Slice of Cheese

Anya sat clutching her daddy staring round the room like a lost kitten, silent as a lamb. She hadn't been round to Grandma Natsios' in a while and clearly needed time to settle in. Good old Grandma started the baby talk to help break the ice.

She pointed to Dave and said, "This is Santa."

Anya, unable to talk, was clearly able to understand. Her face lit up instantaneously with a tiny little cheesy smile. Clearly daddy's little girl.

She was now able to walk around without the aid of her darlek dervice and her plans for world domination were well on their way when she began to help herself to Uncle John's Ice Cream.

Bloody Christmas.

Strapped down to a table, the life being liturally sucked out of him, Dave thought, 'Wouldn't it be nice if all my friends and family did this too...'

Dave was, of cause, giving blood.

For his birthday he had raised around 150 pounds for a good cause. Dave's original plan had been to ask once again for further donations for christmas. It occured to him that some people couldn't really give a lot of cash or somehow felt that cash was too impersonal. Therefore, whilst being drained of millilitre after millilitre of the red stuff, Dave decided to expand his Christmas wish list.

"Dear Santa,

I have been a good boy this year ... honest... I would therefore like for christmas, from everyone,

1. A cash donation which I will give to charity.

OR/AND

2. A blood donation to a local blood bank. (The nearest one to me being on Dale Street, near Moorfields Station, open weekdays 9:30 - 17:00 and saturday 9:45-14:00, closed sunday.)

You will of cause be paid in your usual milk and cookies.

Dave."

He wondered how many of his friends and family would be selfless enough to take part.

Tolon Tolon

Reunited again, Dave and Jean stared lovingly into each other eyes.

"I've missed you soo much, " said Dave, to which Jean romantically replied...

"Where's my present!?!?"

Dave had spent many hours looking round shops in Pamplona for the perfect gift. It was hard. Alot of cake and clothes shops, but cakes would get smashed and Dave had better chances of bringing home a winning lottery ticket that picking the right clothes.

What else was there... Dvds, videos, T.Vs, teddies, dolls, dog food, a communist flag and a pile of russian dolls... nothing seemed right.

Finally he found it. The perfect gift. A BOTTLE OF ALCOHOL!

This was exactly the same thing that he had brought back from Italy, which meant either Dave was incredibly boring or implied that he really believed his wife was an alcoholic. Both of which were true, but neither was the true reason.

IT WAS IN A COW BOTTLE! WITH TWO LITTLE COW SHOT GLASSES! IN A COW BOX! It was sooo cool.

It's name was "Tolon Tolon". Dave had no idea what that meant.

He probably never would.

Jean liked it.

Stats Conf 2:- This time it's Impersonal.

Dave had been sent to Pamplona, north of Spain, to his second Stats Conference for the month. Compared to Italy this one was bigger, flasher, more expensive. Dave hated it.

It completely lacked the personal touch of the Italian alternative and, knowing no one and having little contact with the outside world, Dave felt isolated.

...Lonely, I'm Mr Lonely...

Added to this, even the mathematics on display was less relevant than the Italian job. Dave felt like he had wasted his time coming here on every level and could not wait to return home to good old rain drenched Liverpool.

Therefore, after missing the train and the bus to the airport, Dave did not hesitate to jump into a 100 pound taxi trip to ensure he didn't waste even one more second.

3 hrs later, he had never been happier to see Scouseland.