My Dad

When a person dies of cancer it is often referred to as 'losing the battle'. I doubt my father would appreciate the term. He never lost a battle in his life and he wouldn't want to start now.

When he was diagnosed in 2007, his chances of surviving 5 years were not good. He survived 8.

When he was told he had only days to live, he lived weeks.

And now, while the cancer fades into a forgotten nothingness, my father joins eternity.

My father never lost.

But for all the loved ones he left behind, it still feels like he left us too soon.

He was a husband, a father, a grandfather and a friend. And more.

He was my teacher.

He taught me to honour and respect. Respect my parents, respect my family and respect myself. He gave me the respect I needed to be my own man, follow my own path. He taught me to be strong. To stand up and protect the people I love. To catch them when they fall.

I once watched as my sister climbed onto our kitchen roof. I watched her walking around up there without a care in the world. I watched her make the silly assumption that the plastic roofing above our yard could also take her weight. I watched as she fell.

And just like that, she was gone. 

I ran into the yard as fast as my little legs could take me. And there he was. My Dad. With my sister in his arms, having caught her in mid air. It didn't matter that he didn't know she was up there, that he had no reason to be in the yard or that it wasn't humanly possible to have got there in time to catch her. All that mattered was that she needed him, so he was there.

He was always there.

He taught me to appreciate the small things. The things best said without words. He showed me that something as simple, and beautiful, as a hug or a smile can create a memory to be treasured forever and I can’t thank him enough for each one that he gave us.

A while ago I got a phone call from my Dad. He said, "Hiya Dibs, yeah I just found a carrot and I was thinking of you."

"... a carrot?...”

"Yeah, I was walking past the place in Sefton park where you made the dent and I saw a carrot and I thought about how you used to play there when you were little..."

I’ll never know what a carrot has to do with anything at all. But I’ll always know I was forever in his heart and in his thoughts and he will forever be in mine.

He taught me to love a good book. He showed me worlds where anything was possible. A Magic Kingdom For Sale – Sold. He taught me to relax and enjoy life. To grab some Jaffa cakes, marshmallows, a good DVD and a bottle of coke and just have a good time. He taught me life's too short not to.

Life's too short.

But, in the words of his good friend Gandalf, “the journey doesn't end here. Death is just another path, one that we all must take. The grey rain-curtain of this world rolls back, and all turns to silver glass, and then you see it. White shores, and beyond, a far green country under a swift sunrise.”

Until our paths cross again, goodbye Dad.

I miss you.

S’agapo.

Snowflake

Snowflake was my cat, so called because when we first got her, nearly 20 years ago, she was white and weighed about the same as her namesake. As a kitten she was ill treated and left for dead and it left her with a lifetime of mistrust for humans. She wasn’t fond of cats or most dogs either. The number of people she ever got close to was very limited and I was privileged to be counted amongst that number.

She recently passed away. It was to be expected. She had been ill for some time and she was getting old.

That said, I haven’t cried so much since I watched Up.

She liked boxes. Any small places really. Any place she could hide away. She liked to climb inside, or if she didn’t fit, sometimes she would just stick her head in.

She loved computers. She loved sitting on games consoles as they kept her nice and warm. She particularly loved hitting the reset button right after one of us had done a particularly difficult part of a game, but right before we had saved.

She liked books. If she ever saw me lying around reading, then clearly the spot I was staring at so intently had to be the best spot around and it was the only spot for her. Time after time she would come and park herself on whatever I was reading.

She liked playing. She liked to sit on a fabric chair while we played with it so she could chase our hand around.

She hated baths. She had very few, but she was adorably cute when she did. She shrunk down to less than a quarter of her normally fluffy self.

She hated haircuts. She was noticeably embarrassed whenever she had one. She liked to look her best.

She liked warm places. She liked sitting in the sun. She liked to purr.

Farewell little one.

Rest Peacefully.

Baldy's Blog

Adrian Sudbury was an amazing young man. In the words of his blog: He "had been a reporter for both the Huddersfield Express and Chronicle Series and the Huddersfield Examiner. In November 2006 the 25-year-old was promoted to digital journalist, effectively editing the new-look Examiner website. Just two days into his new role he became seriously ill and called in sick. A week later he drove himself to A&E and was eventually diagnosed with leukaemia. It was then identified that he actually has two distinct types of the disease running at the same time. According to the medical literature he is the only person in the world to have this condition."

Despite the unenviable situation he found himself in, he kept himself and those around him positive.

-"Needless to say being diagnosed with two types of leukaemia was a bit of a blow yet bizarrely my ego was purring at potentially being a sort of 'world first'. If only it had been in something slightly less life threatening."

Unfortunately, his condition went from bad to worst. A bone marrow transplant failed to rid him of the disease and began giving him additional complications when the donors cells started attacking his own. He was told in May 2008 he had weeks/months to live.

-"For new readers to this blog I sometimes wonder if you think I am making this shite up. My life has gone crazy and seems to derail spectacularly every seven to 12 days.
I wish I was making all this up. I promise you, up until l was 25 I had a fairly steady existence which included a girlfriend, going to work, going out and playing football once a week with colleagues.
Now I'm like a character in Hollyoaks, just slightly less attractive."

Despite this, he wanted it noted that without any treatment, without blood and bone marrow transfusions, he would have died back in late 06/early 07. He never stopped thanking his annomous bone marrow donor from Germany and the countless blood donors he required during treatment. He was appalled to discover 16,000 patients requiring bone marrow are currently dying without being given that chance because a matching donor hasn't been found. He was shocked to learn the process of donating bone marrow is far easier than most people realise, himself included, and disgusted by the thought that if only more people knew that, maybe those 16,000 people would have a fighting chance.

"What would you say if I said stem cell donation differed little from giving blood?
You'd probably say something like, "Shut up Sudders, I'm tired of your online cancer whinging, and if I was a bone marrow donor someone would need to smash my spine."
I have a degree in Physiology, have spent five months in and out of a haematology ward, and I'm still staggered that I have only learnt what stem cell donation is really like.
There is a huge amount of confusion on the issue. I used to give blood but never thought about donating stem cells because I thought there was a slight risk of paralysis.

The reality is very different."

In his last months he devoted himself to helping others. He began a campaign which successfully got the government in the UK to agree to educate all 14/15 year olds and the majority of 17/18 year olds into what donation actually involves, how simple the process is and how it can and does save lives. He had interviews with Gordon Brown, spoke on international TV with audiences of over 170 million, was regularly on Radio and his blog won several awards for being simply outstanding. His blog is now also being turned into a book.

Please check out his blog: http://baldyblog.freshblogs.co.uk

Adrian passed away August 20th 2008. Even towards the end he remained filled with overwhelming positive energy. An inspiration to us all.

"As I keep saying - don't feel sorry for me. I'm having a blast."

Vicky Weir

Vicky was diagnosed with breast cancer Friday 27th October 2006, 3 weeks before her 40th birthday. Her little girl Iona was 5 at the time and she had been with her partner Martin for exactly 2 years, they met through speed dating.

Vicky was full of life. She brought fun and joy to everyone she met and even to some people she never met, myself included. When Vicky was first diagnosed she started writing an online journal (http://vickyweir.blogspot.com). I know her through these words.

They say you can judge a person by their friends. If this is the case then Vicky was a very fine lady. Her blog had more readers each day than mine had in a year, and this was only including those who knew her well enough to leave a comment. I could never think of any comment to add. I still don't know what to say and this entry does not do justice to how I feel or who she was.

Despite fighting this every step of the way and clinging to life with every breath, Vicky's cancer spread. She passed away this morning, November 14th 2007, 3 days before her 41st birthday.

My thoughts and prayers are with Iona, Martin and the rest of her many, many close friends and family.