It was time for Dave to spread his wings. See the world. Learn about new cultures and traditions.
Yup, it was time to go to nursery.
After spending the day expanding his horrizons and colouring in, he would go home to share his knowledge of the world with his lil bro.
"No, no, no, its wight weg, weft weg, wight, weft, wight, weft, then WIGHT."
Sunday, May 24, 2009
1987
This year was somewhat of a blank to Dave.
Perhaps it was of little real importance or interest... or perhaps it was to do with the scar he still carried on the side of his head... hard to say...
Apparently, so the story goes, he had been standing on an upturned bucket pretending to be Mumra when he got a little too carried away, fell off and required fairly immediate medical care.
But then, only Alan really saw it happen...
Perhaps it was of little real importance or interest... or perhaps it was to do with the scar he still carried on the side of his head... hard to say...
Apparently, so the story goes, he had been standing on an upturned bucket pretending to be Mumra when he got a little too carried away, fell off and required fairly immediate medical care.
But then, only Alan really saw it happen...
Friday, May 22, 2009
1986
Things were pretty sweet for Dave. He was finally getting the hang of walking and being the youngest child he was generally spoilt rotten. Unfortunately, his mum started getting fatter and hence less respondent to his requirements.
Thankfully, at the start of April, this problem corrected itself quite suddenly and his mum returned to normal overnight. Coincedently, however, another difficulty arose at exactly the same time. Dave was apparently no longer the youngest, as he now mysteriously had a younger brother, Pea.
Oh well, such trivial matters did not hold Dave's attention long, as the film he had waited for all his life was finally released. Transformers The Movie.
Dave cried like a baby when Optimus died. Pea did the same.
Perhaps they could get along after all.
Thankfully, at the start of April, this problem corrected itself quite suddenly and his mum returned to normal overnight. Coincedently, however, another difficulty arose at exactly the same time. Dave was apparently no longer the youngest, as he now mysteriously had a younger brother, Pea.
Oh well, such trivial matters did not hold Dave's attention long, as the film he had waited for all his life was finally released. Transformers The Movie.
Dave cried like a baby when Optimus died. Pea did the same.
Perhaps they could get along after all.
Thursday, May 21, 2009
1985
Rocky was beatin on russians, Marty was heading back to the future, Chunk was doing the "Truffle Shuffle", Rambo was going on about first blood again and Dave was figuring out what this walking business was all about.
Boy its harder than it looks. Left leg, right leg, left, right, left, left.. thud. Luckily Dave was alot lighter and closer to the floor back then..
Boy its harder than it looks. Left leg, right leg, left, right, left, left.. thud. Luckily Dave was alot lighter and closer to the floor back then..
25 to 25.
In 25 days the one and only David J Natsios would turn 25. The big quarter of a centuary landmark. In addition, it would likely be around that time in which Dave would finally move away from his home town of Liverpool. The end of an era, the start of a new chapter.
And so, in typical sitcom style, it was time for a recap episode. Here's how Dave got from A to B:
1984
June 15th, the child was born to a family of 2 bros (Alan, 7 and Ste, 1) and a sis (Andrea, 4), living snug in a 2-bed terrace. A firm believer of "start as you mean to go on," Dave's first year was spent mostly in bed.
Although 1984 was popular for many reasons, and even has books and films named after it, its most noticable achievement was the creation of the hit TV series "Transformers." Dave quickly became a fan.
And so, in typical sitcom style, it was time for a recap episode. Here's how Dave got from A to B:
1984
June 15th, the child was born to a family of 2 bros (Alan, 7 and Ste, 1) and a sis (Andrea, 4), living snug in a 2-bed terrace. A firm believer of "start as you mean to go on," Dave's first year was spent mostly in bed.
Although 1984 was popular for many reasons, and even has books and films named after it, its most noticable achievement was the creation of the hit TV series "Transformers." Dave quickly became a fan.
Monday, May 18, 2009
The Wolfy Ram
A new toy has hit the internet. It's called Wolfram.
It looks like a search engine, though not a very sexy one. More like one that isn't quite finished yet. But then, in fairness, thats probably because it isn't.
But then looks can be decieving, as this Ram in Wolf's clothing reveals, because it's actually not your typical search engine at all. Instead of spitting out a few million websites, it just tries to answer your question itself.
For example, search for a word like "love" and it will give u the various meanings and synonyms sych as "eff".
Search for a name like "David"and it will let you know that around 3.1 million people called David are alive today, the 5th most common name, and most of them are around 50 years old (10 years younger than the average "Jean").
Search for a date such as a birthday, "15 June 1984", and you'll be told it was a Friday, 9103 days ago, with 17 hours of daylight in Liverpool.
It's feature which will no doubt see it used most often though is it's ability to do kids maths homework. For example, type in "7x+3x^2+sin(x)cos(x)=1" and it will let you know that x = -2.4 or 0.12.
Neat.
It looks like a search engine, though not a very sexy one. More like one that isn't quite finished yet. But then, in fairness, thats probably because it isn't.
But then looks can be decieving, as this Ram in Wolf's clothing reveals, because it's actually not your typical search engine at all. Instead of spitting out a few million websites, it just tries to answer your question itself.
For example, search for a word like "love" and it will give u the various meanings and synonyms sych as "eff".
Search for a name like "David"and it will let you know that around 3.1 million people called David are alive today, the 5th most common name, and most of them are around 50 years old (10 years younger than the average "Jean").
Search for a date such as a birthday, "15 June 1984", and you'll be told it was a Friday, 9103 days ago, with 17 hours of daylight in Liverpool.
It's feature which will no doubt see it used most often though is it's ability to do kids maths homework. For example, type in "7x+3x^2+sin(x)cos(x)=1" and it will let you know that x = -2.4 or 0.12.
Neat.
Saturday, May 16, 2009
Alarming
As a general rule, a global recesion is not the best time to look for employment. Worst still, a job in a finance related area is not the best idea when its all the finance sectors fault, redudancies occur daily and "banker" has become another word for "anti-christ". But then, Dave had always liked to live dangerously... this one time he even got away with claiming 79p for a pack of Hobnobs on a University expenses form... shh... keep it quiet...
Having set his heart on an Actuarial position, the endless stream of applications began. Unfortunately, the replies were few and far between. He had thus far secured an interview with a total of 1 company down in London and that was over a month ago with no word from them since.
All Dave could do was wait... watch TV... eat ice cream... play games... and wait...
Finally the phone call came. "I have good news..." 2nd interview. Result.
And so he set off to London for round two.
The interview started off ok, they briefed him on the company layout asked him standard questions and recieved standard replies. In fact, Dave had pre-recorded all of these answers and just pressed play on his tape recorder.
Then things went a little off the norm. The fire alarm started.
"... erm... do we have to leave..?"
"...yes..."
The building was evacuated. The conversation became a little less formal...
"So, your from Liverpool, which side of the football do you support?"
"I don't really watch it much to be honest."
"Oh. You just failed the interview."
20 min later they returned to the interview room and the formalities reappeared as if by magic.
"Tell me how you would price an insurance policy against a Terrorist attack?"
'I have no idea,' thought Dave.
"...."
"...."
".... I have no idea..." said Dave.
The interview finished shortly afterwards. The guy, clearly feeling sorry for Dave having wasted his time and money getting down to London just to crash and burn offered to try and see if the company would repay the expenses. They didn't.
Still it wasn't all bad, on the train ride back to Liverpool, Dave found the following in the Virgin trains magazine:
"FREE PUZZLE. Cut out'n'keep! Month by month collect all 5,000 pieces!"
'Cool,' thought Dave, 'In 416 years I'll have the whole jigsaw puzzle!'
A week later Dave recieved another phone call:
"Good news! The next part of the jigsaw puzzle is available! Also, the company said they're going to offer you the job, they're just working out the details."
Nice.
So for anyone still trying to find a job in these troubled times, there is hope. Just remember, its not important how you answer the questions, you just need to make yourself memorable...
... by setting fire to the building.
Having set his heart on an Actuarial position, the endless stream of applications began. Unfortunately, the replies were few and far between. He had thus far secured an interview with a total of 1 company down in London and that was over a month ago with no word from them since.
All Dave could do was wait... watch TV... eat ice cream... play games... and wait...
Finally the phone call came. "I have good news..." 2nd interview. Result.
And so he set off to London for round two.
The interview started off ok, they briefed him on the company layout asked him standard questions and recieved standard replies. In fact, Dave had pre-recorded all of these answers and just pressed play on his tape recorder.
Then things went a little off the norm. The fire alarm started.
"... erm... do we have to leave..?"
"...yes..."
The building was evacuated. The conversation became a little less formal...
"So, your from Liverpool, which side of the football do you support?"
"I don't really watch it much to be honest."
"Oh. You just failed the interview."
20 min later they returned to the interview room and the formalities reappeared as if by magic.
"Tell me how you would price an insurance policy against a Terrorist attack?"
'I have no idea,' thought Dave.
"...."
"...."
".... I have no idea..." said Dave.
The interview finished shortly afterwards. The guy, clearly feeling sorry for Dave having wasted his time and money getting down to London just to crash and burn offered to try and see if the company would repay the expenses. They didn't.
Still it wasn't all bad, on the train ride back to Liverpool, Dave found the following in the Virgin trains magazine:
"FREE PUZZLE. Cut out'n'keep! Month by month collect all 5,000 pieces!"
'Cool,' thought Dave, 'In 416 years I'll have the whole jigsaw puzzle!'
A week later Dave recieved another phone call:
"Good news! The next part of the jigsaw puzzle is available! Also, the company said they're going to offer you the job, they're just working out the details."
Nice.
So for anyone still trying to find a job in these troubled times, there is hope. Just remember, its not important how you answer the questions, you just need to make yourself memorable...
... by setting fire to the building.
Thursday, April 09, 2009
The Coffin.
Recently Dave heard of a tale involving several people vaguely connected to himself. The exact connection is hazy, friends of friends of friends perhaps. It is a tale of love, family, friendship and crime. It is recorded here since its high levels of excitement and danger may actually get someone to read it.
The true identities of those involved are unknown...
The man stumbled out of bed, awoken by a phone call. Only 2pm, who would call him at such an unsocial hour?
"Hello?" he grumbled.
"WAAAAAAAZZZZZUUUUUUUPPPP!!!!!!!!" came the secret codeword.
"WAAAAAAAAAAZZZZZZZZZZUUUUUUUUUPPPPPPPP!!!!!!!!!" responded the man. It was his brother. The items would be delivered in 15-20 min. The man threw on his clothes and rushed around to prepare for the arrival.
For ease of story telling, we shall refer to the man as Mr Desperate, or simply "D" fo short.
D rushed around his house, moving clothes, bags, bins, food and eventually furniture. A one man whirlwind. 25 min later he was ready and still waiting...
35min.... 45min....
Eventually the car pulled up outside the house and two men got out, his brother, who was Astonishingly Large and shall thus be refered to as "A.L." and a builder friend who will be refered to as Bob (the builder).
From the back of the car the two men removed the first item. A massive TV. It had been handed down from D's parents to A.L. and now from A.L. to D. It would replace the ancient little box that had haunted D's home for the past millennia (ish).
Having dumped the "new" TV, the new duo disappeared, only to return once more with the second hand-me-down. A beautiful Chinese style cabinet. It too had originally belonged to D's parents and had been in the family for nearly 15(!) years. It had finally come to D.
The Chinese cabinet would replace a hiddeous old wardrobe that had recently been described by guests as "The Coffin".
Before the duo made their final departure, D asked if either of them would like to take the ancient TV or the Coffin with them. After some pushing by D, Bob finally accepted the old TV, but no one would go near the Coffin.
Alone once more, D quickly got to arranging his new room. His wife, Mrs ... erm... Jewel?, "J", was out and had no idea the new furniture had arrived. The last J had heard was vague talk months ago. J would come home, see the new look and aw in its glory. J had been a bit down of late and needed something to pick her up. If, however, she came home to find the house in its current mess, that would not go down so well, with or without the new additions. D had just a few hours to make it happen.
2 hours later the room was a thing of beauty. Everything was in place, tidy, neat, shining and ready for J's return.
... well... almost everything...
The Coffin no longer had any place to go. It stood more grotesque than ever smack bang in the middle of the floor.
'Hmm...' thought D, 'what to do...?'
He had two options:
1. Find someone crazy enough to want the thing, who would have to live fairly close as D had no way of transporting the thing other than by hand.
2. Dump it in a local skip. The area was always full of skips, shouldn't be a problem. He would, however, need someone crazy to help him get it there, the Coffin was far too large for D to move it alone.
And so he called up Mr Krazy, "K".
K came round at the drop of a hat, took one look at the Coffin and said, "Hell no." Krazy with a capital K and still no interest.
"OK then," said D, "Help me take it to the skip."
And so the DK crew carried the Coffin to the nearest skip... several streets away... with K complaining every step of the way and looking like he might snap in half at any moment.
"What's up Krazy?" asked D, "I thought you did weights all the time."
"...argh.."
(Translation: It's true I used to do weights, and I was very strong, paricularly for my small size. However, I since decided that the Emo ish look is cool, and to achieve this near dead look I regularly starve myself.)
Finally the DK crew arrived with the Coffin at the skip... which was full... they decided that leaving it next to the skip would have to suffice. At which point an offical looking gentleman appeared and told them otherwise. "You can't leave that there."
"Do you know any other skips nearby?" Asked D.
"Used to be one around the corner, you might want to check first."
So D and K, without Coffin, went in search of the other skip. It too was full. And K had decided beyond all doubt he had had enough. He went home, leaving D with the moral dilema of what to do about the Coffin.
D thought about his new wonderful layout. He thought about J's face on seeing it. He thought about how horrible the Coffin was, and how much effort would now be required to move it again.
And he just walked away.
D would never know what happened to the Coffin. But he would not need to wait long to see J's reaction.
"Oh.. they came... that nice..."
The true identities of those involved are unknown...
The man stumbled out of bed, awoken by a phone call. Only 2pm, who would call him at such an unsocial hour?
"Hello?" he grumbled.
"WAAAAAAAZZZZZUUUUUUUPPPP!!!!!!!!" came the secret codeword.
"WAAAAAAAAAAZZZZZZZZZZUUUUUUUUUPPPPPPPP!!!!!!!!!" responded the man. It was his brother. The items would be delivered in 15-20 min. The man threw on his clothes and rushed around to prepare for the arrival.
For ease of story telling, we shall refer to the man as Mr Desperate, or simply "D" fo short.
D rushed around his house, moving clothes, bags, bins, food and eventually furniture. A one man whirlwind. 25 min later he was ready and still waiting...
35min.... 45min....
Eventually the car pulled up outside the house and two men got out, his brother, who was Astonishingly Large and shall thus be refered to as "A.L." and a builder friend who will be refered to as Bob (the builder).
From the back of the car the two men removed the first item. A massive TV. It had been handed down from D's parents to A.L. and now from A.L. to D. It would replace the ancient little box that had haunted D's home for the past millennia (ish).
Having dumped the "new" TV, the new duo disappeared, only to return once more with the second hand-me-down. A beautiful Chinese style cabinet. It too had originally belonged to D's parents and had been in the family for nearly 15(!) years. It had finally come to D.
The Chinese cabinet would replace a hiddeous old wardrobe that had recently been described by guests as "The Coffin".
Before the duo made their final departure, D asked if either of them would like to take the ancient TV or the Coffin with them. After some pushing by D, Bob finally accepted the old TV, but no one would go near the Coffin.
Alone once more, D quickly got to arranging his new room. His wife, Mrs ... erm... Jewel?, "J", was out and had no idea the new furniture had arrived. The last J had heard was vague talk months ago. J would come home, see the new look and aw in its glory. J had been a bit down of late and needed something to pick her up. If, however, she came home to find the house in its current mess, that would not go down so well, with or without the new additions. D had just a few hours to make it happen.
2 hours later the room was a thing of beauty. Everything was in place, tidy, neat, shining and ready for J's return.
... well... almost everything...
The Coffin no longer had any place to go. It stood more grotesque than ever smack bang in the middle of the floor.
'Hmm...' thought D, 'what to do...?'
He had two options:
1. Find someone crazy enough to want the thing, who would have to live fairly close as D had no way of transporting the thing other than by hand.
2. Dump it in a local skip. The area was always full of skips, shouldn't be a problem. He would, however, need someone crazy to help him get it there, the Coffin was far too large for D to move it alone.
And so he called up Mr Krazy, "K".
K came round at the drop of a hat, took one look at the Coffin and said, "Hell no." Krazy with a capital K and still no interest.
"OK then," said D, "Help me take it to the skip."
And so the DK crew carried the Coffin to the nearest skip... several streets away... with K complaining every step of the way and looking like he might snap in half at any moment.
"What's up Krazy?" asked D, "I thought you did weights all the time."
"...argh.."
(Translation: It's true I used to do weights, and I was very strong, paricularly for my small size. However, I since decided that the Emo ish look is cool, and to achieve this near dead look I regularly starve myself.)
Finally the DK crew arrived with the Coffin at the skip... which was full... they decided that leaving it next to the skip would have to suffice. At which point an offical looking gentleman appeared and told them otherwise. "You can't leave that there."
"Do you know any other skips nearby?" Asked D.
"Used to be one around the corner, you might want to check first."
So D and K, without Coffin, went in search of the other skip. It too was full. And K had decided beyond all doubt he had had enough. He went home, leaving D with the moral dilema of what to do about the Coffin.
D thought about his new wonderful layout. He thought about J's face on seeing it. He thought about how horrible the Coffin was, and how much effort would now be required to move it again.
And he just walked away.
D would never know what happened to the Coffin. But he would not need to wait long to see J's reaction.
"Oh.. they came... that nice..."
Thursday, March 12, 2009
Little Ms Driving Test. Practical.
Tuesday, 10th of March. Jean staggered out of bed at the ridiculously early time of 9am. Or at least it seemed ridiculously early to the semi-conscious Dave watching her.
Today she would take her practical driving test. She was a little nervous, but nothing major. Afterall, Dave couldn't laugh at her regardless of the outcome. How many times had Dave failed it? 4?!? Silly, silly boy.
Anywho, 9.30am and off she went. The hour before the test went well.
10.25am. She arrived at Norris Green test centre and sat down in a small little room with chairs lining both sides. The type of horrible little waiting room specially designed to make you fall apart with nerves. Jean kept her cool.
10.33am. Her examiner arrived, nice enough bloke. After checking the documents and passing the customary checks without issue it was time to start driving.
Driving. Check.
Reverse bay park. Check.
Turn in the road. Check.
Jean was nailing with perfection.
... and then it happened...
'My husband is sooo handsome.... I can just picture him... lying in bed at home... playing with his really big... teddy bear....'
While Jean's mind began to wander she almost drove onto the wrong direction of a dual carriage way.
'OH S*%T!!!! WE'RE GOING TO DIE!!!!' thought the examiner calmly as he pointed Jean in the right direction. Examiner took action. Automatic fail. Something Dave knew all too well.
'Damn it!' thought Jean, 'Why does Dave have to be soo damn sexy!?'
'Damn.'
Today she would take her practical driving test. She was a little nervous, but nothing major. Afterall, Dave couldn't laugh at her regardless of the outcome. How many times had Dave failed it? 4?!? Silly, silly boy.
Anywho, 9.30am and off she went. The hour before the test went well.
10.25am. She arrived at Norris Green test centre and sat down in a small little room with chairs lining both sides. The type of horrible little waiting room specially designed to make you fall apart with nerves. Jean kept her cool.
10.33am. Her examiner arrived, nice enough bloke. After checking the documents and passing the customary checks without issue it was time to start driving.
Driving. Check.
Reverse bay park. Check.
Turn in the road. Check.
Jean was nailing with perfection.
... and then it happened...
'My husband is sooo handsome.... I can just picture him... lying in bed at home... playing with his really big... teddy bear....'
While Jean's mind began to wander she almost drove onto the wrong direction of a dual carriage way.
'OH S*%T!!!! WE'RE GOING TO DIE!!!!' thought the examiner calmly as he pointed Jean in the right direction. Examiner took action. Automatic fail. Something Dave knew all too well.
'Damn it!' thought Jean, 'Why does Dave have to be soo damn sexy!?'
'Damn.'
Wednesday, March 04, 2009
Lent '09.
As far as Dave was aware, Lent began the day after Pancake Tuesday. This was of great concern to Dave, as he had only now, over a week later, decided what he would go without. Had he failed his pledge before it had even begun?
He searched for answers, and came acroos the following in the book of Freddie:
"And said the lord: tuesday surely is the day of pancakes but if thou hasth scheduling problems let there be pancake thursday. And it was good."
'Phew,' thought Dave. He'd have some pancakes tomorrow and start Lent on Friday. The book of Freddie was such a good book. Not quite the book of Dave, but still a pretty decent read.
So, what had Dave decided to give up this time? Chocolates? Sweets? Ney. This year he would try something new.
This year Dave would give up ... drum role... pause for effect.... his beard!
... wait for applause... waiting... acknowledge the tumbleweed... move on...
Yes, this year Dave would shave everyday of Lent. This may seem somewhat common to most folk, but several important reasons had stopped Dave in the past:
1. He was lazy.
2. Really lazy.
3. Standing in front of a miror, cutting his face open with a razor to "look good", just didn't appeal to him.
4. Shaving daily usually gave him a rather nasty rash.
So what had he done to help him overcome these vast obstacles? He had bought himself a new electric razor!!!
This helped in the following ways:
1. It was shiny.
2. It was a gadget.
3. It was quick.
4. It would hopefully not leave him looking like an extra on a zombie movie. Fingers crossed.
5. He had spent money on it. The novelty should at least last a few weeks.
Since 5 was bigger than 4, he was bound to succeed.
Maths is cool.
He searched for answers, and came acroos the following in the book of Freddie:
"And said the lord: tuesday surely is the day of pancakes but if thou hasth scheduling problems let there be pancake thursday. And it was good."
'Phew,' thought Dave. He'd have some pancakes tomorrow and start Lent on Friday. The book of Freddie was such a good book. Not quite the book of Dave, but still a pretty decent read.
So, what had Dave decided to give up this time? Chocolates? Sweets? Ney. This year he would try something new.
This year Dave would give up ... drum role... pause for effect.... his beard!
... wait for applause... waiting... acknowledge the tumbleweed... move on...
Yes, this year Dave would shave everyday of Lent. This may seem somewhat common to most folk, but several important reasons had stopped Dave in the past:
1. He was lazy.
2. Really lazy.
3. Standing in front of a miror, cutting his face open with a razor to "look good", just didn't appeal to him.
4. Shaving daily usually gave him a rather nasty rash.
So what had he done to help him overcome these vast obstacles? He had bought himself a new electric razor!!!
This helped in the following ways:
1. It was shiny.
2. It was a gadget.
3. It was quick.
4. It would hopefully not leave him looking like an extra on a zombie movie. Fingers crossed.
5. He had spent money on it. The novelty should at least last a few weeks.
Since 5 was bigger than 4, he was bound to succeed.
Maths is cool.
Sunday, January 25, 2009
HAPPY 4706!!!!!
In less than an hour the Chinese new year will start. The year of the Ox.
wo zhu ni men xin nian kuai le!!!
(I wish you all a happy new year!!!)
Although an official start date for the Chinese calender is not given, which probably has a lot to do with the ancient dynasties basically trying to start from year one every time a new one took over and destoying previous rulers' work, experts suggest this new year will be the year 4706.
'Interesting...' thought Dave, '... next year is 4706... I was born in 1984... that will make me 2722 on my next birthday! Cool.'
Happy 4706!
Have a great one!!
*HUGZ*
wo zhu ni men xin nian kuai le!!!
(I wish you all a happy new year!!!)
Although an official start date for the Chinese calender is not given, which probably has a lot to do with the ancient dynasties basically trying to start from year one every time a new one took over and destoying previous rulers' work, experts suggest this new year will be the year 4706.
'Interesting...' thought Dave, '... next year is 4706... I was born in 1984... that will make me 2722 on my next birthday! Cool.'
Happy 4706!
Have a great one!!
*HUGZ*
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
Talk the talk.
According to Wikipedia "Liverpool has a population of 435,500, and lies at the centre of the wider Liverpool Urban Area, which has a population of 816,216."
The population of the whole of Northern Ireland is estimated around 1,759,000.
In comparison, Obama's Inauguration was apparently attended by approximately 1,800,000.
Take a moment to let those numbers sink in.
Say "Wow."
The majority of people seem to think the speech went rather well for Obama, although a few grumbles in the media could be seen from the lack of a specific sound bite they could cling to and milk for all its worth. But no big surprises there, Obama showed long ago he could talk the talk.
He sounded honest and sincere, he admitted to difficulties and hard times but was hopefull he could pull us out of Bush's era. He has offered the hand of peace to all nations, races and religions, including the non-believers. Heck, he has even offered to bring scientists in out of the cold.
And yet, within this hope inspiring message of world wide peace, Obama has already started to possibly alienate one of the world's strongest players. The Dragon, China.
China, like the majority of the world, was broadcasting the speech live and translating it as they went, when Obama said, "Recall that earlier generations faced down fascism and communism not just with missiles and tanks, but with sturdy alliances and enduring convictions."
The translator stopped talking when the word "communism" came up as a negative term and apparently the live broadcast was interputed by suddenly jumping back to the studio. Funnily enough, Obama then went on to say it was wrong to "cling to power through ... the silencing of dissent." This was also silenced.
China has done some fairly silly things in the past, but surely they could recognise that censoring of one of the world's most powerful and popular people is going to do their rep far more damage than leaving it in ever would.
That said, communism really does get a bad press. Wiki:
"Communism is a socioeconomic structure and political ideology that promotes the establishment of an egalitarian, classless, stateless society based on common ownership and control of the means of production and property in general. Karl Marx posited that communism would be the final stage in human society, following a socialist stage, which would be achieved through a proletarian revolution. "Pure communism" in the Marxian sense refers to a classless, stateless and oppression-free society where decisions on what to produce and what policies to pursue are made democratically, allowing every member of society to participate in the decision-making process in both the political and economic spheres of life."
"Capitalism is a very economic system in which wealth, and the means of producing wealth, are privately owned and controlled rather than publicly or state-owned and controlled. In capitalism, the land, labor, and where investments, distribution, income, production, pricing and supply of goods, commodities and services are primarily determined by private decision in a market economy largely free of government intervention. "
When Obama said "Our economy is badly weakened, a consequence of greed and irresponsibility on the part of some" and "It has not been the path for the faint-hearted - for those who prefer leisure over work, or seek only the pleasures of riches and fame. Rather, it has been the risk-takers, the doers, the makers of things - some celebrated but more often men and women obscure in their labour, who have carried us up the long, rugged path towards prosperity and freedom."
Which of these ideas are actually closer to what he said?
The population of the whole of Northern Ireland is estimated around 1,759,000.
In comparison, Obama's Inauguration was apparently attended by approximately 1,800,000.
Take a moment to let those numbers sink in.
Say "Wow."
The majority of people seem to think the speech went rather well for Obama, although a few grumbles in the media could be seen from the lack of a specific sound bite they could cling to and milk for all its worth. But no big surprises there, Obama showed long ago he could talk the talk.
He sounded honest and sincere, he admitted to difficulties and hard times but was hopefull he could pull us out of Bush's era. He has offered the hand of peace to all nations, races and religions, including the non-believers. Heck, he has even offered to bring scientists in out of the cold.
And yet, within this hope inspiring message of world wide peace, Obama has already started to possibly alienate one of the world's strongest players. The Dragon, China.
China, like the majority of the world, was broadcasting the speech live and translating it as they went, when Obama said, "Recall that earlier generations faced down fascism and communism not just with missiles and tanks, but with sturdy alliances and enduring convictions."
The translator stopped talking when the word "communism" came up as a negative term and apparently the live broadcast was interputed by suddenly jumping back to the studio. Funnily enough, Obama then went on to say it was wrong to "cling to power through ... the silencing of dissent." This was also silenced.
China has done some fairly silly things in the past, but surely they could recognise that censoring of one of the world's most powerful and popular people is going to do their rep far more damage than leaving it in ever would.
That said, communism really does get a bad press. Wiki:
"Communism is a socioeconomic structure and political ideology that promotes the establishment of an egalitarian, classless, stateless society based on common ownership and control of the means of production and property in general. Karl Marx posited that communism would be the final stage in human society, following a socialist stage, which would be achieved through a proletarian revolution. "Pure communism" in the Marxian sense refers to a classless, stateless and oppression-free society where decisions on what to produce and what policies to pursue are made democratically, allowing every member of society to participate in the decision-making process in both the political and economic spheres of life."
"Capitalism is a very economic system in which wealth, and the means of producing wealth, are privately owned and controlled rather than publicly or state-owned and controlled. In capitalism, the land, labor, and where investments, distribution, income, production, pricing and supply of goods, commodities and services are primarily determined by private decision in a market economy largely free of government intervention. "
When Obama said "Our economy is badly weakened, a consequence of greed and irresponsibility on the part of some" and "It has not been the path for the faint-hearted - for those who prefer leisure over work, or seek only the pleasures of riches and fame. Rather, it has been the risk-takers, the doers, the makers of things - some celebrated but more often men and women obscure in their labour, who have carried us up the long, rugged path towards prosperity and freedom."
Which of these ideas are actually closer to what he said?
Wednesday, December 31, 2008
Little Ms Driving Test.
This was it. The big day. Well... not really THE big day... more of the 1st course before the main meal...
Anywho, 30th Dec 2008, Jean was getting ready to take her driving theory test, the test she had spent liturally HOURS preparing for. Tense. Dave had tagged along for moral support, but it would all come down to her.
She approached the reception.
"Driving license please," said the lady. She then turned to Dave, "Can you have your's ready?"
"Oh no," said Dave, "I'm with her, I'll leave in a sec."
From this point on both of the receptionists seemed to assume Dave was some kind of translator and EVERY word they spoke was directed at him... Jean's flawless use of English throughout strangely did not alter this initial mistaken assumption.
"We can have the test spoken in Cantonese if she would like?"
"No," said Jean, "I don't speak Cantonese, do you have Manderin?"
"No, sorry, we have Cantonese...?"
"No, it's fine, English is fine."
"Here's a list of the languages available. Cantonese?"
Jean looked briefly at the list, "no Manderin."
"No. But we have Cantonese."
"She doesn't speak Cantonese," Dave tried to explain, "China has two languages..."
"English is fine," said Jean happily.
"Sure? We have Cantonese?"
On hindsight, someone really should have asked this guy if HE spoke English...
Crunch time. Dave left, Jean entered.
She was shown to a little table, simple layout, computer screen, mouse, headphones and small walls to seperate her from the others on computers either side. The test began.
"What should you do..."
etc etc
"A, B, A, D, C, not sure... C?..." 50 multiple choice questions, 43 correct answers needed for the pass.
Jean's mind began to wander..., 'Dave is so great.... I love Dave... so handsome...such big... eyes....'
(Note: May not have happened, but a guy can dream...)
'Stay focused Jean, B, C, not sure... A?,...'
Questions over, on to the Hazard Preception. 14 little video clips. Click when you see a danger. 44 out of 75 needed for the pass.
'AH!! CAR!!' *Click*
'AH!!!!!!! MAN!!!!!' *Click*
'AAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! DOG!!!!!' *Click*
Test finished. Results Time.
Theory Part: 44 out of 50. Pass! Phew.
Hazard Part: 58!
She nailed it! Hole in One.
Next stop, license.
Anywho, 30th Dec 2008, Jean was getting ready to take her driving theory test, the test she had spent liturally HOURS preparing for. Tense. Dave had tagged along for moral support, but it would all come down to her.
She approached the reception.
"Driving license please," said the lady. She then turned to Dave, "Can you have your's ready?"
"Oh no," said Dave, "I'm with her, I'll leave in a sec."
From this point on both of the receptionists seemed to assume Dave was some kind of translator and EVERY word they spoke was directed at him... Jean's flawless use of English throughout strangely did not alter this initial mistaken assumption.
"We can have the test spoken in Cantonese if she would like?"
"No," said Jean, "I don't speak Cantonese, do you have Manderin?"
"No, sorry, we have Cantonese...?"
"No, it's fine, English is fine."
"Here's a list of the languages available. Cantonese?"
Jean looked briefly at the list, "no Manderin."
"No. But we have Cantonese."
"She doesn't speak Cantonese," Dave tried to explain, "China has two languages..."
"English is fine," said Jean happily.
"Sure? We have Cantonese?"
On hindsight, someone really should have asked this guy if HE spoke English...
Crunch time. Dave left, Jean entered.
She was shown to a little table, simple layout, computer screen, mouse, headphones and small walls to seperate her from the others on computers either side. The test began.
"What should you do..."
etc etc
"A, B, A, D, C, not sure... C?..." 50 multiple choice questions, 43 correct answers needed for the pass.
Jean's mind began to wander..., 'Dave is so great.... I love Dave... so handsome...such big... eyes....'
(Note: May not have happened, but a guy can dream...)
'Stay focused Jean, B, C, not sure... A?,...'
Questions over, on to the Hazard Preception. 14 little video clips. Click when you see a danger. 44 out of 75 needed for the pass.
'AH!! CAR!!' *Click*
'AH!!!!!!! MAN!!!!!' *Click*
'AAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! DOG!!!!!' *Click*
Test finished. Results Time.
Theory Part: 44 out of 50. Pass! Phew.
Hazard Part: 58!
She nailed it! Hole in One.
Next stop, license.
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
Shoes
Shoes are a funny old thing. Simple design, simple function, not changed much in a fairly long time and not likely to any time soon. Sure you can add sparkly bits and dangly things and whatever else it is women spend hours upon hours looking at, but basically you put your feet in and walk, safe from little sharp and/or dirty objects you may later step on.
A sensible guy can get a decent pair of shoes somewhere in the range of £20-£50 and be set for years to come. But some people lack this common sense approach and thus the shoe industry has taken the humble shoe and turned it into a multi billion pound industry.
The Clarks website has shoes ranging from less than £10 all the way up to £120. LV shoes on the other hand start at around £300 and head up to around £4,000. In one episode of Sex and the City apparently more than £20,000 is spent on a pair.
So what is it that makes a pair of shoes "worth" so much? Again, the common sense approach would say comfort, no contest, but actually the more expensive articles are often the bigest death traps for feet. Value is generally rated by material costs, appearance, brand names, the fact that a celeb wore something similar or just because some people have too much money.
But how do you make a pair of shoes REALLY valuable, without ANY previous shoe making experience, no brand name, no shiny bits or dangly things?
Simple.
Throw them at Bush.
For anyone who didn't hear about it (seriously, how could you miss this?), during Bush's most recent and last visit to Iraq (as president at least, but will he really visit for holidays later?), journalist Muntadar al-Zaidi stood up, shouted "This is a goodbye kiss from the Iraqi people, dog." (Why he doesn't like dogs I have no idea), and threw his Iraqi made shoes at the out-going president.
Bids are now coming from all over the world to buy the shoes. A former Iraqi football coach, Adnan Hamad, has offered £65,000 for the pair, but that's apparently small fry as a Saudi citizen has rumouredly offered £6,500,000. It's not entirely clear as to who actually has the shoes right now and where the money would go though, and there is a slight health warning, as the Iraqi officials has apparently beat the cr*p out of Muntadar and he may face up to 2 years in jail.
Still, this is a very new market for the shoe industry and clearly has a huge amount of potential. £6.5 mil and the shoes didn't even really hit Bush. Imagine what you would get for a bulls eye?
Dave finally had an idea for a business...
A sensible guy can get a decent pair of shoes somewhere in the range of £20-£50 and be set for years to come. But some people lack this common sense approach and thus the shoe industry has taken the humble shoe and turned it into a multi billion pound industry.
The Clarks website has shoes ranging from less than £10 all the way up to £120. LV shoes on the other hand start at around £300 and head up to around £4,000. In one episode of Sex and the City apparently more than £20,000 is spent on a pair.
So what is it that makes a pair of shoes "worth" so much? Again, the common sense approach would say comfort, no contest, but actually the more expensive articles are often the bigest death traps for feet. Value is generally rated by material costs, appearance, brand names, the fact that a celeb wore something similar or just because some people have too much money.
But how do you make a pair of shoes REALLY valuable, without ANY previous shoe making experience, no brand name, no shiny bits or dangly things?
Simple.
Throw them at Bush.
For anyone who didn't hear about it (seriously, how could you miss this?), during Bush's most recent and last visit to Iraq (as president at least, but will he really visit for holidays later?), journalist Muntadar al-Zaidi stood up, shouted "This is a goodbye kiss from the Iraqi people, dog." (Why he doesn't like dogs I have no idea), and threw his Iraqi made shoes at the out-going president.
Bids are now coming from all over the world to buy the shoes. A former Iraqi football coach, Adnan Hamad, has offered £65,000 for the pair, but that's apparently small fry as a Saudi citizen has rumouredly offered £6,500,000. It's not entirely clear as to who actually has the shoes right now and where the money would go though, and there is a slight health warning, as the Iraqi officials has apparently beat the cr*p out of Muntadar and he may face up to 2 years in jail.
Still, this is a very new market for the shoe industry and clearly has a huge amount of potential. £6.5 mil and the shoes didn't even really hit Bush. Imagine what you would get for a bulls eye?
Dave finally had an idea for a business...
Thursday, December 11, 2008
Credit Suisse. Part 2.
Monday was a great day.
Not only was Dave confident he would be recieving good news from Credit Suisse any day now, he had also just recieved his quarterly grant payment from Uni and much to his surprise they had paid him £750 more than he was expecting. 'Wow.'
Unfortunately the error was quickly picked up, ah well. Even more unfortunately, a previous error which Dave had not even realised was an error was picked up at the same time. Instead of £750 more than he expected, Dave would now have £750 less. 'Darn'
Enter Thursday.
On the way to hand in a cheque for £1500, Dave popped briefly into his office at Uni. After a bit of map searching and head scratching he eventually found the right department and handed it over. "Handed it over" here meaning had it pryed from his steal vice grip.
Easy come, Easy go. Dave headed for the comfort of home.
On reaching home he discovered he had left his keys in his office. 'Damn.'
He quickly yo-yoed back and forth once more and collapsed in front of his computer to check his emails.
Credit Suisse.
This was it. This day would finally be turning around...
"... Unfortunately, having reviewed the performance of all of our candidates being interviewed, we will not be progressing your application further at this time..."
...
'*%£*"$*"!!!!!!!!!'
But on the bright side it would be Monday again soon.
Not only was Dave confident he would be recieving good news from Credit Suisse any day now, he had also just recieved his quarterly grant payment from Uni and much to his surprise they had paid him £750 more than he was expecting. 'Wow.'
Unfortunately the error was quickly picked up, ah well. Even more unfortunately, a previous error which Dave had not even realised was an error was picked up at the same time. Instead of £750 more than he expected, Dave would now have £750 less. 'Darn'
Enter Thursday.
On the way to hand in a cheque for £1500, Dave popped briefly into his office at Uni. After a bit of map searching and head scratching he eventually found the right department and handed it over. "Handed it over" here meaning had it pryed from his steal vice grip.
Easy come, Easy go. Dave headed for the comfort of home.
On reaching home he discovered he had left his keys in his office. 'Damn.'
He quickly yo-yoed back and forth once more and collapsed in front of his computer to check his emails.
Credit Suisse.
This was it. This day would finally be turning around...
"... Unfortunately, having reviewed the performance of all of our candidates being interviewed, we will not be progressing your application further at this time..."
...
'*%£*"$*"!!!!!!!!!'
But on the bright side it would be Monday again soon.
Thursday, December 04, 2008
Credit Suisse. Part 1.
After several weeks of waiting, with each day reporting ever increasing numbers of redundencies, Dave had all but given up on his applications to various investment banks. It was clearly just not the right time to try.
One by one the replies came in. "We're sorry, but due to the high number of...", "No." "Nah dah." "Good Luck." Unfortunately, no surprises.
Until, on Thursday 27th Nov 2008, a ray of hope! Credit Suisse had offered him an interview for an internship starting June '09. "Would you be interested?" Dave almost snapped their hand off.
Tuesday 2nd Dec 2008, Dave headed down to London on the 8:15am train from Liverpool. He had hardly slept at all and the butterflies in his stomach refused to let him eat. He just about managed an apple and a few biscuits on the journey down south.
The interview process would start at 1pm. Dave arrived around 20 min early and was shown to a small room to axiously wait.
It was a nice enough room. Mostly green. Just big enough to fit the round table in it's center surrounded by 5 chairs and a small desk top in the corner on which rested tea and coffee facilities. One wall was taken up almost entirely by windows and Dave stared down from the 16th floor room on the city that may soon be his home.
Dave was not good at interviews. He had not eaten. He had not slept. He was a bag of nerves. The wait was killing him.
Finally, a little after 1pm, a man entered the room. Dave stood, shook his hand and the two knights of the round table sat down together to decide the fate of Camelot. The man started by introducing himself and his work, Dave asked some small questions but basically sat there like a nodding dog. Dave was then asked to briefly describe his PhD topic, which he did.
And then the fun started.
"Why do you want to work for Credit Suisse?"
"Give me an example you have worked well in a team?"
"What is your biggest weakness?"
etc, etc, etc, were all questions that Dave was NOT asked. In fact, other than the initial introduction, the entire interview was just a bunch of fun little mathematical puzzles.
"Simplify i^i"
"If I have two children and one of them is a girl, whats the probability the other one is a girl?"
etc etc etc
'Cool,' thought Dave. (For those that didn't know, people who do PhD's in mathematical topics tend to have a different view on the meaning of "cool".)
At two 2pm the first guy left. Dave poured himself a glass of water and waited for the second. Nerves? What nerves? He owned this room. At 3pm, he poured himself another glass and waited for the 3rd.
At 6pm he finally left the room with his 5th and final interviewer. All five interviews had been almost identical to the first. They had nearly all started with a brief introduction and the requirement of Dave to explain his PhD and then poured straight into mathematical games. Some had even asked him the same maths questions, though Dave had been honest/foolish enough to admit when this had happened instead of using it to obvious advantage.
He left Credit Suisse a little after 6pm. He caught two tubes back to Eusten with severe delays, arriving there around 7:30pm. With 45 minutes to wait for his train back home and his butterflies well and truely dead, it finally occured to Dave that breakfast might be a good idea.
When you haven't really eaten for nearly 24 hours, breakfast is glourious. The finest chicken salad subway known to man. Yummy.
With 30 minutes until his train back to Liverpool, Dave then went looking for dinner.
He arrived home a little after 11pm. Now all he could do was wait. If successful, he would soon be invited to another 5 hours of interviews down in London. Successful completion of that would get him an offer for a 10 week internship come June. Successful completion of that would get him a job offer starting in January 2010, just in time for the start of the next big financial bubble.
Fingers crossed.
One by one the replies came in. "We're sorry, but due to the high number of...", "No." "Nah dah." "Good Luck." Unfortunately, no surprises.
Until, on Thursday 27th Nov 2008, a ray of hope! Credit Suisse had offered him an interview for an internship starting June '09. "Would you be interested?" Dave almost snapped their hand off.
Tuesday 2nd Dec 2008, Dave headed down to London on the 8:15am train from Liverpool. He had hardly slept at all and the butterflies in his stomach refused to let him eat. He just about managed an apple and a few biscuits on the journey down south.
The interview process would start at 1pm. Dave arrived around 20 min early and was shown to a small room to axiously wait.
It was a nice enough room. Mostly green. Just big enough to fit the round table in it's center surrounded by 5 chairs and a small desk top in the corner on which rested tea and coffee facilities. One wall was taken up almost entirely by windows and Dave stared down from the 16th floor room on the city that may soon be his home.
Dave was not good at interviews. He had not eaten. He had not slept. He was a bag of nerves. The wait was killing him.
Finally, a little after 1pm, a man entered the room. Dave stood, shook his hand and the two knights of the round table sat down together to decide the fate of Camelot. The man started by introducing himself and his work, Dave asked some small questions but basically sat there like a nodding dog. Dave was then asked to briefly describe his PhD topic, which he did.
And then the fun started.
"Why do you want to work for Credit Suisse?"
"Give me an example you have worked well in a team?"
"What is your biggest weakness?"
etc, etc, etc, were all questions that Dave was NOT asked. In fact, other than the initial introduction, the entire interview was just a bunch of fun little mathematical puzzles.
"Simplify i^i"
"If I have two children and one of them is a girl, whats the probability the other one is a girl?"
etc etc etc
'Cool,' thought Dave. (For those that didn't know, people who do PhD's in mathematical topics tend to have a different view on the meaning of "cool".)
At two 2pm the first guy left. Dave poured himself a glass of water and waited for the second. Nerves? What nerves? He owned this room. At 3pm, he poured himself another glass and waited for the 3rd.
At 6pm he finally left the room with his 5th and final interviewer. All five interviews had been almost identical to the first. They had nearly all started with a brief introduction and the requirement of Dave to explain his PhD and then poured straight into mathematical games. Some had even asked him the same maths questions, though Dave had been honest/foolish enough to admit when this had happened instead of using it to obvious advantage.
He left Credit Suisse a little after 6pm. He caught two tubes back to Eusten with severe delays, arriving there around 7:30pm. With 45 minutes to wait for his train back home and his butterflies well and truely dead, it finally occured to Dave that breakfast might be a good idea.
When you haven't really eaten for nearly 24 hours, breakfast is glourious. The finest chicken salad subway known to man. Yummy.
With 30 minutes until his train back to Liverpool, Dave then went looking for dinner.
He arrived home a little after 11pm. Now all he could do was wait. If successful, he would soon be invited to another 5 hours of interviews down in London. Successful completion of that would get him an offer for a 10 week internship come June. Successful completion of that would get him a job offer starting in January 2010, just in time for the start of the next big financial bubble.
Fingers crossed.
Saturday, November 22, 2008
Credit Crunch
Credit Cruch. Tumbling house prices. Downturn. Recession. A global finiancial turmoil the likes of which the world has never seen.
Like the majority of people, Dave's initial thought was
"Whoohoo!! I'll finally be able to aford a house!!!"
Unfortunately, much to Dave's and many others like him great astonishment, there is a dark side to the Credit Crunch.
It all started with subprime loans and mortgages in America. A "subprime" loan basically translates as a loan from a person you doubt will ever really pay you back. A high risk individual. So why oh why would a bank ever want to agree to give such a loan?
Simple. You sell the loan on to someone else. They take the risk, you keep a small profit. Repeat that enough and you a whopping big profit. No real risk. But why would someone want to buy it off you?
Simple. They sell the loan on to someone else. They pass on the risk, they keep a small profit. Repeat that enough and they get a whopping big profit. No real risk. But why would someone want to buy it off them?...
Pyramid scheme anyone?
Of cause, the banks are not, despite popular opinion and all the evidence, stupid. They realise someone has to be holding the loan if/when it finally fails. But they have safety nets in place. The loans are usually secured on a house. Loan fails, bank gets the house, sells it and makes the money back. But what happens when house prices drop and are no longer worth enough to cover the loan? Big risk and a loss. Repeat THAT enough times and it's a whopping big loss.
Unfortunately, it gets worse. See things like money and shares are funny old things. They're the fundamental building blocks of the world as we know it, and yet they rely purely on Faith. Money doesn't actually exist. It's a figment of our collective imagination. Shares are worth only what people want to pay for them. So when a bank makes a big loss, it can't just shrug it off, put it down to experience and move on, because it hasn't just lost money, it's lost the Faith of it's followers. That makes the bank worth less, lossing them more money, and in turn more Faith. If they can't perform a miracle, they may face a slippery slop.
Unfortunately, it gets even worse. You can make money from money you don't have. For example, if you get a 0% creddit card and buy everything using the card, then before you pay it back, the money you have technically already spent is sitting in the bank earning you money. Banks like these kind of games, so they borrow lots of money from other banks to try to make profit with it. They also lend out lots of their own money to earn interest on that. Whatever kind of opertunity comes along they call on their fellow rivals to help them out. Try not to think about where this money actually comes from, it'll make your head hurt. Just remember it's all not real anyway. But what happens when because you've lost the Faith of your followers, you also lose the Faith of your rivals?
Your source of cash gets cut off, your miracle becomes that much harder, your followers become less Faithful and the slippery slop looks that much slippier. And when THAT anoucement reaches the media, those Faithful that still had some hope or just hadn't yet noticed pull out while they still can. Game over.
But still not the end of the story. Because the Bank that just died did so in a classic "If I go down I'm taking you with me" manner. Chances are he still owed alot of his rivals ALOT of money, and they're never going to see that again. Which means whopping big losses for all of them. Which means loss of Faith from all their followers and from each other. And hey presto, Credit Crunch.
The only way the banks can get some money back is to increase interest on borrowing and sack all unnecessary staff. This steals money from the non-financial world, and the job loses spread.
So despite finally having the arrival of the glorious house price drop, harder mortgages and a lack of employment mean Dave and the others still don't have a house.
Damn.
Like the majority of people, Dave's initial thought was
"Whoohoo!! I'll finally be able to aford a house!!!"
Unfortunately, much to Dave's and many others like him great astonishment, there is a dark side to the Credit Crunch.
It all started with subprime loans and mortgages in America. A "subprime" loan basically translates as a loan from a person you doubt will ever really pay you back. A high risk individual. So why oh why would a bank ever want to agree to give such a loan?
Simple. You sell the loan on to someone else. They take the risk, you keep a small profit. Repeat that enough and you a whopping big profit. No real risk. But why would someone want to buy it off you?
Simple. They sell the loan on to someone else. They pass on the risk, they keep a small profit. Repeat that enough and they get a whopping big profit. No real risk. But why would someone want to buy it off them?...
Pyramid scheme anyone?
Of cause, the banks are not, despite popular opinion and all the evidence, stupid. They realise someone has to be holding the loan if/when it finally fails. But they have safety nets in place. The loans are usually secured on a house. Loan fails, bank gets the house, sells it and makes the money back. But what happens when house prices drop and are no longer worth enough to cover the loan? Big risk and a loss. Repeat THAT enough times and it's a whopping big loss.
Unfortunately, it gets worse. See things like money and shares are funny old things. They're the fundamental building blocks of the world as we know it, and yet they rely purely on Faith. Money doesn't actually exist. It's a figment of our collective imagination. Shares are worth only what people want to pay for them. So when a bank makes a big loss, it can't just shrug it off, put it down to experience and move on, because it hasn't just lost money, it's lost the Faith of it's followers. That makes the bank worth less, lossing them more money, and in turn more Faith. If they can't perform a miracle, they may face a slippery slop.
Unfortunately, it gets even worse. You can make money from money you don't have. For example, if you get a 0% creddit card and buy everything using the card, then before you pay it back, the money you have technically already spent is sitting in the bank earning you money. Banks like these kind of games, so they borrow lots of money from other banks to try to make profit with it. They also lend out lots of their own money to earn interest on that. Whatever kind of opertunity comes along they call on their fellow rivals to help them out. Try not to think about where this money actually comes from, it'll make your head hurt. Just remember it's all not real anyway. But what happens when because you've lost the Faith of your followers, you also lose the Faith of your rivals?
Your source of cash gets cut off, your miracle becomes that much harder, your followers become less Faithful and the slippery slop looks that much slippier. And when THAT anoucement reaches the media, those Faithful that still had some hope or just hadn't yet noticed pull out while they still can. Game over.
But still not the end of the story. Because the Bank that just died did so in a classic "If I go down I'm taking you with me" manner. Chances are he still owed alot of his rivals ALOT of money, and they're never going to see that again. Which means whopping big losses for all of them. Which means loss of Faith from all their followers and from each other. And hey presto, Credit Crunch.
The only way the banks can get some money back is to increase interest on borrowing and sack all unnecessary staff. This steals money from the non-financial world, and the job loses spread.
So despite finally having the arrival of the glorious house price drop, harder mortgages and a lack of employment mean Dave and the others still don't have a house.
Damn.
Wednesday, November 19, 2008
Good Old Bush
One of the world's least popular people, up there with terrorists, murderers and Brittney Spears, it's good Old Texas boy W. Bush.
Now, after the pounding McCain took just for kinda reminding people a little of Bush, one may imagine Bush would just sit quietly in a corner and wait to be taken out with the rest of the trash. But not good old Bush, nah, he's going down swinging.
His latest trick? "Bush 'seeks to ease wildlife law'"
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/americas/7738933.stm
Apparently Bush has realised that digging for oil would be a lot more efficient if people didn't worry so much about petty little things like "a full scientific assessment as to the likely impact on the environment." Nope, if we worried a little less about that kind of thing we could dig in all kinds of new places and our energy problems would be over. So good old Bush is hoping to make that dream come true. Hurray for Bush!
Unfortunately, if he doesn't finish the paperwork by Friday, he won't have time to get it done before Obama kicks him out and we'll be stuck with this pesky "environment" of ours a little longer.
Darn.
Now, after the pounding McCain took just for kinda reminding people a little of Bush, one may imagine Bush would just sit quietly in a corner and wait to be taken out with the rest of the trash. But not good old Bush, nah, he's going down swinging.
His latest trick? "Bush 'seeks to ease wildlife law'"
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/americas/7738933.stm
Apparently Bush has realised that digging for oil would be a lot more efficient if people didn't worry so much about petty little things like "a full scientific assessment as to the likely impact on the environment." Nope, if we worried a little less about that kind of thing we could dig in all kinds of new places and our energy problems would be over. So good old Bush is hoping to make that dream come true. Hurray for Bush!
Unfortunately, if he doesn't finish the paperwork by Friday, he won't have time to get it done before Obama kicks him out and we'll be stuck with this pesky "environment" of ours a little longer.
Darn.
Friday, November 07, 2008
Obama
November 4th 2008. A day to remember.
The US election was in full swing, the result of over 600 days and billions of dollars of campaigning boiled down to the last few hours. According to all the polls it was an open and shut case, Obama had it in the bag, and yet the world watched with bated breath.
Around 4 am in England, the result the world had waited for was finally announced. Obama would become the 44th president of America. Dave and the rest of the world gave a collective huge sigh of relief and an overwhelming jump for joy.
Obama seems to be the guy the world has waited for. An intelligent, logical guy who appears to focus on bringing peace and hope and has plans to comunicate with the rest of the world and work together for the greater global good. After 8 years of terror from Bush, it comes as welcomed news. How much of a change Obama can bring only time will tell.
"The road ahead will be long. Our climb will be steep. We may not get there in one year or even in one term, but America - I have never been more hopeful than I am tonight that we will get there. I promise you - we as a people will get there.
There will be setbacks and false starts. There are many who won't agree with every decision or policy I make as president, and we know that government can't solve every problem. But I will always be honest with you about the challenges we face. I will listen to you, especially when we disagree."
The election of Obama was a turning point in history not only because it marked the toppling of the statue of Bush. For those who haven't heard, Obama is the first black president of the USA.
"Rosa sat so Martin could walk, Martin walked so Obama could run, Obama ran so our children could fly."
Rosa Parks was a black lady who refused to stand for a white passenger on a bus in Alabama. At the time that was a big deal. A very big deal.
What's difficult for a kid born in the 80's with Greek father, English Mother, Chinese wife and friends of all races and sexualities to fully comprehend is that that time was as recent as 1955. Just 53 years ago.
From subhuman to worlds most powerful postion within living memory, Obama really has changed the world. Martin dreamed of a world where man would be judged on character alone and not the colour of his skin. The election of Obama has seen a huge step in the right direction and renewed faith in America and the world that Martin's dream will become a reality.
Only two things dampen the spirit of Obama's election. The two sheets of bullet proof glass present at Obama's acceptance speech. A painful reminder that although we can now see the promised land, perhaps we're not quite there. Obama will still be judged by the colour of his skin. Whatever he does, good or bad, he does as a black president.
But "If there is anyone out there who still doubts that America is a place where all things are possible; who still wonders if the dream of our founders is alive in our time; who still questions the power of our democracy, tonight is your answer. "
The dream is alive and kicking.
The US election was in full swing, the result of over 600 days and billions of dollars of campaigning boiled down to the last few hours. According to all the polls it was an open and shut case, Obama had it in the bag, and yet the world watched with bated breath.
Around 4 am in England, the result the world had waited for was finally announced. Obama would become the 44th president of America. Dave and the rest of the world gave a collective huge sigh of relief and an overwhelming jump for joy.
Obama seems to be the guy the world has waited for. An intelligent, logical guy who appears to focus on bringing peace and hope and has plans to comunicate with the rest of the world and work together for the greater global good. After 8 years of terror from Bush, it comes as welcomed news. How much of a change Obama can bring only time will tell.
"The road ahead will be long. Our climb will be steep. We may not get there in one year or even in one term, but America - I have never been more hopeful than I am tonight that we will get there. I promise you - we as a people will get there.
There will be setbacks and false starts. There are many who won't agree with every decision or policy I make as president, and we know that government can't solve every problem. But I will always be honest with you about the challenges we face. I will listen to you, especially when we disagree."
The election of Obama was a turning point in history not only because it marked the toppling of the statue of Bush. For those who haven't heard, Obama is the first black president of the USA.
"Rosa sat so Martin could walk, Martin walked so Obama could run, Obama ran so our children could fly."
Rosa Parks was a black lady who refused to stand for a white passenger on a bus in Alabama. At the time that was a big deal. A very big deal.
What's difficult for a kid born in the 80's with Greek father, English Mother, Chinese wife and friends of all races and sexualities to fully comprehend is that that time was as recent as 1955. Just 53 years ago.
From subhuman to worlds most powerful postion within living memory, Obama really has changed the world. Martin dreamed of a world where man would be judged on character alone and not the colour of his skin. The election of Obama has seen a huge step in the right direction and renewed faith in America and the world that Martin's dream will become a reality.
Only two things dampen the spirit of Obama's election. The two sheets of bullet proof glass present at Obama's acceptance speech. A painful reminder that although we can now see the promised land, perhaps we're not quite there. Obama will still be judged by the colour of his skin. Whatever he does, good or bad, he does as a black president.
But "If there is anyone out there who still doubts that America is a place where all things are possible; who still wonders if the dream of our founders is alive in our time; who still questions the power of our democracy, tonight is your answer. "
The dream is alive and kicking.
Thursday, November 06, 2008
MTV Awards
Dave had been offered the chance of a life time. The MTV awards were coming to his home town of Liverpool and Helen and Andy had 3 extra tickets. Would he like to go? He quickly weighed up the pros and cons.
Pros:
-Live performances of a few good songs.
Cons:
-The tickets cost £65 each.
-Award ceremonies are generally very boring.
-Britney Spears would be there.
-Amy Winehouse would be there.
It really was a no-brainer, Dave respectfully declined. Jean however had clearly miscounted the number of pros and cons and decided to snap up the offer.
Andy and Helen placed the remaining two tickets on ebay. They sold for around £600 each.
".. £600..?!?!..."
Jean suddenly felt more than a little guilty for taking the ticket. She tried to convince Andy and Helen to sell her one as well, but they had agreed to take her and were true to their word, even knowing they would be £535 better off if they left her behind. A greatly respectable couple. All Jean could do now was go and enjoy herself.
None of it made much sense to Dave.
"Seriously? £600? They know Britney Spears will be there right?"
Pros:
-Live performances of a few good songs.
Cons:
-The tickets cost £65 each.
-Award ceremonies are generally very boring.
-Britney Spears would be there.
-Amy Winehouse would be there.
It really was a no-brainer, Dave respectfully declined. Jean however had clearly miscounted the number of pros and cons and decided to snap up the offer.
Andy and Helen placed the remaining two tickets on ebay. They sold for around £600 each.
".. £600..?!?!..."
Jean suddenly felt more than a little guilty for taking the ticket. She tried to convince Andy and Helen to sell her one as well, but they had agreed to take her and were true to their word, even knowing they would be £535 better off if they left her behind. A greatly respectable couple. All Jean could do now was go and enjoy herself.
None of it made much sense to Dave.
"Seriously? £600? They know Britney Spears will be there right?"
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