Mrs & Mr Mummy

On 21 August 2018, I received a message from my mum:

“Hi Dibs got married today”

I like nice surprises. What could be nicer than learning your mum is happy? 

In a world that has gone a little batshit crazy over weddings, I’m incredibly proud of my mum for remembering exactly what the day is suppose to be about. 

“Just me, Steve & 2 friends as witnesses.”

The average cost of a wedding in the UK is apparently above £27,000 and rising every year. Average?!? What is wrong with people? How is that remotely possible when most people can’t afford to save a deposit for a house? What’s worse, studies reveal that the more money spent on a wedding, the more likely the marriage is going to end in divorce. 

I am genuinely proud of my mum for not getting sucked down that blackhole.

CONGRATULATIONS MRS & MR MUMMY!!!!

The newly weds seem great together. Every time I see them, they are filled with happy smiles. Steve waits on her hand and foot, treating her like the queen she is.

I wish you many more joy filled years to come.

Farewell 2017

2017 was, on the whole, a good year for the Clan of Jean.

Not surprisingly, the biggest changes were for our smallest member. Matthew showed great intelligence by choosing the Chinese for “cake” as one of his first words. He also took his first wobbly steps, obtained a passport, went to China and Lanzarote, started nursery and played with snow. I would say 2017 will be a year he’ll never forget, but chances are he’s forgotten it already.

Charlotte, having already started the year as a perfectly formed miniature human, obviously had less to change. But that didn’t stop her from doing it anyway. She made huge leaps forward in her reading, maths and artwork, learned to dance, studied Chinese, started playing the piano and became an amazing Flowergirl. She also watched all 169 episodes of My Little Pony. Twice.

Jean, as always, was the engine driving us all forward. As the head of the household she oversaw all of the above, keeping both children alive despite their best efforts whilst simultaneously managing our investments and planning our every spare moment. Our first family holiday to Lanzarote was an incredible time thanks entirely to her.

As for me, well, I completed Zelda Breath of the Wild. Including the additional DLC. And, as if that wasn’t enough, I watched Gallifrey’s sexiest Time Lord finally become a woman.

Yep, 2017 was a good year and 2018 looks promising too. I mean, seriously, the Doctor is a woman!

“Oh, brilliant.”

Happy 5th Charlotte Day

5 years ago my little angel was born.

After 5 days of labour I was shattered. Jean was probably tired too. But we had both never been happier.

5 years on, not much has changed. I'm still shattered, Jean more so, and we've still never been happier.

Charlotte is amazing.

I asked her yesterday what she liked most about being 4. She thought for a while then eventually said "I liked that it was the Year of the Chicken."

I asked her if she was excited about being 5, she didn't hesitate: "Of cause!! How can I not be excited!! Everything in front of me is so beautiful!!!"

Happy birthday my wonderful little girl. Enjoy being 5 and stay beautiful.

Smile, be happy.

Mrs and Mr Treble

Liam McNeilis. The one that got away.

I had been working on my "treat 'em mean, keep 'em keen" master plan for well over a decade - getting married, having kids, moving 200 miles away. Another 20 or so years and I would have been ready to make my move.

But after 5 minutes of seeing him with Jenny I knew my dream was over.

They were made for each other.

And, on April 28th, they had a wedding that was perfectly made for them.

The location was beautiful. A magical land hidden away in the heart of Southport.

The service was a lovely love story.

The food was delicious and plentiful.

Mmmm....

The speeches were fantastic. Especially Beth, who at such a young age just stood up and absolutely nailed it. She really lived up to her title of "Best Person".

The Flower Girls, I believe I can say without any parental bias whatsoever, were the best Flower Girls ever.

The music is still stuck in my head.

But all of that is just very tasty icing on the cake. By far the most important aspect of this, and any, wedding is that the Bride and Groom clearly love each other more than words can say.

Thank you for making Charlotte a part of such a special day, and thank you even more for allowing her to bring the rest of us as her guests.

Congratulations to the newlyweds, Mrs and Mr Treble.

Mothers Day 2017

Silence.

A lazy Sunday morning just relaxing in bed. But with two young kids it doesn't last long.

Sure enough, in bursts our little Charlotte.

"Happy Mothers Day" she exclaims excitedly as she hands Jean a cute Pug faced mug followed by a round of hugs and kisses.

She then turns to me and, in a volume of voice far closer to shouting than whispering, says, "Daddy, you need to keep Mummy in bed for a bit. I'm going to go make her card and I don't want her to know."

She returns a little later asking me to come help her with her words. Mummy, who obviously has no idea what we are up to, still has to wait in bed.

"Ok, what do you want to say"

"Hello Mummy. I love you." I dutifully write it down on some scrap paper for her to copy onto her card. Once she's finished I suggest we go give Mummy her "surprise".

"Wait! I also want to say: I also love Daddy, but I love you best."

Really?!? Hmm.

We had a great day and I hope all the Mummies out there had a great day too. You all do amazing work.

We love you best.

Happy Mothers Day!!

Smile, be Happy.

Mr and Dr Exall

September 18th 2010, Dave woke up with a smile at around 10am. Afterall, he had plenty of things to smile about.

He had spent the night in the beautiful little town of Hebden Bridge in West Yorkshire. It was a little place in the country with a population of around 4,500 (Dave counted) that had grown out of its water powered weaving mills in the 19th century due to its plentiful supply of both water and sheep.

It was gorgeous.

More specifically, he had spent the night in the very cosy home of one of Freddie's friends. Having never met Dave or any of his crew, this lady had volunteered to let them use her place in Hebden free of charge for the weekend while she was away. Everything about the house echoed the warmth of her gesture making it a lovely place to be.

Even more specifically, Dave had spent the night cuddled up to Bian on the sofa bed while Jean and her mum slept peacefully in the bedroom. If a night with Bian doesn't put a smile on your face, nothing will.

And in addition to all that, in a few hours he would witness the long awaited marriage of Freddie and Sarah.

It was a good day.

The wedding itself was in the National Trust grounds of East Riddlesden Hall in Keighley, just down the road from Hebden Bridge. The hall was built in 1642 by James Murgatroyd from the money he made from sheep.

Taxi's had been pre-booked and paid for to get the group there and back again and arrived perfectly on schedule at 1pm. It made one brief stop on the way there for Bian to be violently sick but otherwise arrived without issue into the grounds at a little before 2pm. It turns out Bian gets travel sickness. Either that, or he had just had a flashback to last night.

Needless to say the grounds were amazing and they have made several TV appearences, most notably in the 1992 film Wuthering Hights. More recently they also appeared on Most Haunted, as the grounds are apparently normally packed full of ghosts. However, as it wasn't that big a wedding only a handful of them were invited.

The service itself was short and sweet, with the incredibly lucky Freddie watching as Sarah walked down the aisle to the tune of "Stand by Me" in a stunning dress and an even more stunning smile. With a ring, a kiss and a signiture it was official.

Congratulations to the newly weds! They made a wonderful couple.

And so, just several weeks before all of Freddie's hard work finally saw him finish his PhD and enter into the Doctorhood, Sarah became the first Dr Exall of the family.

Following the service came the feast, and in keeping with everything else it was fantastic. The very best in free range meat was enjoyed by all, while Freddie gave his speach in the background.

mmmm.... free range....

There was drinking and dancing, more food, more dancing and much merriment for the rest of the night.

And, of cause, the icing on the cake came in the form of icing on a cake. The wedding cake was an absolutely delicious chocolate delight and it was only with the upmost restrain and the knowledge that Jean would probably kill him that Dave stopped himself from just eating the whole thing by himself.

At the end of a wonderful day, the happy couple left for their honeymoon in Wales and the quartet returned to Hebden Bridge, were Dave spent the remainder of the night cuddled back up to Bian.

And the smile on Dave's face was still there.

Lent '09.

As far as Dave was aware, Lent began the day after Pancake Tuesday. This was of great concern to Dave, as he had only now, over a week later, decided what he would go without. Had he failed his pledge before it had even begun?

He searched for answers, and came acroos the following in the book of Freddie:

"And said the lord: tuesday surely is the day of pancakes but if thou hasth scheduling problems let there be pancake thursday. And it was good."

'Phew,' thought Dave. He'd have some pancakes tomorrow and start Lent on Friday. The book of Freddie was such a good book. Not quite the book of Dave, but still a pretty decent read.

So, what had Dave decided to give up this time? Chocolates? Sweets? Ney. This year he would try something new.

This year Dave would give up ... drum role... pause for effect.... his beard!

... wait for applause... waiting... acknowledge the tumbleweed... move on...

Yes, this year Dave would shave everyday of Lent. This may seem somewhat common to most folk, but several important reasons had stopped Dave in the past:

1. He was lazy.
2. Really lazy.
3. Standing in front of a miror, cutting his face open with a razor to "look good", just didn't appeal to him.
4. Shaving daily usually gave him a rather nasty rash.

So what had he done to help him overcome these vast obstacles? He had bought himself a new electric razor!!!

This helped in the following ways:

1. It was shiny.
2. It was a gadget.
3. It was quick.
4. It would hopefully not leave him looking like an extra on a zombie movie. Fingers crossed.
5. He had spent money on it. The novelty should at least last a few weeks.

Since 5 was bigger than 4, he was bound to succeed.

Maths is cool.

HAPPY 4706!!!!!

In less than an hour the Chinese new year will start. The year of the Ox.

wo zhu ni men xin nian kuai le!!!

(I wish you all a happy new year!!!)

Although an official start date for the Chinese calender is not given, which probably has a lot to do with the ancient dynasties basically trying to start from year one every time a new one took over and destoying previous rulers' work, experts suggest this new year will be the year 4706.

'Interesting...' thought Dave, '... next year is 4706... I was born in 1984... that will make me 2722 on my next birthday! Cool.'

Happy 4706!

Have a great one!!

*HUGZ*

Mrs and Mr Wilcock

Saturday 15th March 2008 at 1pm, Bridge Chapel, Garston.

David and Jos were finally getting married.

Dave and Jean put on their best, grabbed a taxi and headed down. The taxi driver had no idea where he was going. Luckily, good old Tom Tom was on hand to point them in the right direction. It would get them to the right area, then all they had to do was look for a chapel.

"Nope, not that one..."

"Not that one either..."

"Lets try down this way..."

Suddenly Jean called out to stop the taxi. "There it is!"

"Thats cheating..."

Bridge Chapel, should anyone ever wish to find it, does not look like a Chapel. It looks more like a school. Had Jean not have spotted it's name, they could have been driving around for days.

The service was lovely. Alot of smartly dressed guys and pretty looking girls scattered around and pleanty of gorgous flowers to keep Jean and her camera entertained. David looked incredibly happy and Jos looked stuning, so both very much as expected.

Hymns, talks and praise, then on with the ceremony.

"You may now kiss the bride."

David went in, Jos pulled back, everyone laughed. So much for the obedient bride.

That was the start of a wonderfully happy life time of love together.

Leasowe Castle, Wirral, 8pm. Reception time. Food, drink and pleanty of dancing and joy. The perfect end to the perfect day.

All Dave and Jean had to do was get the taxi there...

"I think it's this way..."

8 Today

Saturday August 4th 2007 at 6pm was Emma's party to celebrate her 8th Birthday.

Alan and Emily were a little late, Peter and Rachel were later, John's mum and dad were reasonably on time and Dave was a half hour early and had helped Emma to finish most of the sweets before the others had arrived.

Emma had all her new toys lined up on display and seemed incredibly happy with them all. Dave added a fairy playset to the collection, Alan and Emily came in with a pair of fairies and Peter and Rachel had a fairy Bratz horse to deliver, which went rather well with her new fairy Bratz doll. There seemed to be some kind of common theme, but Dave couldn't put his finger on it. Strangely, they had all chosen their gifts independently.

After a few hours of sweets, chit chat, a crazy 8-year old and some wrestling videos which made everyone realise their age, Dave got a lift from Alan back home. It was a lovely day.

A little later he recieved a text:

"Daved thak yow foor my presents lovv emma"

"Happy Birthday Emma. Hope you had a great one."

Gifts

Giving up gifts was not easy for Dave. Not easy at all. In fact, it was surprisingly difficult.

It had all looked so simply on paper. All he had to do was tell everyone they didn't need to get him anything any more, though they could donate to charity if they wished and that would be that. He had no real desire to recieve presents and it would be nice to make his little stand against the tide. Simple.

In practice it didn't work that way. People wanted to give him gifts. Giving gifts at birthdays and Christmas seems deeply, deeply associated with showing you care. People wanted to show they cared. Further, refusing gifts or asking not to recieve any seemed to insult people.

"My gifts aren't good enough?"

This was not the intention and completely not true. The gifts he had recieved were all top quality stuff which he was very thankful for. Why then did Dave not want any more?

Dave had two main problems with gifts.

Firstly, the fact that more money is spent on just the wrapping paper, never mind the gifts, every year than on charities is quite horrific. Add to this the amount of waste created by said wrapping paper, along with packaging etc. It just doesn't seem right.

Secondly, gifts do not equal love. Love equals love. Gifts can be a sign of love, but it's not always the case and it's certainly not the only way to show it. Dave wished he could live in a world where people could feel the love without the gifts.

Alas, this was not the case. People wanted to give and recieve and were hurt if this was taken away. Dave did not want to hurt anyone.

Perhaps some battles just weren't worth fighting.

Happy Birthday Dave

Dave woke up feeling like s**t. His nose was blocked, his head was banging and his throat felt pretty rough. In a few hours he would need to give his annual speech in Uni, defending his PhD to the entire department, or face failing the course.

It was, of cause, Dave's 23rd birthday.

In addition to giving the speech, Dave had also been left in charge of setting the speech up. Of cause, the key required to get to the laptop went awol. Luckily he had started searching for it almost an hour early, because it wasn't found until 5 minutes late.

Finally ready, his flashkey decided that even though it had worked fine a few hours earlier, it wouldn't bother to work now. Thankfully, Dave had thought of this and had also emailed himself another copy of the file.

Show time.

30 -50 min the speech should last. Over an hour of constant questions later, Dave finally got a chance to sit down. His wife decided to take him out for a romantic meal for two.

During the meal, he recieved a phone call from his supervisor. He would be going on holiday for over a week and wanted to talk to Dave about how his speech went. Of cause, he wanted Dave to call him back, because it was costing him too much to talk on his mobile. Dave did so, and was told all the wonderful shortcomings of his speech and his work in general and how it all needed alot more added to it. A very long phone call, but Dave paid for it, so that was fine.

When the phone call had started the meal had not yet arrived. When the phone call had ended, Jean had already finished her meal (and half of his) and his food had gone cold.

"Happy Birthday Dave!"

Despite all this, Dave did manage to have a decent day. He recieved message after message from family and friends filled with hugs, snogs, congrats, best wishes and a million happy birthdays.

In all honesty, what more could anyone ask for?

Failure

Dave had set himself 3 challenges for Lent. Now, with Lent done and dusted, he could see his results.

No sweets: Passed
No alcohol: Passed
Daily pressups and weekly swimming: Failed. Not even close.

He could give himself list upon list of excuses why it hadn't happened. He could blame this. that or the other. He could console himself with the words of meatloaf that "two outa three aiin't bad".

Or he could simply accept the cold hard reality that he had completely failed and begin training for next year.

...right after he finished these chocy eggs....

Lent 2007

Last year Dave had vowed to do 50 press ups a day for lent. On average he had just about succeeded, with a slow start but doing 4 sets of 25 a day towards the end playing catch up. A few years earlier he had given up chocolate and succeeded with little trouble.

This year it was time to step it up another notch.

1. Averaging 60 press ups a day and swimming 3 times a week
2. Giving up not only chocolate but ALL sweets.
3. A new entry of no alcohol thrown in just to show off.

Could he do it?

....20, 21, 22.... thud. Is 22 close to 60?

Valentine's day 2007

Valentine's day. Feb 14th. Most romantic night of the year.

Dave spent the night bashing away at his computer in a desperate attempt to get some work done before his very fast approaching deadline, his wife spent it online talking on MSN to "a group of single guys".

Three years together, good to see the magic hadn't died.

Luckily all was not as it seemed. The couple had celebrated Valentine's day two days earlier. Dave had cooked what could only be considered the most splendid meal he had ever cooked, complete with chocolates, candles, strawberries and cream. It had been SO good, that Jean had actually at one point considered eating some of it. Dave had recieved a very fancy new watch for his efforts.

It was nice.

Christmas Week 2006

A train ride, three back to back flights and a quick little car journey and Dave, Jean and Bian finshed their 23 hour trip to arrive at Bian's Shenyang home on December 23rd 2006. Despite the desperate physical need for sleep, the trio soon discovered their body clocks where no longer in sync with either England or China and Christmas eve saw the three tired little puppies rise and shine at around 3am.

Time to explore.

Shenyang is a city ripe with history and, although possibly not traditional for Christmas, Dave and Jean spent their few days there taking a big bite. As the former capital, the Imperial Palace is a sight to behold, and supposedly matched only by Beijing's very own Forbidden City. The trio checked out every crook and cranny.

Next on the list came the home of a former Chinese general and his family. This much more recent slice of history tied in quite closely to the sights which followed, of a war museum and the location of the 18/9/1931 incident. An attempt to put the story together here shall be made, but the following may not be 100% accurate.

The general was killed by the Japanese in a train explosion around 1930 and one of his sons took his place. The Japanese had apparent plans for world domination and step one required they conquered the Sleeping Dragon of China. Part one of Step one began in Shenyang. 18/9/1931 the Japanese blew up their own rail way, claimed it was done by the Chinese and used it as an excuse to start the war. Shenyang was quickly overun. The new general was put under constant pressure to hand over control to Japan, but instead he handed the reigns over to central China, helping to unify China into the country it is today. Japans war on China lasted over a decade and the most horrific events took place. Mass Genocide was turned into a game and the rules got sicker and sicker by the day. For example, they gave people the plague, just to see what happened. That was one of the nicer of diseases.

60 years after it all ended, possibly the worst of Japans insults was that it still doesn't seem to care. Japanese students seem to be taught nothing much more of the event than "next time we shouldn't lose".

On a much needed lighter note, the trio visited the Strange Slope. A small slope on which objects role UPhill. Up until this point, Dave had always thought this idea to be nothing more than a joke invented for Father Ted. The Slope was bizarre. Everything Dave knew told him it was impossible, but things were definately rolling in what appeared very very much to be an uphill direction. Bian, despite living in the area most of his childhood and visiting the Slope before, had apparently no idea why this occured and no desire to find out. That would simply not do for Dave. The majority of Christmas night was spent searching for answers on the magic that is google. The best he could find and what he would have to settle for was it was "an optical illussion". It was a very good one.

Although entertaining, interesting and enlighting, the feeling of Christmas had not yet been captured. The first moments of real Christmas began early Christmas morning, when the trio awoke at a stupidly early time just like any good little boys and girls. This was, of cause, due to the messed up body clocks, but it set the scene none the less. They went out for an early morning Christmas walk in subzero temperatures and walked on water. The lake begin frozen helped a bit.

Boxing day it finally began to snow. Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night. The trio were off to Ski!! Dave had never been skiing before, but it had always looked like fun. It was way up there on his things to do list, right next to ice skating.

It was just as fun as it looked. Despite the trio having an instructor who took Bian and Jean seperately slowly and safetly down the hill on their first attempts, it was made abundately clear by Bian's step-dad that it really wasn't necessary to wait. He even gave Dave a helpful push in the right direction. Needless to say, Dave spent the majority of the first hour after that on his backside. But once he got the hang of it it was really cool.

And at least he didn't leave with a giant bump on his head like Bian.

It's Christmas

It's Christmas time

are you hanging up your stocking on your wall
There's no need to be afraid

it's the time that every Santa has a ball
At Christmas time

does he ride a red nosed reindeer
We let in light and we banish shade

does he turn up on his sleigh
And in our world of plenty
do the farries keep him sober for a day
We can spread a smile of joy

so here it is merry Christmas
Throw your arms around the world

everybody’s having fun
At Christmas time
look to the future now
But say a prayer
it's only just begun

Pray for the other ones
are you waiting for your family to arrive

At Christmas time it's hard
are you sure you've got the room to spare inside

But when you're having fun
does your granny always tell you

There's a world outside your window
that the old songs are the best

And it's a world of dread and fear
and she’s up and rock 'n' rolling with rest

Where the only water flowingso here it is merry Christmas

Is the bitter sting of tears
everybody’s having fun

And the Christmas bells that ring
look to the future now

There are the clanging chimes of doom
it's only just begun

Well tonight thank God it's them instead of you
what will your daddy do when he sees your momma kissing Santa, ahaa
Feed the world
are you hanging up your stocking on your wall

Let them know it's Christmas time
are you hoping that the snow will start to fall

Feed the world
do you ride on down the hillside

Do they know it's Christmas time at all?
in a boggy you have made
And there won't be snow in Africa
when you land upon your head

This Christmas time
then you will say

The greatest gift they'll get this year is life
so here it is merry Christmas

Where nothing ever grows
everybody’s having fun

No rain nor rivers flow
look to the future now

Do they know it's Christmas time at all?
it's only just begun
Feed the world
so here it is merry Christmas

Let them know it's Christmas time
everybody’s having fun

Feed the world
look to the future now

Let them know it's Christmas time again
it's only just begun
(Here's to you) raise a glass for everyone
so here it is merry Christmas

(Here's to them) underneath that burning sun
everybody’s having fun

Do they know it's Christmas time at all?
look to the future now
Feed the world
it's only just begun

Let them know it's Christmas time



-That's how Dave hears it.

Bloody Christmas.

Strapped down to a table, the life being liturally sucked out of him, Dave thought, 'Wouldn't it be nice if all my friends and family did this too...'

Dave was, of cause, giving blood.

For his birthday he had raised around 150 pounds for a good cause. Dave's original plan had been to ask once again for further donations for christmas. It occured to him that some people couldn't really give a lot of cash or somehow felt that cash was too impersonal. Therefore, whilst being drained of millilitre after millilitre of the red stuff, Dave decided to expand his Christmas wish list.

"Dear Santa,

I have been a good boy this year ... honest... I would therefore like for christmas, from everyone,

1. A cash donation which I will give to charity.

OR/AND

2. A blood donation to a local blood bank. (The nearest one to me being on Dale Street, near Moorfields Station, open weekdays 9:30 - 17:00 and saturday 9:45-14:00, closed sunday.)

You will of cause be paid in your usual milk and cookies.

Dave."

He wondered how many of his friends and family would be selfless enough to take part.

July 2006

On the 5th of July, Jean became yet another year older. Now 24 it would not be long before she would be collecting a pension. Since Dave's money was all Jean's anyway, an expensive present seemed somewhat daft. Dave, therefore, opted for the sentimental touch. An A3 sized picture of Jean lovingly penciled in and an extended addition of his blog. She seemed happy.

July 6th saw Anya becoming one year old, although the party wouldn't be till Saturday. Becoming one was a very serious matter. With great age comes great responsibilities and Anya felt she needed a few days to adjust to the new pressures of life before she would be ready to face the world. Jean, meanwhile, was putting her best foot forward and attending an interview at RNIB (Royal National Institution of the Blind).

July 7th Jean recieved first contact from RNIB asking her to come in and provide a little further information. Dave assured her this was probably a good sign, despite them assuring her she was not yet guaranted anything.

July 8th, Anya finally had to face her public as the vast majority of both her parents families were pouring into her little house. Stylish as ever, she decided to be fashionably late and slept for the early part of her party before coming down and kicking off the fun. She was very quickly buried under a mountain of gifts.

July 10th and Jean recieved a phone call from RNIB. It was not good news. IT WAS GREAT NEWS!!! She got the job!!! Life is good. Dave went out after work with her to celebrate with a very quick drink. Shell also tagged along claiming it was her birthday.

July 14th Jean went down to RNIB to tie up the lose ends and discovered she would be starting July 31st.

July 15th the happy couple went partying to celebrate once more at Aline's. Drink, music and a handful of friends with belated birthday presents for both Dave and Jean made for a very agreeable night. Shell tagged along again, this time claiming that the party was not only for her birthday but that this was her house. Some people.

After several very hot and uncomfortably sweaty days, July 24th saw the happy couple happy once again whilst celebrating being a couple. It had been one year since their little party in China which offically declared them united. It had been a lovely little wedding.

July 25th saw two boys and two girls wearing very little getting physical and wet together. After swimming, Aline and Macca came home with Dave and Jean and enjoyed a very delightful meal cooked by a very delightful Mrs Dave and the housepet.

As the end of July approached, with Jean all set to start her dream job, it was shaping up to be a very nice little month.

34 things to do before your 10.

Randomly surfing the net, Dave bumped accross an interesting article entitled "33 things kids should do before they're 10". As he glanced over the list, he wondered how many his niece Emma would have done, how many his niece Anya will do and how many he himself had gotten round to...


1. Roll on your side down a grassy bank

2. Make a mud pie

3. Make your own modelling dough mixture

4. Collect frogspawn

5. Make perfume from flower petals

6. Grow cress on a windowsill

7. Make a papier mâché mask

8. Build a sandcastle

9. Climb a tree

10. Make a den in the garden

11. Make a painting using your hands and feet

12. Organise your own teddy bears' picnic

13. Have your face painted

14. Play with a friend in the sand

15. Make some bread

16. Make snow angels

17. Create a clay sculpture

18. Take part in a scavenger hunt

19. Camp out in the garden

20. Bake a cake

21. Feed a farm animal

22. Pick some strawberries

23. Play pooh sticks

24. Recognise five different bird species

25. Find some worms

26. Ride a bike through a muddy puddle

27. Make and fly a kite

28. Plant a tree

29. Build a nest out of grass and twigs

30. Find ten different leaves in the park

31. Grow vegetables

32. Make breakfast in bed for your parents

33. Make a mini assault course in your garden/the park

He was imediately struck by a question. What on earth did "23. Play pooh sticks" mean?

Some research later, well after all he was doing a PhD, he discovered "pooh sticks" was a game invented by Whinnie the Pooh, where people drop sticks in the water under a bridge and see whose stick comes out the other side of the bridge first.

Thinking back to his own childhood, he remembered something that surely every child should experience that had been neglected in this list.

He remembered very fondly sitting with his mother as she read to him and his brother. Something so simple, yet unforgettable and unmissable. He therefore amended his list.

34. Learn to read with your parents.