According to Dave's limited knowledge of the Bible, Jesus Christ only truely got angry and lost his cool on one recorded occasion in his short life time. On walking into a church he found it was being used as a market place. He smashed things, overturned tables and put everyone there to shame. Selling things in church was a major no no.
Knowing this, Dave stood speachless. He was in Liverpool's Old Cathedrale. The vast size and feel of the building would be enough to quiet any tongue. Unfortunately, Dave was speechless in a bad way.
The Cathedrale had a shop. Ok, the Cathedrale needs money and true the majority of things in there seemed to be religous or cathedrale related. But did it really need to sell things like a phonebox moneybox? Upstairs in the shop, a cafe added further insult. But what REALLY annoyed Dave was that the Cathedrale was putting on a mass and there were three times as many people in the cafe than sitting and listening.
There was something very wrong with that.
Tuesday, February 27, 2007
Sunday, February 25, 2007
Mireille 2: The Two (French) Towers.
A year after the departure of Mireille she had finally confirmed the time of her return. Feb 23rd till Feb 25th. One tiny weekend. It would never be enough, but it was all they had. Jean and Dave counted down the seconds till the reunion.
She would be bringing her good friend Anna along for the ride. The four of them would share Dave's two bedroomed terrace. It would be snug, but having grown up with seven, a cat and a dog in a house the same size, Dave was quietly confident it wouldn't cause any problems.
They were due to arrive at 11:40. Dave arrived at the airport with pleanty of time to spare at 11:38. 10 minutes later the Terrible Two arrived and it was 24/7 smiling until they left.
They hit all the old favorites, i.e. both Kimos and Egg Cafe. Shopping, bookshop, coffee, docks, two cathedrales, movies and pancakes. Dave and Jean tried to cram as much wholesome goodness into 53 hours as would possibly comfortably go.
The time went by far too quick, and almost before they arrived it seemed time for them to leave. Again they would very selfishly be going back to Paris to complete a law degree instead of sticking around to entertain Mr and Mrs Dave.
Again they would be missed.
She would be bringing her good friend Anna along for the ride. The four of them would share Dave's two bedroomed terrace. It would be snug, but having grown up with seven, a cat and a dog in a house the same size, Dave was quietly confident it wouldn't cause any problems.
They were due to arrive at 11:40. Dave arrived at the airport with pleanty of time to spare at 11:38. 10 minutes later the Terrible Two arrived and it was 24/7 smiling until they left.
They hit all the old favorites, i.e. both Kimos and Egg Cafe. Shopping, bookshop, coffee, docks, two cathedrales, movies and pancakes. Dave and Jean tried to cram as much wholesome goodness into 53 hours as would possibly comfortably go.
The time went by far too quick, and almost before they arrived it seemed time for them to leave. Again they would very selfishly be going back to Paris to complete a law degree instead of sticking around to entertain Mr and Mrs Dave.
Again they would be missed.
Lent 2007
Last year Dave had vowed to do 50 press ups a day for lent. On average he had just about succeeded, with a slow start but doing 4 sets of 25 a day towards the end playing catch up. A few years earlier he had given up chocolate and succeeded with little trouble.
This year it was time to step it up another notch.
1. Averaging 60 press ups a day and swimming 3 times a week
2. Giving up not only chocolate but ALL sweets.
3. A new entry of no alcohol thrown in just to show off.
Could he do it?
....20, 21, 22.... thud. Is 22 close to 60?
This year it was time to step it up another notch.
1. Averaging 60 press ups a day and swimming 3 times a week
2. Giving up not only chocolate but ALL sweets.
3. A new entry of no alcohol thrown in just to show off.
Could he do it?
....20, 21, 22.... thud. Is 22 close to 60?
Thursday, February 22, 2007
1 Carrot gold.
"Dad, you called me?"
"Hiya Dibs, yeah I just found a carrot and I was thinking of you."
"... a carrot?..."
"Yeah, I was walking past the place in Sefton park where you made the dent and I saw a carrot and I thought about how you used to play there when you were little..."
Dave had no idea what a carrot had to do with anything at all. It didn't matter. It's the strange little moments in life that make life worth living.
"Hiya Dibs, yeah I just found a carrot and I was thinking of you."
"... a carrot?..."
"Yeah, I was walking past the place in Sefton park where you made the dent and I saw a carrot and I thought about how you used to play there when you were little..."
Dave had no idea what a carrot had to do with anything at all. It didn't matter. It's the strange little moments in life that make life worth living.
Saturday, February 17, 2007
5 a day.... squared.
Organisational skills.
Common Sense.
Basic Knowledge of Cooking.
Anyone willing to eat food he made.
These were all things Dave did not have. What he did have was:
500g of Mushrooms
335g of Beansprouts
A Cabbage
Brocceli
7 Bananas
3 Apples
3 pork ribs
all of which had to either be eaten today or thrown away and Dave really hated waste. According to the helpful Tesco labelling this came to 25 of his five a day fruit and veg and 3 pork ribs. He also had some potatoes and parnips, but they could wait till tomorrow. Had Jean been around this may not have been so bad, but she was away being pampered in a work related holiday.
First up, mushroom and beansprout soup.
5 down, 20 to go.
Common Sense.
Basic Knowledge of Cooking.
Anyone willing to eat food he made.
These were all things Dave did not have. What he did have was:
500g of Mushrooms
335g of Beansprouts
A Cabbage
Brocceli
7 Bananas
3 Apples
3 pork ribs
all of which had to either be eaten today or thrown away and Dave really hated waste. According to the helpful Tesco labelling this came to 25 of his five a day fruit and veg and 3 pork ribs. He also had some potatoes and parnips, but they could wait till tomorrow. Had Jean been around this may not have been so bad, but she was away being pampered in a work related holiday.
First up, mushroom and beansprout soup.
5 down, 20 to go.
Friday, February 16, 2007
Valentine's day 2007
Valentine's day. Feb 14th. Most romantic night of the year.
Dave spent the night bashing away at his computer in a desperate attempt to get some work done before his very fast approaching deadline, his wife spent it online talking on MSN to "a group of single guys".
Three years together, good to see the magic hadn't died.
Luckily all was not as it seemed. The couple had celebrated Valentine's day two days earlier. Dave had cooked what could only be considered the most splendid meal he had ever cooked, complete with chocolates, candles, strawberries and cream. It had been SO good, that Jean had actually at one point considered eating some of it. Dave had recieved a very fancy new watch for his efforts.
It was nice.
Dave spent the night bashing away at his computer in a desperate attempt to get some work done before his very fast approaching deadline, his wife spent it online talking on MSN to "a group of single guys".
Three years together, good to see the magic hadn't died.
Luckily all was not as it seemed. The couple had celebrated Valentine's day two days earlier. Dave had cooked what could only be considered the most splendid meal he had ever cooked, complete with chocolates, candles, strawberries and cream. It had been SO good, that Jean had actually at one point considered eating some of it. Dave had recieved a very fancy new watch for his efforts.
It was nice.
Friday, February 02, 2007
Becky
After over 24 hrs on the train, the trio finally arrived in Beijing. They had around 24 hrs until their flight. Dave and Bian would be staying at Bian's cousin's place. Jean would be sleeping with her oldest and bestest friend Zhu Fang Fei (aka Scott, aka Florence, aka Piggy) in a nearby hotel.
On arrival at Bian's cousin's place a cute little girl attached a tiny cute little kaola bear to Dave's collar. The girl was Bian's cousin's daughter, her (English) name was Becky. She immediately dragged Dave away from everyone else to play games with fluffy dogs, comics, cards and computer games. It was bizarre, Dave had never became so close to anyone so instantly. Even when he met his own Mum he didn't speak to her for like a year.
When the group went out for a meal together, Becky once again attached the kaola to Dave's collar and herself to Dave's arm. He was very special to her, he was her "Hou si shu shu" (Monkey Uncle). Towards the end of lunch she began playing word games. The rules to winning seemed a little confused but basically boiled down to, "if your Hou si shu shu you win". Dave was very touched.
The next day Becky demanded to sit next to Dave on the way to the airport. In the car they played with her fluffy dog, her kaola bear and a little lizard which kinda looked like a frog. They also played a "guess what number I'm thinking of" game. Pick a number between 1 to 100, then the other person trys to guess it with "higher, lower" type clues. On one occasion Becky actually guessed Dave's number in one guess.
The car trip went very quickly. In the airport, whilst going through security, Dave realised he still had Becky's dog, lizard and kaola. He rushed back to give her them. She pushed them back at him in a very clear way to say, "They're yours now." No words can describe how Dave felt. He hugged her one last time and went off to catch his plane back to the other side of the planet.
The dog, who was quite dirty and probably quite old, meaning Becky had probably had him for quite a long time, got a wash as soon as the trio returned. He came out all clean and fluffy and now has the very original name of "Fluffy". The lizard, who kinda looks like a frog, is now named "Frog". The tiny cute little kaola who attached herself to Dave very quickly and lovingly and never wanted to let go, her name is
"Becky."
On arrival at Bian's cousin's place a cute little girl attached a tiny cute little kaola bear to Dave's collar. The girl was Bian's cousin's daughter, her (English) name was Becky. She immediately dragged Dave away from everyone else to play games with fluffy dogs, comics, cards and computer games. It was bizarre, Dave had never became so close to anyone so instantly. Even when he met his own Mum he didn't speak to her for like a year.
When the group went out for a meal together, Becky once again attached the kaola to Dave's collar and herself to Dave's arm. He was very special to her, he was her "Hou si shu shu" (Monkey Uncle). Towards the end of lunch she began playing word games. The rules to winning seemed a little confused but basically boiled down to, "if your Hou si shu shu you win". Dave was very touched.
The next day Becky demanded to sit next to Dave on the way to the airport. In the car they played with her fluffy dog, her kaola bear and a little lizard which kinda looked like a frog. They also played a "guess what number I'm thinking of" game. Pick a number between 1 to 100, then the other person trys to guess it with "higher, lower" type clues. On one occasion Becky actually guessed Dave's number in one guess.
The car trip went very quickly. In the airport, whilst going through security, Dave realised he still had Becky's dog, lizard and kaola. He rushed back to give her them. She pushed them back at him in a very clear way to say, "They're yours now." No words can describe how Dave felt. He hugged her one last time and went off to catch his plane back to the other side of the planet.
The dog, who was quite dirty and probably quite old, meaning Becky had probably had him for quite a long time, got a wash as soon as the trio returned. He came out all clean and fluffy and now has the very original name of "Fluffy". The lizard, who kinda looks like a frog, is now named "Frog". The tiny cute little kaola who attached herself to Dave very quickly and lovingly and never wanted to let go, her name is
"Becky."
Tuesday, January 30, 2007
Sanming
Sanming, Dave's home away from home. He was glad to be back.
With only three weeks until his return to Little Britain his schedule was packed to bursting point. Mountains, zoos, swinging bridges, caves, nature in all it's glory and several posh meals a day. As always, Jean tried her best to let Dave know what was going to happen at least a 30 seconds in advance, but when she's only known about it for a few days herself it simply wasn't always possible. Dave understood.
Dave had hoped to find time to help out at a local orphanage whilst he was there. He had £400 in his pocket ready to donate to the right cause. It seemed so simple on paper. After a little thought however, Dave quickly realised it was neither simple nor a good idea. His busy schedule meant he would be able to give a day or two at most. Assuming he spoke the language, the first day would be taken up getting in people's way whilst he learnt what he was doing and the second day he may be of some very small use. With his complete lack of basic Chinese skills he would probably just be getting in the way for well over a week. Added to this the fact that any white guy in Sanming is treated like a celeb and he would probably cause quite alot of disruption with alot of the staff caring more about him than they would the children. The £400 would be heading back to England for another year of planning, where it would hopefully grow to a grand before the year was out.
Strange how 3 hours can seem like a lifetime, but 3 weeks can pass in the blink of an eye. So much to do, so little time. It had been good to catch up with all his old friends, Wen Yu, Lin Ying, Kou Kou Shu Shu, The Camel and the lions with their new babies amongst many others. But all too quickly the arrival of Bian signalled the begining of the end, the last few days, several more meals, some kareoke, dice games and a final farewell to the camel and they were on their way back to Beijing.
Zai Jian.
With only three weeks until his return to Little Britain his schedule was packed to bursting point. Mountains, zoos, swinging bridges, caves, nature in all it's glory and several posh meals a day. As always, Jean tried her best to let Dave know what was going to happen at least a 30 seconds in advance, but when she's only known about it for a few days herself it simply wasn't always possible. Dave understood.
Dave had hoped to find time to help out at a local orphanage whilst he was there. He had £400 in his pocket ready to donate to the right cause. It seemed so simple on paper. After a little thought however, Dave quickly realised it was neither simple nor a good idea. His busy schedule meant he would be able to give a day or two at most. Assuming he spoke the language, the first day would be taken up getting in people's way whilst he learnt what he was doing and the second day he may be of some very small use. With his complete lack of basic Chinese skills he would probably just be getting in the way for well over a week. Added to this the fact that any white guy in Sanming is treated like a celeb and he would probably cause quite alot of disruption with alot of the staff caring more about him than they would the children. The £400 would be heading back to England for another year of planning, where it would hopefully grow to a grand before the year was out.
Strange how 3 hours can seem like a lifetime, but 3 weeks can pass in the blink of an eye. So much to do, so little time. It had been good to catch up with all his old friends, Wen Yu, Lin Ying, Kou Kou Shu Shu, The Camel and the lions with their new babies amongst many others. But all too quickly the arrival of Bian signalled the begining of the end, the last few days, several more meals, some kareoke, dice games and a final farewell to the camel and they were on their way back to Beijing.
Zai Jian.
Sunday, January 14, 2007
Fuzhou
Despite Fuzhou, the duet's touchdown location, being 3 hours away from Jean's home town of Sanming, there was Jean's mum to greet them at the airport, full of hugs and smiles for both.
Although the original plan had been to stay in Fuzhou a couple of days, apparently Jean's dad couldn't wait that long to see them, so the sight seeing trips were cut short. They stayed one night at Jean's cousin's place and were off to Sanming the next day.
They did however, just manage to squeeze in a small shopping trip in which Jean's mum bought the lovely couple a gift or two, including a brand spanking new laptop for him and an Ipod for her. He could kiss his Uni computer goodbye, this laptop did in three days what had took his Uni computer a month and had sorted out problems in a matter of minutes which his Uni computer simply refused to tackle. Put simply, it was sweeet.
"Xie xie mama."
Next stop, Sanming.
Although the original plan had been to stay in Fuzhou a couple of days, apparently Jean's dad couldn't wait that long to see them, so the sight seeing trips were cut short. They stayed one night at Jean's cousin's place and were off to Sanming the next day.
They did however, just manage to squeeze in a small shopping trip in which Jean's mum bought the lovely couple a gift or two, including a brand spanking new laptop for him and an Ipod for her. He could kiss his Uni computer goodbye, this laptop did in three days what had took his Uni computer a month and had sorted out problems in a matter of minutes which his Uni computer simply refused to tackle. Put simply, it was sweeet.
"Xie xie mama."
Next stop, Sanming.
Wednesday, January 10, 2007
Dalian
After all the Shenyang joy, it was time to move on to the next stage of the journey, Bian's Dalian home.
Although staying in Dalian little more than a day, the trio still had time to take in several pretty sights and wonderous views. It was also the place where Dave got to cross off another of his things to do list, right next to his newly crossed off Skiing entry. The trio went Ice Skating.
Jean kept tight hold of the sides the entire time, Dave "let go" but stayed very very close, taking a much needed grab from time to time and Bian whizzed round without a care in the world, despite constant falls adding to his ever increasing head lump. All three had a great time, although after a while the shoes started to hurt Dave almost as much as a pair of high heals.
The day after that the trio became a duet and Dave and Jean where on another plane, flying south for the winter. Bian stayed behind with his mum and stepdad.
Speaking of Bian's parents, Dave hoped they knew how much he appreciated everything they had done. Not only had they put Dave and Jean, pretty much two complete strangers, up with a place to stay for over a week, but they had also took the time out to personally take the trio to all the places of interest mentioned in both Shenyang and Dalian, despite not actually joining in the fun for most of it. In comparison, some people in England complained when they had family over for a day at Christmas.
It was nice of them.
Although staying in Dalian little more than a day, the trio still had time to take in several pretty sights and wonderous views. It was also the place where Dave got to cross off another of his things to do list, right next to his newly crossed off Skiing entry. The trio went Ice Skating.
Jean kept tight hold of the sides the entire time, Dave "let go" but stayed very very close, taking a much needed grab from time to time and Bian whizzed round without a care in the world, despite constant falls adding to his ever increasing head lump. All three had a great time, although after a while the shoes started to hurt Dave almost as much as a pair of high heals.
The day after that the trio became a duet and Dave and Jean where on another plane, flying south for the winter. Bian stayed behind with his mum and stepdad.
Speaking of Bian's parents, Dave hoped they knew how much he appreciated everything they had done. Not only had they put Dave and Jean, pretty much two complete strangers, up with a place to stay for over a week, but they had also took the time out to personally take the trio to all the places of interest mentioned in both Shenyang and Dalian, despite not actually joining in the fun for most of it. In comparison, some people in England complained when they had family over for a day at Christmas.
It was nice of them.
Monday, January 01, 2007
Christmas Week 2006
A train ride, three back to back flights and a quick little car journey and Dave, Jean and Bian finshed their 23 hour trip to arrive at Bian's Shenyang home on December 23rd 2006. Despite the desperate physical need for sleep, the trio soon discovered their body clocks where no longer in sync with either England or China and Christmas eve saw the three tired little puppies rise and shine at around 3am.
Time to explore.
Shenyang is a city ripe with history and, although possibly not traditional for Christmas, Dave and Jean spent their few days there taking a big bite. As the former capital, the Imperial Palace is a sight to behold, and supposedly matched only by Beijing's very own Forbidden City. The trio checked out every crook and cranny.
Next on the list came the home of a former Chinese general and his family. This much more recent slice of history tied in quite closely to the sights which followed, of a war museum and the location of the 18/9/1931 incident. An attempt to put the story together here shall be made, but the following may not be 100% accurate.
The general was killed by the Japanese in a train explosion around 1930 and one of his sons took his place. The Japanese had apparent plans for world domination and step one required they conquered the Sleeping Dragon of China. Part one of Step one began in Shenyang. 18/9/1931 the Japanese blew up their own rail way, claimed it was done by the Chinese and used it as an excuse to start the war. Shenyang was quickly overun. The new general was put under constant pressure to hand over control to Japan, but instead he handed the reigns over to central China, helping to unify China into the country it is today. Japans war on China lasted over a decade and the most horrific events took place. Mass Genocide was turned into a game and the rules got sicker and sicker by the day. For example, they gave people the plague, just to see what happened. That was one of the nicer of diseases.
60 years after it all ended, possibly the worst of Japans insults was that it still doesn't seem to care. Japanese students seem to be taught nothing much more of the event than "next time we shouldn't lose".
On a much needed lighter note, the trio visited the Strange Slope. A small slope on which objects role UPhill. Up until this point, Dave had always thought this idea to be nothing more than a joke invented for Father Ted. The Slope was bizarre. Everything Dave knew told him it was impossible, but things were definately rolling in what appeared very very much to be an uphill direction. Bian, despite living in the area most of his childhood and visiting the Slope before, had apparently no idea why this occured and no desire to find out. That would simply not do for Dave. The majority of Christmas night was spent searching for answers on the magic that is google. The best he could find and what he would have to settle for was it was "an optical illussion". It was a very good one.
Although entertaining, interesting and enlighting, the feeling of Christmas had not yet been captured. The first moments of real Christmas began early Christmas morning, when the trio awoke at a stupidly early time just like any good little boys and girls. This was, of cause, due to the messed up body clocks, but it set the scene none the less. They went out for an early morning Christmas walk in subzero temperatures and walked on water. The lake begin frozen helped a bit.
Boxing day it finally began to snow. Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night. The trio were off to Ski!! Dave had never been skiing before, but it had always looked like fun. It was way up there on his things to do list, right next to ice skating.
It was just as fun as it looked. Despite the trio having an instructor who took Bian and Jean seperately slowly and safetly down the hill on their first attempts, it was made abundately clear by Bian's step-dad that it really wasn't necessary to wait. He even gave Dave a helpful push in the right direction. Needless to say, Dave spent the majority of the first hour after that on his backside. But once he got the hang of it it was really cool.
And at least he didn't leave with a giant bump on his head like Bian.
Time to explore.
Shenyang is a city ripe with history and, although possibly not traditional for Christmas, Dave and Jean spent their few days there taking a big bite. As the former capital, the Imperial Palace is a sight to behold, and supposedly matched only by Beijing's very own Forbidden City. The trio checked out every crook and cranny.
Next on the list came the home of a former Chinese general and his family. This much more recent slice of history tied in quite closely to the sights which followed, of a war museum and the location of the 18/9/1931 incident. An attempt to put the story together here shall be made, but the following may not be 100% accurate.
The general was killed by the Japanese in a train explosion around 1930 and one of his sons took his place. The Japanese had apparent plans for world domination and step one required they conquered the Sleeping Dragon of China. Part one of Step one began in Shenyang. 18/9/1931 the Japanese blew up their own rail way, claimed it was done by the Chinese and used it as an excuse to start the war. Shenyang was quickly overun. The new general was put under constant pressure to hand over control to Japan, but instead he handed the reigns over to central China, helping to unify China into the country it is today. Japans war on China lasted over a decade and the most horrific events took place. Mass Genocide was turned into a game and the rules got sicker and sicker by the day. For example, they gave people the plague, just to see what happened. That was one of the nicer of diseases.
60 years after it all ended, possibly the worst of Japans insults was that it still doesn't seem to care. Japanese students seem to be taught nothing much more of the event than "next time we shouldn't lose".
On a much needed lighter note, the trio visited the Strange Slope. A small slope on which objects role UPhill. Up until this point, Dave had always thought this idea to be nothing more than a joke invented for Father Ted. The Slope was bizarre. Everything Dave knew told him it was impossible, but things were definately rolling in what appeared very very much to be an uphill direction. Bian, despite living in the area most of his childhood and visiting the Slope before, had apparently no idea why this occured and no desire to find out. That would simply not do for Dave. The majority of Christmas night was spent searching for answers on the magic that is google. The best he could find and what he would have to settle for was it was "an optical illussion". It was a very good one.
Although entertaining, interesting and enlighting, the feeling of Christmas had not yet been captured. The first moments of real Christmas began early Christmas morning, when the trio awoke at a stupidly early time just like any good little boys and girls. This was, of cause, due to the messed up body clocks, but it set the scene none the less. They went out for an early morning Christmas walk in subzero temperatures and walked on water. The lake begin frozen helped a bit.
Boxing day it finally began to snow. Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night. The trio were off to Ski!! Dave had never been skiing before, but it had always looked like fun. It was way up there on his things to do list, right next to ice skating.
It was just as fun as it looked. Despite the trio having an instructor who took Bian and Jean seperately slowly and safetly down the hill on their first attempts, it was made abundately clear by Bian's step-dad that it really wasn't necessary to wait. He even gave Dave a helpful push in the right direction. Needless to say, Dave spent the majority of the first hour after that on his backside. But once he got the hang of it it was really cool.
And at least he didn't leave with a giant bump on his head like Bian.
Sunday, December 17, 2006
It's Christmas
It's Christmas time
are you hanging up your stocking on your wall
There's no need to be afraid
it's the time that every Santa has a ball
At Christmas time
does he ride a red nosed reindeer
We let in light and we banish shade
does he turn up on his sleigh
And in our world of plenty
do the farries keep him sober for a day
We can spread a smile of joy
so here it is merry Christmas
Throw your arms around the world
everybody’s having fun
At Christmas time
look to the future now
But say a prayer
it's only just begun
Pray for the other ones
are you waiting for your family to arrive
At Christmas time it's hard
are you sure you've got the room to spare inside
But when you're having fun
does your granny always tell you
There's a world outside your window
that the old songs are the best
And it's a world of dread and fear
and she’s up and rock 'n' rolling with rest
Where the only water flowingso here it is merry Christmas
Is the bitter sting of tears
everybody’s having fun
And the Christmas bells that ring
look to the future now
There are the clanging chimes of doom
it's only just begun
Well tonight thank God it's them instead of you
what will your daddy do when he sees your momma kissing Santa, ahaa
Feed the world
are you hanging up your stocking on your wall
Let them know it's Christmas time
are you hoping that the snow will start to fall
Feed the world
do you ride on down the hillside
Do they know it's Christmas time at all?
in a boggy you have made
And there won't be snow in Africa
when you land upon your head
This Christmas time
then you will say
The greatest gift they'll get this year is life
so here it is merry Christmas
Where nothing ever grows
everybody’s having fun
No rain nor rivers flow
look to the future now
Do they know it's Christmas time at all?
it's only just begun
Feed the world
so here it is merry Christmas
Let them know it's Christmas time
everybody’s having fun
Feed the world
look to the future now
Let them know it's Christmas time again
it's only just begun
(Here's to you) raise a glass for everyone
so here it is merry Christmas
(Here's to them) underneath that burning sun
everybody’s having fun
Do they know it's Christmas time at all?
look to the future now
Feed the world
it's only just begun
Let them know it's Christmas time
-That's how Dave hears it.
are you hanging up your stocking on your wall
There's no need to be afraid
it's the time that every Santa has a ball
At Christmas time
does he ride a red nosed reindeer
We let in light and we banish shade
does he turn up on his sleigh
And in our world of plenty
do the farries keep him sober for a day
We can spread a smile of joy
so here it is merry Christmas
Throw your arms around the world
everybody’s having fun
At Christmas time
look to the future now
But say a prayer
it's only just begun
Pray for the other ones
are you waiting for your family to arrive
At Christmas time it's hard
are you sure you've got the room to spare inside
But when you're having fun
does your granny always tell you
There's a world outside your window
that the old songs are the best
And it's a world of dread and fear
and she’s up and rock 'n' rolling with rest
Where the only water flowingso here it is merry Christmas
Is the bitter sting of tears
everybody’s having fun
And the Christmas bells that ring
look to the future now
There are the clanging chimes of doom
it's only just begun
Well tonight thank God it's them instead of you
what will your daddy do when he sees your momma kissing Santa, ahaa
Feed the world
are you hanging up your stocking on your wall
Let them know it's Christmas time
are you hoping that the snow will start to fall
Feed the world
do you ride on down the hillside
Do they know it's Christmas time at all?
in a boggy you have made
And there won't be snow in Africa
when you land upon your head
This Christmas time
then you will say
The greatest gift they'll get this year is life
so here it is merry Christmas
Where nothing ever grows
everybody’s having fun
No rain nor rivers flow
look to the future now
Do they know it's Christmas time at all?
it's only just begun
Feed the world
so here it is merry Christmas
Let them know it's Christmas time
everybody’s having fun
Feed the world
look to the future now
Let them know it's Christmas time again
it's only just begun
(Here's to you) raise a glass for everyone
so here it is merry Christmas
(Here's to them) underneath that burning sun
everybody’s having fun
Do they know it's Christmas time at all?
look to the future now
Feed the world
it's only just begun
Let them know it's Christmas time
-That's how Dave hears it.
Monday, November 27, 2006
Mini Mac Maths
Jean and Dave sat with Little Mac and his sweet daughter Mini Mac and enjoyed a delightful Chinese meal at the Tea House. The food was lovely and the conversation took on it's usual range from "How best to go the toilet" to "A woman's place in the home".
When it came time to leave, Little and Mini would be heading once more for the museum, whereas dave and Jean would be heading for the comforts of home. Jean, for some strange reason, had decided to wear lady's shoes today and her feet where now paying the price. Dave knew from his own experiences that wearing lady's shoes was always a mistake, but Jean simply refused to learn this.
"So why does Dave have to go?" asked Mini Mac
"Dave's only young," replied Little, "He can't stay out by himself."
"He's not..." argued Mini
"He IS," replied Little, " He's ONLY 22!"
Now it's possible Mini didn't fully understand how old 22 was, but she was wise enough to have learnt years ago that when her daddy speaks in that silly tone of voice it means he's talking out of the wrong hole. "He's NOT!"
"I AM 22," joined in Dave, " I REALLY AM." To which Mini Mac gave a look which clearly said, "Why do you humour my father, it just encourages him, please Dave, I expected better from you."
Jean now also dived in, "How old do you think I am?" Mini Mac was clearly unsure how to answer. "I'm 24," replied Jean for her.
To this Mini was very very happy. "Like me?!?! Your 4?!?!"
Only 4 and already better than her daddy at maths.
Wonder where she gets that from?
When it came time to leave, Little and Mini would be heading once more for the museum, whereas dave and Jean would be heading for the comforts of home. Jean, for some strange reason, had decided to wear lady's shoes today and her feet where now paying the price. Dave knew from his own experiences that wearing lady's shoes was always a mistake, but Jean simply refused to learn this.
"So why does Dave have to go?" asked Mini Mac
"Dave's only young," replied Little, "He can't stay out by himself."
"He's not..." argued Mini
"He IS," replied Little, " He's ONLY 22!"
Now it's possible Mini didn't fully understand how old 22 was, but she was wise enough to have learnt years ago that when her daddy speaks in that silly tone of voice it means he's talking out of the wrong hole. "He's NOT!"
"I AM 22," joined in Dave, " I REALLY AM." To which Mini Mac gave a look which clearly said, "Why do you humour my father, it just encourages him, please Dave, I expected better from you."
Jean now also dived in, "How old do you think I am?" Mini Mac was clearly unsure how to answer. "I'm 24," replied Jean for her.
To this Mini was very very happy. "Like me?!?! Your 4?!?!"
Only 4 and already better than her daddy at maths.
Wonder where she gets that from?
Wednesday, November 15, 2006
HULK SMASH!!
One week earlier, Dave had everything sorted out. The perfect statistical method for his data had been dropped right in his lap and all he had to do was program it in.
This turned out not to be so simple. Alas, PhD programs rarely are.
One week later, his program improved several times so that it could now work stuff out in a matter of minutes what his first attempt took weeks to do, he was all ready to run it.
And, with great pride, he found out, incredibly quickly, that this method actually didn't work for his data at all and it was back to the drawing board.
Dave's blood began to boil. His muscles began to burst out of his top, his skin turning green. He picked up the ancient relic known as his computer and smashed it into a thousand little pieces. He then continued to smash and bash everything in his path.
On seeing a mirror, he stared into his rage filled eyes and roared, "Whoa, green is TOTALLY MY colour."....
OK, so the hulk out and the smashing of the office didn't actually occur,
but it's the thought that counts.
This turned out not to be so simple. Alas, PhD programs rarely are.
One week later, his program improved several times so that it could now work stuff out in a matter of minutes what his first attempt took weeks to do, he was all ready to run it.
And, with great pride, he found out, incredibly quickly, that this method actually didn't work for his data at all and it was back to the drawing board.
Dave's blood began to boil. His muscles began to burst out of his top, his skin turning green. He picked up the ancient relic known as his computer and smashed it into a thousand little pieces. He then continued to smash and bash everything in his path.
On seeing a mirror, he stared into his rage filled eyes and roared, "Whoa, green is TOTALLY MY colour."....
OK, so the hulk out and the smashing of the office didn't actually occur,
but it's the thought that counts.
Monday, October 30, 2006
Slice of Cheese
Anya sat clutching her daddy staring round the room like a lost kitten, silent as a lamb. She hadn't been round to Grandma Natsios' in a while and clearly needed time to settle in. Good old Grandma started the baby talk to help break the ice.
She pointed to Dave and said, "This is Santa."
Anya, unable to talk, was clearly able to understand. Her face lit up instantaneously with a tiny little cheesy smile. Clearly daddy's little girl.
She was now able to walk around without the aid of her darlek dervice and her plans for world domination were well on their way when she began to help herself to Uncle John's Ice Cream.
She pointed to Dave and said, "This is Santa."
Anya, unable to talk, was clearly able to understand. Her face lit up instantaneously with a tiny little cheesy smile. Clearly daddy's little girl.
She was now able to walk around without the aid of her darlek dervice and her plans for world domination were well on their way when she began to help herself to Uncle John's Ice Cream.
Thursday, October 05, 2006
Bloody Christmas.
Strapped down to a table, the life being liturally sucked out of him, Dave thought, 'Wouldn't it be nice if all my friends and family did this too...'
Dave was, of cause, giving blood.
For his birthday he had raised around 150 pounds for a good cause. Dave's original plan had been to ask once again for further donations for christmas. It occured to him that some people couldn't really give a lot of cash or somehow felt that cash was too impersonal. Therefore, whilst being drained of millilitre after millilitre of the red stuff, Dave decided to expand his Christmas wish list.
"Dear Santa,
I have been a good boy this year ... honest... I would therefore like for christmas, from everyone,
1. A cash donation which I will give to charity.
OR/AND
2. A blood donation to a local blood bank. (The nearest one to me being on Dale Street, near Moorfields Station, open weekdays 9:30 - 17:00 and saturday 9:45-14:00, closed sunday.)
You will of cause be paid in your usual milk and cookies.
Dave."
He wondered how many of his friends and family would be selfless enough to take part.
Dave was, of cause, giving blood.
For his birthday he had raised around 150 pounds for a good cause. Dave's original plan had been to ask once again for further donations for christmas. It occured to him that some people couldn't really give a lot of cash or somehow felt that cash was too impersonal. Therefore, whilst being drained of millilitre after millilitre of the red stuff, Dave decided to expand his Christmas wish list.
"Dear Santa,
I have been a good boy this year ... honest... I would therefore like for christmas, from everyone,
1. A cash donation which I will give to charity.
OR/AND
2. A blood donation to a local blood bank. (The nearest one to me being on Dale Street, near Moorfields Station, open weekdays 9:30 - 17:00 and saturday 9:45-14:00, closed sunday.)
You will of cause be paid in your usual milk and cookies.
Dave."
He wondered how many of his friends and family would be selfless enough to take part.
Tolon Tolon
Reunited again, Dave and Jean stared lovingly into each other eyes.
"I've missed you soo much, " said Dave, to which Jean romantically replied...
"Where's my present!?!?"
Dave had spent many hours looking round shops in Pamplona for the perfect gift. It was hard. Alot of cake and clothes shops, but cakes would get smashed and Dave had better chances of bringing home a winning lottery ticket that picking the right clothes.
What else was there... Dvds, videos, T.Vs, teddies, dolls, dog food, a communist flag and a pile of russian dolls... nothing seemed right.
Finally he found it. The perfect gift. A BOTTLE OF ALCOHOL!
This was exactly the same thing that he had brought back from Italy, which meant either Dave was incredibly boring or implied that he really believed his wife was an alcoholic. Both of which were true, but neither was the true reason.
IT WAS IN A COW BOTTLE! WITH TWO LITTLE COW SHOT GLASSES! IN A COW BOX! It was sooo cool.
It's name was "Tolon Tolon". Dave had no idea what that meant.
He probably never would.
Jean liked it.
"I've missed you soo much, " said Dave, to which Jean romantically replied...
"Where's my present!?!?"
Dave had spent many hours looking round shops in Pamplona for the perfect gift. It was hard. Alot of cake and clothes shops, but cakes would get smashed and Dave had better chances of bringing home a winning lottery ticket that picking the right clothes.
What else was there... Dvds, videos, T.Vs, teddies, dolls, dog food, a communist flag and a pile of russian dolls... nothing seemed right.
Finally he found it. The perfect gift. A BOTTLE OF ALCOHOL!
This was exactly the same thing that he had brought back from Italy, which meant either Dave was incredibly boring or implied that he really believed his wife was an alcoholic. Both of which were true, but neither was the true reason.
IT WAS IN A COW BOTTLE! WITH TWO LITTLE COW SHOT GLASSES! IN A COW BOX! It was sooo cool.
It's name was "Tolon Tolon". Dave had no idea what that meant.
He probably never would.
Jean liked it.
Wednesday, October 04, 2006
Stats Conf 2:- This time it's Impersonal.
Dave had been sent to Pamplona, north of Spain, to his second Stats Conference for the month. Compared to Italy this one was bigger, flasher, more expensive. Dave hated it.
It completely lacked the personal touch of the Italian alternative and, knowing no one and having little contact with the outside world, Dave felt isolated.
...Lonely, I'm Mr Lonely...
Added to this, even the mathematics on display was less relevant than the Italian job. Dave felt like he had wasted his time coming here on every level and could not wait to return home to good old rain drenched Liverpool.
Therefore, after missing the train and the bus to the airport, Dave did not hesitate to jump into a 100 pound taxi trip to ensure he didn't waste even one more second.
3 hrs later, he had never been happier to see Scouseland.
It completely lacked the personal touch of the Italian alternative and, knowing no one and having little contact with the outside world, Dave felt isolated.
...Lonely, I'm Mr Lonely...
Added to this, even the mathematics on display was less relevant than the Italian job. Dave felt like he had wasted his time coming here on every level and could not wait to return home to good old rain drenched Liverpool.
Therefore, after missing the train and the bus to the airport, Dave did not hesitate to jump into a 100 pound taxi trip to ensure he didn't waste even one more second.
3 hrs later, he had never been happier to see Scouseland.
Wednesday, September 13, 2006
The Return
After a car ride, a flight, a bus ride and an overnight coach, almost missing both the flight and the coach and having the coach break down causing an extra hour delay, at 7am, after 19 hours of travel, Dave finally got off the national express at Liverpool and dived into Jean's arms.
Words could not express how much he had missed her. He was so glad to be back with her and he would never leave her side again.
Or at least not for another two weeks, after which he was being sent to Spain for another Stats conference.
It's a hard life.
Words could not express how much he had missed her. He was so glad to be back with her and he would never leave her side again.
Or at least not for another two weeks, after which he was being sent to Spain for another Stats conference.
It's a hard life.
Stone Camel
The beautiful little town in which Dave was staying was called "Pietracamela", liturally "Stone Camel". It took it's name from the two humped "camel" shaped mountain on which it sat.
Italian lesson:-
Pietra - Stone
Camela - Camel
Pietrafied - Dave climbing up the Stone Camel mountain.
Despite it's obvious beauty, Dave was saddened to learn that the town was doomed. It had a current population of 50 people, with only around 10 under 30 years old. The mayor himself predicted only 20 years left of life in the village, as the young would abandon it for greener lands and the old would pass away. The majority of the town now belonged to tourists who visited once every few years. There were no schools, no shopping centers, no entertainment.
And yet one of the mayors chief concerns was that he thought the lighting in the mill should be a "softer white, not a yellow, but softer than the white it is now."
Italian lesson:-
Pietra - Stone
Camela - Camel
Pietrafied - Dave climbing up the Stone Camel mountain.
Despite it's obvious beauty, Dave was saddened to learn that the town was doomed. It had a current population of 50 people, with only around 10 under 30 years old. The mayor himself predicted only 20 years left of life in the village, as the young would abandon it for greener lands and the old would pass away. The majority of the town now belonged to tourists who visited once every few years. There were no schools, no shopping centers, no entertainment.
And yet one of the mayors chief concerns was that he thought the lighting in the mill should be a "softer white, not a yellow, but softer than the white it is now."
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