Dave woke early, he had a dentist appointment at 10:15am. He had not been to this dentist before. He left with plenty of time to get there and, despite getting lost for a while, still arrived with almost 30 min to spare.
He sat down in the waiting area and banged his head on an awkwardly positioned cabinet.
After almost an hour wait, he went in to see the dentist.
"I've been told I need root canal work done."
"Oh..." said the dentist, and then she explained that due to the cost of root canal work, she was unable to offer it. Dave would need to go elsewhere.
Having wasted his morning, Dave swung back to Uni where he would meet his supervisor. There he spent the majority of his afternoon learning how inadequate his PhD work currently was.
"I remember my other student, Alex, he let me down enormously," his supervisor told him, "You remind me alot of him."
Onwards, Dave jumped on a bus to work. Here, dispite most of the bus being empty, a lady of aproximately 55 years of age, very drunk and ugly, decided to sit next to Dave.
"I want you up inside me," she informed Dave
"Go away," said Dave.
The conversation continued like this for the majority of the journey, a journey which usually takes 10 - 20 min, but for some reason today took half an hour.
"Why don't you wanna sh'.. me?" she asked
"There are too many reasons to list, go away, there are plenty of empty seats, pick one."
She swayed back and forth, half way between failing to look sexy and almost falling over, the result was almost comical. Most of her words were too badly slurred to be understood, but the occasional sentence came out.
"I wanna f**k you."
"That will NEVER happen, you're replusive, go away."
Eventually, a kind gentleman getting off the bus stole her glasses as he walked past and informed her if she wanted them back she would have to come and get them. She finally left. Dave thanked the man from the bottom of his heart.
Next up, as he went door to door, it started to piss down.
And the perfect end to the perfect day, he got a paper cut.
Thursday, June 28, 2007
Tuesday, June 26, 2007
Dream On
Last night Dave had a dream.
He dreamt that he was back at his old junior school, a school which in real life has now been demolished. It was just as he had remembered it. A school kid came up to him and asked him why he was still here and Dave suddenly realised it was all a dream, but he didn't want to wake up, he wanted to look around while he still could. It was a pleasant trip down memory lane.
He went over to a small cabinet and started looking at the things there. He picked something up, he later couldn't remember what it was, but he looked at the bottom. There was a serial number. 112116. He repeated it to himself several times. He wanted to remember it. See if it was a real serial number in real life. 112116.
Suddenly the 2 moved, dreams were like that, so Dave wasn't too concerned. It was now 121116. The 2 moved back and forth a few more times, but no other change occured. 112116, 121116, 112116, 121116....
Dave, finally sure he would remember the numbers on waking, continued his look around his childhood memories.
Eventually, he woke up.
He did indeed remember the numbers on waking, and, although in the real world he thought it alot sillier than his dream self, he decided to do a quick google search.
112116
The first page that jumped up was "Prime Curios!", a site which had unusual facts about Prime numbers. It said:
"One of only two six digit integers, abcdef, that has the property that both (abcdef)/(a+b+c+d+e+f) and (abcdef)/(a*b*c*d*e*f) are both prime. Coincidentally, they are the same prime. "
Interesting, if you like that kind of thing, but it was about to get a whole lot stranger...
121116
The second page that jumped up was, again, "Prime Curios!". Dave simply could not believe his eyes....
"The larger, of only two six-digit integers, abcdef, that has the property that both (abcdef)/(a+b+c+d+e+f) and (abcdef)/(a*b*c*d*e*f) are both prime. Coincidentally, they are the same prime. "
The words "only two" hit him like a ton of bricks. There were 900,000 possible 6 digit numbers. Only two of them had this property. To get 1 of them was fairly meaningless, since most numbers have some kind of property, but to get both? And "only" both?
Dave was certain he had never heard of either of these numbers before.
That was spooky.
He dreamt that he was back at his old junior school, a school which in real life has now been demolished. It was just as he had remembered it. A school kid came up to him and asked him why he was still here and Dave suddenly realised it was all a dream, but he didn't want to wake up, he wanted to look around while he still could. It was a pleasant trip down memory lane.
He went over to a small cabinet and started looking at the things there. He picked something up, he later couldn't remember what it was, but he looked at the bottom. There was a serial number. 112116. He repeated it to himself several times. He wanted to remember it. See if it was a real serial number in real life. 112116.
Suddenly the 2 moved, dreams were like that, so Dave wasn't too concerned. It was now 121116. The 2 moved back and forth a few more times, but no other change occured. 112116, 121116, 112116, 121116....
Dave, finally sure he would remember the numbers on waking, continued his look around his childhood memories.
Eventually, he woke up.
He did indeed remember the numbers on waking, and, although in the real world he thought it alot sillier than his dream self, he decided to do a quick google search.
112116
The first page that jumped up was "Prime Curios!", a site which had unusual facts about Prime numbers. It said:
"One of only two six digit integers, abcdef, that has the property that both (abcdef)/(a+b+c+d+e+f) and (abcdef)/(a*b*c*d*e*f) are both prime. Coincidentally, they are the same prime. "
Interesting, if you like that kind of thing, but it was about to get a whole lot stranger...
121116
The second page that jumped up was, again, "Prime Curios!". Dave simply could not believe his eyes....
"The larger, of only two six-digit integers, abcdef, that has the property that both (abcdef)/(a+b+c+d+e+f) and (abcdef)/(a*b*c*d*e*f) are both prime. Coincidentally, they are the same prime. "
The words "only two" hit him like a ton of bricks. There were 900,000 possible 6 digit numbers. Only two of them had this property. To get 1 of them was fairly meaningless, since most numbers have some kind of property, but to get both? And "only" both?
Dave was certain he had never heard of either of these numbers before.
That was spooky.
Sunday, June 24, 2007
Gifts
Giving up gifts was not easy for Dave. Not easy at all. In fact, it was surprisingly difficult.
It had all looked so simply on paper. All he had to do was tell everyone they didn't need to get him anything any more, though they could donate to charity if they wished and that would be that. He had no real desire to recieve presents and it would be nice to make his little stand against the tide. Simple.
In practice it didn't work that way. People wanted to give him gifts. Giving gifts at birthdays and Christmas seems deeply, deeply associated with showing you care. People wanted to show they cared. Further, refusing gifts or asking not to recieve any seemed to insult people.
"My gifts aren't good enough?"
This was not the intention and completely not true. The gifts he had recieved were all top quality stuff which he was very thankful for. Why then did Dave not want any more?
Dave had two main problems with gifts.
Firstly, the fact that more money is spent on just the wrapping paper, never mind the gifts, every year than on charities is quite horrific. Add to this the amount of waste created by said wrapping paper, along with packaging etc. It just doesn't seem right.
Secondly, gifts do not equal love. Love equals love. Gifts can be a sign of love, but it's not always the case and it's certainly not the only way to show it. Dave wished he could live in a world where people could feel the love without the gifts.
Alas, this was not the case. People wanted to give and recieve and were hurt if this was taken away. Dave did not want to hurt anyone.
Perhaps some battles just weren't worth fighting.
It had all looked so simply on paper. All he had to do was tell everyone they didn't need to get him anything any more, though they could donate to charity if they wished and that would be that. He had no real desire to recieve presents and it would be nice to make his little stand against the tide. Simple.
In practice it didn't work that way. People wanted to give him gifts. Giving gifts at birthdays and Christmas seems deeply, deeply associated with showing you care. People wanted to show they cared. Further, refusing gifts or asking not to recieve any seemed to insult people.
"My gifts aren't good enough?"
This was not the intention and completely not true. The gifts he had recieved were all top quality stuff which he was very thankful for. Why then did Dave not want any more?
Dave had two main problems with gifts.
Firstly, the fact that more money is spent on just the wrapping paper, never mind the gifts, every year than on charities is quite horrific. Add to this the amount of waste created by said wrapping paper, along with packaging etc. It just doesn't seem right.
Secondly, gifts do not equal love. Love equals love. Gifts can be a sign of love, but it's not always the case and it's certainly not the only way to show it. Dave wished he could live in a world where people could feel the love without the gifts.
Alas, this was not the case. People wanted to give and recieve and were hurt if this was taken away. Dave did not want to hurt anyone.
Perhaps some battles just weren't worth fighting.
Saturday, June 16, 2007
Happy Birthday Dave
Dave woke up feeling like s**t. His nose was blocked, his head was banging and his throat felt pretty rough. In a few hours he would need to give his annual speech in Uni, defending his PhD to the entire department, or face failing the course.
It was, of cause, Dave's 23rd birthday.
In addition to giving the speech, Dave had also been left in charge of setting the speech up. Of cause, the key required to get to the laptop went awol. Luckily he had started searching for it almost an hour early, because it wasn't found until 5 minutes late.
Finally ready, his flashkey decided that even though it had worked fine a few hours earlier, it wouldn't bother to work now. Thankfully, Dave had thought of this and had also emailed himself another copy of the file.
Show time.
30 -50 min the speech should last. Over an hour of constant questions later, Dave finally got a chance to sit down. His wife decided to take him out for a romantic meal for two.
During the meal, he recieved a phone call from his supervisor. He would be going on holiday for over a week and wanted to talk to Dave about how his speech went. Of cause, he wanted Dave to call him back, because it was costing him too much to talk on his mobile. Dave did so, and was told all the wonderful shortcomings of his speech and his work in general and how it all needed alot more added to it. A very long phone call, but Dave paid for it, so that was fine.
When the phone call had started the meal had not yet arrived. When the phone call had ended, Jean had already finished her meal (and half of his) and his food had gone cold.
"Happy Birthday Dave!"
Despite all this, Dave did manage to have a decent day. He recieved message after message from family and friends filled with hugs, snogs, congrats, best wishes and a million happy birthdays.
In all honesty, what more could anyone ask for?
It was, of cause, Dave's 23rd birthday.
In addition to giving the speech, Dave had also been left in charge of setting the speech up. Of cause, the key required to get to the laptop went awol. Luckily he had started searching for it almost an hour early, because it wasn't found until 5 minutes late.
Finally ready, his flashkey decided that even though it had worked fine a few hours earlier, it wouldn't bother to work now. Thankfully, Dave had thought of this and had also emailed himself another copy of the file.
Show time.
30 -50 min the speech should last. Over an hour of constant questions later, Dave finally got a chance to sit down. His wife decided to take him out for a romantic meal for two.
During the meal, he recieved a phone call from his supervisor. He would be going on holiday for over a week and wanted to talk to Dave about how his speech went. Of cause, he wanted Dave to call him back, because it was costing him too much to talk on his mobile. Dave did so, and was told all the wonderful shortcomings of his speech and his work in general and how it all needed alot more added to it. A very long phone call, but Dave paid for it, so that was fine.
When the phone call had started the meal had not yet arrived. When the phone call had ended, Jean had already finished her meal (and half of his) and his food had gone cold.
"Happy Birthday Dave!"
Despite all this, Dave did manage to have a decent day. He recieved message after message from family and friends filled with hugs, snogs, congrats, best wishes and a million happy birthdays.
In all honesty, what more could anyone ask for?
Monday, June 11, 2007
The Law of the Sod
With his wife away, Dave hadn't slept well at all. Try as he might he could just not get used to her absense. Still, she would only be gone for a week and he would sleep plenty on her return.
Now, with his wife finally back at his side, Dave once again could not sleep.
He had toothache.
"Bloody Sod and his stupid laws!"
Now, with his wife finally back at his side, Dave once again could not sleep.
He had toothache.
"Bloody Sod and his stupid laws!"
Friday, June 08, 2007
Third time lucky.
"Hey mum, what's up?"
"Nothing, just wanted to check how you were since Jean is away."
"I'm fine..."
"Are you sleeping OK?"
Jean was away in Birmingham for a work related training course. She'd been gone almost a week, in which time Dave had been lucky to get 6 hours sleep in a night. That his mum had guessed this straight off led him to believe he probably took after his mum, and that she herself had had a few sleepless nights whenever his dad had been away. Either that or he'd went on about it too much the last time he'd been away from Jean. Whichever.
Dave's sister was spring cleaning, better late than never, Dave's sister in law was almost a teacher and Dave's brother in law had quit smoking. Things were looking good. Dave's dad would be going into hospital for an operation, again, sometime early July. Hopefully, it'd be third time lucky.
"Jean's birthday is around then right?"
"Yup," said Dave
"She's going to be 25?"
"Yup."
"When I first met her she said she would have babies when she was 25."
"..."
"Dave?"
"Nothing, just wanted to check how you were since Jean is away."
"I'm fine..."
"Are you sleeping OK?"
Jean was away in Birmingham for a work related training course. She'd been gone almost a week, in which time Dave had been lucky to get 6 hours sleep in a night. That his mum had guessed this straight off led him to believe he probably took after his mum, and that she herself had had a few sleepless nights whenever his dad had been away. Either that or he'd went on about it too much the last time he'd been away from Jean. Whichever.
Dave's sister was spring cleaning, better late than never, Dave's sister in law was almost a teacher and Dave's brother in law had quit smoking. Things were looking good. Dave's dad would be going into hospital for an operation, again, sometime early July. Hopefully, it'd be third time lucky.
"Jean's birthday is around then right?"
"Yup," said Dave
"She's going to be 25?"
"Yup."
"When I first met her she said she would have babies when she was 25."
"..."
"Dave?"
Thursday, June 07, 2007
Jean... this says June...
Jean had passed her test, all the documents were ready, everything was all set to send away for her new unlimited Visa. The website mentioned a warning to say do not apply more than 28 days before your current visa runs out. The visa was suppose to be expiring near the begining of July, it was now June 3rd, everything was going according to plan.
Dave decided to check the date on the visa to see if they could send away now or if they had to wait another week.
"... hmmm... Jean... this says June not July... your visa expired two days ago..."
"Oh well, guess we'll just send it away now," said Jean (Note, these were not her exact words, but children could be reading this.)
So they calmly got all the finishing touches done and dusted and it was sent of the very next morning.
And they all lived happily ever after.
...hopefully.
Dave decided to check the date on the visa to see if they could send away now or if they had to wait another week.
"... hmmm... Jean... this says June not July... your visa expired two days ago..."
"Oh well, guess we'll just send it away now," said Jean (Note, these were not her exact words, but children could be reading this.)
So they calmly got all the finishing touches done and dusted and it was sent of the very next morning.
And they all lived happily ever after.
...hopefully.
Saturday, June 02, 2007
Exam Stress
Dave had never worried about exams. He had never found any reason to worry. An exam was simply sitting down and answering questions. There were no "hard" questions, you either knew the answer or you didn't, and, lucky for Dave, he usually knew more than he didn't.
In fact, doing a PhD, Dave kind of missed the simple life of exams. And yet, during the past few weeks, one exam had given him more stress than every other examination he had ever taken all rolled into one. The really hard part was it wasn't his exam to take.
The result of his wife's Life in The UK test may very well determine his entire life and all he could do was sit outside the exam room and wait. And wait...
Liverpool central Library proved to be very poorly managed. The test is made up of 24 pointless questions answered on a computer with imediate results available and each person has a maximum of 45 min in which to complete it. The majority of people, pass or fail, finish it with at least 15 min to spare. So how did the Library manage to make the whole procedure last for over 2 hrs?
Dave waited...
Weeks and weeks of endless study for this examination, some of which involved Jean, and now it was just a very long 2 hours away from being over.
Finally the results were in, although in true Library style they were handed out one by one as slowly as possible. Finally the time came...
"Jing Luo?"
Jean rushed into the little room, was handed a piece of paper and came out with a smile.
It was a pass.
It was also the fakest looking certificate in the history of certificates. It was a normal paper A4 print off of Jean's details with the word "Pass" stamped on it.
"Keep this safe, we will not provide another copy," Jean was told as she left. 'I don't think I'll need one,' thought Jean, 'I could print off a dozen more myself.'
Still, a pass was a pass, and with the madness finally over, Dave and Jean met up with Macca for a Chinese and a Pint.
All in all 100% successful trip.
In fact, doing a PhD, Dave kind of missed the simple life of exams. And yet, during the past few weeks, one exam had given him more stress than every other examination he had ever taken all rolled into one. The really hard part was it wasn't his exam to take.
The result of his wife's Life in The UK test may very well determine his entire life and all he could do was sit outside the exam room and wait. And wait...
Liverpool central Library proved to be very poorly managed. The test is made up of 24 pointless questions answered on a computer with imediate results available and each person has a maximum of 45 min in which to complete it. The majority of people, pass or fail, finish it with at least 15 min to spare. So how did the Library manage to make the whole procedure last for over 2 hrs?
Dave waited...
Weeks and weeks of endless study for this examination, some of which involved Jean, and now it was just a very long 2 hours away from being over.
Finally the results were in, although in true Library style they were handed out one by one as slowly as possible. Finally the time came...
"Jing Luo?"
Jean rushed into the little room, was handed a piece of paper and came out with a smile.
It was a pass.
It was also the fakest looking certificate in the history of certificates. It was a normal paper A4 print off of Jean's details with the word "Pass" stamped on it.
"Keep this safe, we will not provide another copy," Jean was told as she left. 'I don't think I'll need one,' thought Jean, 'I could print off a dozen more myself.'
Still, a pass was a pass, and with the madness finally over, Dave and Jean met up with Macca for a Chinese and a Pint.
All in all 100% successful trip.
Monday, May 28, 2007
Update?
"So," said Dave, "How's me dad?"
"Well," said Dave's mum....
Dave's dad had always had a thing for having a somewhat pessimistic view when it came to his personal health. For example, on one occassion when he discovered his hands had turned a slightly blue colour he immediately assumed he was about to die. Dave's mum had pointed out that it was dye from his gloves and therefore not all that lethal.
With this in mind, Dave could only begin to imagine what his dad had thought when they sat him in a chair and said, "Mr Natsios, the check we are about to do to discover what the growth is will involve us going up the urethra and scratching a small piece off for testing. You will be awake throughout the entire thing and if it goes wrong, which is unlikely, your urethra could swell up and you will be unable to use it and you will need to be hooked up to a bag."
Dave's dad left the hospital without having the check.
After a few days and a few chats with Dave's mum, he finally had the courage to go back and have the check. However the hospital had other ideas. He was placed directly into a cancer ward and was about to be given an operation to remove the growth without bothering to discover how serious it was. "If this goes wrong, which is unlikely, you may end up in a wheelchair..."
Dave's dad left the hospital again without having anything done. The current situation was, despite the trips to the hospital, nothing further was known and nothing further had been done.
... "and then, as your dad was leaving the hospital, the doctor said to him, I can see your not ready Mr Natsios, but please come back soon, I don't want my patient to die."
Dave took the news, or lack of news, rather well. He would hopefully find out more soon, but for now there was nothing much to worry about.
The next morning Dave woke up in a flood of tears, but, on the bright side, it got him out of bed before 10am on a saturday, which was almost unheard of.
"He's going to be fine," said Jean,
"He's going to be fine."
"Well," said Dave's mum....
Dave's dad had always had a thing for having a somewhat pessimistic view when it came to his personal health. For example, on one occassion when he discovered his hands had turned a slightly blue colour he immediately assumed he was about to die. Dave's mum had pointed out that it was dye from his gloves and therefore not all that lethal.
With this in mind, Dave could only begin to imagine what his dad had thought when they sat him in a chair and said, "Mr Natsios, the check we are about to do to discover what the growth is will involve us going up the urethra and scratching a small piece off for testing. You will be awake throughout the entire thing and if it goes wrong, which is unlikely, your urethra could swell up and you will be unable to use it and you will need to be hooked up to a bag."
Dave's dad left the hospital without having the check.
After a few days and a few chats with Dave's mum, he finally had the courage to go back and have the check. However the hospital had other ideas. He was placed directly into a cancer ward and was about to be given an operation to remove the growth without bothering to discover how serious it was. "If this goes wrong, which is unlikely, you may end up in a wheelchair..."
Dave's dad left the hospital again without having anything done. The current situation was, despite the trips to the hospital, nothing further was known and nothing further had been done.
... "and then, as your dad was leaving the hospital, the doctor said to him, I can see your not ready Mr Natsios, but please come back soon, I don't want my patient to die."
Dave took the news, or lack of news, rather well. He would hopefully find out more soon, but for now there was nothing much to worry about.
The next morning Dave woke up in a flood of tears, but, on the bright side, it got him out of bed before 10am on a saturday, which was almost unheard of.
"He's going to be fine," said Jean,
"He's going to be fine."
Wednesday, May 09, 2007
MyHeritage.com
Dave had discovered a great new game. MyHeritage.com. Basically, it's a website on which you up load pictures of yourself, friends and family. The site then uses state of the art techniques to decide which 10 celebrities the person in the picture looks most like.
When you think about it, that's pretty damn clever.
To Dave's horror his photo had a 50% match to Justin Timberlake, the celebrity certain people had tried to convince Dave he looked like, which Dave had always found to be nonsense. He apparently also had a 55% match to Sean Hayes, the really gay friend of Will in Will and Grace.
To Dave's amusement, other peoples photos had had some fairly interesting results....
Jean: 56% match to Joseph E. Stiglitz (guy going bald with a beard)
Dave's mum: 53% match to Uri Geller, 50% match to David Schwimmer (Ross from friends)
Dave's dad: 55% match to Whoopi Goldberg, 55% match to the Dalai Lama and 52% match to the Prince of Wales. (How is it even slightly possible for anyone to get that combination?)
Alan: 66% match to Isabella Rossellini
Andrea: 70% match to Madonna, 68% match to Wentworth Miller (guy from Prisonbreak)
Steven: 72% match to Meg Ryan, 63% match to Audrey Tautou and actually 9 of 10 of his matches were women.
Peter: 48% match to Christina Aguilera
Emma: 70% match to Katie Holmes
Anya: 55% match to Naomi Campbell
Aline: 71% match to Britney Spears
Macca: 70% match to Sarah Jessica Parker (the main one from Sex in the City). As with Ste, 9 out of 10 of these matches were women.
‘So’, thought Dave, ‘If I look like Justin Timberlake, I’m taking everyone else down with me.’
When you think about it, that's pretty damn clever.
To Dave's horror his photo had a 50% match to Justin Timberlake, the celebrity certain people had tried to convince Dave he looked like, which Dave had always found to be nonsense. He apparently also had a 55% match to Sean Hayes, the really gay friend of Will in Will and Grace.
To Dave's amusement, other peoples photos had had some fairly interesting results....
Jean: 56% match to Joseph E. Stiglitz (guy going bald with a beard)
Dave's mum: 53% match to Uri Geller, 50% match to David Schwimmer (Ross from friends)
Dave's dad: 55% match to Whoopi Goldberg, 55% match to the Dalai Lama and 52% match to the Prince of Wales. (How is it even slightly possible for anyone to get that combination?)
Alan: 66% match to Isabella Rossellini
Andrea: 70% match to Madonna, 68% match to Wentworth Miller (guy from Prisonbreak)
Steven: 72% match to Meg Ryan, 63% match to Audrey Tautou and actually 9 of 10 of his matches were women.
Peter: 48% match to Christina Aguilera
Emma: 70% match to Katie Holmes
Anya: 55% match to Naomi Campbell
Aline: 71% match to Britney Spears
Macca: 70% match to Sarah Jessica Parker (the main one from Sex in the City). As with Ste, 9 out of 10 of these matches were women.
‘So’, thought Dave, ‘If I look like Justin Timberlake, I’m taking everyone else down with me.’
Saturday, May 05, 2007
Context
"Growth"
What do you think of when you hear the word "Growth"?
The evironmentalist may think of new forests and plant life.
The parent may think of how quickly there little ones seem to shoot up.
The pyscologist may think of an individual's maturity.
The builder may think of expanding cities and highways.
The Head of Tesco may think of world domination.
Unfortanetly, when Dave heard the word recently he didn't have the luxory of any of these interpretations.
"Dave," said his mum, "Your dad's had his tests, they found a growth on his bladder..."
Dave didn't know what to think. He knew what he most certainly did NOT want to think of, but that was the thing that kept coming to him anyway.
The doctors didn't know what it was yet. They would do some more tests. There was a wide range of possiblities with an equally wide range of how serious it could be.
For now, Dave could only hope, prayer and say, "It's bound to be nothing".
What do you think of when you hear the word "Growth"?
The evironmentalist may think of new forests and plant life.
The parent may think of how quickly there little ones seem to shoot up.
The pyscologist may think of an individual's maturity.
The builder may think of expanding cities and highways.
The Head of Tesco may think of world domination.
Unfortanetly, when Dave heard the word recently he didn't have the luxory of any of these interpretations.
"Dave," said his mum, "Your dad's had his tests, they found a growth on his bladder..."
Dave didn't know what to think. He knew what he most certainly did NOT want to think of, but that was the thing that kept coming to him anyway.
The doctors didn't know what it was yet. They would do some more tests. There was a wide range of possiblities with an equally wide range of how serious it could be.
For now, Dave could only hope, prayer and say, "It's bound to be nothing".
Monday, April 09, 2007
Failure
Dave had set himself 3 challenges for Lent. Now, with Lent done and dusted, he could see his results.
No sweets: Passed
No alcohol: Passed
Daily pressups and weekly swimming: Failed. Not even close.
He could give himself list upon list of excuses why it hadn't happened. He could blame this. that or the other. He could console himself with the words of meatloaf that "two outa three aiin't bad".
Or he could simply accept the cold hard reality that he had completely failed and begin training for next year.
...right after he finished these chocy eggs....
No sweets: Passed
No alcohol: Passed
Daily pressups and weekly swimming: Failed. Not even close.
He could give himself list upon list of excuses why it hadn't happened. He could blame this. that or the other. He could console himself with the words of meatloaf that "two outa three aiin't bad".
Or he could simply accept the cold hard reality that he had completely failed and begin training for next year.
...right after he finished these chocy eggs....
Friday, March 30, 2007
Playing with Wiki.
Wikipedia. The greatest invention since sliced bread, which, according to Wikipedia, first came out in July 1928. Endless volumes of infinite knowledge. Dave was fairly certain he would have failed his PhD miserably had it not been around. It could also be used as a wonderfully entertaining game.
"Jing Luo"
Gives Jing Jing Luo, famous chinese composer
"McNeilis"
Gives "Danger Man"
and
"Natsios"
Gives "The Return of The Bastards"
Wikipedia really did know everything.
"Jing Luo"
Gives Jing Jing Luo, famous chinese composer
"McNeilis"
Gives "Danger Man"
and
"Natsios"
Gives "The Return of The Bastards"
Wikipedia really did know everything.
Monday, March 26, 2007
Best of British
When were women given the right to vote?
In which year will be the next census?
How wide is the widest point of Britain?
What year were women allowed to divorce their husbands?
What percentage of young people go into higher education?
How many years was the second world war?
Okay, an easy one:
Who is the head of the Government?
Prime Minister? Nope, The Queen.
Apparently, knowing the answers to all of these questions and many more like them is essential if you wish to blend in to the day to day British life as they all appear in the "Life in the UK" test which must be passed by anyone who wishes to stay indefinately in this country. Previously, passing the test was only required when applying for a British Passport. From April 2nd 2007 it has been extended to anyone who wishes indefinate leave to remain even if they don't want to be British.
This was somewhat bothersome for Dave. It meant his wife, Jean, now had only two months in which to learn all this "incredibly useful" information and pass the test. This time was shortened further because the new book relevant for the new tests from April 2nd was not yet available. Added to the £35 fee for the test and the £10 fee for the book, the couple were also now faced with an increase of the visa price from £335 to £750. That's an increase of 124%. Apparently this was a perfectly fair charge and should be paid for by legal foreigners, since the extra money would be used to keep illegal foreigners out.
For some reason, Dave couldn't quite figure out the logic with that.
In which year will be the next census?
How wide is the widest point of Britain?
What year were women allowed to divorce their husbands?
What percentage of young people go into higher education?
How many years was the second world war?
Okay, an easy one:
Who is the head of the Government?
Prime Minister? Nope, The Queen.
Apparently, knowing the answers to all of these questions and many more like them is essential if you wish to blend in to the day to day British life as they all appear in the "Life in the UK" test which must be passed by anyone who wishes to stay indefinately in this country. Previously, passing the test was only required when applying for a British Passport. From April 2nd 2007 it has been extended to anyone who wishes indefinate leave to remain even if they don't want to be British.
This was somewhat bothersome for Dave. It meant his wife, Jean, now had only two months in which to learn all this "incredibly useful" information and pass the test. This time was shortened further because the new book relevant for the new tests from April 2nd was not yet available. Added to the £35 fee for the test and the £10 fee for the book, the couple were also now faced with an increase of the visa price from £335 to £750. That's an increase of 124%. Apparently this was a perfectly fair charge and should be paid for by legal foreigners, since the extra money would be used to keep illegal foreigners out.
For some reason, Dave couldn't quite figure out the logic with that.
Saturday, March 24, 2007
Magic Mini Mac Moments
Another Saturday adventure with Little Mac and Mini Mac. Three hours of childhood joy. They went to see "the big pond" aka the river Mersey, saw big boats and little boats and creepy giant "friendly" musuem crabs. They then swung back through a little park to another musuem, saw Wallace and Gromit, insects, played alot of sport and had a quick drink. Mini Mac was bouncing up and down and looking at everything with an endless stream of energy, whilst Dave and Mac plodded along happily exhausted behind her.
Even though Dave had been there, he still couldn't work out how they had done it all in three hours. One or two little moments in particular stood out...
"I think those lads are aloud to climb on it," said Mini, about a bunch of teenage lads climbing on a statue in the park, whilst argueing that she should be allowed.
"No," replied Mac, "they're not." He then, clearly drunk with the power of being a newly appointed constable, added, "I might have to arrest them all."
"YEAH!" screeched Beth excitedly, "Beat them all up and arrest them! Come on! Do it now daddy!"
She then, to her daddies horror, charged at them, safe in the knowledge that her daddy would take them all on, despite being off-duty with no protective gear, scary uniform or backup.
Mac quickly led his daughter away.
...
"I'm hungry," anounced Beth.
"What would you like?"
"I want cake."
Dave and Mac duitfully escorted her to the museum cafe, where Mac bought her a delightful looking slice of chocolate cake. Dave, still keeping to his no sweets lent vow, sat and watched trying not to druel. She rubbed a little of it on her dolls face, ate less than her doll did herself and announced.
"I'm full. I don't want any more."
...
"You sit here Dave and you sit next to him daddy."
But daddy didn't sit where he was told.
Beth was quick to put him straight, "Your not listening to me! Your not suppose to sit there! When we get home your going straight to your bed!"
...
"Bethany, show Dave how you can count."
She began counting to herself silently.
"No Beth, say it outloud."
"1! 2!" she shouted
"No Beth," said Mac quickly, "I didn't mean THAT loud." Daddy really should make himself more clear.
"1,2,....20,21... 29..." she said perfectly in the voice of an angel, "20-10,20-11,20-12,....20-20," she continued with a proud smile.
She was unbelievebly cute.
Even though Dave had been there, he still couldn't work out how they had done it all in three hours. One or two little moments in particular stood out...
"I think those lads are aloud to climb on it," said Mini, about a bunch of teenage lads climbing on a statue in the park, whilst argueing that she should be allowed.
"No," replied Mac, "they're not." He then, clearly drunk with the power of being a newly appointed constable, added, "I might have to arrest them all."
"YEAH!" screeched Beth excitedly, "Beat them all up and arrest them! Come on! Do it now daddy!"
She then, to her daddies horror, charged at them, safe in the knowledge that her daddy would take them all on, despite being off-duty with no protective gear, scary uniform or backup.
Mac quickly led his daughter away.
...
"I'm hungry," anounced Beth.
"What would you like?"
"I want cake."
Dave and Mac duitfully escorted her to the museum cafe, where Mac bought her a delightful looking slice of chocolate cake. Dave, still keeping to his no sweets lent vow, sat and watched trying not to druel. She rubbed a little of it on her dolls face, ate less than her doll did herself and announced.
"I'm full. I don't want any more."
...
"You sit here Dave and you sit next to him daddy."
But daddy didn't sit where he was told.
Beth was quick to put him straight, "Your not listening to me! Your not suppose to sit there! When we get home your going straight to your bed!"
...
"Bethany, show Dave how you can count."
She began counting to herself silently.
"No Beth, say it outloud."
"1! 2!" she shouted
"No Beth," said Mac quickly, "I didn't mean THAT loud." Daddy really should make himself more clear.
"1,2,....20,21... 29..." she said perfectly in the voice of an angel, "20-10,20-11,20-12,....20-20," she continued with a proud smile.
She was unbelievebly cute.
Friday, March 23, 2007
Fat Ass.
"Oi you! Fat Ass!"
Dave carried on walking. Two lads, shouting abuse for no good reason, it was sadly a common place thing now. They stood at almost every street corner. Yet Dave still couldn't believe he had actually just heard that right.
"Oi"
He must have been mistaken.
"Cheeky Ass!"
It just wasn't possible.
"F*ing..."
These two lads where in the nursery playground. They must have been about 4 years old.
Dave carried on walking. Two lads, shouting abuse for no good reason, it was sadly a common place thing now. They stood at almost every street corner. Yet Dave still couldn't believe he had actually just heard that right.
"Oi"
He must have been mistaken.
"Cheeky Ass!"
It just wasn't possible.
"F*ing..."
These two lads where in the nursery playground. They must have been about 4 years old.
Tuesday, February 27, 2007
Coffee, Redemption and a Muffin please.
According to Dave's limited knowledge of the Bible, Jesus Christ only truely got angry and lost his cool on one recorded occasion in his short life time. On walking into a church he found it was being used as a market place. He smashed things, overturned tables and put everyone there to shame. Selling things in church was a major no no.
Knowing this, Dave stood speachless. He was in Liverpool's Old Cathedrale. The vast size and feel of the building would be enough to quiet any tongue. Unfortunately, Dave was speechless in a bad way.
The Cathedrale had a shop. Ok, the Cathedrale needs money and true the majority of things in there seemed to be religous or cathedrale related. But did it really need to sell things like a phonebox moneybox? Upstairs in the shop, a cafe added further insult. But what REALLY annoyed Dave was that the Cathedrale was putting on a mass and there were three times as many people in the cafe than sitting and listening.
There was something very wrong with that.
Knowing this, Dave stood speachless. He was in Liverpool's Old Cathedrale. The vast size and feel of the building would be enough to quiet any tongue. Unfortunately, Dave was speechless in a bad way.
The Cathedrale had a shop. Ok, the Cathedrale needs money and true the majority of things in there seemed to be religous or cathedrale related. But did it really need to sell things like a phonebox moneybox? Upstairs in the shop, a cafe added further insult. But what REALLY annoyed Dave was that the Cathedrale was putting on a mass and there were three times as many people in the cafe than sitting and listening.
There was something very wrong with that.
Sunday, February 25, 2007
Mireille 2: The Two (French) Towers.
A year after the departure of Mireille she had finally confirmed the time of her return. Feb 23rd till Feb 25th. One tiny weekend. It would never be enough, but it was all they had. Jean and Dave counted down the seconds till the reunion.
She would be bringing her good friend Anna along for the ride. The four of them would share Dave's two bedroomed terrace. It would be snug, but having grown up with seven, a cat and a dog in a house the same size, Dave was quietly confident it wouldn't cause any problems.
They were due to arrive at 11:40. Dave arrived at the airport with pleanty of time to spare at 11:38. 10 minutes later the Terrible Two arrived and it was 24/7 smiling until they left.
They hit all the old favorites, i.e. both Kimos and Egg Cafe. Shopping, bookshop, coffee, docks, two cathedrales, movies and pancakes. Dave and Jean tried to cram as much wholesome goodness into 53 hours as would possibly comfortably go.
The time went by far too quick, and almost before they arrived it seemed time for them to leave. Again they would very selfishly be going back to Paris to complete a law degree instead of sticking around to entertain Mr and Mrs Dave.
Again they would be missed.
She would be bringing her good friend Anna along for the ride. The four of them would share Dave's two bedroomed terrace. It would be snug, but having grown up with seven, a cat and a dog in a house the same size, Dave was quietly confident it wouldn't cause any problems.
They were due to arrive at 11:40. Dave arrived at the airport with pleanty of time to spare at 11:38. 10 minutes later the Terrible Two arrived and it was 24/7 smiling until they left.
They hit all the old favorites, i.e. both Kimos and Egg Cafe. Shopping, bookshop, coffee, docks, two cathedrales, movies and pancakes. Dave and Jean tried to cram as much wholesome goodness into 53 hours as would possibly comfortably go.
The time went by far too quick, and almost before they arrived it seemed time for them to leave. Again they would very selfishly be going back to Paris to complete a law degree instead of sticking around to entertain Mr and Mrs Dave.
Again they would be missed.
Lent 2007
Last year Dave had vowed to do 50 press ups a day for lent. On average he had just about succeeded, with a slow start but doing 4 sets of 25 a day towards the end playing catch up. A few years earlier he had given up chocolate and succeeded with little trouble.
This year it was time to step it up another notch.
1. Averaging 60 press ups a day and swimming 3 times a week
2. Giving up not only chocolate but ALL sweets.
3. A new entry of no alcohol thrown in just to show off.
Could he do it?
....20, 21, 22.... thud. Is 22 close to 60?
This year it was time to step it up another notch.
1. Averaging 60 press ups a day and swimming 3 times a week
2. Giving up not only chocolate but ALL sweets.
3. A new entry of no alcohol thrown in just to show off.
Could he do it?
....20, 21, 22.... thud. Is 22 close to 60?
Thursday, February 22, 2007
1 Carrot gold.
"Dad, you called me?"
"Hiya Dibs, yeah I just found a carrot and I was thinking of you."
"... a carrot?..."
"Yeah, I was walking past the place in Sefton park where you made the dent and I saw a carrot and I thought about how you used to play there when you were little..."
Dave had no idea what a carrot had to do with anything at all. It didn't matter. It's the strange little moments in life that make life worth living.
"Hiya Dibs, yeah I just found a carrot and I was thinking of you."
"... a carrot?..."
"Yeah, I was walking past the place in Sefton park where you made the dent and I saw a carrot and I thought about how you used to play there when you were little..."
Dave had no idea what a carrot had to do with anything at all. It didn't matter. It's the strange little moments in life that make life worth living.
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