Wikipedia. The greatest invention since sliced bread, which, according to Wikipedia, first came out in July 1928. Endless volumes of infinite knowledge. Dave was fairly certain he would have failed his PhD miserably had it not been around. It could also be used as a wonderfully entertaining game.
"Jing Luo"
Gives Jing Jing Luo, famous chinese composer
"McNeilis"
Gives "Danger Man"
and
"Natsios"
Gives "The Return of The Bastards"
Wikipedia really did know everything.
Friday, March 30, 2007
Monday, March 26, 2007
Best of British
When were women given the right to vote?
In which year will be the next census?
How wide is the widest point of Britain?
What year were women allowed to divorce their husbands?
What percentage of young people go into higher education?
How many years was the second world war?
Okay, an easy one:
Who is the head of the Government?
Prime Minister? Nope, The Queen.
Apparently, knowing the answers to all of these questions and many more like them is essential if you wish to blend in to the day to day British life as they all appear in the "Life in the UK" test which must be passed by anyone who wishes to stay indefinately in this country. Previously, passing the test was only required when applying for a British Passport. From April 2nd 2007 it has been extended to anyone who wishes indefinate leave to remain even if they don't want to be British.
This was somewhat bothersome for Dave. It meant his wife, Jean, now had only two months in which to learn all this "incredibly useful" information and pass the test. This time was shortened further because the new book relevant for the new tests from April 2nd was not yet available. Added to the £35 fee for the test and the £10 fee for the book, the couple were also now faced with an increase of the visa price from £335 to £750. That's an increase of 124%. Apparently this was a perfectly fair charge and should be paid for by legal foreigners, since the extra money would be used to keep illegal foreigners out.
For some reason, Dave couldn't quite figure out the logic with that.
In which year will be the next census?
How wide is the widest point of Britain?
What year were women allowed to divorce their husbands?
What percentage of young people go into higher education?
How many years was the second world war?
Okay, an easy one:
Who is the head of the Government?
Prime Minister? Nope, The Queen.
Apparently, knowing the answers to all of these questions and many more like them is essential if you wish to blend in to the day to day British life as they all appear in the "Life in the UK" test which must be passed by anyone who wishes to stay indefinately in this country. Previously, passing the test was only required when applying for a British Passport. From April 2nd 2007 it has been extended to anyone who wishes indefinate leave to remain even if they don't want to be British.
This was somewhat bothersome for Dave. It meant his wife, Jean, now had only two months in which to learn all this "incredibly useful" information and pass the test. This time was shortened further because the new book relevant for the new tests from April 2nd was not yet available. Added to the £35 fee for the test and the £10 fee for the book, the couple were also now faced with an increase of the visa price from £335 to £750. That's an increase of 124%. Apparently this was a perfectly fair charge and should be paid for by legal foreigners, since the extra money would be used to keep illegal foreigners out.
For some reason, Dave couldn't quite figure out the logic with that.
Saturday, March 24, 2007
Magic Mini Mac Moments
Another Saturday adventure with Little Mac and Mini Mac. Three hours of childhood joy. They went to see "the big pond" aka the river Mersey, saw big boats and little boats and creepy giant "friendly" musuem crabs. They then swung back through a little park to another musuem, saw Wallace and Gromit, insects, played alot of sport and had a quick drink. Mini Mac was bouncing up and down and looking at everything with an endless stream of energy, whilst Dave and Mac plodded along happily exhausted behind her.
Even though Dave had been there, he still couldn't work out how they had done it all in three hours. One or two little moments in particular stood out...
"I think those lads are aloud to climb on it," said Mini, about a bunch of teenage lads climbing on a statue in the park, whilst argueing that she should be allowed.
"No," replied Mac, "they're not." He then, clearly drunk with the power of being a newly appointed constable, added, "I might have to arrest them all."
"YEAH!" screeched Beth excitedly, "Beat them all up and arrest them! Come on! Do it now daddy!"
She then, to her daddies horror, charged at them, safe in the knowledge that her daddy would take them all on, despite being off-duty with no protective gear, scary uniform or backup.
Mac quickly led his daughter away.
...
"I'm hungry," anounced Beth.
"What would you like?"
"I want cake."
Dave and Mac duitfully escorted her to the museum cafe, where Mac bought her a delightful looking slice of chocolate cake. Dave, still keeping to his no sweets lent vow, sat and watched trying not to druel. She rubbed a little of it on her dolls face, ate less than her doll did herself and announced.
"I'm full. I don't want any more."
...
"You sit here Dave and you sit next to him daddy."
But daddy didn't sit where he was told.
Beth was quick to put him straight, "Your not listening to me! Your not suppose to sit there! When we get home your going straight to your bed!"
...
"Bethany, show Dave how you can count."
She began counting to herself silently.
"No Beth, say it outloud."
"1! 2!" she shouted
"No Beth," said Mac quickly, "I didn't mean THAT loud." Daddy really should make himself more clear.
"1,2,....20,21... 29..." she said perfectly in the voice of an angel, "20-10,20-11,20-12,....20-20," she continued with a proud smile.
She was unbelievebly cute.
Even though Dave had been there, he still couldn't work out how they had done it all in three hours. One or two little moments in particular stood out...
"I think those lads are aloud to climb on it," said Mini, about a bunch of teenage lads climbing on a statue in the park, whilst argueing that she should be allowed.
"No," replied Mac, "they're not." He then, clearly drunk with the power of being a newly appointed constable, added, "I might have to arrest them all."
"YEAH!" screeched Beth excitedly, "Beat them all up and arrest them! Come on! Do it now daddy!"
She then, to her daddies horror, charged at them, safe in the knowledge that her daddy would take them all on, despite being off-duty with no protective gear, scary uniform or backup.
Mac quickly led his daughter away.
...
"I'm hungry," anounced Beth.
"What would you like?"
"I want cake."
Dave and Mac duitfully escorted her to the museum cafe, where Mac bought her a delightful looking slice of chocolate cake. Dave, still keeping to his no sweets lent vow, sat and watched trying not to druel. She rubbed a little of it on her dolls face, ate less than her doll did herself and announced.
"I'm full. I don't want any more."
...
"You sit here Dave and you sit next to him daddy."
But daddy didn't sit where he was told.
Beth was quick to put him straight, "Your not listening to me! Your not suppose to sit there! When we get home your going straight to your bed!"
...
"Bethany, show Dave how you can count."
She began counting to herself silently.
"No Beth, say it outloud."
"1! 2!" she shouted
"No Beth," said Mac quickly, "I didn't mean THAT loud." Daddy really should make himself more clear.
"1,2,....20,21... 29..." she said perfectly in the voice of an angel, "20-10,20-11,20-12,....20-20," she continued with a proud smile.
She was unbelievebly cute.
Friday, March 23, 2007
Fat Ass.
"Oi you! Fat Ass!"
Dave carried on walking. Two lads, shouting abuse for no good reason, it was sadly a common place thing now. They stood at almost every street corner. Yet Dave still couldn't believe he had actually just heard that right.
"Oi"
He must have been mistaken.
"Cheeky Ass!"
It just wasn't possible.
"F*ing..."
These two lads where in the nursery playground. They must have been about 4 years old.
Dave carried on walking. Two lads, shouting abuse for no good reason, it was sadly a common place thing now. They stood at almost every street corner. Yet Dave still couldn't believe he had actually just heard that right.
"Oi"
He must have been mistaken.
"Cheeky Ass!"
It just wasn't possible.
"F*ing..."
These two lads where in the nursery playground. They must have been about 4 years old.
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