* *Brriiiinnng*
Dave stumbled out of bed and across the room to hit the alarm clock. Placing the alarm so far away had seemed like such a good idea last night. Would have to get him up. Well it had worked, but he hadn't slept well at all and now he didn't feel all that great. A double bed simply wasn't designed for single use. It became cold, empty and lonely.
Dave staggered off to hunt for food. Breakfast consisted of 4 Weetabix with some dried mixed fruit, which he consumed in front of the computer whilst checking emails aka deleting spam.
After breakfast he went to play on his Wii Fit. Started off with some lighter stepping exercises, moving on to workouts. An hour later he had a very much needed shower.
He returned to his computer, checked emails (more spam deleting) and opened up his file labelled "thesis". Then he got down to some hard work, stopping only every few minutes when MSN let him know he had some more spam to delete.
Around 4pm he went off to make some more food. Some veg, shallow boiled (like shallow frying, but replacing the oil with water), with added oyster source. Yum. He ate in front of the TV, despite nothing worth watching being on, then went off to work at his door to door job for the Echo.
Having failed to convince even a single person to sign up to have the Echo delivered, Dave returned home at around 9pm. Cooked himself a fried egg-tomotoe-mince meat meal, with added oyster source and ate in front of the TV, despite nothing worth watching being on. He then washed the dishes and retired upstairs.
Parking himself once more in front of the computer, he deleted spam, opened up his file "thesis" and got down to work. Around 11 his mind started to wonder a little, but he argued with himself and carried on for another 2 hours, although at a much reduced efficiency.
Finally exhausted, he set his alarm and placed it as far away from the bed as he could. Otherwise he would just wack it and go back to sleep. Then he finally went to bed.
... where he found he could not sleep... a double bed simply wasn't designed for single use... it became cold... empty... lonely.
Note, for day 2 onwards, simply change the title. For days off from the Echo (Friday-Sunday), replace the work with going food shopping, parking in front of computer, deleting spam, "thesis".
Two weeks down, two months to go.
Back to work.
"..urgh..."
*Brrriiinggg* *Brriiiinnng*
Dave stumbled out of bed and across the room to hit the alarm clock. Placing the alarm so far away had seemed like such a good idea last night. Would have to get him up. Well it had worked, but he hadn't slept well at all and now he didn't feel all that great. A double bed simply wasn't designed for single use. It became cold, empty and lonely.
Dave staggered off to hunt for food. Breakfast consisted of 4 Weetabix with some dried mixed fruit, which he consumed in front of the computer whilst checking emails aka deleting spam.
After breakfast he went to play on his Wii Fit. Started off with some lighter stepping exercises, moving on to workouts. An hour later he had a very much needed shower.
He returned to his computer, checked emails (more spam deleting) and opened up his file labelled "thesis". Then he got down to some hard work, stopping only every few minutes when MSN let him know he had some more spam to delete.
Around 4pm he went off to make some more food. Some veg, shallow boiled (like shallow frying, but replacing the oil with water), with added oyster source. Yum. He ate in front of the TV, despite nothing worth watching being on, then went off to work at his door to door job for the Echo.
Having failed to convince even a single person to sign up to have the Echo delivered, Dave returned home at around 9pm. Cooked himself a fried egg-tomotoe-mince meat meal, with added oyster source and ate in front of the TV, despite nothing worth watching being on. He then washed the dishes and retired upstairs.
Parking himself once more in front of the computer, he deleted spam, opened up his file "thesis" and got down to work. Around 11 his mind started to wonder a little, but he argued with himself and carried on for another 2 hours, although at a much reduced efficiency.
Finally exhausted, he set his alarm and placed it as far away from the bed as he could. Otherwise he would just wack it and go back to sleep. Then he finally went to bed.
... where he found he could not sleep... a double bed simply wasn't designed for single use... it became cold... empty... lonely.
Note, for day 2 onwards, simply change the title. For days off from the Echo (Friday-Sunday), replace the work with going food shopping, parking in front of computer, deleting spam, "thesis".
Two weeks down, two months to go.
Back to work.
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
Apart.
Coming home from work, Dave's daily routine involved pulling out his phone, dialling Jean's number and saying hi. The conversation would lead on from there, usually in a somewhat random direction. A somewhat pointless routine really, since it took less than 30 minutes to get home and Jean would be waiting for him on arrival, but a routine he wouldn't miss for the world.
Today was different. Today Dave's phone stayed in his pocket. Today a phone call would have been too pointless even for Dave, because today Jean wasn't at home, she was thousands of miles away, travelling at ridiculously high speeds on a rather large metal bird. Today, Jean left for China.
Since meeting several years ago, Dave and Jean had not been apart for longer than a week, rarely been apart for more than 3 days and usually not been seperated for more than several hours. They had been joined at the hip and enjoyed every moment of it. Now Jean would be away for over 2 months.
Why?
There were 2 main reasons for her going while he stayed. The first, Jean REALLY needed a break. The job she had just recently quit had caused her far too much stress (for far too little pay). She now had just over 2 months free before she returned to Uni to do an Msc and she needed to enjoy it. The second, Dave REALLY needed to get ALOT of work done. He was way behind his original schedule (and his second, third and fourth schedules) and needed to get his PhD back on track.
There was little Dave could do about the first target, other than prayer. For the next 10 weeks he would throw himself whole heartedly into the second.
Starting right now.
Today was different. Today Dave's phone stayed in his pocket. Today a phone call would have been too pointless even for Dave, because today Jean wasn't at home, she was thousands of miles away, travelling at ridiculously high speeds on a rather large metal bird. Today, Jean left for China.
Since meeting several years ago, Dave and Jean had not been apart for longer than a week, rarely been apart for more than 3 days and usually not been seperated for more than several hours. They had been joined at the hip and enjoyed every moment of it. Now Jean would be away for over 2 months.
Why?
There were 2 main reasons for her going while he stayed. The first, Jean REALLY needed a break. The job she had just recently quit had caused her far too much stress (for far too little pay). She now had just over 2 months free before she returned to Uni to do an Msc and she needed to enjoy it. The second, Dave REALLY needed to get ALOT of work done. He was way behind his original schedule (and his second, third and fourth schedules) and needed to get his PhD back on track.
There was little Dave could do about the first target, other than prayer. For the next 10 weeks he would throw himself whole heartedly into the second.
Starting right now.
Tuesday, July 01, 2008
Wii Fit
There is an episode of South Park in which Cartman buys a failing fairground, closes the doors and keeps it all to himself. Suddenly, because he doesn't allow anyone in, everyone wants to get in. Discovering a fairground costs too much to run, Cartman is forced to open it back up to the public and it becomes a huge success again.
Why mention this? Well it is clearly the source of inspiration for the marketing people down at Nintendo. In the real world, no body seems to play the "You can't have this, nah nah" card better. The Wii is still not easy to find, games such as Mario Kart are few and far between and the Wii Fit simply doesn't seem to exist. Retailing at £70, the Wii Fit is in such high demand that it sells regularly on ebay for £150. Yet Nintendo still splashes out on TV ads and public demonstrations. For all these reasons, Dave was pretty darn happy to say the least when he finally tracked one down.
So what is? The Wii Fit is a game which comes with the Wii Board. The Wii Board is a sensitive weighing device, which can measure changes in balance side to side and front to back. It can thus be used to play games such as virtual skiing, to measure performance in work outs such as push ups and to improve posture through various yoga stances. In total, Wii Fit offers around 50 such things to choose from, ranging from cutely additive to physically exhuasting.
Although true a large amount of the activities on offer COULD, quite easily, be done WITHOUT a Wii Board or the Wii Fit, the majority of people simply don't do them. Tell a person to stand on one leg for 30 seconds a day, then swap to the other leg and repeat and it simply won't get done. Put them on a Wii Fit and the same task becomes fun. It shifts exercise away from the "work" catorgory that alot of people have placed it in, back to the "play" slot where it belongs.
But most importantly, it produces pretty graphs.
Why mention this? Well it is clearly the source of inspiration for the marketing people down at Nintendo. In the real world, no body seems to play the "You can't have this, nah nah" card better. The Wii is still not easy to find, games such as Mario Kart are few and far between and the Wii Fit simply doesn't seem to exist. Retailing at £70, the Wii Fit is in such high demand that it sells regularly on ebay for £150. Yet Nintendo still splashes out on TV ads and public demonstrations. For all these reasons, Dave was pretty darn happy to say the least when he finally tracked one down.
So what is? The Wii Fit is a game which comes with the Wii Board. The Wii Board is a sensitive weighing device, which can measure changes in balance side to side and front to back. It can thus be used to play games such as virtual skiing, to measure performance in work outs such as push ups and to improve posture through various yoga stances. In total, Wii Fit offers around 50 such things to choose from, ranging from cutely additive to physically exhuasting.
Although true a large amount of the activities on offer COULD, quite easily, be done WITHOUT a Wii Board or the Wii Fit, the majority of people simply don't do them. Tell a person to stand on one leg for 30 seconds a day, then swap to the other leg and repeat and it simply won't get done. Put them on a Wii Fit and the same task becomes fun. It shifts exercise away from the "work" catorgory that alot of people have placed it in, back to the "play" slot where it belongs.
But most importantly, it produces pretty graphs.
Saturday, June 07, 2008
Chaos Conference 2008
The first ever annual Chaotic Conference on Modelling and Simulating Chaos was taking place in Crete, near Chania. Dave, due to a horrible flight time table, had the rare honour of being one of the first, if not THE first, to arrive at the first ever conference of it's type, at around 7am.
So, what is Chaos? According to Wiki:
"In mathematics, chaos theory describes the behavior of certain dynamical systems – that is, systems whose state evolves with time – that may exhibit dynamics that are highly sensitive to initial conditions (popularly referred to as the butterfly effect). As a result of this sensitivity, which manifests itself as an exponential growth of perturbations in the initial conditions, the behavior of chaotic systems appears to be random. This happens even though these systems are deterministic, meaning that their future dynamics are fully defined by their initial conditions, with no random elements involved. This behavior is known as deterministic chaos, or simply chaos."
Clear? Good.
Academic conferences in general follow a simply layout. There are important talks, which usually last an hour, given by key speakers that everyone should attend. Then there are shorter 20 min talks given by people attending. Usually 4 or so of these talks happen at the same time and people must choose which talk they wish to see from the program. Dave was scheduled to give his talk at 10am on the second day of the conference. Each session is controlled by a chair person, who basically acts as a stopwatch.
Session 1, first day. No chair person shows up. 2 out of 4 of the speakers don't show up. The other "2" speakers turn out to be just 1 person giving 2 talks. These are presented with no idea of length of time.
Good start.
Session 2. The chair person IS the speaker, thus not having any idea of time. Another speaker doesn't show up, talks are given early due to this, anyone following the program in another room is missing the talks they wanted to hear here.
Hmm...
Dave's talk. Two speakers don't turn up before him, he gives the talk at 9:20am to an audience who have no idea what he is talking about and finishes 20 minutes before his actual audience is due to arrive.
...
Over the four days of talks, Dave personally counted 32 normal speakers going AWOL, 4 chair people not attending, the majority of sessions being chaired by a speaker, 1 "important" speaker sending his apologies, at least 3 computational difficulties, including one rather spectacular explosion of a projector bulb and a total of around 3 talks that actually happened at the time they were suppose to.
For anyone who didn't quite follow the Wiki definition earlier, THIS is Chaos.
So, what is Chaos? According to Wiki:
"In mathematics, chaos theory describes the behavior of certain dynamical systems – that is, systems whose state evolves with time – that may exhibit dynamics that are highly sensitive to initial conditions (popularly referred to as the butterfly effect). As a result of this sensitivity, which manifests itself as an exponential growth of perturbations in the initial conditions, the behavior of chaotic systems appears to be random. This happens even though these systems are deterministic, meaning that their future dynamics are fully defined by their initial conditions, with no random elements involved. This behavior is known as deterministic chaos, or simply chaos."
Clear? Good.
Academic conferences in general follow a simply layout. There are important talks, which usually last an hour, given by key speakers that everyone should attend. Then there are shorter 20 min talks given by people attending. Usually 4 or so of these talks happen at the same time and people must choose which talk they wish to see from the program. Dave was scheduled to give his talk at 10am on the second day of the conference. Each session is controlled by a chair person, who basically acts as a stopwatch.
Session 1, first day. No chair person shows up. 2 out of 4 of the speakers don't show up. The other "2" speakers turn out to be just 1 person giving 2 talks. These are presented with no idea of length of time.
Good start.
Session 2. The chair person IS the speaker, thus not having any idea of time. Another speaker doesn't show up, talks are given early due to this, anyone following the program in another room is missing the talks they wanted to hear here.
Hmm...
Dave's talk. Two speakers don't turn up before him, he gives the talk at 9:20am to an audience who have no idea what he is talking about and finishes 20 minutes before his actual audience is due to arrive.
...
Over the four days of talks, Dave personally counted 32 normal speakers going AWOL, 4 chair people not attending, the majority of sessions being chaired by a speaker, 1 "important" speaker sending his apologies, at least 3 computational difficulties, including one rather spectacular explosion of a projector bulb and a total of around 3 talks that actually happened at the time they were suppose to.
For anyone who didn't quite follow the Wiki definition earlier, THIS is Chaos.
Thursday, June 05, 2008
Athens
Since as far back as Dave could remember he had always wanted to visit Athens. The place of his father's birth and, much more recently, home of the ancient Greeks, arguably the birth place of Philosopy and Mathematics. It had called to Dave constantly.
Now, finally, after almost 24 years of waiting, 5 hours of flight and another few hours waiting in Prague, Dave finally picked up his luggage at around 1am, Athens airport and stepped out into Athens.
Finally.
2 minutes later he stepped back into the airport to go catch another flight to Crete, where he would have a conference on Modeling and Simulating Chaos.
Still, it was nice while it lasted.
Now, finally, after almost 24 years of waiting, 5 hours of flight and another few hours waiting in Prague, Dave finally picked up his luggage at around 1am, Athens airport and stepped out into Athens.
Finally.
2 minutes later he stepped back into the airport to go catch another flight to Crete, where he would have a conference on Modeling and Simulating Chaos.
Still, it was nice while it lasted.
Friday, May 30, 2008
5 down, 5 to go...?
May 30th 2008.
Dave's 5th driving test.
Garston, new centre, new area, new roads, shake off all the old demons. That was the plan.
Dave and his instructor Bruce showed up 15min early. They were the only ones around.
"We do have the right day right?"
Finally a lady came along, Bruce knew her, whispered, "She's nice," to Dave. So far, so good. Off to the car.
Eye test, check.
Questions, check.
"Right, I'd like you to turn to the left or the right and reverse into one of these bays."
No one around, start the engine, go.
STOP!
Two cars suddenly came straight into the car park.
"No.."
"I'm sorry to tell you..."
"No, no , no..."
"you have failed..."
"Not AGAIN!"
That's when Dave woke up, went out, did his driving test, PASSED with only 7 minor faults!
Look out world, DAVE CAN DRIVE!!!!!!!!!!!!
Dave's 5th driving test.
Garston, new centre, new area, new roads, shake off all the old demons. That was the plan.
Dave and his instructor Bruce showed up 15min early. They were the only ones around.
"We do have the right day right?"
Finally a lady came along, Bruce knew her, whispered, "She's nice," to Dave. So far, so good. Off to the car.
Eye test, check.
Questions, check.
"Right, I'd like you to turn to the left or the right and reverse into one of these bays."
No one around, start the engine, go.
STOP!
Two cars suddenly came straight into the car park.
"No.."
"I'm sorry to tell you..."
"No, no , no..."
"you have failed..."
"Not AGAIN!"
That's when Dave woke up, went out, did his driving test, PASSED with only 7 minor faults!
Look out world, DAVE CAN DRIVE!!!!!!!!!!!!
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
Tibet
Once upon a time there was a land, high in the mountains, filled with peaceful Buddhist monks. They lived in perfect harmony, one with their fellow man and the wonderous nature around them. Lead by their glorious spiritual leader, the Dalai Lama, they could do no wrong. There they remained for thousands of years, until, one horrible, fateful day, The Dragon came, destroying culture, killing innocent, conquering all.
FREE TIBET!!!!.... ?
Isn't life simple in fairy tales? It's always so obvious to pick a side. Perhaps it's time to look a little closer. Ask some questions...
Q: Was Tibet independent before China came in the 1950's?
-Far from straightforward to answer. The offical records of China have claimed Tibet as part of their country for hundreds of years. At no point did they ever grant Tibet independence. However, the good old British also tried their hand at claiming Tibet as their own when they took India. China didn't really agree to that for some reason. But who cares, we're British. Of cause, then the British got bored of conquering the world and let India and Tibet go free. They allowed Tibet it's independence. Two days later China granted N.Ireland Independence, no, wait, they can't do that right... ?
Q: Why did China enter Tibet?
-China was at civil war. However, one thing both sides of China could agree on was Tibet belonged to them. Many surporting the old Chinese government had gone to Tibet. The newbies went in to find them. They did not rush in to conquer. They believed it was already theirs. The agreement signed by Tibet and China at the time focused mainly on two points. Tibet should help find those loyal to the old government and China should improve the general living standards of the people of Tibet, including new schools etc. Otherwise, it was agreed, Tibet could continue business as usual.
Q: So why kick out the Dalai Lama?
-Tibet struck first. The nobles planned an uprising, with substancial military aid and guidance from the good old guys in the USA. It failed. They ran to India. Interestingly, the Dalai Lama has always, in all his lives, had a real passion for running away if he felt in danger.
Q: But, if they had America's backing, they must be the good guys, right?
-That doesn't deserve an answer.
Q: Why won't China let Tibet preserve it's tradional way of life?
-It is very true that China does not want the Tibet of old to return. Heartless fiends. What do they object to? The peaceful prayers and meditation? Not really.
Before the new government of China, 5% of Tibet's people DID indeed live very nice lives. Very very nice lives. The remaining 95%? Not so much. A huge proportion of them where slaves. They were bought and sold and swapped for cows and all the usual joys of slavedom. The majority of the rest where serfs. The difference? Although serfs had to do all their masters chores without pay, the master didn't techniquely own them. This meant they could tax them (the list of taxes is huge, including a tax to be put IN prison) and they had no requirement to feed them. Do you want it to go back to that?
Q: But at least their Buddhist masters treated them nicely right?
-Buddhists are not suppose to kill anything. There are rumours of slaves and serfs being killed anyway, but these might not be true. For sake of arguement we'll assume Buddhists didn't kill anyone, ever. However, to quote Aladdin, "You'll be amazed what you can live through."
Punishments included removal of eyes, hands, arms, ears, noses, etc etc etc. These "punishments" were decided completely by the master, no trial needed, and where given for the standard "stealing to feed a starving child" type crimes or for not paying taxes or for any reason really. Another favorite was to almost kill someone then leave them in the cold mountains for God to decide what happened. Skinning alive is also there.
A master could choose any female servant he desired to do with as he wished, even those already married. Objection by either man or woman resulted in punishment, see above. There is also strong evidence that young boys, aged 8-10, taken into monestries for "training", where consistantly raped.
Q: What happened to the Dalai after fleeing Tibet?
-The Dalai Lama set up a new exciled goverment for the 80,000 people he brought with him from Tibet. He then sought aid from the globe to put pressure on China to realise Tibet back into his control. However, he has always been quoted as wanting a peaceful solution to be found. He travels the world, a religous teacher. He is seen as the most open minded of all spiritual leaders. He admits in any conflicts between science and religion people should listen to science. He accepts homosexuality (though doesn't approve of anal, oral or masturbation). He allows other religions. He promotes all the positive aspects of Buddhism. He is generally highly regarded, and recieved alot of awards, including 5 honary docurates and a nobel peace prize.
Q: So why do China hate him?
-He helps to twist the global view of China in a very negative direction. This is something China is very capable of doing all by itself and doesn't require his help. On fleeing Tibet, he created and stands by the fairy tale. In addition, his numbers never add up. He claims 1.2 million people were killed when China took the reigns and "at least as many" became political prisoners. However, all records show only around 2 million people in Tibet at the time TOTAL. So China killed over 50% and imprisoned over 50%? Tibet is around half the size of Europe and made of mountains, did China really round them all up? In addition, it is common knowledge that the uprising failed because the serfs and slaves didn't really join in. For some reason alot of them liked where China was taking them. It is often stated that Tibet couldn't defend itself, so China just decided to kill and imprison more than 100% of the population of any area half the size of Europe, whilst also dealing with a civil war?
The Dalai has always been rather brief on the issue of slavery. He does point out that China also had slaves at the time, and their slaves were treated even worst. Amazingly, he makes this sound like a good thing for him and a bad thing for the current chinese government, the government which abolished slavery in both areas. Think about it.
Mostly, the Chinese government doesn't trust what the Dalai would do if he regained power. He is often quoted as saying he would like a return to
"Tibet's historical role as a peaceful and neutral Buddhist nation "
arguing that
"Tibetans will soon be no more than a tourist attraction and relic of a noble past."
Given the details of this noble past, do you trust him? Would you give him your country?
Q: Isn't it a shame that this ancient civilazation will be replaced by a much more modern one, with all these super highways and trainlines China keeps putting in?
-No. It isn't. Just like it wasn't a shame when England abolished slavery. Nor was it a shame when we stopped burning witches. Nor was it a shame when we stopped conquering the world. Nor was it a shame when we installed indoor flushable toilets. Nor was it a shame when we got medical treatments which didn't involve drilling holes in peoples heads to let out demons.
If you want the return of this noble tradition, why not volunteer to be a slave or serf?
Q: I take it your fond of the Chinese government then?
-No. The Chinese government is corrupt, selfish and quite often wrong. It's views on freedom of speech are just stupid and out of date. It's behavior in events such as Tianamen Square unforgivable, although almost 20 years ago now.
I am fond of looking at both sides of a story though. For example, the next time you see those poor Tibetan RIOTERS being attacked, stop and think 1. Who started the violence and 2.Where do the pictures come from, since China doesn't allow cameras in? In fact all the pictures are from either Nepal or India.
I'm fond of thinking.
FREE TIBET!!!!.... ?
Isn't life simple in fairy tales? It's always so obvious to pick a side. Perhaps it's time to look a little closer. Ask some questions...
Q: Was Tibet independent before China came in the 1950's?
-Far from straightforward to answer. The offical records of China have claimed Tibet as part of their country for hundreds of years. At no point did they ever grant Tibet independence. However, the good old British also tried their hand at claiming Tibet as their own when they took India. China didn't really agree to that for some reason. But who cares, we're British. Of cause, then the British got bored of conquering the world and let India and Tibet go free. They allowed Tibet it's independence. Two days later China granted N.Ireland Independence, no, wait, they can't do that right... ?
Q: Why did China enter Tibet?
-China was at civil war. However, one thing both sides of China could agree on was Tibet belonged to them. Many surporting the old Chinese government had gone to Tibet. The newbies went in to find them. They did not rush in to conquer. They believed it was already theirs. The agreement signed by Tibet and China at the time focused mainly on two points. Tibet should help find those loyal to the old government and China should improve the general living standards of the people of Tibet, including new schools etc. Otherwise, it was agreed, Tibet could continue business as usual.
Q: So why kick out the Dalai Lama?
-Tibet struck first. The nobles planned an uprising, with substancial military aid and guidance from the good old guys in the USA. It failed. They ran to India. Interestingly, the Dalai Lama has always, in all his lives, had a real passion for running away if he felt in danger.
Q: But, if they had America's backing, they must be the good guys, right?
-That doesn't deserve an answer.
Q: Why won't China let Tibet preserve it's tradional way of life?
-It is very true that China does not want the Tibet of old to return. Heartless fiends. What do they object to? The peaceful prayers and meditation? Not really.
Before the new government of China, 5% of Tibet's people DID indeed live very nice lives. Very very nice lives. The remaining 95%? Not so much. A huge proportion of them where slaves. They were bought and sold and swapped for cows and all the usual joys of slavedom. The majority of the rest where serfs. The difference? Although serfs had to do all their masters chores without pay, the master didn't techniquely own them. This meant they could tax them (the list of taxes is huge, including a tax to be put IN prison) and they had no requirement to feed them. Do you want it to go back to that?
Q: But at least their Buddhist masters treated them nicely right?
-Buddhists are not suppose to kill anything. There are rumours of slaves and serfs being killed anyway, but these might not be true. For sake of arguement we'll assume Buddhists didn't kill anyone, ever. However, to quote Aladdin, "You'll be amazed what you can live through."
Punishments included removal of eyes, hands, arms, ears, noses, etc etc etc. These "punishments" were decided completely by the master, no trial needed, and where given for the standard "stealing to feed a starving child" type crimes or for not paying taxes or for any reason really. Another favorite was to almost kill someone then leave them in the cold mountains for God to decide what happened. Skinning alive is also there.
A master could choose any female servant he desired to do with as he wished, even those already married. Objection by either man or woman resulted in punishment, see above. There is also strong evidence that young boys, aged 8-10, taken into monestries for "training", where consistantly raped.
Q: What happened to the Dalai after fleeing Tibet?
-The Dalai Lama set up a new exciled goverment for the 80,000 people he brought with him from Tibet. He then sought aid from the globe to put pressure on China to realise Tibet back into his control. However, he has always been quoted as wanting a peaceful solution to be found. He travels the world, a religous teacher. He is seen as the most open minded of all spiritual leaders. He admits in any conflicts between science and religion people should listen to science. He accepts homosexuality (though doesn't approve of anal, oral or masturbation). He allows other religions. He promotes all the positive aspects of Buddhism. He is generally highly regarded, and recieved alot of awards, including 5 honary docurates and a nobel peace prize.
Q: So why do China hate him?
-He helps to twist the global view of China in a very negative direction. This is something China is very capable of doing all by itself and doesn't require his help. On fleeing Tibet, he created and stands by the fairy tale. In addition, his numbers never add up. He claims 1.2 million people were killed when China took the reigns and "at least as many" became political prisoners. However, all records show only around 2 million people in Tibet at the time TOTAL. So China killed over 50% and imprisoned over 50%? Tibet is around half the size of Europe and made of mountains, did China really round them all up? In addition, it is common knowledge that the uprising failed because the serfs and slaves didn't really join in. For some reason alot of them liked where China was taking them. It is often stated that Tibet couldn't defend itself, so China just decided to kill and imprison more than 100% of the population of any area half the size of Europe, whilst also dealing with a civil war?
The Dalai has always been rather brief on the issue of slavery. He does point out that China also had slaves at the time, and their slaves were treated even worst. Amazingly, he makes this sound like a good thing for him and a bad thing for the current chinese government, the government which abolished slavery in both areas. Think about it.
Mostly, the Chinese government doesn't trust what the Dalai would do if he regained power. He is often quoted as saying he would like a return to
"Tibet's historical role as a peaceful and neutral Buddhist nation "
arguing that
"Tibetans will soon be no more than a tourist attraction and relic of a noble past."
Given the details of this noble past, do you trust him? Would you give him your country?
Q: Isn't it a shame that this ancient civilazation will be replaced by a much more modern one, with all these super highways and trainlines China keeps putting in?
-No. It isn't. Just like it wasn't a shame when England abolished slavery. Nor was it a shame when we stopped burning witches. Nor was it a shame when we stopped conquering the world. Nor was it a shame when we installed indoor flushable toilets. Nor was it a shame when we got medical treatments which didn't involve drilling holes in peoples heads to let out demons.
If you want the return of this noble tradition, why not volunteer to be a slave or serf?
Q: I take it your fond of the Chinese government then?
-No. The Chinese government is corrupt, selfish and quite often wrong. It's views on freedom of speech are just stupid and out of date. It's behavior in events such as Tianamen Square unforgivable, although almost 20 years ago now.
I am fond of looking at both sides of a story though. For example, the next time you see those poor Tibetan RIOTERS being attacked, stop and think 1. Who started the violence and 2.Where do the pictures come from, since China doesn't allow cameras in? In fact all the pictures are from either Nepal or India.
I'm fond of thinking.
Monday, April 07, 2008
Fourth time lucky?
April 7th 2008 1:40pm, Daves 4th driving test was about to begin.
Eye test, no problems.
Questions, easy.
"Right, I'd like you to choose one of these bays and reverse into it."
Straight in, no worries. Off they went on the drive. The guy didn't even bother to get his folder out.
Left, right, right, left, friendly banter back and forth.
"Turn right here." A bit of a queue of oncoming also turning right. A small gap, but pretty tight, Dave decided to wait, road cleared, off they went.
"We're going to reverse left round this corner."
Get into position, start the turn, stop to let a car past, finish the turn, very close to the pavement. Dave looked briefly at the examiner, he had his eyes closed!
'Whatever, two manuvers down, just drive back and pick up your licence.'
The drive back was without incident, parked nicely at the centre and the examiner said...
"I'm sorry to tell you you haven't passed."
'What the f*£k? Is that just the only thing these people know how to say at the end of a test?'
"You got a serious fault when turning right, you should have took the gap. On the reverse left round the corner you got another serious fault for not observing properly to the right. And you got another serious fault for stopping too early at giveways on 3 occassions."
Dave was speachless. Particularly annoying was the comment on the lack of observations coming from the guy with his eyes closed. The early stopping he had completely not noticed and the lack of balls to take a tiny gap he had never had imagined would be serious.
Such is life.
Failed.
Eye test, no problems.
Questions, easy.
"Right, I'd like you to choose one of these bays and reverse into it."
Straight in, no worries. Off they went on the drive. The guy didn't even bother to get his folder out.
Left, right, right, left, friendly banter back and forth.
"Turn right here." A bit of a queue of oncoming also turning right. A small gap, but pretty tight, Dave decided to wait, road cleared, off they went.
"We're going to reverse left round this corner."
Get into position, start the turn, stop to let a car past, finish the turn, very close to the pavement. Dave looked briefly at the examiner, he had his eyes closed!
'Whatever, two manuvers down, just drive back and pick up your licence.'
The drive back was without incident, parked nicely at the centre and the examiner said...
"I'm sorry to tell you you haven't passed."
'What the f*£k? Is that just the only thing these people know how to say at the end of a test?'
"You got a serious fault when turning right, you should have took the gap. On the reverse left round the corner you got another serious fault for not observing properly to the right. And you got another serious fault for stopping too early at giveways on 3 occassions."
Dave was speachless. Particularly annoying was the comment on the lack of observations coming from the guy with his eyes closed. The early stopping he had completely not noticed and the lack of balls to take a tiny gap he had never had imagined would be serious.
Such is life.
Failed.
Saturday, March 29, 2008
Mrs and Mr Wilcock
Saturday 15th March 2008 at 1pm, Bridge Chapel, Garston.
David and Jos were finally getting married.
Dave and Jean put on their best, grabbed a taxi and headed down. The taxi driver had no idea where he was going. Luckily, good old Tom Tom was on hand to point them in the right direction. It would get them to the right area, then all they had to do was look for a chapel.
"Nope, not that one..."
"Not that one either..."
"Lets try down this way..."
Suddenly Jean called out to stop the taxi. "There it is!"
"Thats cheating..."
Bridge Chapel, should anyone ever wish to find it, does not look like a Chapel. It looks more like a school. Had Jean not have spotted it's name, they could have been driving around for days.
The service was lovely. Alot of smartly dressed guys and pretty looking girls scattered around and pleanty of gorgous flowers to keep Jean and her camera entertained. David looked incredibly happy and Jos looked stuning, so both very much as expected.
Hymns, talks and praise, then on with the ceremony.
"You may now kiss the bride."
David went in, Jos pulled back, everyone laughed. So much for the obedient bride.
That was the start of a wonderfully happy life time of love together.
Leasowe Castle, Wirral, 8pm. Reception time. Food, drink and pleanty of dancing and joy. The perfect end to the perfect day.
All Dave and Jean had to do was get the taxi there...
"I think it's this way..."
David and Jos were finally getting married.
Dave and Jean put on their best, grabbed a taxi and headed down. The taxi driver had no idea where he was going. Luckily, good old Tom Tom was on hand to point them in the right direction. It would get them to the right area, then all they had to do was look for a chapel.
"Nope, not that one..."
"Not that one either..."
"Lets try down this way..."
Suddenly Jean called out to stop the taxi. "There it is!"
"Thats cheating..."
Bridge Chapel, should anyone ever wish to find it, does not look like a Chapel. It looks more like a school. Had Jean not have spotted it's name, they could have been driving around for days.
The service was lovely. Alot of smartly dressed guys and pretty looking girls scattered around and pleanty of gorgous flowers to keep Jean and her camera entertained. David looked incredibly happy and Jos looked stuning, so both very much as expected.
Hymns, talks and praise, then on with the ceremony.
"You may now kiss the bride."
David went in, Jos pulled back, everyone laughed. So much for the obedient bride.
That was the start of a wonderfully happy life time of love together.
Leasowe Castle, Wirral, 8pm. Reception time. Food, drink and pleanty of dancing and joy. The perfect end to the perfect day.
All Dave and Jean had to do was get the taxi there...
"I think it's this way..."
YSM
The Young Statisticians Meeting (YSM) 2008 was held in Newport, Wales, near Cardiff. Dave had been sent there to give a talk. The same talk he had given in Exeter a few weeks prior, though he would have to shorten it's length from an hour to 15 minutes. Easy.
On arrival he was surprised to discover a very small proportion of the people there were students. In fact, almost everyone there was working for the office of national statitics (ONS), with the majority of the remainder also working for various stats places. He was also surprised to see some people who had been to the meeting the previous year giving exactly the same talk a year later. One project in particular had been dated 2002 and had seemingly made no progress since.
The fact that there were very few students around changed matters. For a start, the standard student greetings of "So, what/where are you studying?" were met with confusement and shock. More worryingly for Dave, the real world had very little use for the type of statistics he was doing and non-students would have a much smaller chance of understanding any of it. On speaking around, Dave quickly found this assumption to be confirmed.
Onwards to the talk. Knowing his audience, Dave decided he would have to explain a bit about the background info first. Unfortuantely, 15 minutes is a rather short amount of time. He was still explaining the background when the 5 minute warning sign was held up. That gave him 5 minutes to explain 3 years of research. Easy.
5 minutes later, he summed up.
"...In conclusion, old method bad, new method good."
A few giggles and smiles and looks of relief confirming that last sentence to be the only one of the talk any of them would remember.
Still, good job.
On arrival he was surprised to discover a very small proportion of the people there were students. In fact, almost everyone there was working for the office of national statitics (ONS), with the majority of the remainder also working for various stats places. He was also surprised to see some people who had been to the meeting the previous year giving exactly the same talk a year later. One project in particular had been dated 2002 and had seemingly made no progress since.
The fact that there were very few students around changed matters. For a start, the standard student greetings of "So, what/where are you studying?" were met with confusement and shock. More worryingly for Dave, the real world had very little use for the type of statistics he was doing and non-students would have a much smaller chance of understanding any of it. On speaking around, Dave quickly found this assumption to be confirmed.
Onwards to the talk. Knowing his audience, Dave decided he would have to explain a bit about the background info first. Unfortuantely, 15 minutes is a rather short amount of time. He was still explaining the background when the 5 minute warning sign was held up. That gave him 5 minutes to explain 3 years of research. Easy.
5 minutes later, he summed up.
"...In conclusion, old method bad, new method good."
A few giggles and smiles and looks of relief confirming that last sentence to be the only one of the talk any of them would remember.
Still, good job.
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
Shaken, not stirred.
Jean turned to Dave and said, "The Earth really moved for me."
Dave yawned, took this as a good sign, and went back to sleep.
The next morning, the news reported biggest earthquake in England since 1984.
Gutted.
Dave yawned, took this as a good sign, and went back to sleep.
The next morning, the news reported biggest earthquake in England since 1984.
Gutted.
Tuesday, February 26, 2008
Thanks
Dave had never been to Exeter before, right down in the south of England, tucked away. He'd never been anywhere in England south of London before. It was a fairly long trip. 6 hours, 3 trains, 2 of them packed to busting point, though luckily he had a seat.
He had been invited to give a talk. He would arrive Sunday, stay the night, talk Monday and head home, another 6 hour-3 train journey. While there he would see the inspiration that was Mark Holland. Dave, Mark and Dave's supervisor would spend the day together, chatting all things stats and chaos.
On arrival, the hotel was but a short walk up a steep hill. St David's Hill to be precise, a lovely name. The place felt somewhat countryside-ish, plenty of greeny and fresh air. The hotel was a converted three storey house, the room following the standard bed, desk, TV, bathroom layout, but with a cute slightly flowery twist. All in all, Dave liked it.
Dave's Supervisor was... less impressed. "It reminds me of my undergraduate days," he commented, in a negative tone.
Exeter University was beautiful. A scattering of University buildings on top of a hill. Bright green nature in every direction. A wonderful 10 minute walk from the hotel to meet Mark.
Dave's Supervisor... less impressed... and somewhat exhusted.
At lunch, the trio went off to find food. Mark was in somewhat of a hurry, needing to see students an hour later. The staff house was being fixed up so the only option was to dine in studentville, the Exeter Guild. The food was decent, the place was comfy, Dave was satisfied.
Needless to say how Dave's Supervisor took it.
The Talk. Dave's talk. Suppose to last 45min, trailed on for the hour. The questions were relevant, the comments useful, it was going well. The talk finished and people came to give feedback.
This was Dave's moment. This is what he had spent two days making slides for and two days travelling. That's almost a week of his life, all came down to this.
Someone approached. "Nice talk". Completely clear of sarcasim! Success!
Dave's Supervisor replied, "Thanks," and the two carried on chatting.
'....'
He had been invited to give a talk. He would arrive Sunday, stay the night, talk Monday and head home, another 6 hour-3 train journey. While there he would see the inspiration that was Mark Holland. Dave, Mark and Dave's supervisor would spend the day together, chatting all things stats and chaos.
On arrival, the hotel was but a short walk up a steep hill. St David's Hill to be precise, a lovely name. The place felt somewhat countryside-ish, plenty of greeny and fresh air. The hotel was a converted three storey house, the room following the standard bed, desk, TV, bathroom layout, but with a cute slightly flowery twist. All in all, Dave liked it.
Dave's Supervisor was... less impressed. "It reminds me of my undergraduate days," he commented, in a negative tone.
Exeter University was beautiful. A scattering of University buildings on top of a hill. Bright green nature in every direction. A wonderful 10 minute walk from the hotel to meet Mark.
Dave's Supervisor... less impressed... and somewhat exhusted.
At lunch, the trio went off to find food. Mark was in somewhat of a hurry, needing to see students an hour later. The staff house was being fixed up so the only option was to dine in studentville, the Exeter Guild. The food was decent, the place was comfy, Dave was satisfied.
Needless to say how Dave's Supervisor took it.
The Talk. Dave's talk. Suppose to last 45min, trailed on for the hour. The questions were relevant, the comments useful, it was going well. The talk finished and people came to give feedback.
This was Dave's moment. This is what he had spent two days making slides for and two days travelling. That's almost a week of his life, all came down to this.
Someone approached. "Nice talk". Completely clear of sarcasim! Success!
Dave's Supervisor replied, "Thanks," and the two carried on chatting.
'....'
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
England Vs China: The rest.
"So what of hospitals, politicians, religion, spirituality...?"
The list of differences between China and England is possibly never ending. Some big, some small and some just difficult to say which is really "better".
England is generally seen as having better hospitals and health services, yet it costs nearly 20 pounds in England just to show a dentist your teeth whilst the same 20 pounds in China could get every tooth fixed up.
Politicians in England are more open, but they've all blurred into each other and no one sees any point in voting. England has freedom of speech but far more terrorists.
England has a much wider array of religions and spiritual beliefs, China allows these beliefs it just doesn't have a strong tradition in them and thus doesn't force them on anyone.
etc etc etc.
The bottom line is the differences don't matter. It's the similarities that count. It's the ability to overcome every obstacle and for each to still acknowledge the other is filled with fellow human beings.
Whatever the faith of the reader, almost everyone can agree that the Chinese and the English all came from the same place. The same individual mother of humanity. The belief that this individual was human or monkey, thousands or millions of years ago doesn’t really make a difference.
If you prick us, do we not bleed? (Side note: Dave carried out a test on 1000 English people and 1000 Chinese people and found out that 100% of each group do in fact bleed.)
One day there won’t be labels, borders or mindless wars.
Then everyone will be a winner.
The list of differences between China and England is possibly never ending. Some big, some small and some just difficult to say which is really "better".
England is generally seen as having better hospitals and health services, yet it costs nearly 20 pounds in England just to show a dentist your teeth whilst the same 20 pounds in China could get every tooth fixed up.
Politicians in England are more open, but they've all blurred into each other and no one sees any point in voting. England has freedom of speech but far more terrorists.
England has a much wider array of religions and spiritual beliefs, China allows these beliefs it just doesn't have a strong tradition in them and thus doesn't force them on anyone.
etc etc etc.
The bottom line is the differences don't matter. It's the similarities that count. It's the ability to overcome every obstacle and for each to still acknowledge the other is filled with fellow human beings.
Whatever the faith of the reader, almost everyone can agree that the Chinese and the English all came from the same place. The same individual mother of humanity. The belief that this individual was human or monkey, thousands or millions of years ago doesn’t really make a difference.
If you prick us, do we not bleed? (Side note: Dave carried out a test on 1000 English people and 1000 Chinese people and found out that 100% of each group do in fact bleed.)
One day there won’t be labels, borders or mindless wars.
Then everyone will be a winner.
Wednesday, January 16, 2008
England Vs China: Round 6: Language.
The biggest and most difficult seperation to overcome between England and China is that of language. The English speak English, the Chinese collectively have around 8000 different local dialects, which are generally grouped into 8 real different languages but the majority speak either Cantonese and/or Mandarin. Here the comparsion will be between English and Mandarin.
The observant and logical thinking reader will have noticed this English artical may have some bias. This is possibly unavoidable, but an attempt to be fair will still be made.
The English language has an alphabet of 26 letters. Knowledge of these 26 letters then makes every word readable, even if the meaning is unclear. For example the word "Wiswo", currently meaningless, but most English speaking readers will have pronounced it in a similar manner.
How do you pronounce "爱"？The reader either knows or does not. Even a Chinese individual who knows every other Chinese character except this one (a very poor individual indeed, since everyone should have someone to 爱) cannot know how to pronounce this.
There are over 60,000 Chinese characters, although only around 6,000 are used and known by the majority of educated Chinese speakers. Thats around 230 times more things to learn than in English. Written English clearly has the advantage.
What of spoken?
Chinese is a tonal language. The meaning of each syllable can change depending on the tone. "Ma" and "Ma" mean "horse" and "mother", depending on the tone. This tonal aspect is often of great difficultly for an individual not used to such a language, but it would be a huge bias to announce it inferior. It is simply different.
Mandarin has far less spoken syllables than English. Ignoring the tones it has around 400, including the tones it has around 1000. English has around 12,000 possible ones. So, clearly Mandarin wins on spoken and the round ends in a draw.
Well... no.
Mandarin has around 1000 possible syllables. Yet it has around 6,000 commonly used characters, each representing a syllable, each with a different meaning. This means that, on average, every spoken syllable, even if the tone is flawless, has 6 possible different meanings. Put 3 syllables together and unless familar enough with the language to imediately recognise it's meaning, a mental search of 216 possible combinations needs to be carried out.
Although possibly still being baised, the equaliser is scored.
England 3 - 3 China
The observant and logical thinking reader will have noticed this English artical may have some bias. This is possibly unavoidable, but an attempt to be fair will still be made.
The English language has an alphabet of 26 letters. Knowledge of these 26 letters then makes every word readable, even if the meaning is unclear. For example the word "Wiswo", currently meaningless, but most English speaking readers will have pronounced it in a similar manner.
How do you pronounce "爱"？The reader either knows or does not. Even a Chinese individual who knows every other Chinese character except this one (a very poor individual indeed, since everyone should have someone to 爱) cannot know how to pronounce this.
There are over 60,000 Chinese characters, although only around 6,000 are used and known by the majority of educated Chinese speakers. Thats around 230 times more things to learn than in English. Written English clearly has the advantage.
What of spoken?
Chinese is a tonal language. The meaning of each syllable can change depending on the tone. "Ma" and "Ma" mean "horse" and "mother", depending on the tone. This tonal aspect is often of great difficultly for an individual not used to such a language, but it would be a huge bias to announce it inferior. It is simply different.
Mandarin has far less spoken syllables than English. Ignoring the tones it has around 400, including the tones it has around 1000. English has around 12,000 possible ones. So, clearly Mandarin wins on spoken and the round ends in a draw.
Well... no.
Mandarin has around 1000 possible syllables. Yet it has around 6,000 commonly used characters, each representing a syllable, each with a different meaning. This means that, on average, every spoken syllable, even if the tone is flawless, has 6 possible different meanings. Put 3 syllables together and unless familar enough with the language to imediately recognise it's meaning, a mental search of 216 possible combinations needs to be carried out.
Although possibly still being baised, the equaliser is scored.
England 3 - 3 China
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
England Vs China: Round 5: Smoking.
The cigarette. The only natural predator of the human species left in the wild. The main driving force of human evolution in the world today, picking off the weak willed and the stupid day by day. Unfortunately, it’s method of slow, painful death is often not quick enough to stop the stupidity passing to the next generation.
Smoking in England is more and more being seen for the curse on humanity that it actually is. Warning labels are compulsory, advertising is seriously restricted and smoking in public has been outlawed. Smokers are becoming a minority in England, and the majority of that minority try not to let their dirty habit harm others and are indeed trying, or at least considering, to quit. The others are simply stupid, weak willed or/and rude.
Smoking in China is polite. The truth of smoking is well known and yet somehow, in some very twisted leap of logic, it is polite to pull out a packet of cigarettes and ensure everyone at the table has one. They will not force a non-smoker to smoke, but they may very well offer them several more that evening.
Such a tragic lack of common sense sees the three lions making a come back,
England 2 – 3 China
Smoking in England is more and more being seen for the curse on humanity that it actually is. Warning labels are compulsory, advertising is seriously restricted and smoking in public has been outlawed. Smokers are becoming a minority in England, and the majority of that minority try not to let their dirty habit harm others and are indeed trying, or at least considering, to quit. The others are simply stupid, weak willed or/and rude.
Smoking in China is polite. The truth of smoking is well known and yet somehow, in some very twisted leap of logic, it is polite to pull out a packet of cigarettes and ensure everyone at the table has one. They will not force a non-smoker to smoke, but they may very well offer them several more that evening.
Such a tragic lack of common sense sees the three lions making a come back,
England 2 – 3 China
England Vs China: Round 4: Alcohol.
Alcoholic drinks in England and China do not differ greatly. England has more choice when it comes to cocktails, China has more available in strong spirits and rice wine. Both countries have very similar, and in some cases identical, beers and wines.
The main difference between the two countries is the goal of drinking. The English drink to be drunk. This is not the case of all English drinkers, but certainly true for too large a proportion. They drink as much as they can as quick as they can so that they can escape any responsibilities and be “free”. This freedom often involves urinating in public, being violently sick and just being plain violent. England at night is no place for the sober.
The Chinese drink in groups whilst eating to be social and friendly. That is not to say that the Chinese don’t get drunk, but they usually become “friendly” drunks and the number of sober individuals in the group is often enough to ensure nothing goes too seriously wrong. Generally, the streets of China at night are a much calmer place.
Thus the Dragon sails into the lead and round 4 goes to China.
England 1 – 3 China.
The main difference between the two countries is the goal of drinking. The English drink to be drunk. This is not the case of all English drinkers, but certainly true for too large a proportion. They drink as much as they can as quick as they can so that they can escape any responsibilities and be “free”. This freedom often involves urinating in public, being violently sick and just being plain violent. England at night is no place for the sober.
The Chinese drink in groups whilst eating to be social and friendly. That is not to say that the Chinese don’t get drunk, but they usually become “friendly” drunks and the number of sober individuals in the group is often enough to ensure nothing goes too seriously wrong. Generally, the streets of China at night are a much calmer place.
Thus the Dragon sails into the lead and round 4 goes to China.
England 1 – 3 China.
England Vs China: Round 3: Teenagers.
The streets of England are ruled by fear of teenage hooligans. They lurk on street corners awaiting their next victim. They hurl random insults at everyone and everything and give physical abuse either to those who respond or those who don’t. Despite this, it is still often frowned upon for any adult to strike back, after all, they’re only kids. They go unchecked, undisciplined, unpunished and they make England’s future look cloudy to say the least.
The Chinese in this respect have evolved far beyond their English counterparts. There are no teenagers in China. There are little children, there are adults, there is little or no sign of anything in between. Logic suggests this cannot be the case, but it is clearly what the evidence suggests.
Apparently, so the legend goes, the group of Chinese known as Teenage lurk in the shadows of school grounds during the day and seek the shelter of home where they can study during the night. There may also be small underground hideaways in which they group together, but these have never been found. Indeed, no one has ever seen one of these “Teenage”, it’s always “a friend of a friend” who has seen one.
In comparison, there can be only one winner.
England 1 – 2 China.
The Chinese in this respect have evolved far beyond their English counterparts. There are no teenagers in China. There are little children, there are adults, there is little or no sign of anything in between. Logic suggests this cannot be the case, but it is clearly what the evidence suggests.
Apparently, so the legend goes, the group of Chinese known as Teenage lurk in the shadows of school grounds during the day and seek the shelter of home where they can study during the night. There may also be small underground hideaways in which they group together, but these have never been found. Indeed, no one has ever seen one of these “Teenage”, it’s always “a friend of a friend” who has seen one.
In comparison, there can be only one winner.
England 1 – 2 China.
England Vs China: Round 2: Traffic.
When it comes to traffic, China has a huge advantage: Probably more than half it’s vehicles are bikes or motorbikes. Compare this to England, which has less than one percent. (Side note: 98.2576% of all statistics are made up on the spot.) The per person pollution is greatly reduced and traffic jams occur less frequently. The remaining vehicles are made up mostly of taxis and busses, which are very cheap compared to England, with very few taxi rides costing greater than a pound. On paper, China wins round two hands down and is off to a flying start at two-nil.
However, China’s roads do have one small disadvantage compared to England’s. They lack any noticeable rules.
Undertake, overtake, it’s all the same. Traffic lights? More of a guideline, but shouldn’t be taken too seriously. Priority? Who got there first? Driving into oncoming traffic? Frowned upon, but when you’ve got to go you’ve got to go.
The roads in China are utter chaos, although strangely, seem to have less accidents than in England. Or perhaps they just cover them up quicker. Still, every time one crosses the road it feels like a mammoth achievement, and would be followed immediately by going straight home to sleep, but that would involve crossing back.
Therefore, despite all of the Island’s flaws, round two goes to England.
England 1 – 1 China.
However, China’s roads do have one small disadvantage compared to England’s. They lack any noticeable rules.
Undertake, overtake, it’s all the same. Traffic lights? More of a guideline, but shouldn’t be taken too seriously. Priority? Who got there first? Driving into oncoming traffic? Frowned upon, but when you’ve got to go you’ve got to go.
The roads in China are utter chaos, although strangely, seem to have less accidents than in England. Or perhaps they just cover them up quicker. Still, every time one crosses the road it feels like a mammoth achievement, and would be followed immediately by going straight home to sleep, but that would involve crossing back.
Therefore, despite all of the Island’s flaws, round two goes to England.
England 1 – 1 China.
England Vs China: Round 1: Food
The difference in attitude to eating between England and China was made famously clear in the comical HSBC advert, namely, the English find it rude not to finish their plate whilst the Chinese find it rude not to supply more than enough food for their guest to leave each meal stuffed. The meeting of these two cultures helps explain why England is fat and China is poor.
The type of food on offer in each country is vastly different. The Chinese are among the finest chefs in the world. Taking a single main ingredient such as rice they can produce tables and tables of dishes, complete with starters, main courses and desserts. Multiply this ability over the vast number of ingredients on offer and one has a menu which can take days to read. A typical Chinese market contains all the fruit, veg and meat available in England and then a large variety of others which the average English person will never in their lives know exist.
England, on the other hand, has next to no food that it can call it’s own. Anyone considering a meal in England will think “Italian, French, Greek, … , or Chinese?” and it fails even in imitation to produce.
The final blow comes in with the price. The price of food in England in pounds is pretty much the same as the price of food in China in RMB. With a conversation rate of 1 to 15 China wins round one with little effort.
England 0 – 1 China.
The type of food on offer in each country is vastly different. The Chinese are among the finest chefs in the world. Taking a single main ingredient such as rice they can produce tables and tables of dishes, complete with starters, main courses and desserts. Multiply this ability over the vast number of ingredients on offer and one has a menu which can take days to read. A typical Chinese market contains all the fruit, veg and meat available in England and then a large variety of others which the average English person will never in their lives know exist.
England, on the other hand, has next to no food that it can call it’s own. Anyone considering a meal in England will think “Italian, French, Greek, … , or Chinese?” and it fails even in imitation to produce.
The final blow comes in with the price. The price of food in England in pounds is pretty much the same as the price of food in China in RMB. With a conversation rate of 1 to 15 China wins round one with little effort.
England 0 – 1 China.
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