Bruce confirmed the test date and time back on 13th November.
Tuesday 11th December. 8.20am. Norris Green test centre.
The test lasts an hour and he liked an hour before hand for his student to warm up, hence if all went to plan the final lesson would start at 7:20am and by 9:20am Dave would legally be able to drive. Bruce also pointed out that a test at this time would very likely be much easier, since half of it would be waiting around in traffic. General driving was going well and with 7 more lessons before the finale Dave was confident. Focus could now go on the fine tuning work, aka reversing.
Dave had been secretly driving since september. He had planned to give Jean his license as a big christmas present. Along the way, she eventually found out about it, but Dave reasoned that a present doesn't have to be a surprise to be appreciated.
December 11th 2007: Test day: Dave had gone to bed around 10pm and woke up nice and early 7am, with enough time to eat breakfast and be nice and ready for the test. Bruce arrived 7:20, Dave jumped in the drivers seat and they were away. The drive to the test centre went ok, though for some reason Dave had suddenly developed the habit of flashing his lights every time he signalled left. Thankfully, after 5 or 6 flashes, the habit disappeared as quickly as it had arrived.
The test centre was small and cold. Bruce and Dave waited quietly in the seating area. After a couple of minutes the examiners appeared.
“David Natsios,” said one lady.
The meeting was a little awkward. The lady introduced her self as Leslie. Dave went in for a handshake while she was just interested in getting Dave’s documents out of his other hand, she switched and went for the shake and Dave placed the documents in her handshake. It was a clumsy start.
The eye test was fine and the show me, tell me section was a walk over. No problems.
“Drive off when you’re ready.”
Dave checked all round and he was away. The drive was picture perfect. Signals, mirrors, speed, position, all perfect. Meeting situation occurred, Dave slowed, ready to stop, but there was enough room to take it slowly so forward he went.
The car suddenly stopped.
“There is a no entry sign there.”
The actually road had turned off to the left. Straight on had a no entry. In such a situation the examiner does not need to tell you to go left. There is no other choice.
The paint on the road had not been clear and Dave’s focus had been on the approaching car. But no entry meant no entry and when the examiner takes action that means only one thing.
Failed.
Dave continued left. A few seconds later, on a left emerge, Dave did all his observations correctly, had just enough time to get round and at that point in time wasn’t in the mood to wait. The car stopped again, but it made little difference. You can only fail each test once.
Leslie stayed quiet, so Dave asked the obvious, “Do we just drive back now or…?”
“Well, you have failed. You can chose to complete the test or we can stop here and get someone to come and collect you. I am only allowed to accompany you in exam conditions.”
The test went on. The drive in the second half was much less smooth. Dave was gutted. Still, the reverse round the corner was perfect and the reverse bay park was pretty good, although Leslie felt the need to say “You’re a little close to the red car”, which Dave had been aware of and was already fixing for, but techniquely meant he failed the test a third time. And just to kick sand in his eyes, she failed him a fourth time for forgetting to signal when stopping.
On a driving test you are allowed 16 minor faults, but no serious ones. Over the entire test, Dave finished with only 4 minor faults. Unfortuanately, he also had 4 that were marked as serious.
He had failed. Failed Bruce. Failed himself. Failed Jean. He would never be able to honestly say he passed first time.
Dave was not used to failing. It did not feel good.
But live and learn.
Now what on Earth could he get Jean for Christmas?
Tuesday, December 11, 2007
Friday, December 07, 2007
Lies, Damned Lies and Statistics.
Stare. Think. Scratch head. Stare. Idea! Research (Wikipedia). R program. Program fails. Scratch head. Rewrite. Fails. Rewrite. Graph!
And repeat.
Dave was going well. His pile of graphs got bigger by the day. Such pretty things, even his supervisor had fallen for them. So, so pretty.
However, after the days turned into weeks, the weeks turned into months and the months turned into years, Dave finally decided perhaps he should actually do some statstics for his statistics PhD, to add to his pretty pretty graphs. Therein lied his mistake.
"What? That can't be right." Nope, when Dave spoke to himself it was almost always a bad sign.
The statistics suggested his results were wrong. He checked again. And again. And again. How could it be? The graphs were so very very pretty.
Defeated, with only five minutes before his meeting with both supervisor and sponsor, why, oh why, had he checked the stats?
Dave now had several options, most of which involved faking his own death, faking his results or coming clean. The fool chose to come clean.
"Hmm.." said his supervisor.
There were several possible explanations as to what happened next. Perhaps the supervisor felt sorry for the student. Perhaps he thought stupid student makes him look bad. Perhaps he was still thinking about the pretty pretty graphs. Or perhaps he wasn't really paying attention.
In any case, the facts were brushed to one side, some other tests were suggested and the conversation continued as if it had never happened.
Ah the beauty of statistics. If at first you don't succeed, just keep changing the test until you find one that agrees with you. And if THAT fails, create a whole new test.
Phew.
And repeat.
Dave was going well. His pile of graphs got bigger by the day. Such pretty things, even his supervisor had fallen for them. So, so pretty.
However, after the days turned into weeks, the weeks turned into months and the months turned into years, Dave finally decided perhaps he should actually do some statstics for his statistics PhD, to add to his pretty pretty graphs. Therein lied his mistake.
"What? That can't be right." Nope, when Dave spoke to himself it was almost always a bad sign.
The statistics suggested his results were wrong. He checked again. And again. And again. How could it be? The graphs were so very very pretty.
Defeated, with only five minutes before his meeting with both supervisor and sponsor, why, oh why, had he checked the stats?
Dave now had several options, most of which involved faking his own death, faking his results or coming clean. The fool chose to come clean.
"Hmm.." said his supervisor.
There were several possible explanations as to what happened next. Perhaps the supervisor felt sorry for the student. Perhaps he thought stupid student makes him look bad. Perhaps he was still thinking about the pretty pretty graphs. Or perhaps he wasn't really paying attention.
In any case, the facts were brushed to one side, some other tests were suggested and the conversation continued as if it had never happened.
Ah the beauty of statistics. If at first you don't succeed, just keep changing the test until you find one that agrees with you. And if THAT fails, create a whole new test.
Phew.
Wednesday, November 14, 2007
Vicky Weir
Vicky was diagnosed with breast cancer Friday 27th October 2006, 3 weeks before her 40th birthday. Her little girl Iona was 5 at the time and she had been with her partner Martin for exactly 2 years, they met through speed dating.
Vicky was full of life. She brought fun and joy to everyone she met and even to some people she never met, myself included. When Vicky was first diagnosed she started writing an online journal (http://vickyweir.blogspot.com). I know her through these words.
They say you can judge a person by their friends. If this is the case then Vicky was a very fine lady. Her blog had more readers each day than mine had in a year, and this was only including those who knew her well enough to leave a comment. I could never think of any comment to add. I still don't know what to say and this entry does not do justice to how I feel or who she was.
Despite fighting this every step of the way and clinging to life with every breath, Vicky's cancer spread. She passed away this morning, November 14th 2007, 3 days before her 41st birthday.
My thoughts and prayers are with Iona, Martin and the rest of her many, many close friends and family.
Vicky was full of life. She brought fun and joy to everyone she met and even to some people she never met, myself included. When Vicky was first diagnosed she started writing an online journal (http://vickyweir.blogspot.com). I know her through these words.
They say you can judge a person by their friends. If this is the case then Vicky was a very fine lady. Her blog had more readers each day than mine had in a year, and this was only including those who knew her well enough to leave a comment. I could never think of any comment to add. I still don't know what to say and this entry does not do justice to how I feel or who she was.
Despite fighting this every step of the way and clinging to life with every breath, Vicky's cancer spread. She passed away this morning, November 14th 2007, 3 days before her 41st birthday.
My thoughts and prayers are with Iona, Martin and the rest of her many, many close friends and family.
Monday, October 22, 2007
Dr? Who?
"...aaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhh..." sighed Dave. After bursting for a Wii for weeks it felt really good to finally have one.
Virgin had recieved a new stock of 28 Wiis. All 28 had sold out within 20 minutes. Jean had managed to get number 26. Mission accomplished.
After an incredibly fast weekend with Jean, Bian and a Wii, came Monday and Dave was presented with a new problem. Although he had work to do, he had no timetables, no set obligations, not even a meeting with his supervisor, nothing. For the next two weeks, he was completely his own boss. And the Wii was just sitting there...
On one shoulder was Evil Dave, dressed in the sluttiest little devil costume you could imagine. Very sexy, especially his legs. Evil Dave whispered little things into Dave's right ear.
"Two weeks free. Two weeks! Take this week off, go play Zelda! ... Zelda.... Zelda.... Zelda.... "
Thankfully, on Dave's other shoulder was Good Dave. Dressed in an adorable little angel costume, complete with halo. Still very sexy, but in more of a wedding day, white dress kind of way. Good Dave was there to whisper into Dave's left ear.
"Five minutes won't hurt. I mean, come on, it's Zelda! You only live once."
Could Dave regain focus? Would he ever complete his PhD? Would anyone who read this ever be able to get rid off the disturbing image of Evil Dave?
Find out, next time.
Virgin had recieved a new stock of 28 Wiis. All 28 had sold out within 20 minutes. Jean had managed to get number 26. Mission accomplished.
After an incredibly fast weekend with Jean, Bian and a Wii, came Monday and Dave was presented with a new problem. Although he had work to do, he had no timetables, no set obligations, not even a meeting with his supervisor, nothing. For the next two weeks, he was completely his own boss. And the Wii was just sitting there...
On one shoulder was Evil Dave, dressed in the sluttiest little devil costume you could imagine. Very sexy, especially his legs. Evil Dave whispered little things into Dave's right ear.
"Two weeks free. Two weeks! Take this week off, go play Zelda! ... Zelda.... Zelda.... Zelda.... "
Thankfully, on Dave's other shoulder was Good Dave. Dressed in an adorable little angel costume, complete with halo. Still very sexy, but in more of a wedding day, white dress kind of way. Good Dave was there to whisper into Dave's left ear.
"Five minutes won't hurt. I mean, come on, it's Zelda! You only live once."
Could Dave regain focus? Would he ever complete his PhD? Would anyone who read this ever be able to get rid off the disturbing image of Evil Dave?
Find out, next time.
Wednesday, October 03, 2007
I really need a Wii.
Dave and Jean were over at Xiong and Re's new place for a meal. It was nice. Samuel, a privately hired chauffeur, had picked them up from their door, Xiong and Re had cooked everything and Kelly had been asked over to provide "entertainment". What more could anyone ask for?
The apartment was lovely. A modern flat, with incredibly comfortable sofas. Jean checked out every room in the place, including the housemates room who she had never met. Why Jean had felt the need to explore a strange man's room while he wasn't around was a mystery. Why Re had felt comfortable showing her around it was more so. Privacy was clearly not included in the rent.
The meal was delicious accompanied by standard coversation topics such as late night Porn and all male threesomes. Then came time to play some physical games with Kelly. Dave knew what Jean would say before she said it, and she said it before the games even began...
"Dave! I wanna Wii!"
The Wii is surely Nintendo's finest hour. Move over naked chef, the Wii is the ultimate answer to childhood (and adulthood) obesity, making excercise unbelievably fun. For anyone who doesn't know (welcome to Earth, feel free to take Bush when u leave), the Wii uses motion senses so that the player actually has to move to move their character. Playing Tennis you actually have to swing, racing cows you actually have to steer and boxing you actually have to punch. Alot.
By the end of the night Dave and Jean were aching all over. Their backs, shoulders, elbows and arms, but most of all their pockets. They had to have one.
"I really need a Wii."
But having a Wii was not a straight forward task. Even a year after it's release, the Wii, best selling console out of the three big boys, is completely sold out. No where in Liverpool city centre was there a place to have a Wii. Neither was there many places online. Although the Wii sells for £180, ebay was selling second hand ones for over £200. Clearly everyone was bursting for a Wii and with Christmas in the air things were not going to get better any time soon.
It looked like Dave and Jean would have to wait.
The apartment was lovely. A modern flat, with incredibly comfortable sofas. Jean checked out every room in the place, including the housemates room who she had never met. Why Jean had felt the need to explore a strange man's room while he wasn't around was a mystery. Why Re had felt comfortable showing her around it was more so. Privacy was clearly not included in the rent.
The meal was delicious accompanied by standard coversation topics such as late night Porn and all male threesomes. Then came time to play some physical games with Kelly. Dave knew what Jean would say before she said it, and she said it before the games even began...
"Dave! I wanna Wii!"
The Wii is surely Nintendo's finest hour. Move over naked chef, the Wii is the ultimate answer to childhood (and adulthood) obesity, making excercise unbelievably fun. For anyone who doesn't know (welcome to Earth, feel free to take Bush when u leave), the Wii uses motion senses so that the player actually has to move to move their character. Playing Tennis you actually have to swing, racing cows you actually have to steer and boxing you actually have to punch. Alot.
By the end of the night Dave and Jean were aching all over. Their backs, shoulders, elbows and arms, but most of all their pockets. They had to have one.
"I really need a Wii."
But having a Wii was not a straight forward task. Even a year after it's release, the Wii, best selling console out of the three big boys, is completely sold out. No where in Liverpool city centre was there a place to have a Wii. Neither was there many places online. Although the Wii sells for £180, ebay was selling second hand ones for over £200. Clearly everyone was bursting for a Wii and with Christmas in the air things were not going to get better any time soon.
It looked like Dave and Jean would have to wait.
Saturday, September 08, 2007
Housewife Boy.
It wasn't everyday one discovered they had a special ability. A super human power. Dave had suspected it for a few weeks now, but today it had surely been proven beyond all reasonable doubt.
"... oh, Chin might be round in a bit..."
Jean often threw these little surprises Dave's way. She wouldn't mention until the last possible moment, and sometimes not even then, if they were expected guests or had plans to go somewhere. This time however, Dave had expected it all along. He had cleaned the house top to bottom.
In fact, the last 5 times Dave had cleaned the house had co-insided perfectly with the last 5 surprise visits. Dave would feel the need to have a tidy house and then boom, a visitor would see it. Although Dave hadn't been given any clues, he had been constantly wondering who would drop by today as he vacuumed like a madman.
It was obvious he had a gift. He wasn't entirely sure if his tidying created the surprise visits or if he had the ability to "know" when a tidying was required, but he clearly had a gift.
But with great gifts came great responsibilty. He must put these new found powers to good use.
He was... Housewife Boy!
(Should any big shot movie producer happen across this, the movie rights for "Housewife Boy" are available, get in touch, we'll do business.)
"... oh, Chin might be round in a bit..."
Jean often threw these little surprises Dave's way. She wouldn't mention until the last possible moment, and sometimes not even then, if they were expected guests or had plans to go somewhere. This time however, Dave had expected it all along. He had cleaned the house top to bottom.
In fact, the last 5 times Dave had cleaned the house had co-insided perfectly with the last 5 surprise visits. Dave would feel the need to have a tidy house and then boom, a visitor would see it. Although Dave hadn't been given any clues, he had been constantly wondering who would drop by today as he vacuumed like a madman.
It was obvious he had a gift. He wasn't entirely sure if his tidying created the surprise visits or if he had the ability to "know" when a tidying was required, but he clearly had a gift.
But with great gifts came great responsibilty. He must put these new found powers to good use.
He was... Housewife Boy!
(Should any big shot movie producer happen across this, the movie rights for "Housewife Boy" are available, get in touch, we'll do business.)
Monday, August 27, 2007
BBQ
Bank Holiday Monday, time for a break.
Dave and Jean spent the morning with two of Jean's friends having a BBQ.
The BBQ followed the usual pattern, 3hrs trying to get the fire going, followed by a fire big enough to be seen from space, followed by tasty chicken.
In addition to the standard BBQ joys, Dave also had the pleasure of the guessing game, since the conversation was almost entirely in Chinese.
".... I saw some things I really shouldn't have saw...."
"... liu ge nan..." (six males)
"... qiao ke li...." (chocolate)
"... hao bu hao kan?..." (Did it look good?)
Dave had no idea what they were talking about, but he was fairly certain his version of the conversation was more entertaining than theirs.
Dave and Jean spent the morning with two of Jean's friends having a BBQ.
The BBQ followed the usual pattern, 3hrs trying to get the fire going, followed by a fire big enough to be seen from space, followed by tasty chicken.
In addition to the standard BBQ joys, Dave also had the pleasure of the guessing game, since the conversation was almost entirely in Chinese.
".... I saw some things I really shouldn't have saw...."
"... liu ge nan..." (six males)
"... qiao ke li...." (chocolate)
"... hao bu hao kan?..." (Did it look good?)
Dave had no idea what they were talking about, but he was fairly certain his version of the conversation was more entertaining than theirs.
Saturday, August 18, 2007
AWOL
It had started out as an ordinary day. Dave had slept till noon and Jean had woke him with complaints about a lack of help around the house. Dave had then yawned and went back to sleep till one.
It had continued into an ordinary bus journey. Dave and Jean sitting hand in hand on an Arriva number 10. Possibly a 10A. The journey ended in the usual fashion with the bus stopping, the doors opening and Dave and Jean stepping off into the big bad world...
The phrase "What a difference a day makes, 24 little hours," is widely known. The reality is that it takes far less than 24 hrs for things to change. Blink and you'll miss it.
... "Where's my bag?"...
Jean's bag was, of cause, still on the Arriva 10. Possibly 10A. The bad news was that it contained Jean's mobile, address book, wallet, money, keys, stuff for work and various sentimental items.
The good news was that it had Jean's day rider ticket, so it could stay on the bus all day without being kicked off. Heck it could even switch busses as many times as it liked.
The overall cost of replacing the bag seemed likely to be in the range of at least 100 pounds, which wasn't great. Dave would now need to chase up cancelling various things, replacing things and trying desperately to locate the bag through the lost and found, though early efforts had all led to nought.
On the way home, an Ambulance drove noisely by and quickly disappeared into the distance. Someone, somewhere, was in serious need of help. Dave wondered how long the accident had taken to happen.
Blink and you'll miss it.
Dave and Jean should count themselves lucky.
It had continued into an ordinary bus journey. Dave and Jean sitting hand in hand on an Arriva number 10. Possibly a 10A. The journey ended in the usual fashion with the bus stopping, the doors opening and Dave and Jean stepping off into the big bad world...
The phrase "What a difference a day makes, 24 little hours," is widely known. The reality is that it takes far less than 24 hrs for things to change. Blink and you'll miss it.
... "Where's my bag?"...
Jean's bag was, of cause, still on the Arriva 10. Possibly 10A. The bad news was that it contained Jean's mobile, address book, wallet, money, keys, stuff for work and various sentimental items.
The good news was that it had Jean's day rider ticket, so it could stay on the bus all day without being kicked off. Heck it could even switch busses as many times as it liked.
The overall cost of replacing the bag seemed likely to be in the range of at least 100 pounds, which wasn't great. Dave would now need to chase up cancelling various things, replacing things and trying desperately to locate the bag through the lost and found, though early efforts had all led to nought.
On the way home, an Ambulance drove noisely by and quickly disappeared into the distance. Someone, somewhere, was in serious need of help. Dave wondered how long the accident had taken to happen.
Blink and you'll miss it.
Dave and Jean should count themselves lucky.
Saturday, August 04, 2007
8 Today
Saturday August 4th 2007 at 6pm was Emma's party to celebrate her 8th Birthday.
Alan and Emily were a little late, Peter and Rachel were later, John's mum and dad were reasonably on time and Dave was a half hour early and had helped Emma to finish most of the sweets before the others had arrived.
Emma had all her new toys lined up on display and seemed incredibly happy with them all. Dave added a fairy playset to the collection, Alan and Emily came in with a pair of fairies and Peter and Rachel had a fairy Bratz horse to deliver, which went rather well with her new fairy Bratz doll. There seemed to be some kind of common theme, but Dave couldn't put his finger on it. Strangely, they had all chosen their gifts independently.
After a few hours of sweets, chit chat, a crazy 8-year old and some wrestling videos which made everyone realise their age, Dave got a lift from Alan back home. It was a lovely day.
A little later he recieved a text:
"Daved thak yow foor my presents lovv emma"
"Happy Birthday Emma. Hope you had a great one."
Alan and Emily were a little late, Peter and Rachel were later, John's mum and dad were reasonably on time and Dave was a half hour early and had helped Emma to finish most of the sweets before the others had arrived.
Emma had all her new toys lined up on display and seemed incredibly happy with them all. Dave added a fairy playset to the collection, Alan and Emily came in with a pair of fairies and Peter and Rachel had a fairy Bratz horse to deliver, which went rather well with her new fairy Bratz doll. There seemed to be some kind of common theme, but Dave couldn't put his finger on it. Strangely, they had all chosen their gifts independently.
After a few hours of sweets, chit chat, a crazy 8-year old and some wrestling videos which made everyone realise their age, Dave got a lift from Alan back home. It was a lovely day.
A little later he recieved a text:
"Daved thak yow foor my presents lovv emma"
"Happy Birthday Emma. Hope you had a great one."
Sunday, July 29, 2007
Problem Gambling
With the new super Casinos on the horizon, stories of gambling addicition became increasingly common. The list of people who had lost everything on the role of a dice, then stole more to lose on the next role, seemed surprisingly large, with new names added all the time. Dave had always been amazed at such stupidity. Little did he know, his name would soon be attached to the bottom.
It had started out friendly enough, a simple game of cards between friends, something to pass the time. The games grew longer, more frequent and came to their unavoidable destination. Gambling.
But this was not just small time gambling. Not just a few pound coins passed back and forth. No. The stakes were far higher.
The sentences,
"Whoever loses this game has to wash the dishes!"
and
"Whoever loses this game has to eat all the leftovers!"
became increasingly common.
Like any true addict, Dave found he couldn't stop. Having lost once, he would gamble on who would clean the dishes the next day and then the next!
Now, having washed the dishes three days straight and standing in front of a mountain of plates, pots and greesy pans, Dave knew he had a problem.
Still, it could be worse.
Bian now weighed 40 stone.
It had started out friendly enough, a simple game of cards between friends, something to pass the time. The games grew longer, more frequent and came to their unavoidable destination. Gambling.
But this was not just small time gambling. Not just a few pound coins passed back and forth. No. The stakes were far higher.
The sentences,
"Whoever loses this game has to wash the dishes!"
and
"Whoever loses this game has to eat all the leftovers!"
became increasingly common.
Like any true addict, Dave found he couldn't stop. Having lost once, he would gamble on who would clean the dishes the next day and then the next!
Now, having washed the dishes three days straight and standing in front of a mountain of plates, pots and greesy pans, Dave knew he had a problem.
Still, it could be worse.
Bian now weighed 40 stone.
Friday, July 20, 2007
Careers Workshop
Monday, July 16th, Dave woke early, staggered out of bed and rushed out the door, thankfully pausing just long enough to put on clothes. He was off to the University of Liverpool's GRAD school Careers Workshop week in Edge Hill University, where he would stay for the next two and a half days.
After signing in and picking up his keys, he had a short break to check out his accomadation. His initial thought of "So this is why some students kill themselves" described it perfectly. It was a small plain room. A bed, a closet, a desk, nothing more. No room to fit anything more if you wanted to. The bed seemed on the small side even for a single, and it squeeked with every movement. The bed sheets were of a questionable nature and the pillow was waffer thin. Attached to the room was a small bathroom, toilet, sink and shower. The shower was fun. It took a remarkably long time to heat up, then quickly went from icy cold to bubbling hot.
As much as Dave wanted to just hang out and relax in his new crib, he was here to work and day one was about to begin.
The workshop was a very mixed event. From the people presenting, the people attending and the subjects on study it was mixed in every possible way. It ranged from CV building and mock interviews to seemingly pointless "fun" team games. In the first evening there was a chill out session complete with pub quiz and in the second a hardcore dancing session resulting in bruising and blisters for several people. Dave picked up some wonderful advice to advance his career, such as "wear pink", "get drunk" and "sleep with people for publicity".
Dave's main interest during the three days was not so much what the presenters were saying, but how his fellow PhD students responded. A large amount of them seemed to hate the whole thing with a passion. Dave, who very rarely hated anything with a passion and prefered to just make the most of it and get whatever cheap laughs were available, found their attitude rather amusing. Yes, it was a bit silly and pointless at times, but it had to be done, so why not be silly and pointless in a mature way rather than pointlessly and sillily complaining about pointless and silly performances, if that makes sense.
Another thing Dave picked up on was how strange a thing confidence was. Dave did very little in his spare time, he found it very difficult to talk to new people, conversation did not come naturally to him, he had no idea what he would do next in life, his written work was apparently abysmal and his supervisor told him on a weekly basis how awful his PhD was. Despite studying a PhD in statistics, Dave had failed to answer even one statistics related question asked by other students there. In comparison, another student there had been to Cambridge, was a Scout Leader, played Tenis tournements, badminton, swimming, kayaking, etc, etc, played 5 instruments, several of which were self taught, had a job, career goals, owned a house and was doing a PhD part time. What Dave found bizare was that when the two of them spoke, it was Dave who came across as the confident one. In fact, Dave had somehow managed to sound fairly confident throughout the whole event. He had even fooled at least one person into thinking he was "a good comunicator". How he had pulled that off he had no idea.
After a long hard day, Dave got back to his room and collasped onto his bed. Of cause, being used to a double bed and being very tired, he misjudged his fall going head first into the wall. That hurt. Thankfully, no one was around to see that moment of stupidity.
No one would ever know.
After signing in and picking up his keys, he had a short break to check out his accomadation. His initial thought of "So this is why some students kill themselves" described it perfectly. It was a small plain room. A bed, a closet, a desk, nothing more. No room to fit anything more if you wanted to. The bed seemed on the small side even for a single, and it squeeked with every movement. The bed sheets were of a questionable nature and the pillow was waffer thin. Attached to the room was a small bathroom, toilet, sink and shower. The shower was fun. It took a remarkably long time to heat up, then quickly went from icy cold to bubbling hot.
As much as Dave wanted to just hang out and relax in his new crib, he was here to work and day one was about to begin.
The workshop was a very mixed event. From the people presenting, the people attending and the subjects on study it was mixed in every possible way. It ranged from CV building and mock interviews to seemingly pointless "fun" team games. In the first evening there was a chill out session complete with pub quiz and in the second a hardcore dancing session resulting in bruising and blisters for several people. Dave picked up some wonderful advice to advance his career, such as "wear pink", "get drunk" and "sleep with people for publicity".
Dave's main interest during the three days was not so much what the presenters were saying, but how his fellow PhD students responded. A large amount of them seemed to hate the whole thing with a passion. Dave, who very rarely hated anything with a passion and prefered to just make the most of it and get whatever cheap laughs were available, found their attitude rather amusing. Yes, it was a bit silly and pointless at times, but it had to be done, so why not be silly and pointless in a mature way rather than pointlessly and sillily complaining about pointless and silly performances, if that makes sense.
Another thing Dave picked up on was how strange a thing confidence was. Dave did very little in his spare time, he found it very difficult to talk to new people, conversation did not come naturally to him, he had no idea what he would do next in life, his written work was apparently abysmal and his supervisor told him on a weekly basis how awful his PhD was. Despite studying a PhD in statistics, Dave had failed to answer even one statistics related question asked by other students there. In comparison, another student there had been to Cambridge, was a Scout Leader, played Tenis tournements, badminton, swimming, kayaking, etc, etc, played 5 instruments, several of which were self taught, had a job, career goals, owned a house and was doing a PhD part time. What Dave found bizare was that when the two of them spoke, it was Dave who came across as the confident one. In fact, Dave had somehow managed to sound fairly confident throughout the whole event. He had even fooled at least one person into thinking he was "a good comunicator". How he had pulled that off he had no idea.
After a long hard day, Dave got back to his room and collasped onto his bed. Of cause, being used to a double bed and being very tired, he misjudged his fall going head first into the wall. That hurt. Thankfully, no one was around to see that moment of stupidity.
No one would ever know.
Tuesday, July 03, 2007
Dad
They had finally caught him. The Giant Greek Monkey, thought by many to be a myth. They had caught him and operated on him, removed the tumour from his bladder and forced him to lie around for several days to recover. The operation had been a complete success, though they would keep an eye on the rare specimen just to be safe.
Dave and Jean watched as the animal turned and struggled, anxious to be free of the various tubes sticking in various places, desperate to be rid of the annoying drip, longing, hopelessly longing to return to the wild where he belonged.
This Monkey was, of cause, Dave's father.
"Dad, can we get you anything? Anything at all? Food, drink? A Pizza?"
"No, no," grumbled the beast, "I'm fine."
"Some coke?"
"Yes."
When the couple returned with a large amount of coke the Monkey's eyes finally lit up, clearly reminded of the rivers of coke from back home. The pleasure was short lived, however, when the nurse informed him no fizzy drinks.
"Dad, can we get you anything else? Anything at all? Food, drink? A Pizza?"
"No, no," grumbled the beast, "I'm fine."
The Monkey's other son, Alan, showed up a little later. The brothers and Jean asked several more times if he wanted anything and eventually gave up. Alan got down to the more important task of taking the p*ss, Dave laughed and Jean fell asleep. The Monkey longed for home more and more with each passing moment.
At the end of visiting hours, Dave's dad turned to the brothers and said, "Why didn't you buy me anything to eat? I'll be hungry in an hour."
In his weakened state he probably would have been alot easier to kill. The thought clearly crossed both the brothers' minds.
They convinced the nurses to extend visiting hours a little longer, picked up a ham and pineapple pizza and delivered it.
"Enjoy."
Dave and Jean watched as the animal turned and struggled, anxious to be free of the various tubes sticking in various places, desperate to be rid of the annoying drip, longing, hopelessly longing to return to the wild where he belonged.
This Monkey was, of cause, Dave's father.
"Dad, can we get you anything? Anything at all? Food, drink? A Pizza?"
"No, no," grumbled the beast, "I'm fine."
"Some coke?"
"Yes."
When the couple returned with a large amount of coke the Monkey's eyes finally lit up, clearly reminded of the rivers of coke from back home. The pleasure was short lived, however, when the nurse informed him no fizzy drinks.
"Dad, can we get you anything else? Anything at all? Food, drink? A Pizza?"
"No, no," grumbled the beast, "I'm fine."
The Monkey's other son, Alan, showed up a little later. The brothers and Jean asked several more times if he wanted anything and eventually gave up. Alan got down to the more important task of taking the p*ss, Dave laughed and Jean fell asleep. The Monkey longed for home more and more with each passing moment.
At the end of visiting hours, Dave's dad turned to the brothers and said, "Why didn't you buy me anything to eat? I'll be hungry in an hour."
In his weakened state he probably would have been alot easier to kill. The thought clearly crossed both the brothers' minds.
They convinced the nurses to extend visiting hours a little longer, picked up a ham and pineapple pizza and delivered it.
"Enjoy."
Thursday, June 28, 2007
Consequence of Insulting Sod's Law
Dave woke early, he had a dentist appointment at 10:15am. He had not been to this dentist before. He left with plenty of time to get there and, despite getting lost for a while, still arrived with almost 30 min to spare.
He sat down in the waiting area and banged his head on an awkwardly positioned cabinet.
After almost an hour wait, he went in to see the dentist.
"I've been told I need root canal work done."
"Oh..." said the dentist, and then she explained that due to the cost of root canal work, she was unable to offer it. Dave would need to go elsewhere.
Having wasted his morning, Dave swung back to Uni where he would meet his supervisor. There he spent the majority of his afternoon learning how inadequate his PhD work currently was.
"I remember my other student, Alex, he let me down enormously," his supervisor told him, "You remind me alot of him."
Onwards, Dave jumped on a bus to work. Here, dispite most of the bus being empty, a lady of aproximately 55 years of age, very drunk and ugly, decided to sit next to Dave.
"I want you up inside me," she informed Dave
"Go away," said Dave.
The conversation continued like this for the majority of the journey, a journey which usually takes 10 - 20 min, but for some reason today took half an hour.
"Why don't you wanna sh'.. me?" she asked
"There are too many reasons to list, go away, there are plenty of empty seats, pick one."
She swayed back and forth, half way between failing to look sexy and almost falling over, the result was almost comical. Most of her words were too badly slurred to be understood, but the occasional sentence came out.
"I wanna f**k you."
"That will NEVER happen, you're replusive, go away."
Eventually, a kind gentleman getting off the bus stole her glasses as he walked past and informed her if she wanted them back she would have to come and get them. She finally left. Dave thanked the man from the bottom of his heart.
Next up, as he went door to door, it started to piss down.
And the perfect end to the perfect day, he got a paper cut.
He sat down in the waiting area and banged his head on an awkwardly positioned cabinet.
After almost an hour wait, he went in to see the dentist.
"I've been told I need root canal work done."
"Oh..." said the dentist, and then she explained that due to the cost of root canal work, she was unable to offer it. Dave would need to go elsewhere.
Having wasted his morning, Dave swung back to Uni where he would meet his supervisor. There he spent the majority of his afternoon learning how inadequate his PhD work currently was.
"I remember my other student, Alex, he let me down enormously," his supervisor told him, "You remind me alot of him."
Onwards, Dave jumped on a bus to work. Here, dispite most of the bus being empty, a lady of aproximately 55 years of age, very drunk and ugly, decided to sit next to Dave.
"I want you up inside me," she informed Dave
"Go away," said Dave.
The conversation continued like this for the majority of the journey, a journey which usually takes 10 - 20 min, but for some reason today took half an hour.
"Why don't you wanna sh'.. me?" she asked
"There are too many reasons to list, go away, there are plenty of empty seats, pick one."
She swayed back and forth, half way between failing to look sexy and almost falling over, the result was almost comical. Most of her words were too badly slurred to be understood, but the occasional sentence came out.
"I wanna f**k you."
"That will NEVER happen, you're replusive, go away."
Eventually, a kind gentleman getting off the bus stole her glasses as he walked past and informed her if she wanted them back she would have to come and get them. She finally left. Dave thanked the man from the bottom of his heart.
Next up, as he went door to door, it started to piss down.
And the perfect end to the perfect day, he got a paper cut.
Tuesday, June 26, 2007
Dream On
Last night Dave had a dream.
He dreamt that he was back at his old junior school, a school which in real life has now been demolished. It was just as he had remembered it. A school kid came up to him and asked him why he was still here and Dave suddenly realised it was all a dream, but he didn't want to wake up, he wanted to look around while he still could. It was a pleasant trip down memory lane.
He went over to a small cabinet and started looking at the things there. He picked something up, he later couldn't remember what it was, but he looked at the bottom. There was a serial number. 112116. He repeated it to himself several times. He wanted to remember it. See if it was a real serial number in real life. 112116.
Suddenly the 2 moved, dreams were like that, so Dave wasn't too concerned. It was now 121116. The 2 moved back and forth a few more times, but no other change occured. 112116, 121116, 112116, 121116....
Dave, finally sure he would remember the numbers on waking, continued his look around his childhood memories.
Eventually, he woke up.
He did indeed remember the numbers on waking, and, although in the real world he thought it alot sillier than his dream self, he decided to do a quick google search.
112116
The first page that jumped up was "Prime Curios!", a site which had unusual facts about Prime numbers. It said:
"One of only two six digit integers, abcdef, that has the property that both (abcdef)/(a+b+c+d+e+f) and (abcdef)/(a*b*c*d*e*f) are both prime. Coincidentally, they are the same prime. "
Interesting, if you like that kind of thing, but it was about to get a whole lot stranger...
121116
The second page that jumped up was, again, "Prime Curios!". Dave simply could not believe his eyes....
"The larger, of only two six-digit integers, abcdef, that has the property that both (abcdef)/(a+b+c+d+e+f) and (abcdef)/(a*b*c*d*e*f) are both prime. Coincidentally, they are the same prime. "
The words "only two" hit him like a ton of bricks. There were 900,000 possible 6 digit numbers. Only two of them had this property. To get 1 of them was fairly meaningless, since most numbers have some kind of property, but to get both? And "only" both?
Dave was certain he had never heard of either of these numbers before.
That was spooky.
He dreamt that he was back at his old junior school, a school which in real life has now been demolished. It was just as he had remembered it. A school kid came up to him and asked him why he was still here and Dave suddenly realised it was all a dream, but he didn't want to wake up, he wanted to look around while he still could. It was a pleasant trip down memory lane.
He went over to a small cabinet and started looking at the things there. He picked something up, he later couldn't remember what it was, but he looked at the bottom. There was a serial number. 112116. He repeated it to himself several times. He wanted to remember it. See if it was a real serial number in real life. 112116.
Suddenly the 2 moved, dreams were like that, so Dave wasn't too concerned. It was now 121116. The 2 moved back and forth a few more times, but no other change occured. 112116, 121116, 112116, 121116....
Dave, finally sure he would remember the numbers on waking, continued his look around his childhood memories.
Eventually, he woke up.
He did indeed remember the numbers on waking, and, although in the real world he thought it alot sillier than his dream self, he decided to do a quick google search.
112116
The first page that jumped up was "Prime Curios!", a site which had unusual facts about Prime numbers. It said:
"One of only two six digit integers, abcdef, that has the property that both (abcdef)/(a+b+c+d+e+f) and (abcdef)/(a*b*c*d*e*f) are both prime. Coincidentally, they are the same prime. "
Interesting, if you like that kind of thing, but it was about to get a whole lot stranger...
121116
The second page that jumped up was, again, "Prime Curios!". Dave simply could not believe his eyes....
"The larger, of only two six-digit integers, abcdef, that has the property that both (abcdef)/(a+b+c+d+e+f) and (abcdef)/(a*b*c*d*e*f) are both prime. Coincidentally, they are the same prime. "
The words "only two" hit him like a ton of bricks. There were 900,000 possible 6 digit numbers. Only two of them had this property. To get 1 of them was fairly meaningless, since most numbers have some kind of property, but to get both? And "only" both?
Dave was certain he had never heard of either of these numbers before.
That was spooky.
Sunday, June 24, 2007
Gifts
Giving up gifts was not easy for Dave. Not easy at all. In fact, it was surprisingly difficult.
It had all looked so simply on paper. All he had to do was tell everyone they didn't need to get him anything any more, though they could donate to charity if they wished and that would be that. He had no real desire to recieve presents and it would be nice to make his little stand against the tide. Simple.
In practice it didn't work that way. People wanted to give him gifts. Giving gifts at birthdays and Christmas seems deeply, deeply associated with showing you care. People wanted to show they cared. Further, refusing gifts or asking not to recieve any seemed to insult people.
"My gifts aren't good enough?"
This was not the intention and completely not true. The gifts he had recieved were all top quality stuff which he was very thankful for. Why then did Dave not want any more?
Dave had two main problems with gifts.
Firstly, the fact that more money is spent on just the wrapping paper, never mind the gifts, every year than on charities is quite horrific. Add to this the amount of waste created by said wrapping paper, along with packaging etc. It just doesn't seem right.
Secondly, gifts do not equal love. Love equals love. Gifts can be a sign of love, but it's not always the case and it's certainly not the only way to show it. Dave wished he could live in a world where people could feel the love without the gifts.
Alas, this was not the case. People wanted to give and recieve and were hurt if this was taken away. Dave did not want to hurt anyone.
Perhaps some battles just weren't worth fighting.
It had all looked so simply on paper. All he had to do was tell everyone they didn't need to get him anything any more, though they could donate to charity if they wished and that would be that. He had no real desire to recieve presents and it would be nice to make his little stand against the tide. Simple.
In practice it didn't work that way. People wanted to give him gifts. Giving gifts at birthdays and Christmas seems deeply, deeply associated with showing you care. People wanted to show they cared. Further, refusing gifts or asking not to recieve any seemed to insult people.
"My gifts aren't good enough?"
This was not the intention and completely not true. The gifts he had recieved were all top quality stuff which he was very thankful for. Why then did Dave not want any more?
Dave had two main problems with gifts.
Firstly, the fact that more money is spent on just the wrapping paper, never mind the gifts, every year than on charities is quite horrific. Add to this the amount of waste created by said wrapping paper, along with packaging etc. It just doesn't seem right.
Secondly, gifts do not equal love. Love equals love. Gifts can be a sign of love, but it's not always the case and it's certainly not the only way to show it. Dave wished he could live in a world where people could feel the love without the gifts.
Alas, this was not the case. People wanted to give and recieve and were hurt if this was taken away. Dave did not want to hurt anyone.
Perhaps some battles just weren't worth fighting.
Saturday, June 16, 2007
Happy Birthday Dave
Dave woke up feeling like s**t. His nose was blocked, his head was banging and his throat felt pretty rough. In a few hours he would need to give his annual speech in Uni, defending his PhD to the entire department, or face failing the course.
It was, of cause, Dave's 23rd birthday.
In addition to giving the speech, Dave had also been left in charge of setting the speech up. Of cause, the key required to get to the laptop went awol. Luckily he had started searching for it almost an hour early, because it wasn't found until 5 minutes late.
Finally ready, his flashkey decided that even though it had worked fine a few hours earlier, it wouldn't bother to work now. Thankfully, Dave had thought of this and had also emailed himself another copy of the file.
Show time.
30 -50 min the speech should last. Over an hour of constant questions later, Dave finally got a chance to sit down. His wife decided to take him out for a romantic meal for two.
During the meal, he recieved a phone call from his supervisor. He would be going on holiday for over a week and wanted to talk to Dave about how his speech went. Of cause, he wanted Dave to call him back, because it was costing him too much to talk on his mobile. Dave did so, and was told all the wonderful shortcomings of his speech and his work in general and how it all needed alot more added to it. A very long phone call, but Dave paid for it, so that was fine.
When the phone call had started the meal had not yet arrived. When the phone call had ended, Jean had already finished her meal (and half of his) and his food had gone cold.
"Happy Birthday Dave!"
Despite all this, Dave did manage to have a decent day. He recieved message after message from family and friends filled with hugs, snogs, congrats, best wishes and a million happy birthdays.
In all honesty, what more could anyone ask for?
It was, of cause, Dave's 23rd birthday.
In addition to giving the speech, Dave had also been left in charge of setting the speech up. Of cause, the key required to get to the laptop went awol. Luckily he had started searching for it almost an hour early, because it wasn't found until 5 minutes late.
Finally ready, his flashkey decided that even though it had worked fine a few hours earlier, it wouldn't bother to work now. Thankfully, Dave had thought of this and had also emailed himself another copy of the file.
Show time.
30 -50 min the speech should last. Over an hour of constant questions later, Dave finally got a chance to sit down. His wife decided to take him out for a romantic meal for two.
During the meal, he recieved a phone call from his supervisor. He would be going on holiday for over a week and wanted to talk to Dave about how his speech went. Of cause, he wanted Dave to call him back, because it was costing him too much to talk on his mobile. Dave did so, and was told all the wonderful shortcomings of his speech and his work in general and how it all needed alot more added to it. A very long phone call, but Dave paid for it, so that was fine.
When the phone call had started the meal had not yet arrived. When the phone call had ended, Jean had already finished her meal (and half of his) and his food had gone cold.
"Happy Birthday Dave!"
Despite all this, Dave did manage to have a decent day. He recieved message after message from family and friends filled with hugs, snogs, congrats, best wishes and a million happy birthdays.
In all honesty, what more could anyone ask for?
Monday, June 11, 2007
The Law of the Sod
With his wife away, Dave hadn't slept well at all. Try as he might he could just not get used to her absense. Still, she would only be gone for a week and he would sleep plenty on her return.
Now, with his wife finally back at his side, Dave once again could not sleep.
He had toothache.
"Bloody Sod and his stupid laws!"
Now, with his wife finally back at his side, Dave once again could not sleep.
He had toothache.
"Bloody Sod and his stupid laws!"
Friday, June 08, 2007
Third time lucky.
"Hey mum, what's up?"
"Nothing, just wanted to check how you were since Jean is away."
"I'm fine..."
"Are you sleeping OK?"
Jean was away in Birmingham for a work related training course. She'd been gone almost a week, in which time Dave had been lucky to get 6 hours sleep in a night. That his mum had guessed this straight off led him to believe he probably took after his mum, and that she herself had had a few sleepless nights whenever his dad had been away. Either that or he'd went on about it too much the last time he'd been away from Jean. Whichever.
Dave's sister was spring cleaning, better late than never, Dave's sister in law was almost a teacher and Dave's brother in law had quit smoking. Things were looking good. Dave's dad would be going into hospital for an operation, again, sometime early July. Hopefully, it'd be third time lucky.
"Jean's birthday is around then right?"
"Yup," said Dave
"She's going to be 25?"
"Yup."
"When I first met her she said she would have babies when she was 25."
"..."
"Dave?"
"Nothing, just wanted to check how you were since Jean is away."
"I'm fine..."
"Are you sleeping OK?"
Jean was away in Birmingham for a work related training course. She'd been gone almost a week, in which time Dave had been lucky to get 6 hours sleep in a night. That his mum had guessed this straight off led him to believe he probably took after his mum, and that she herself had had a few sleepless nights whenever his dad had been away. Either that or he'd went on about it too much the last time he'd been away from Jean. Whichever.
Dave's sister was spring cleaning, better late than never, Dave's sister in law was almost a teacher and Dave's brother in law had quit smoking. Things were looking good. Dave's dad would be going into hospital for an operation, again, sometime early July. Hopefully, it'd be third time lucky.
"Jean's birthday is around then right?"
"Yup," said Dave
"She's going to be 25?"
"Yup."
"When I first met her she said she would have babies when she was 25."
"..."
"Dave?"
Thursday, June 07, 2007
Jean... this says June...
Jean had passed her test, all the documents were ready, everything was all set to send away for her new unlimited Visa. The website mentioned a warning to say do not apply more than 28 days before your current visa runs out. The visa was suppose to be expiring near the begining of July, it was now June 3rd, everything was going according to plan.
Dave decided to check the date on the visa to see if they could send away now or if they had to wait another week.
"... hmmm... Jean... this says June not July... your visa expired two days ago..."
"Oh well, guess we'll just send it away now," said Jean (Note, these were not her exact words, but children could be reading this.)
So they calmly got all the finishing touches done and dusted and it was sent of the very next morning.
And they all lived happily ever after.
...hopefully.
Dave decided to check the date on the visa to see if they could send away now or if they had to wait another week.
"... hmmm... Jean... this says June not July... your visa expired two days ago..."
"Oh well, guess we'll just send it away now," said Jean (Note, these were not her exact words, but children could be reading this.)
So they calmly got all the finishing touches done and dusted and it was sent of the very next morning.
And they all lived happily ever after.
...hopefully.
Saturday, June 02, 2007
Exam Stress
Dave had never worried about exams. He had never found any reason to worry. An exam was simply sitting down and answering questions. There were no "hard" questions, you either knew the answer or you didn't, and, lucky for Dave, he usually knew more than he didn't.
In fact, doing a PhD, Dave kind of missed the simple life of exams. And yet, during the past few weeks, one exam had given him more stress than every other examination he had ever taken all rolled into one. The really hard part was it wasn't his exam to take.
The result of his wife's Life in The UK test may very well determine his entire life and all he could do was sit outside the exam room and wait. And wait...
Liverpool central Library proved to be very poorly managed. The test is made up of 24 pointless questions answered on a computer with imediate results available and each person has a maximum of 45 min in which to complete it. The majority of people, pass or fail, finish it with at least 15 min to spare. So how did the Library manage to make the whole procedure last for over 2 hrs?
Dave waited...
Weeks and weeks of endless study for this examination, some of which involved Jean, and now it was just a very long 2 hours away from being over.
Finally the results were in, although in true Library style they were handed out one by one as slowly as possible. Finally the time came...
"Jing Luo?"
Jean rushed into the little room, was handed a piece of paper and came out with a smile.
It was a pass.
It was also the fakest looking certificate in the history of certificates. It was a normal paper A4 print off of Jean's details with the word "Pass" stamped on it.
"Keep this safe, we will not provide another copy," Jean was told as she left. 'I don't think I'll need one,' thought Jean, 'I could print off a dozen more myself.'
Still, a pass was a pass, and with the madness finally over, Dave and Jean met up with Macca for a Chinese and a Pint.
All in all 100% successful trip.
In fact, doing a PhD, Dave kind of missed the simple life of exams. And yet, during the past few weeks, one exam had given him more stress than every other examination he had ever taken all rolled into one. The really hard part was it wasn't his exam to take.
The result of his wife's Life in The UK test may very well determine his entire life and all he could do was sit outside the exam room and wait. And wait...
Liverpool central Library proved to be very poorly managed. The test is made up of 24 pointless questions answered on a computer with imediate results available and each person has a maximum of 45 min in which to complete it. The majority of people, pass or fail, finish it with at least 15 min to spare. So how did the Library manage to make the whole procedure last for over 2 hrs?
Dave waited...
Weeks and weeks of endless study for this examination, some of which involved Jean, and now it was just a very long 2 hours away from being over.
Finally the results were in, although in true Library style they were handed out one by one as slowly as possible. Finally the time came...
"Jing Luo?"
Jean rushed into the little room, was handed a piece of paper and came out with a smile.
It was a pass.
It was also the fakest looking certificate in the history of certificates. It was a normal paper A4 print off of Jean's details with the word "Pass" stamped on it.
"Keep this safe, we will not provide another copy," Jean was told as she left. 'I don't think I'll need one,' thought Jean, 'I could print off a dozen more myself.'
Still, a pass was a pass, and with the madness finally over, Dave and Jean met up with Macca for a Chinese and a Pint.
All in all 100% successful trip.
Monday, May 28, 2007
Update?
"So," said Dave, "How's me dad?"
"Well," said Dave's mum....
Dave's dad had always had a thing for having a somewhat pessimistic view when it came to his personal health. For example, on one occassion when he discovered his hands had turned a slightly blue colour he immediately assumed he was about to die. Dave's mum had pointed out that it was dye from his gloves and therefore not all that lethal.
With this in mind, Dave could only begin to imagine what his dad had thought when they sat him in a chair and said, "Mr Natsios, the check we are about to do to discover what the growth is will involve us going up the urethra and scratching a small piece off for testing. You will be awake throughout the entire thing and if it goes wrong, which is unlikely, your urethra could swell up and you will be unable to use it and you will need to be hooked up to a bag."
Dave's dad left the hospital without having the check.
After a few days and a few chats with Dave's mum, he finally had the courage to go back and have the check. However the hospital had other ideas. He was placed directly into a cancer ward and was about to be given an operation to remove the growth without bothering to discover how serious it was. "If this goes wrong, which is unlikely, you may end up in a wheelchair..."
Dave's dad left the hospital again without having anything done. The current situation was, despite the trips to the hospital, nothing further was known and nothing further had been done.
... "and then, as your dad was leaving the hospital, the doctor said to him, I can see your not ready Mr Natsios, but please come back soon, I don't want my patient to die."
Dave took the news, or lack of news, rather well. He would hopefully find out more soon, but for now there was nothing much to worry about.
The next morning Dave woke up in a flood of tears, but, on the bright side, it got him out of bed before 10am on a saturday, which was almost unheard of.
"He's going to be fine," said Jean,
"He's going to be fine."
"Well," said Dave's mum....
Dave's dad had always had a thing for having a somewhat pessimistic view when it came to his personal health. For example, on one occassion when he discovered his hands had turned a slightly blue colour he immediately assumed he was about to die. Dave's mum had pointed out that it was dye from his gloves and therefore not all that lethal.
With this in mind, Dave could only begin to imagine what his dad had thought when they sat him in a chair and said, "Mr Natsios, the check we are about to do to discover what the growth is will involve us going up the urethra and scratching a small piece off for testing. You will be awake throughout the entire thing and if it goes wrong, which is unlikely, your urethra could swell up and you will be unable to use it and you will need to be hooked up to a bag."
Dave's dad left the hospital without having the check.
After a few days and a few chats with Dave's mum, he finally had the courage to go back and have the check. However the hospital had other ideas. He was placed directly into a cancer ward and was about to be given an operation to remove the growth without bothering to discover how serious it was. "If this goes wrong, which is unlikely, you may end up in a wheelchair..."
Dave's dad left the hospital again without having anything done. The current situation was, despite the trips to the hospital, nothing further was known and nothing further had been done.
... "and then, as your dad was leaving the hospital, the doctor said to him, I can see your not ready Mr Natsios, but please come back soon, I don't want my patient to die."
Dave took the news, or lack of news, rather well. He would hopefully find out more soon, but for now there was nothing much to worry about.
The next morning Dave woke up in a flood of tears, but, on the bright side, it got him out of bed before 10am on a saturday, which was almost unheard of.
"He's going to be fine," said Jean,
"He's going to be fine."
Wednesday, May 09, 2007
MyHeritage.com
Dave had discovered a great new game. MyHeritage.com. Basically, it's a website on which you up load pictures of yourself, friends and family. The site then uses state of the art techniques to decide which 10 celebrities the person in the picture looks most like.
When you think about it, that's pretty damn clever.
To Dave's horror his photo had a 50% match to Justin Timberlake, the celebrity certain people had tried to convince Dave he looked like, which Dave had always found to be nonsense. He apparently also had a 55% match to Sean Hayes, the really gay friend of Will in Will and Grace.
To Dave's amusement, other peoples photos had had some fairly interesting results....
Jean: 56% match to Joseph E. Stiglitz (guy going bald with a beard)
Dave's mum: 53% match to Uri Geller, 50% match to David Schwimmer (Ross from friends)
Dave's dad: 55% match to Whoopi Goldberg, 55% match to the Dalai Lama and 52% match to the Prince of Wales. (How is it even slightly possible for anyone to get that combination?)
Alan: 66% match to Isabella Rossellini
Andrea: 70% match to Madonna, 68% match to Wentworth Miller (guy from Prisonbreak)
Steven: 72% match to Meg Ryan, 63% match to Audrey Tautou and actually 9 of 10 of his matches were women.
Peter: 48% match to Christina Aguilera
Emma: 70% match to Katie Holmes
Anya: 55% match to Naomi Campbell
Aline: 71% match to Britney Spears
Macca: 70% match to Sarah Jessica Parker (the main one from Sex in the City). As with Ste, 9 out of 10 of these matches were women.
‘So’, thought Dave, ‘If I look like Justin Timberlake, I’m taking everyone else down with me.’
When you think about it, that's pretty damn clever.
To Dave's horror his photo had a 50% match to Justin Timberlake, the celebrity certain people had tried to convince Dave he looked like, which Dave had always found to be nonsense. He apparently also had a 55% match to Sean Hayes, the really gay friend of Will in Will and Grace.
To Dave's amusement, other peoples photos had had some fairly interesting results....
Jean: 56% match to Joseph E. Stiglitz (guy going bald with a beard)
Dave's mum: 53% match to Uri Geller, 50% match to David Schwimmer (Ross from friends)
Dave's dad: 55% match to Whoopi Goldberg, 55% match to the Dalai Lama and 52% match to the Prince of Wales. (How is it even slightly possible for anyone to get that combination?)
Alan: 66% match to Isabella Rossellini
Andrea: 70% match to Madonna, 68% match to Wentworth Miller (guy from Prisonbreak)
Steven: 72% match to Meg Ryan, 63% match to Audrey Tautou and actually 9 of 10 of his matches were women.
Peter: 48% match to Christina Aguilera
Emma: 70% match to Katie Holmes
Anya: 55% match to Naomi Campbell
Aline: 71% match to Britney Spears
Macca: 70% match to Sarah Jessica Parker (the main one from Sex in the City). As with Ste, 9 out of 10 of these matches were women.
‘So’, thought Dave, ‘If I look like Justin Timberlake, I’m taking everyone else down with me.’
Saturday, May 05, 2007
Context
"Growth"
What do you think of when you hear the word "Growth"?
The evironmentalist may think of new forests and plant life.
The parent may think of how quickly there little ones seem to shoot up.
The pyscologist may think of an individual's maturity.
The builder may think of expanding cities and highways.
The Head of Tesco may think of world domination.
Unfortanetly, when Dave heard the word recently he didn't have the luxory of any of these interpretations.
"Dave," said his mum, "Your dad's had his tests, they found a growth on his bladder..."
Dave didn't know what to think. He knew what he most certainly did NOT want to think of, but that was the thing that kept coming to him anyway.
The doctors didn't know what it was yet. They would do some more tests. There was a wide range of possiblities with an equally wide range of how serious it could be.
For now, Dave could only hope, prayer and say, "It's bound to be nothing".
What do you think of when you hear the word "Growth"?
The evironmentalist may think of new forests and plant life.
The parent may think of how quickly there little ones seem to shoot up.
The pyscologist may think of an individual's maturity.
The builder may think of expanding cities and highways.
The Head of Tesco may think of world domination.
Unfortanetly, when Dave heard the word recently he didn't have the luxory of any of these interpretations.
"Dave," said his mum, "Your dad's had his tests, they found a growth on his bladder..."
Dave didn't know what to think. He knew what he most certainly did NOT want to think of, but that was the thing that kept coming to him anyway.
The doctors didn't know what it was yet. They would do some more tests. There was a wide range of possiblities with an equally wide range of how serious it could be.
For now, Dave could only hope, prayer and say, "It's bound to be nothing".
Monday, April 09, 2007
Failure
Dave had set himself 3 challenges for Lent. Now, with Lent done and dusted, he could see his results.
No sweets: Passed
No alcohol: Passed
Daily pressups and weekly swimming: Failed. Not even close.
He could give himself list upon list of excuses why it hadn't happened. He could blame this. that or the other. He could console himself with the words of meatloaf that "two outa three aiin't bad".
Or he could simply accept the cold hard reality that he had completely failed and begin training for next year.
...right after he finished these chocy eggs....
No sweets: Passed
No alcohol: Passed
Daily pressups and weekly swimming: Failed. Not even close.
He could give himself list upon list of excuses why it hadn't happened. He could blame this. that or the other. He could console himself with the words of meatloaf that "two outa three aiin't bad".
Or he could simply accept the cold hard reality that he had completely failed and begin training for next year.
...right after he finished these chocy eggs....
Friday, March 30, 2007
Playing with Wiki.
Wikipedia. The greatest invention since sliced bread, which, according to Wikipedia, first came out in July 1928. Endless volumes of infinite knowledge. Dave was fairly certain he would have failed his PhD miserably had it not been around. It could also be used as a wonderfully entertaining game.
"Jing Luo"
Gives Jing Jing Luo, famous chinese composer
"McNeilis"
Gives "Danger Man"
and
"Natsios"
Gives "The Return of The Bastards"
Wikipedia really did know everything.
"Jing Luo"
Gives Jing Jing Luo, famous chinese composer
"McNeilis"
Gives "Danger Man"
and
"Natsios"
Gives "The Return of The Bastards"
Wikipedia really did know everything.
Monday, March 26, 2007
Best of British
When were women given the right to vote?
In which year will be the next census?
How wide is the widest point of Britain?
What year were women allowed to divorce their husbands?
What percentage of young people go into higher education?
How many years was the second world war?
Okay, an easy one:
Who is the head of the Government?
Prime Minister? Nope, The Queen.
Apparently, knowing the answers to all of these questions and many more like them is essential if you wish to blend in to the day to day British life as they all appear in the "Life in the UK" test which must be passed by anyone who wishes to stay indefinately in this country. Previously, passing the test was only required when applying for a British Passport. From April 2nd 2007 it has been extended to anyone who wishes indefinate leave to remain even if they don't want to be British.
This was somewhat bothersome for Dave. It meant his wife, Jean, now had only two months in which to learn all this "incredibly useful" information and pass the test. This time was shortened further because the new book relevant for the new tests from April 2nd was not yet available. Added to the £35 fee for the test and the £10 fee for the book, the couple were also now faced with an increase of the visa price from £335 to £750. That's an increase of 124%. Apparently this was a perfectly fair charge and should be paid for by legal foreigners, since the extra money would be used to keep illegal foreigners out.
For some reason, Dave couldn't quite figure out the logic with that.
In which year will be the next census?
How wide is the widest point of Britain?
What year were women allowed to divorce their husbands?
What percentage of young people go into higher education?
How many years was the second world war?
Okay, an easy one:
Who is the head of the Government?
Prime Minister? Nope, The Queen.
Apparently, knowing the answers to all of these questions and many more like them is essential if you wish to blend in to the day to day British life as they all appear in the "Life in the UK" test which must be passed by anyone who wishes to stay indefinately in this country. Previously, passing the test was only required when applying for a British Passport. From April 2nd 2007 it has been extended to anyone who wishes indefinate leave to remain even if they don't want to be British.
This was somewhat bothersome for Dave. It meant his wife, Jean, now had only two months in which to learn all this "incredibly useful" information and pass the test. This time was shortened further because the new book relevant for the new tests from April 2nd was not yet available. Added to the £35 fee for the test and the £10 fee for the book, the couple were also now faced with an increase of the visa price from £335 to £750. That's an increase of 124%. Apparently this was a perfectly fair charge and should be paid for by legal foreigners, since the extra money would be used to keep illegal foreigners out.
For some reason, Dave couldn't quite figure out the logic with that.
Saturday, March 24, 2007
Magic Mini Mac Moments
Another Saturday adventure with Little Mac and Mini Mac. Three hours of childhood joy. They went to see "the big pond" aka the river Mersey, saw big boats and little boats and creepy giant "friendly" musuem crabs. They then swung back through a little park to another musuem, saw Wallace and Gromit, insects, played alot of sport and had a quick drink. Mini Mac was bouncing up and down and looking at everything with an endless stream of energy, whilst Dave and Mac plodded along happily exhausted behind her.
Even though Dave had been there, he still couldn't work out how they had done it all in three hours. One or two little moments in particular stood out...
"I think those lads are aloud to climb on it," said Mini, about a bunch of teenage lads climbing on a statue in the park, whilst argueing that she should be allowed.
"No," replied Mac, "they're not." He then, clearly drunk with the power of being a newly appointed constable, added, "I might have to arrest them all."
"YEAH!" screeched Beth excitedly, "Beat them all up and arrest them! Come on! Do it now daddy!"
She then, to her daddies horror, charged at them, safe in the knowledge that her daddy would take them all on, despite being off-duty with no protective gear, scary uniform or backup.
Mac quickly led his daughter away.
...
"I'm hungry," anounced Beth.
"What would you like?"
"I want cake."
Dave and Mac duitfully escorted her to the museum cafe, where Mac bought her a delightful looking slice of chocolate cake. Dave, still keeping to his no sweets lent vow, sat and watched trying not to druel. She rubbed a little of it on her dolls face, ate less than her doll did herself and announced.
"I'm full. I don't want any more."
...
"You sit here Dave and you sit next to him daddy."
But daddy didn't sit where he was told.
Beth was quick to put him straight, "Your not listening to me! Your not suppose to sit there! When we get home your going straight to your bed!"
...
"Bethany, show Dave how you can count."
She began counting to herself silently.
"No Beth, say it outloud."
"1! 2!" she shouted
"No Beth," said Mac quickly, "I didn't mean THAT loud." Daddy really should make himself more clear.
"1,2,....20,21... 29..." she said perfectly in the voice of an angel, "20-10,20-11,20-12,....20-20," she continued with a proud smile.
She was unbelievebly cute.
Even though Dave had been there, he still couldn't work out how they had done it all in three hours. One or two little moments in particular stood out...
"I think those lads are aloud to climb on it," said Mini, about a bunch of teenage lads climbing on a statue in the park, whilst argueing that she should be allowed.
"No," replied Mac, "they're not." He then, clearly drunk with the power of being a newly appointed constable, added, "I might have to arrest them all."
"YEAH!" screeched Beth excitedly, "Beat them all up and arrest them! Come on! Do it now daddy!"
She then, to her daddies horror, charged at them, safe in the knowledge that her daddy would take them all on, despite being off-duty with no protective gear, scary uniform or backup.
Mac quickly led his daughter away.
...
"I'm hungry," anounced Beth.
"What would you like?"
"I want cake."
Dave and Mac duitfully escorted her to the museum cafe, where Mac bought her a delightful looking slice of chocolate cake. Dave, still keeping to his no sweets lent vow, sat and watched trying not to druel. She rubbed a little of it on her dolls face, ate less than her doll did herself and announced.
"I'm full. I don't want any more."
...
"You sit here Dave and you sit next to him daddy."
But daddy didn't sit where he was told.
Beth was quick to put him straight, "Your not listening to me! Your not suppose to sit there! When we get home your going straight to your bed!"
...
"Bethany, show Dave how you can count."
She began counting to herself silently.
"No Beth, say it outloud."
"1! 2!" she shouted
"No Beth," said Mac quickly, "I didn't mean THAT loud." Daddy really should make himself more clear.
"1,2,....20,21... 29..." she said perfectly in the voice of an angel, "20-10,20-11,20-12,....20-20," she continued with a proud smile.
She was unbelievebly cute.
Friday, March 23, 2007
Fat Ass.
"Oi you! Fat Ass!"
Dave carried on walking. Two lads, shouting abuse for no good reason, it was sadly a common place thing now. They stood at almost every street corner. Yet Dave still couldn't believe he had actually just heard that right.
"Oi"
He must have been mistaken.
"Cheeky Ass!"
It just wasn't possible.
"F*ing..."
These two lads where in the nursery playground. They must have been about 4 years old.
Dave carried on walking. Two lads, shouting abuse for no good reason, it was sadly a common place thing now. They stood at almost every street corner. Yet Dave still couldn't believe he had actually just heard that right.
"Oi"
He must have been mistaken.
"Cheeky Ass!"
It just wasn't possible.
"F*ing..."
These two lads where in the nursery playground. They must have been about 4 years old.
Tuesday, February 27, 2007
Coffee, Redemption and a Muffin please.
According to Dave's limited knowledge of the Bible, Jesus Christ only truely got angry and lost his cool on one recorded occasion in his short life time. On walking into a church he found it was being used as a market place. He smashed things, overturned tables and put everyone there to shame. Selling things in church was a major no no.
Knowing this, Dave stood speachless. He was in Liverpool's Old Cathedrale. The vast size and feel of the building would be enough to quiet any tongue. Unfortunately, Dave was speechless in a bad way.
The Cathedrale had a shop. Ok, the Cathedrale needs money and true the majority of things in there seemed to be religous or cathedrale related. But did it really need to sell things like a phonebox moneybox? Upstairs in the shop, a cafe added further insult. But what REALLY annoyed Dave was that the Cathedrale was putting on a mass and there were three times as many people in the cafe than sitting and listening.
There was something very wrong with that.
Knowing this, Dave stood speachless. He was in Liverpool's Old Cathedrale. The vast size and feel of the building would be enough to quiet any tongue. Unfortunately, Dave was speechless in a bad way.
The Cathedrale had a shop. Ok, the Cathedrale needs money and true the majority of things in there seemed to be religous or cathedrale related. But did it really need to sell things like a phonebox moneybox? Upstairs in the shop, a cafe added further insult. But what REALLY annoyed Dave was that the Cathedrale was putting on a mass and there were three times as many people in the cafe than sitting and listening.
There was something very wrong with that.
Sunday, February 25, 2007
Mireille 2: The Two (French) Towers.
A year after the departure of Mireille she had finally confirmed the time of her return. Feb 23rd till Feb 25th. One tiny weekend. It would never be enough, but it was all they had. Jean and Dave counted down the seconds till the reunion.
She would be bringing her good friend Anna along for the ride. The four of them would share Dave's two bedroomed terrace. It would be snug, but having grown up with seven, a cat and a dog in a house the same size, Dave was quietly confident it wouldn't cause any problems.
They were due to arrive at 11:40. Dave arrived at the airport with pleanty of time to spare at 11:38. 10 minutes later the Terrible Two arrived and it was 24/7 smiling until they left.
They hit all the old favorites, i.e. both Kimos and Egg Cafe. Shopping, bookshop, coffee, docks, two cathedrales, movies and pancakes. Dave and Jean tried to cram as much wholesome goodness into 53 hours as would possibly comfortably go.
The time went by far too quick, and almost before they arrived it seemed time for them to leave. Again they would very selfishly be going back to Paris to complete a law degree instead of sticking around to entertain Mr and Mrs Dave.
Again they would be missed.
She would be bringing her good friend Anna along for the ride. The four of them would share Dave's two bedroomed terrace. It would be snug, but having grown up with seven, a cat and a dog in a house the same size, Dave was quietly confident it wouldn't cause any problems.
They were due to arrive at 11:40. Dave arrived at the airport with pleanty of time to spare at 11:38. 10 minutes later the Terrible Two arrived and it was 24/7 smiling until they left.
They hit all the old favorites, i.e. both Kimos and Egg Cafe. Shopping, bookshop, coffee, docks, two cathedrales, movies and pancakes. Dave and Jean tried to cram as much wholesome goodness into 53 hours as would possibly comfortably go.
The time went by far too quick, and almost before they arrived it seemed time for them to leave. Again they would very selfishly be going back to Paris to complete a law degree instead of sticking around to entertain Mr and Mrs Dave.
Again they would be missed.
Lent 2007
Last year Dave had vowed to do 50 press ups a day for lent. On average he had just about succeeded, with a slow start but doing 4 sets of 25 a day towards the end playing catch up. A few years earlier he had given up chocolate and succeeded with little trouble.
This year it was time to step it up another notch.
1. Averaging 60 press ups a day and swimming 3 times a week
2. Giving up not only chocolate but ALL sweets.
3. A new entry of no alcohol thrown in just to show off.
Could he do it?
....20, 21, 22.... thud. Is 22 close to 60?
This year it was time to step it up another notch.
1. Averaging 60 press ups a day and swimming 3 times a week
2. Giving up not only chocolate but ALL sweets.
3. A new entry of no alcohol thrown in just to show off.
Could he do it?
....20, 21, 22.... thud. Is 22 close to 60?
Thursday, February 22, 2007
1 Carrot gold.
"Dad, you called me?"
"Hiya Dibs, yeah I just found a carrot and I was thinking of you."
"... a carrot?..."
"Yeah, I was walking past the place in Sefton park where you made the dent and I saw a carrot and I thought about how you used to play there when you were little..."
Dave had no idea what a carrot had to do with anything at all. It didn't matter. It's the strange little moments in life that make life worth living.
"Hiya Dibs, yeah I just found a carrot and I was thinking of you."
"... a carrot?..."
"Yeah, I was walking past the place in Sefton park where you made the dent and I saw a carrot and I thought about how you used to play there when you were little..."
Dave had no idea what a carrot had to do with anything at all. It didn't matter. It's the strange little moments in life that make life worth living.
Saturday, February 17, 2007
5 a day.... squared.
Organisational skills.
Common Sense.
Basic Knowledge of Cooking.
Anyone willing to eat food he made.
These were all things Dave did not have. What he did have was:
500g of Mushrooms
335g of Beansprouts
A Cabbage
Brocceli
7 Bananas
3 Apples
3 pork ribs
all of which had to either be eaten today or thrown away and Dave really hated waste. According to the helpful Tesco labelling this came to 25 of his five a day fruit and veg and 3 pork ribs. He also had some potatoes and parnips, but they could wait till tomorrow. Had Jean been around this may not have been so bad, but she was away being pampered in a work related holiday.
First up, mushroom and beansprout soup.
5 down, 20 to go.
Common Sense.
Basic Knowledge of Cooking.
Anyone willing to eat food he made.
These were all things Dave did not have. What he did have was:
500g of Mushrooms
335g of Beansprouts
A Cabbage
Brocceli
7 Bananas
3 Apples
3 pork ribs
all of which had to either be eaten today or thrown away and Dave really hated waste. According to the helpful Tesco labelling this came to 25 of his five a day fruit and veg and 3 pork ribs. He also had some potatoes and parnips, but they could wait till tomorrow. Had Jean been around this may not have been so bad, but she was away being pampered in a work related holiday.
First up, mushroom and beansprout soup.
5 down, 20 to go.
Friday, February 16, 2007
Valentine's day 2007
Valentine's day. Feb 14th. Most romantic night of the year.
Dave spent the night bashing away at his computer in a desperate attempt to get some work done before his very fast approaching deadline, his wife spent it online talking on MSN to "a group of single guys".
Three years together, good to see the magic hadn't died.
Luckily all was not as it seemed. The couple had celebrated Valentine's day two days earlier. Dave had cooked what could only be considered the most splendid meal he had ever cooked, complete with chocolates, candles, strawberries and cream. It had been SO good, that Jean had actually at one point considered eating some of it. Dave had recieved a very fancy new watch for his efforts.
It was nice.
Dave spent the night bashing away at his computer in a desperate attempt to get some work done before his very fast approaching deadline, his wife spent it online talking on MSN to "a group of single guys".
Three years together, good to see the magic hadn't died.
Luckily all was not as it seemed. The couple had celebrated Valentine's day two days earlier. Dave had cooked what could only be considered the most splendid meal he had ever cooked, complete with chocolates, candles, strawberries and cream. It had been SO good, that Jean had actually at one point considered eating some of it. Dave had recieved a very fancy new watch for his efforts.
It was nice.
Friday, February 02, 2007
Becky
After over 24 hrs on the train, the trio finally arrived in Beijing. They had around 24 hrs until their flight. Dave and Bian would be staying at Bian's cousin's place. Jean would be sleeping with her oldest and bestest friend Zhu Fang Fei (aka Scott, aka Florence, aka Piggy) in a nearby hotel.
On arrival at Bian's cousin's place a cute little girl attached a tiny cute little kaola bear to Dave's collar. The girl was Bian's cousin's daughter, her (English) name was Becky. She immediately dragged Dave away from everyone else to play games with fluffy dogs, comics, cards and computer games. It was bizarre, Dave had never became so close to anyone so instantly. Even when he met his own Mum he didn't speak to her for like a year.
When the group went out for a meal together, Becky once again attached the kaola to Dave's collar and herself to Dave's arm. He was very special to her, he was her "Hou si shu shu" (Monkey Uncle). Towards the end of lunch she began playing word games. The rules to winning seemed a little confused but basically boiled down to, "if your Hou si shu shu you win". Dave was very touched.
The next day Becky demanded to sit next to Dave on the way to the airport. In the car they played with her fluffy dog, her kaola bear and a little lizard which kinda looked like a frog. They also played a "guess what number I'm thinking of" game. Pick a number between 1 to 100, then the other person trys to guess it with "higher, lower" type clues. On one occasion Becky actually guessed Dave's number in one guess.
The car trip went very quickly. In the airport, whilst going through security, Dave realised he still had Becky's dog, lizard and kaola. He rushed back to give her them. She pushed them back at him in a very clear way to say, "They're yours now." No words can describe how Dave felt. He hugged her one last time and went off to catch his plane back to the other side of the planet.
The dog, who was quite dirty and probably quite old, meaning Becky had probably had him for quite a long time, got a wash as soon as the trio returned. He came out all clean and fluffy and now has the very original name of "Fluffy". The lizard, who kinda looks like a frog, is now named "Frog". The tiny cute little kaola who attached herself to Dave very quickly and lovingly and never wanted to let go, her name is
"Becky."
On arrival at Bian's cousin's place a cute little girl attached a tiny cute little kaola bear to Dave's collar. The girl was Bian's cousin's daughter, her (English) name was Becky. She immediately dragged Dave away from everyone else to play games with fluffy dogs, comics, cards and computer games. It was bizarre, Dave had never became so close to anyone so instantly. Even when he met his own Mum he didn't speak to her for like a year.
When the group went out for a meal together, Becky once again attached the kaola to Dave's collar and herself to Dave's arm. He was very special to her, he was her "Hou si shu shu" (Monkey Uncle). Towards the end of lunch she began playing word games. The rules to winning seemed a little confused but basically boiled down to, "if your Hou si shu shu you win". Dave was very touched.
The next day Becky demanded to sit next to Dave on the way to the airport. In the car they played with her fluffy dog, her kaola bear and a little lizard which kinda looked like a frog. They also played a "guess what number I'm thinking of" game. Pick a number between 1 to 100, then the other person trys to guess it with "higher, lower" type clues. On one occasion Becky actually guessed Dave's number in one guess.
The car trip went very quickly. In the airport, whilst going through security, Dave realised he still had Becky's dog, lizard and kaola. He rushed back to give her them. She pushed them back at him in a very clear way to say, "They're yours now." No words can describe how Dave felt. He hugged her one last time and went off to catch his plane back to the other side of the planet.
The dog, who was quite dirty and probably quite old, meaning Becky had probably had him for quite a long time, got a wash as soon as the trio returned. He came out all clean and fluffy and now has the very original name of "Fluffy". The lizard, who kinda looks like a frog, is now named "Frog". The tiny cute little kaola who attached herself to Dave very quickly and lovingly and never wanted to let go, her name is
"Becky."
Tuesday, January 30, 2007
Sanming
Sanming, Dave's home away from home. He was glad to be back.
With only three weeks until his return to Little Britain his schedule was packed to bursting point. Mountains, zoos, swinging bridges, caves, nature in all it's glory and several posh meals a day. As always, Jean tried her best to let Dave know what was going to happen at least a 30 seconds in advance, but when she's only known about it for a few days herself it simply wasn't always possible. Dave understood.
Dave had hoped to find time to help out at a local orphanage whilst he was there. He had £400 in his pocket ready to donate to the right cause. It seemed so simple on paper. After a little thought however, Dave quickly realised it was neither simple nor a good idea. His busy schedule meant he would be able to give a day or two at most. Assuming he spoke the language, the first day would be taken up getting in people's way whilst he learnt what he was doing and the second day he may be of some very small use. With his complete lack of basic Chinese skills he would probably just be getting in the way for well over a week. Added to this the fact that any white guy in Sanming is treated like a celeb and he would probably cause quite alot of disruption with alot of the staff caring more about him than they would the children. The £400 would be heading back to England for another year of planning, where it would hopefully grow to a grand before the year was out.
Strange how 3 hours can seem like a lifetime, but 3 weeks can pass in the blink of an eye. So much to do, so little time. It had been good to catch up with all his old friends, Wen Yu, Lin Ying, Kou Kou Shu Shu, The Camel and the lions with their new babies amongst many others. But all too quickly the arrival of Bian signalled the begining of the end, the last few days, several more meals, some kareoke, dice games and a final farewell to the camel and they were on their way back to Beijing.
Zai Jian.
With only three weeks until his return to Little Britain his schedule was packed to bursting point. Mountains, zoos, swinging bridges, caves, nature in all it's glory and several posh meals a day. As always, Jean tried her best to let Dave know what was going to happen at least a 30 seconds in advance, but when she's only known about it for a few days herself it simply wasn't always possible. Dave understood.
Dave had hoped to find time to help out at a local orphanage whilst he was there. He had £400 in his pocket ready to donate to the right cause. It seemed so simple on paper. After a little thought however, Dave quickly realised it was neither simple nor a good idea. His busy schedule meant he would be able to give a day or two at most. Assuming he spoke the language, the first day would be taken up getting in people's way whilst he learnt what he was doing and the second day he may be of some very small use. With his complete lack of basic Chinese skills he would probably just be getting in the way for well over a week. Added to this the fact that any white guy in Sanming is treated like a celeb and he would probably cause quite alot of disruption with alot of the staff caring more about him than they would the children. The £400 would be heading back to England for another year of planning, where it would hopefully grow to a grand before the year was out.
Strange how 3 hours can seem like a lifetime, but 3 weeks can pass in the blink of an eye. So much to do, so little time. It had been good to catch up with all his old friends, Wen Yu, Lin Ying, Kou Kou Shu Shu, The Camel and the lions with their new babies amongst many others. But all too quickly the arrival of Bian signalled the begining of the end, the last few days, several more meals, some kareoke, dice games and a final farewell to the camel and they were on their way back to Beijing.
Zai Jian.
Sunday, January 14, 2007
Fuzhou
Despite Fuzhou, the duet's touchdown location, being 3 hours away from Jean's home town of Sanming, there was Jean's mum to greet them at the airport, full of hugs and smiles for both.
Although the original plan had been to stay in Fuzhou a couple of days, apparently Jean's dad couldn't wait that long to see them, so the sight seeing trips were cut short. They stayed one night at Jean's cousin's place and were off to Sanming the next day.
They did however, just manage to squeeze in a small shopping trip in which Jean's mum bought the lovely couple a gift or two, including a brand spanking new laptop for him and an Ipod for her. He could kiss his Uni computer goodbye, this laptop did in three days what had took his Uni computer a month and had sorted out problems in a matter of minutes which his Uni computer simply refused to tackle. Put simply, it was sweeet.
"Xie xie mama."
Next stop, Sanming.
Although the original plan had been to stay in Fuzhou a couple of days, apparently Jean's dad couldn't wait that long to see them, so the sight seeing trips were cut short. They stayed one night at Jean's cousin's place and were off to Sanming the next day.
They did however, just manage to squeeze in a small shopping trip in which Jean's mum bought the lovely couple a gift or two, including a brand spanking new laptop for him and an Ipod for her. He could kiss his Uni computer goodbye, this laptop did in three days what had took his Uni computer a month and had sorted out problems in a matter of minutes which his Uni computer simply refused to tackle. Put simply, it was sweeet.
"Xie xie mama."
Next stop, Sanming.
Wednesday, January 10, 2007
Dalian
After all the Shenyang joy, it was time to move on to the next stage of the journey, Bian's Dalian home.
Although staying in Dalian little more than a day, the trio still had time to take in several pretty sights and wonderous views. It was also the place where Dave got to cross off another of his things to do list, right next to his newly crossed off Skiing entry. The trio went Ice Skating.
Jean kept tight hold of the sides the entire time, Dave "let go" but stayed very very close, taking a much needed grab from time to time and Bian whizzed round without a care in the world, despite constant falls adding to his ever increasing head lump. All three had a great time, although after a while the shoes started to hurt Dave almost as much as a pair of high heals.
The day after that the trio became a duet and Dave and Jean where on another plane, flying south for the winter. Bian stayed behind with his mum and stepdad.
Speaking of Bian's parents, Dave hoped they knew how much he appreciated everything they had done. Not only had they put Dave and Jean, pretty much two complete strangers, up with a place to stay for over a week, but they had also took the time out to personally take the trio to all the places of interest mentioned in both Shenyang and Dalian, despite not actually joining in the fun for most of it. In comparison, some people in England complained when they had family over for a day at Christmas.
It was nice of them.
Although staying in Dalian little more than a day, the trio still had time to take in several pretty sights and wonderous views. It was also the place where Dave got to cross off another of his things to do list, right next to his newly crossed off Skiing entry. The trio went Ice Skating.
Jean kept tight hold of the sides the entire time, Dave "let go" but stayed very very close, taking a much needed grab from time to time and Bian whizzed round without a care in the world, despite constant falls adding to his ever increasing head lump. All three had a great time, although after a while the shoes started to hurt Dave almost as much as a pair of high heals.
The day after that the trio became a duet and Dave and Jean where on another plane, flying south for the winter. Bian stayed behind with his mum and stepdad.
Speaking of Bian's parents, Dave hoped they knew how much he appreciated everything they had done. Not only had they put Dave and Jean, pretty much two complete strangers, up with a place to stay for over a week, but they had also took the time out to personally take the trio to all the places of interest mentioned in both Shenyang and Dalian, despite not actually joining in the fun for most of it. In comparison, some people in England complained when they had family over for a day at Christmas.
It was nice of them.
Monday, January 01, 2007
Christmas Week 2006
A train ride, three back to back flights and a quick little car journey and Dave, Jean and Bian finshed their 23 hour trip to arrive at Bian's Shenyang home on December 23rd 2006. Despite the desperate physical need for sleep, the trio soon discovered their body clocks where no longer in sync with either England or China and Christmas eve saw the three tired little puppies rise and shine at around 3am.
Time to explore.
Shenyang is a city ripe with history and, although possibly not traditional for Christmas, Dave and Jean spent their few days there taking a big bite. As the former capital, the Imperial Palace is a sight to behold, and supposedly matched only by Beijing's very own Forbidden City. The trio checked out every crook and cranny.
Next on the list came the home of a former Chinese general and his family. This much more recent slice of history tied in quite closely to the sights which followed, of a war museum and the location of the 18/9/1931 incident. An attempt to put the story together here shall be made, but the following may not be 100% accurate.
The general was killed by the Japanese in a train explosion around 1930 and one of his sons took his place. The Japanese had apparent plans for world domination and step one required they conquered the Sleeping Dragon of China. Part one of Step one began in Shenyang. 18/9/1931 the Japanese blew up their own rail way, claimed it was done by the Chinese and used it as an excuse to start the war. Shenyang was quickly overun. The new general was put under constant pressure to hand over control to Japan, but instead he handed the reigns over to central China, helping to unify China into the country it is today. Japans war on China lasted over a decade and the most horrific events took place. Mass Genocide was turned into a game and the rules got sicker and sicker by the day. For example, they gave people the plague, just to see what happened. That was one of the nicer of diseases.
60 years after it all ended, possibly the worst of Japans insults was that it still doesn't seem to care. Japanese students seem to be taught nothing much more of the event than "next time we shouldn't lose".
On a much needed lighter note, the trio visited the Strange Slope. A small slope on which objects role UPhill. Up until this point, Dave had always thought this idea to be nothing more than a joke invented for Father Ted. The Slope was bizarre. Everything Dave knew told him it was impossible, but things were definately rolling in what appeared very very much to be an uphill direction. Bian, despite living in the area most of his childhood and visiting the Slope before, had apparently no idea why this occured and no desire to find out. That would simply not do for Dave. The majority of Christmas night was spent searching for answers on the magic that is google. The best he could find and what he would have to settle for was it was "an optical illussion". It was a very good one.
Although entertaining, interesting and enlighting, the feeling of Christmas had not yet been captured. The first moments of real Christmas began early Christmas morning, when the trio awoke at a stupidly early time just like any good little boys and girls. This was, of cause, due to the messed up body clocks, but it set the scene none the less. They went out for an early morning Christmas walk in subzero temperatures and walked on water. The lake begin frozen helped a bit.
Boxing day it finally began to snow. Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night. The trio were off to Ski!! Dave had never been skiing before, but it had always looked like fun. It was way up there on his things to do list, right next to ice skating.
It was just as fun as it looked. Despite the trio having an instructor who took Bian and Jean seperately slowly and safetly down the hill on their first attempts, it was made abundately clear by Bian's step-dad that it really wasn't necessary to wait. He even gave Dave a helpful push in the right direction. Needless to say, Dave spent the majority of the first hour after that on his backside. But once he got the hang of it it was really cool.
And at least he didn't leave with a giant bump on his head like Bian.
Time to explore.
Shenyang is a city ripe with history and, although possibly not traditional for Christmas, Dave and Jean spent their few days there taking a big bite. As the former capital, the Imperial Palace is a sight to behold, and supposedly matched only by Beijing's very own Forbidden City. The trio checked out every crook and cranny.
Next on the list came the home of a former Chinese general and his family. This much more recent slice of history tied in quite closely to the sights which followed, of a war museum and the location of the 18/9/1931 incident. An attempt to put the story together here shall be made, but the following may not be 100% accurate.
The general was killed by the Japanese in a train explosion around 1930 and one of his sons took his place. The Japanese had apparent plans for world domination and step one required they conquered the Sleeping Dragon of China. Part one of Step one began in Shenyang. 18/9/1931 the Japanese blew up their own rail way, claimed it was done by the Chinese and used it as an excuse to start the war. Shenyang was quickly overun. The new general was put under constant pressure to hand over control to Japan, but instead he handed the reigns over to central China, helping to unify China into the country it is today. Japans war on China lasted over a decade and the most horrific events took place. Mass Genocide was turned into a game and the rules got sicker and sicker by the day. For example, they gave people the plague, just to see what happened. That was one of the nicer of diseases.
60 years after it all ended, possibly the worst of Japans insults was that it still doesn't seem to care. Japanese students seem to be taught nothing much more of the event than "next time we shouldn't lose".
On a much needed lighter note, the trio visited the Strange Slope. A small slope on which objects role UPhill. Up until this point, Dave had always thought this idea to be nothing more than a joke invented for Father Ted. The Slope was bizarre. Everything Dave knew told him it was impossible, but things were definately rolling in what appeared very very much to be an uphill direction. Bian, despite living in the area most of his childhood and visiting the Slope before, had apparently no idea why this occured and no desire to find out. That would simply not do for Dave. The majority of Christmas night was spent searching for answers on the magic that is google. The best he could find and what he would have to settle for was it was "an optical illussion". It was a very good one.
Although entertaining, interesting and enlighting, the feeling of Christmas had not yet been captured. The first moments of real Christmas began early Christmas morning, when the trio awoke at a stupidly early time just like any good little boys and girls. This was, of cause, due to the messed up body clocks, but it set the scene none the less. They went out for an early morning Christmas walk in subzero temperatures and walked on water. The lake begin frozen helped a bit.
Boxing day it finally began to snow. Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night. The trio were off to Ski!! Dave had never been skiing before, but it had always looked like fun. It was way up there on his things to do list, right next to ice skating.
It was just as fun as it looked. Despite the trio having an instructor who took Bian and Jean seperately slowly and safetly down the hill on their first attempts, it was made abundately clear by Bian's step-dad that it really wasn't necessary to wait. He even gave Dave a helpful push in the right direction. Needless to say, Dave spent the majority of the first hour after that on his backside. But once he got the hang of it it was really cool.
And at least he didn't leave with a giant bump on his head like Bian.
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